I know comparing is bad, but.... — The Bump
March 2013 Moms

I know comparing is bad, but....

My best friend and I had babies 3 weeks apart . My LO is older, and while I know all babies are different, I can't help but notice how many more things her LO is doing.

My girl sat unassisted first and get her two teeth first, but now I feel like we're getting passed up by so many things!

Her baby is crawling, mine is not even close (7.5 months old), hers says mama mine is not, hers is standing up by herself mine can't, hers pulls up like nothing mine can't, hers is almost walking mine is not, hers has 4 teeth mine got stuck at 2, etc.

If it was just a few things, I get it, but it feels like everything! It makes me feel terrible cause my LO didn't do much tummy time and that's on me, so I feel like I held her back.

We are practicing a lot now, but it seriously kills me! I want my LO to do all those things too!

Not saying I wish I had hers, because my girl is amazing n has twice the personality and calmness, but dang it's hard not to compare, especially when mine is 3 weeks older!

Don't know the point if this, rant perhaps? Thought maybe someone had encouraging words or could relate!
Me: 30 | DH:34
Married: 08/04/12
DD: 6 years | Born: 03/28/13
DS: 1 Year I Born 10/15/17

Re: I know comparing is bad, but....

  • Girl, my DS doesn't even sit unassisted at 8 months.

  • SarahRae85SarahRae85 member
    edited November 2013
    Not comparing is hard! My sister AND my sister-in-law had babies within a month of my DS's birth. I have to really fight with myself not to compare and even cram down the competitive feelings that creep up. Can't really help how I feel too much, just how I act about it!

    FWIW, tummy time is NOT the reason your LO is not crawling yet. My DS never got tummy time because his sisters never left him alone long enough, but he was army-crawling early. Some kids are just not interested. They're perfectly fine sitting in the same spot, while other kids are restless and want to move. My nephew was pulling himself up on things at only 5 months (which has its own issues, since he kept falling and bumping his head), and when my 6 month old still wasn't doing it, I felt the same as you. But, a month later, I'm wishing he had never learned to pull himself up because he is into EVERYTHING, even climbing the stairs, ack!

    Kids learn at different speeds and that's FINE. My niece was reading at just under 4 years old, but my 4 year old can draw an AMAZING picture. Not only do kids learn at different rates, they have different skill sets and yes, crawling/moving is a skill. My 2 year old could navigate playsets with the big kids, while other 2 year olds were struggling with the stairs, however her fine motor skills are not as developed as her sister's were at the same age. Our kids will always be behind at SOMETHING, but sooner or later they'll excel at something too. A year from now, when they started crawling won't matter. :-)

    FWIW, the average crawling development age is 7-10 months, so you've got some time. or perhaps your LO will be that rare kid that never crawls and just picks herself up and starts walking.
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  • We did TONS of tummy time, tons, and my dd just started pulling up and crawling last week (2 days shy of 8 months). Your little one is going at her own speed. Enjoy the non mobile time ;) they get into everything once crawling starts.
  • Relax, it will be fine.  What exactly are you practicing?  

    I have friends with kids very close in age to mine.  My DS was walking at a year, another friend's DS walked at 9 months, another one did not walk until 17 months.  The one whose DS did not walk until 17 months was a physical therapist.  I am sure she did everything "right" and he still didn't walk.  Guess what...they are all walking now.

    A friend of mine had a daughter who was very verbal.  She was speaking in full on sentences before my DS had said a word. Guess what...they are all talking.

    My DS was always active and reached the physical milestones rather early.  My cousin's son was just happy chilling and watching people.  Her DS will sit and snuggle with his mommy and daddy all day long, I can barely catch mine.  Different personalities will reach milestones differently.

    The teeth...what can you even do about that?  DD does not have a single tooth at 7.5 months.

    You really cannot compare.  Your LO will do everything at her own pace, and I promise she will get there.

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  • FYI - I walked at 8.5 months and my mom says I never crawled. Went straight to standing and walking. 
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  • I know exactly how you feel about comparing except, I do it with my twins, which probably makes it worse. I have one twin who is constantly on the go and the other is just starting to crawl and sit up by himself.  I was so worried that there was something wrong with the twin that wasn't moving as much that it was driving me crazy. So I had to remind myself that there are different strokes for different folks, and that every child develops differently, and to enjoy each of my son's journey. As long as there are no medical concerns, I am trying my best not to compare my boys to each other or to any others. As long as you are content with your baby's developmental journey, don't let your friends baby take away from your child's spotlight.
  • Girl, my DS doesn't even sit unassisted at 8 months.

    Yep. DS just decided a few days ago that he could do it. He was 8 months on the 4th.
    Compare? Shmompare. ;)

  • It is hard when you see what other babies can do but try not to let it get to you.  I try not to worry (which is hard) unless the dr seems worried.  My niece never crawled went right to walking.  I know a kid who didn't get a single tooth until she was almost 1yr.  Every child is different and I am sure that you did not mess her up because of tummy time.  You lo will do things at her own pace.  I would rather a happy calm baby over one then anything else.  As long as she is happy and healthy that is all that matters.  Also, try and enjoy the time you have left of her not being mobile because Im sure once she starts she is going to take off running!

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  • I just had a visit at my home from a girlfriend whose DS is 13 months old and walking. It was exhausting just watching her chase after him. She told me not to wish away his immobile period because, before long, I'll be wanting it back!

  • I actually have no problem not comparing my kids to other kids BUT I am struggling with not comparing them to each other. DS1 hit all the milestones "early" and it's hard not to wonder why DS2 isn't doing the same. Ultimately I just remind myself that every kid is different and will hit things in their own time, but I think it's totally normal to compare.

  • I think it is natural and will be hard to stop yourself.  I just say to myself I have never been asked at a job interview, when did you start walking?   :)  Try to enjoy the times of your LO just sitting because this crawling thing is exhausting.
  • Do you say mama or dada to her a lot. I said it every diaper change and she said it at 6mo "dada first". Also I always held her hands while she sat where she had to work on her core.
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