FTM needs encouragment :/ — The Bump
Babies: 9 - 12 Months

FTM needs encouragment :/

Hi Moms,
DD is 11 months old and going through rapid changes. She suddenly hates being confined - high chair, car seat, swing - and fights meal times, car rides and nap times. Naps only happen if I catch her at exactly the right moment, give her a bottle while rocking and slip her into her crib as she's falling asleep. Otherwise, she pops right up and cries in her crib till I come back.

She's no longer happy in her jumper, walker or play yard - she's only happy when she has free reign of the house, which means I follow along to keep her out of trouble and get nothing else done.

My real issue is that I feel like I spend my days doing the minimum to keep her entertained while also doing the minimum in housework - since I can't seem to do both things well - and therefore she's not getting enough quality time and my house is still a mess. I know lots of moms do both with more kids so I'm frustrated and feeling like a bit of a failure. I want to be the creative mom who is always finding cool things to do but somehow I never get to that after dishes, laundry, etc. How do I break this pattern?!? Thanks for any suggestions!

Re: FTM needs encouragment :/

  • I agree with PP.  I am a FTM of 11 month old twins and have had similar feelings to what you are having. One day I just realized that I am not martha stewart, and my house is not going to be perfect and I am going to be busy all day and it's not going to seem like I got anything done.  So I have to lower my expectations of myself and take care of my kids.  Time is going by so fast and I need to be able to enjoy this time of their life without being worried about what else got done for the day.  go easy on yourself and enjoy your LO!
    ;)
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  • dufferoodufferoo member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    edited November 2013
    I'm right there with ya! The main thing that keeps me going is remembering from my experience with my older child that it does get easier as they get older (and especially when they go to school and you get an honest-to-goodness break for periods of time!) In the meantime, choose the bare minimum chores that you feel need to get done for your own sanity and focus on those alone and completely relieve yourself from any pressure to get more done. For example, I need to go to the grocery store every week, get laundry done twice (although it doesn't absolutely have to get folded and put away in a timely manner), and I need the kitchen and living room to be straightened every night so I can at least start each day in decent surroundings. The rest- dusting, vacuuming, bedrooms, bathrooms, etc- get done occasionally when DH and I have the time, but they are by no means my priority for now. In simple terms, settle for less in the short-term, so you don't go insane in the long-term!! And know that there are a lot of us out there who probably seem like we have it together but really struggle right along with you.
    minervacullen
  • dufferoodufferoo member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    edited November 2013
    Sorry clicked post too many times
  • dufferoodufferoo member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    edited November 2013
  • dufferoodufferoo member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    edited November 2013
  • dufferoodufferoo member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    edited November 2013
    Sorry dont know how to delete!
  • DH and I both work full time, but we do a lot of cleaning and catching up on the weekends. He is in charge of dishes and keeping the kitchen clean. I don't do *anything* in there because he is more than capable. I start laundry whenever I can, and fold after she goes to bed at night. Like PP, I let her pretty much have free reign. She likes to explore and unorganize everything, but it's not hurting her. If she goes for the cupboards with cleaning products or the entertainment center, I just pick her up and put her next to some other toys. Sometimes I let her splash in the dog bowl for 5 minutes so I can do some things. Some wet clothes never hurt anyone :) if she wants me to play with her, I do... But if she's happy being independent, I let her explore while I get stuff done!
  • My advice is to baby proof the shit out of one room and put toys in there for her and let her play and explore while you get things done but you're also not going to get your entire list done every day.
    Formerly known as elmoali :)

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    [Deleted User]JackiemxoxoMomIn2013[Deleted User]
  • Nicb13 said:
    MrsMuq said:
    H and I spend 20-30 minutes cleaning each night after DS goes to sleep. We have a priority list, get whatever we can done, and anything we don't get to can wait until tomorrow.

    Believe me, my house is far from spotless, but I'm a much happier mom with a much happier baby this way.

    Ditto. We count down the minutes until bedtime so we have some peace and can clean!

    OP, no one has their shit together completely, especially when you have kids. No one. It's the hardest job you will ever have but the most rewarding. That is a tough age but will pass before you know it. Hang in there.

    This is exactly us too. 
    Usually DH helps with bathing DD, then I try to get her to bed and while I am doing that he cleans up some stuff like cleaning her high chair, the table, putting things back in the fridge, sometimes starting the dishwasher....and when I am done putting DD to bed, I sanitize my pump parts and do half an hour of chores and then we both get on the couch with our tea/drink and relax...sometimes I'm on the bump and he's playing video games.. 
  • Like a pp mentioned, we baby gated off the living room so dd has free reign of it and can sprawl her toys out everywhere.She loves being able to go to the windows and cruise everywhere. She hates being constrained as well so I only put her in the jumper right when she wakes up and I make breakfast. I put her toys into a large bins and put them up when she is napping/ at night. I fold laundry on the couch in the living room and she is fine playing with her toys while i fold it. 

    If we are going on a long car trip I take my IPAD and put it in a holder attached to the headrest and play videos. This one is great http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B008TTCJOY/ref=oh_details_o07_s00_i00?ie=UTF8&psc=1She also loves lamaze soft books while in her car seat for short trips.

     If we are going out to eat, I make sure to take toys that I leave in her bag only when we go out so that she likes them again. This wheel toy is great for sticking to the table http://www.amazon.com/Sassy-80160-Wonder-Wheel/dp/B004AHMCKA/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1384390903&sr=8-1&keywords=baby+toy+wheel
    (They also sell it at target).

    Like everyone else mentioned, you aren't going to get it all done with an active baby. Do what you can but also enjoy your time with them. 


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  • Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply!! I know all this is true, but it's so helpful to hear it and be reminded. :)
    minervacullen[Deleted User]
  • Like PP, my kids have free reign of the house. Well, my 2.5 year old does (and she knows what's off limits), and my DS, who just started crawling, is now wanting to explore all the time. I try to keep him penned into the family room, but he sometimes escapes, and I let him explore for a little before bringing him back.

    Just make sure you are baby proofed. They are going to get into things, but be conscious of keeping chemicals locked away and small objects out of reach, cover those wires and outlets, and honestly, your child will probably be just fine. If I don't hear my son making noises for a few minutes, I will go and check on him, but I can usually hear a steady stream of happy babble, and I know he's OK.

    As for housework -- forget it! I do what I can, but yeah, my house could be cleaner. I also work full-time from home running a freelance business, so I also sometimes feel guilty about my lack of time doing those creative mom things with my kids...but they are both bright, happy, healthy, and well loved, and that's what really matters. You can only do what you can do.
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  • To keep my sanity I just baby-proofed as much as possible so I'm not chasing DS around all day, and he can kind of roam around and check things out. I don't mean just keeping chemicals locked up, I've basically moved or removed most decorative-type stuff so it's out of reach. Sure, I'd love to have all my picture frames, candles, etc. out, but I've just put them away for now. I figure I can re-decorate later when he's no longer climbing all over everything.
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  • I make dinner from scratch almost every night, do dishes in the morning and get 1 load of laundry done a day. That's good enough for me! My house is a mess, but I'd rather spend time with my DD than worry about keeping a spotless house. I honestly have no idea how people have clean homes with a baby.
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    minervacullen
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