favorite child

nixieknox3 · November 2013

when you were growing up, did your parents have an obvious favorite child? if so, has it impacted they way you treat your own children?

theimpossibleastronaut · November 2013

Nope. One of us was always pissing one of our parents off I think.

nixieknox3 · November 2013

to this day, my older brother is my mother's very obvious favorite. i was probably my father's favorite child until i was a teenager, then it was my little brother.

i am so paranoid that one of my children are going to think they are not my favorite or that i favor one of the others over them.

missyishere · November 2013

Us siblings still joke who was mom's favorite. Clearly it was me, because I was the sweetest 8->

angelashly · November 2013

My mom favors my sister, but I believe it's because my sister doesn't stand up to her like I did.

bumpuser1691848 · November 2013

There were definite favorites in my house growing up, but I was always more of a daddy's girl anyway, and my brother a mama's boy. I used to call my mom out on it all the time, but she'd deny.

I try my hardest not to play favorites.

ReeseFox · November 2013

My brother's been an asshole pretty much since birth, so I always felt I was favored by default. Once I got a little older, and started forming my own opinions about things, and having my own interests that no longer lined up with being "daddy's little girl" it became clear that my dad really just dislikes anyone who doesn't conform to who he thinks they should be. I still think I'm my mom's favorite though.

I don't think it's impacted my parenting in any way.

ETA: Just to clarify, I never felt like we were treated any differently, I was just an easier kid and had a better relationship with them as a result of that. My brother is also 5 years older than me, so we of course had different rules and privileges and things.

BlueRidge8 · November 2013

Somewhat and we are avoiding by only having the one.

Pips09 · November 2013

My brother was always the favorite. Middle child, only boy. I only have one kid, so she's my favorite.

SGC29 · November 2013

My parents never seemed to have a favorite. I do think my brother (middle child), got ignored a little more. Because of this I find myself more aware of how much attention I pay to DS (our youngest child but hopefully, one day, the middle child). I never want him to feel ignored.

JackoftheBox · November 2013

My mom favors my older brother. But she favors my sister's kids over all of the grandchildren. That is the only thing that pisses me off. I just want to say. I don't care if you don't love me the most... but you could pretend to like my kid!

nixieknox3 · November 2013

love tits = thank you for contributing to my thread

@fhstar81 that is pretty messed up. hugs

zeptattoo · November 2013

I was the favorite, but that was because I wasn't the coke-head college drop-out. Compared to her, I walk on water. It doesn't impact the way I raise DS because he's an only child

theseaword · November 2013

Nope. My folks were the best, honestly. If I am half the parent my mom and dad were (sorry for awkward grammar) then I will consider myself a success.I have #2 on the way, and I am hoping that I will be able to love them both equally.

nixieknox3 · November 2013

FhSTAR81 said:

Thanks @ nixieknox3. We've had some big fights about it. We stopped speaking for months. We talk again and she's super nice when its just my daughter but if the other kids around she's nothing. Its a very hard issue. Even during my pregnancy I was told repeatedly my HG was all in my head. My sister would have contractions and my mom would rush out of state to see her. We only have one kid right now.

my mom told me this, too! when i was hospitalized for the second time during my third pregnancy, she finally realized i wasn't "just being dramatic"

LoveActually4 · November 2013

Yup, my younger brother was the favorite.

ASmallWonder · November 2013

My mom didn't have a favorite in ways like what we got/got to do. She always took care of my brother more and worried about him more but she said I was always majorly independent and didn't need that.

I do know that my oldest son is my IL's favorite grandchild though. They love all four of them but he was the first and he adores the shit out of them so I think they can't help themselves lol

missymo · November 2013

My parents worked full time and had 4 children, so they honestly didn't give any of us the attention we deserved. Everyone else seems fine with it as adults, but I struggle with insecurity and rejection and can trace it back to that. It played a big role in my choice to have only one child.

Helenahhandbasket · November 2013

Yes. I wasn't it. I was not an easy child though.

It pissed me off at the time but I can honestly see how you could maybe "like" one child more than the other(s), but you should try to treat them all the same (or as close to "the same" as you can).

evaazalea · November 2013

I know my sibling think I was the favorite, I was the easy child and did well in school. I feel we were all treated very fairly though, if one kid got so did the others. My parents divorced when I was five but when my dad lived near by I was the favorite until my sister went to live with him. I do worry I favor DD, but I try to be fair, I hope it is just the age difference and that I adore the toddler age.

littlestjerry · November 2013

I'm an only child, but DH is one of three, the youngest. His older brother is his mom's CLEAR favorite. Like, it's a running joke around even DH's friends and his older brother's friends. He says he doesn't care, but I think it clearly had some effect on him. His brother is brimming with confidence. He's the one who always is ready to give a speech at party, loves to be the center of attention. For DH's writing job, they started with 96 people and have gradually fired everyone down to him and one other person and his only reaction is "I got so lucky." It wouldn't even occur to him that he did a good job and that's why they've kept him around. When he was looking for a job after graduating with a master's degree, his mom seriously suggested him being a fucking candy striper at a hospital. Yet, she's just soooo proud of brother's master's degree.

