OK, this is a touchy one - the "husband stitch"

zou bisou · November 2013

Reading this post in TTGP hit home for me. I know two women who experienced a lot of pain in the months after being stitched from a tear or an episiotomy. I don't know for sure if it was because they were stitched too far, aka given a "husband stitch", but it seems that it's still happening to women today. And it's gross, and painful, and misogynistic. So as a PSA, be aware and don't agree to any doctor who might imply he or she is doing you (rather your Dh/SO) a favor by "putting in one last stitch for your husband". Make sure you birth partner knows because you might not be in the frame of mind to agree or refuse anything. Better yet, talk with your doctor about their routine for all things regarding tearing and stitching.

If you want to learn more, at your own risk, this link has info and testimonials from women hurt by real jack@$$ doctors who did this. There's no pictures. Just chilling stories, this last quote especially:

"(I would like to believe that the husband stitch is rarely done, or is a relic of the past. Sadly, the quotes were gathered on my Facebook page late at night and were received within less than an hour. Most were from young women who birthed recently. The husband stitch is still a part of obstetric (and sometimes midwifery) care.)"

mh89 · November 2013

Things like the "husband stitch" really make my angry inner feminist come out.

swirl25 · November 2013

Wow, that post gave me the chills. Aren't we living in the 21st century????? That to me is unconscionable.

cherylnicole · November 2013

Unbelievable. I feel so bad for that poster. Ugh. It seriously disgusts me.

bethLenell · November 2013

Wow I didn't know that was a thing at all. My Dh and I always joked that I was smaller after giving birth even though I tore. I wonder if I was a victim of this! I had a female Dr. so I would hope not! I can't believe that this happens.

tyedyeme12 · November 2013

Best quote from the original article's comment section:

I know of a husband who said, after the birth of his baby "Throw an extra stitch for me will ya doc?" The female OB smiled sweetly and queried "Why, are you not big enough to satisfy her?"

I haven't read the TTGP thread just yet. But seriously, after having years of dyspareunia--I can't imagine how doctors think this is helpful, and I will throat punch anyone who tries to do this to me. Dyspareunia is horrible, especially if you don't know the cause (which for some of these women, they don't, because their doctor didn't ask or say anything). It makes you feel so broken and like a horrible wife/SO for your partner, because you never want sex. They think that you don't desire them, but you don't desire the pain you have to go through. These doctors aren't only hurting the women physically, there is so much more that they're destroying as well.

/end rant

HerbanMom · November 2013

Honestly- I've never understood the husband stitch anyways. All it does it make the vaginal/perineum are smaller but it will stretch and the pelvic/vaginal muscles won't be any tighter because of it. I know alot of folks joke about a husband stitch but I can't imagine a OB actually doing it! I tore all the way to my rectum after an episiotomy with ODS and sex after was certainly uncomfortable at first and definitely hurt the first time but I certainly wouldn't attribute it to a husband stitch.

zou bisou · November 2013

mrsashleyk said:

Gross. This seems like something in a weird horror movie. I would never expect it to happen in real life.

ETA: How does this actually benefit anybody? Wouldn't it just make the opening of the vagina smaller? I don't know how helpful it is if your vaginal walls are stretched out once you get inside there.

You and @herbanmom are exactly right. It doesn't do anything pleasurable for either sexual partner.

Some women commented on that link that they'd been stitched so tight they had an actual pleat in their perineum. But the rest of the vagina is as it was.

EmJacks0n · November 2013

A girl I work with was telling me her ob did this to her! She said the ob said with a wink, "I threw am extra one in there for ya!" I would have been livid! She said it took a while for sex to feel normal again, and that it was so uncomfortable she had to make her husband stop. Thanks a lot you piece of crap OB!

Crgardner957 · November 2013

I had no idea there was such a thing.

kittyh8r · November 2013

PISSED! That's all I have for this.

macadamia03 · November 2013

A friend of mine said her Dr winked at her husband and said," and... One for you" she said I hope you're joking. He said he was but how can you know for sure?

mightymousy · November 2013

Holy crap! I didn't know this was a thing! WTF!

leahraewku · November 2013

I'm familiar with the term, but I can't believe this actually happens. I thought it was an urban legend or a punch line for misogynistic jokes about vaginal deliveries.

EmJacks0n · November 2013

rachel2011 said:

EmJacks0n said:

A girl I work with was telling me her ob did this to her! She said the ob said with a wink, "I threw am extra one in there for ya!" I would have been livid! She said it took a while for sex to feel normal again, and that it was so uncomfortable she had to make her husband stop. Thanks a lot you piece of crap OB!

I would tell that OB to take them out and ask for another doctor to redo them. If they refused, I would seek legal action. No joke. That isn't something that is medically necessary and they didn't have patient consent.

It's way too late for that; she had her son two years ago. She was just telling me her experience.

southernbelle79 · November 2013

I don't think my previous OB did this, but I had pain with intercourse for years and to this day it is not the same. Definitely makes you uninterested in sex if it doesn't feel good!

mkhim · November 2013

This is crazy. I also did not know this was a thing. It's absolutely disgusting.

Lyzza350 · November 2013

I can't believe this actually happens...

sportsmomma · November 2013

This happening is a major irrational (apparently not as much as I thought) fear of mine.

kimberly4411 · November 2013

I'm 98% sure this was done to me 2 years ago!! Sex still isn't the same, I'm hoping after I have lo in December it goes back to normal. I've mentioned pain to my dr several times and he always blew it off! I have an appointment on Monday, I will definitely be bringing this up! Thank you for posting, i haven't enjoyed sex in more than 2 years with no answer as to why

F47 · November 2013

My stepmom told me her OB did this to her when she had my stepsister. Mind you, that was in the late 70s/early 80s.

*shudder*

74dragonfly · November 2013

OMG. I never heard of this and it disgusts me. Holey crap.

bty19 · November 2013

wtf - this is new to me.

northport6 · November 2013

mh89 said:

Things like the "husband stitch" really make my angry inner feminist come out.

My outer feminist is about to barf. I didn't even know this was, like, a thing that existed in the world and I'm poorer now for the knowledge. And sadder.

esf60 · November 2013

I've never heard of this until this very second, but as much as I love my doctor, I love her even more now. I know she'd never even consider doing such a thing. How fucking barbaric.

northport6 · November 2013

@kimberly4411 said:
I'm 98% sure this was done to me 2 years ago!! Sex still isn't the same, I'm hoping after I have lo in December it goes back to normal. I've mentioned pain to my dr several times and he always blew it off! I have an appointment on Monday, I will definitely be bringing this up! Thank you for posting, i haven't enjoyed sex in more than 2 years with no answer as to why

I'm so very sorry if it turns out this is what happened to you.

grannyweatherwax · November 2013

I'm going to pretend I didn't read this article. No.

Lroberts1187 · November 2013

I've heard men joke about this but never a healthcare professional. Being in that field I would be appauld if I ever heard a doc say this to a patient after delivery!

MsCat19 · November 2013

I've never heard of this before but I think it may have happened to me when I had my oldest. Sex was horribly painful for a year after I had her but I was told all looked well. Holy crap. I am so glad that I switched to the midwives when I was 20 weeks with my second... I am having trouble wrapping my head around this right now.

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