Delaying baptism WWYD

jschmidt6 · November 2013

Our DS is 14 weeks old and my brother and my husband's sister are the Godparents. My brother and the rest of my family live near by us, and my husband's family lives in Puerto Rico. We have been going back and forth about when to baptize him. I want to do it ASAP because we are Catholic (so is Husband's family) and that is expected. I suggested doing it over Thanksgiving and having his family come over here but his 2 sisters and parents can't come at the same time because it's too expensive to leave their dogs in a kennel, his sister has college finals, blah blah blah. Only his parents will be coming for Thanksgiving. So I told my DH we should just go ahead and schedule a date for December or January and buy his sister a plane ticket to come up and we'll just get it done some random weekend when she's available. Now his family is freaking out because this is the first grandchild and they all want to be here, but they don't have enough money to fly here in the next few months. DH recommended waiting until February when they can all save up enough money to come. I think 7 months is way too late to baptize and not to mention, I don't feel like they will actually get their act together and commit to a date of when they can all come. Having it in PR is also out of the question because my brother has a wife and 2 little boys and they can't afford to fly over there. Should we delay it or just go ahead and do it even if his parents can't come?

WeAreSmalls · November 2013

I'm Catholic and my babies won't be baptized until they are almost 7 months old. I know the church teaching had been that unbaptized babies would be in purgatory (I had an aunt who would not let her babies leave the house until they were baptized) but I honestly don't believe that. My dad lives out of state and wants to be here so we are doing it over Thanksgiving weekend. I realize most Catholic babies are baptized within the first few months but I have been to some for older babies (up to a year) because they had to be delayed for various reasons. Even if you think DH's family won't get there stuff together, at least if you schedule it for January you give them plenty of time and they can't put the blame on you if htey can't make it.

jschmidt6 · November 2013

Thanks for the feedback. I'm just growing frustrated dealing with his side because there is horrible communication! When I want to figure something out with my family I am very proactive and I call them up, we discuss it and it's done. With his family it's like everything is a touchy subject, and we can't bring up this or that because it will piss off this person, or so and so is in a bad mood so we can't talk about that tonight. Everything is dramatic! Having a baby changes everything

MynaBird · November 2013

Actually, the teaching was that unbaptized babies go to Limbo, not Purgatory, but Benedict tossed that idea a few years ago, so I think you're safe to delay.

I wasn't baptized until 8 months. On the other hand, now I don't go to church, and I married a Jew in a civil ceremony. So you might be rolling the dice.

:P

chilie260 · November 2013

What I am doing is I set a date to baptize my baby on her first birthday. I have the same situation all my family and his live out of state. So I told everyone they have a year to save because I am not paying for anyone plus they get to enjoy her first birthday. That is that. I don't feel any stress at all! I am planning it and am super excited to throw first birthday and baptism. I figure if in a year you don't have a ticket you just didn't try. Do what makes you happy though. This is what worked for me. I am not worry how long I am waiting because our God is an understanding God and he knows our intends are good and positive

in our hearts we have presented our child to God already.

=Lee=B · November 2013

We booked our daughters baptism when we were 5months pregnant...because our church is booked up to a year in advance. We got the first available date which was when she was 3 months old. We rarely get babies being baptised that young in our church as most families wait until their baby is born to book.

Our Catholic church does not seem worried that they have babies waiting a year to get baptized. So I wouldn't really worry about that.

BUT...you will probably find that your kid will be in high school before you manage to get everyone together for a baptism. Just do it. Send out invites and see who comes. We are very active members of our church, my husband is on parish council and is a lectern and Eucharistic minister and on and on...we wanted everyone there to share in the great day but we just set a date and went with it. It was up to everyone else to make it.

There's NO WAY I'd be paying peoples plane tickets to come to my child's baptism. If you have that cash sitting around put it to your child's education fund.

kkdgirl · November 2013

We had our DS baptised at 6 weeks simply because thats when I wanted his baptism. Our church had 15 babies baptised on the same day. They ranged from 6 weeks to 8 months. Depending on your church and their stance only one Godparent needs to be present. So you could look into that.

I know you would like your family to be there for the baptism, but you could have your child christened when you want and then have a dedication service or a prayer service when the entire family can join with the Priest. That way they can be a part of spritual journey, but you are able to have your child baptised when you want, because it is your child.

aibrean · November 2013

Ours was done as soon as possible so it was just before she was 2 months old. Her grandparents on my husband's side were late to the service and missed the whole thing and his sister forgot about it. I wouldn't worry too much about family being there. That's not what baptism is for

MrsArrow · November 2013

We aren't Catholic and I am not in anyway trying to be ignorant. We are Baptist and we do a Child Dedication. We did one here in Texas with our church family and we are doing another one with my Uncle (who married us) this Christmas so my parents and siblings can be there too. So my question is can you do two baptisms? One where you live and if you are traveling to where your parents are sometime soon...one there?

TBN13 · November 2013

So unbaptized babies do not go to pergatory/limbo until they are at the Age of Reason according to the Catholic Church which is around 7-8 years old.

That aside, most Catholic churches do not baptize during Advent, which begins Nov 30th this year (Vigil) so weekend after Thanksgiving and through December are generally out.

I think do whatever you are most comfortable with. I know all of this to be true due to the baptism course we just took. We just baptized my 5 week old son this passed weekend (screamed bloody murder the entire time - oh the joy

) and my brother (Godfather) came down with Mono thus we had to have a proxy stand in which is what I chose to do rather than reschedule.

Hope this helps!

jschmidt6 · November 2013

I went ahead and booked January 19th! Its Martin Luther King weekend so for some family members they have a 3 day weekend. That's the best compromise I could do! We went to baptism class this weekend and out of 8 babies he was second youngest, so I feel better now!! Thanks for all the advice.

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