My husband and his ex have a hate-hate relationship. And when it cones to their daughter its always a fight. We have primary residential custody. And mom who used to have weekends, up and moved 11 hours away a year ago. Court order now gives her make up time over the summer and once a month.
Anyways..
For the past few years I've been around, when it comes time to make gifts for teachers, treats for parties, stuff for gymnastics instructor, the whole nine yards. I've always done it. Partially because I've felt obligated as I've been making the stuff for my daughters teachers as well. The thing is, when my daughter and I do it, she helps and makes it a fun project. My sd, doesn't. She hates it- so my daughter and I tend to do it the weekend she's away. Of course this means no help from sd at all and she just expects it to be ready.
Being she's always with her mom right before the hokiday, is it something I should expect her Mom to do? Her mom doesn't help out in any way, but makes sure to show her face around the school and try to take the credit for everything. I just feel if she's taking credit and I get no appreciation from sd about it- maybe I back off? I make cute crafty things that take time and begin to feel I'm wasting it.
Any thoughts? What do others do?
Thanks!
Re: Holiday gifts...
Kids take things for granted, it's what they do, I don't know your SD or her age but if she's without it this year it may hurt her. If you decide not too, I'd be very clear that if this is something she cares about, this is her chance to do so with her mom.
She's the mom and you guys have primary, her pride probably dictates she preen as "the mom" around school. I hear you, it frustrates me too. It doesn't make you the bad guy to back off, but for your SD, I would reiterate this is her opportunity to do a school thing with her mom and make her mom a part of it. My only caution is this, if by doing so you set up your SD to be hurt because her mom will likely bail, that's suckie. If it honestly isn't important to her then no harm no foul but I'd kinda double check that. This is coming from a person who was a sensitive kid, so your SD may be nothing like me and it's all moot but just in case...
Sorry, I know it's a craft thing and in the grand scheme not a big deal. I was a sensitive kid, so that's where my perspective comes from.
And ask her why she does not want to do it and listen. Maybe she feels left out. Maybe she does not like what you chose and would rather do something different. Maybe she feels it is too hard or takes to long. And there could be something she would love to do, just not what your DD wants, like if you guys do a craft maybe she wants to bake, or paint or write a nice note. And honestly teachers on here have said time and again that they would rather a nice hand written letter from a parent or student than any gift.
The other day I asked both girls to both make thank you cards for their cheer coaches for the end of season party. She got snippy and didn't want to. So I explained it'd be a nice thank you for all the time and effort that they out into volunteering to coach. So she said okay. Then 5 min later was saying how I should just so it because its wasting her time and not everyone will show up with one.
It's just tough between both girls and then the newborn baby boy we just had.
I still am terrible about thank you cards. But I do always express sincere verbal one-on-one appreciation. As I've gotten older I am beginning to see the importance in thank you notes. Also in part due to the words of the ladies on this board. My mom never taught me any of that.
Just make her write a thank you note and be done with it. I make my kids do things all the time that they did about. I had it off with something like, "Ok, now you're going to joyfully do xyz with a smile on your face." And then they make a big show if giving me their most pathetic, forced smiles. But it gets it done and that phrase let's them know I'm not in the mood for protest.