It makes me sick, really. I will never ever treat one of our kids in such a vastly different way because of MIL.

secretsout · November 2013

I don't think my parents ever had a favorite. I know that growing up I often felt like my younger sister was the favorite. She got to do more than I did and almost always got her way but I realize now that it was only because she fought more/wore them down to the point they were just too exhausted to deal with it. And it was more of a squeaky wheel gets the grease situation most of the time--still is.

I know that my sister thought, and probably still thinks, that I am the favorite. It seems this way because I just happen to be easier to get along with, know when to keep my mouth shut, etc., but I don't think my parents show favoritism to me in the least. They don't give one of us more than the other, they don't only hang out with one of us and not the other. They don't treat one of us better or worse than the other.

robyn2201 · November 2013

I think my parents did a good job of not showing favoritism towards my brother or I. They were good about always spending the same amount of money on our Christmas or birthday presents. My brother pushed their buttons more and so he did get away with more but I was the good kid and just did as I was told.

iwantnoworld · November 2013

My mom has always said that she could have had 100 of me, 50 of my younger sister, and if my younger brother had been born first instead of last, he would have been an only child. But that is mostly based on the level of struggle it took to raise us more than personality. My brother just has a lot of mental health problems and is a full-time job in himself.

My mom has told me I'm the favorite, though they never outwardly treat us differently. It's still kind of easy to tell though, because my mom and dad and I are much closer than the other two. My mom has been one of my best friends since I was 14 and I never really went through a rebellious teen phase. We communicate really well, whereas my sister is not as socially confident, a little immature, and makes stupid decisions a little more often than I do. My mom has tried really hard to make a point to not make my sister feel like their relationship is any "less", but short of stunting our relationship on principle, we're always going to be closer.

It hasn't been as much of a problem as we're getting farther into adulthood (she's 21 and I'm 23), but when she was younger/mid-teens, it really got to her for a while and she ended up self-harming to "get attention." And I don't mean that negatively. She said she felt invisible, so she did it to get my mom to see what she was feeling because she didn't know how to say it. It was really awful, because my mom never intentionally did anything wrong, it was just that our personalities meshed better. And obviously, it (still) makes me incredibly sad to know my little sister was feeling that way. After that, my mom made sure that she set aside specific things that she ONLY did with my sister. They were special things that only she was allowed to do (like they had a secret recipe for an often-had meal), that way my sister and mom could communicate at their own pace and enjoy things that made their relationship unique from mine or my brother's with my mother.

But that whole things is really scary to me, especially because my mom never treated any one of us better, it was just little things that can't be helped that added up and made my sister feel so badly. If I do have another child (not in the plans), I definitely will try and learn from my family's experience and just, yanno, do the best I can.

TL;DR: I'm the closest to my mom, mom never treated us differently but sis still picked up and it caused teen depression, and that's really scary as a parent.

Spin313 · November 2013

Everyone says I was/am my dad's favorite, and it's still an issue with my older sister. I just think I have a lot of things in common with my dad (he coached my soccer team, he took me roller skating, we are both big hockey fans) and I make more of an effort to call him and invite him to do things with us/the kids.

klondikebar · November 2013

I never noticed a favorite growing up, but my brother is definitely the favorite now that we are adults. It's comical. He has made some pretty big mistakes and everyone is, "Oh you poor baby" about it. My mom is mad at me for taking a medication that has made me ill because I didn't think about the impact this potential side affect could have on my children. Nevermind that it allowed me to semi-function on a daily basis and keep a sense of normalcy in my home with my children. That's just one example.

I will never act towards DD the way my mom does with me.

nancy30005 · November 2013

Yes. It wasn't (still isn't) pretty.

This plays a part in why we're one-and-done.

andthatmakes4 · November 2013

I lived with my mom and my brother with my dad. So they each had their favorites but it kinda worked out.

I adopted my oldest when she was 9, 2 years ago. She is my cousins daughter. She doesn't seem to want to form an attachment to us (understandably, many people have left her) so she feels like my 2 year old daughter is the favorite. I hate that she feels this way. It's just such a difficult situation because she pushes us away but gets jealous of the younger one. Hopefully, one day this will all work out. It's slightly better now that they have a younger brother.

jenmom2girls · November 2013

Yep sisters 23&4> me.

FrickandFrack · November 2013

Well, my bro came along when I was 10 and my sis was 13 so he was the favorite. In my husbands house, his sis has always been the clear favorite, even to this day.

wino2006 · November 2013

Pretty sure I am my dad's favorite. My older sister is my mom's. It is evident to this day.

Want a personalized experience?

favorite child

Re: favorite child

Choose Another Board

Search Boards