ugh.
Carrie3102
member
Ok so I had no intentions of posting this here, but my DH will just keep saying it'll be fine, calm down, don't worry etc. When all I really want to do is tell someone that I'm scared, terrified, and I just want to be at home with my babies.
I had my annual OB appointment yesterday. She found a lump in my right breast... so, typing it out makes it worse. I go for an ultrasound Thursday. I'm terrified. My mom went through chemo for BC the year Josephine was born, it was stage 2/3 (depended on which dr you talked too), she's now cancer free, my grandfather died from prostate cancer 8 years ago. I've had abnormal pap tests before and a LEEP in 2009. The OB I had at the time said it was "extensive" whatever that means. I'm terrified that they are going to say I've got advanced stage cancer and I'm going to die, leaving my babies without a mom. Nevermind my fear of dying, currently the fear of leaving them alone with no mom to help raise them is far worse than my own fear.
See I know I'm irrational, I get that, but I'm still scared. What if I'm not ok? What happens to my babies? I can't imagine growing up with out a mom and I don't want to do that to them.
The Dr said "does that hurt?" I said no, she said it's "plyable?" maybe I don't know, but then she said, "but I want an ultrasound done" They scheduled it for Thursday at 3pm... then they'll call with results. So I'll have all week/weekend to worry about it.
I'm not telling anyone but DH until the results come back. Anyway, I needed to get that out. I'm scared. Thanks for listening.
Re: ugh.
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
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Baby boy 7.10.13
My little love was born July 20th, 2013!
BFP 11.11.12
TTC #1 Since March 2012
My Blog: Girl & Town
T&ps to you! It's good your doc is being proactive. I went through the same thing a few years ago, all turned out fine.
I know this probably won't help you, but buying a good life insurance policy for DH and I gave me peace of mind, at least financially. Its good to know the mortgage will be taken care of, etc if one of us gets hit by a bus today.
*hugs* I've BTDT... the waiting sucks. You and your little ones will be okay, Mama. Please try to breathe and relax as much as possible. Get your mind on ANYTHING else - that's all that helps. Play with your beautiful babies and pour every bit of your being into them so you don't have to think of the upcoming appointments.
My mom was diagnosed with BC last year 4 months before my wedding. Then we found lumps in my breast. I had to have a needle biopsy the week before my wedding. That sucked. We got married in Florida, and I was packing my bags waiting for the dreaded call - thankfully what I have are currently just fibroadenomas. I now have a surgical implant where they did the biopsy - it sets off the machines at the airport so the guards have to pat me down EVERY time we travel. Mom's cancer is gone now - and I'm getting checked every six months. With the fibroadenomas I thought I wouldn't be able to breastfeed because they are painful and one of them is directly behind my nipple. Luckily they haven't been a problem!
TL;DR - hugs, and I hope the best for you!
@elyse05 so I swear I didn't see your post first, but I've been shopping life insurance all day. Where'd you get yours? How much did you get?
I've got 305k through work, but I want to be able to fund college for these kids too should they so choose to go.
I lost my angels 07/2010, 04/2017, 10/2017
Meimsx no more
Thank you all, it's so nice to be able to "let it out" somewhere... I don't want to cry and be worried at home, DD gets irrationally upset when I cry, not to mention it's just a "waste" of time. Unfortunately, work gets monotonous sometimes and my mind wanders.
@carrie3102 - it's always a good idea to get life insurance in addition to any work benefits in the case, for example, you develop a health problem that disqualifies you/makes insurance crazy expensive, and then you later switch jobs that doesn't offer insurance. Plus it just gets more expensive as you get older anyway.
ideally you want to be able to replace your income, which would be like a a million for each 50k you make if you assume 5% interest and just live off interest income. That was too expensive for me! So I just chose to get enough to pay off our mortgage (or future mortgage) plus some extra for college. Obviously the extra grows as our mortgage gets paid off. I got term that will last till retirement-ish age. We got state farm since we are buddy-buddy with them lol. But I used to work in the industry so I can cut through all the crap.
Baby girl #1 7/11/13
Baby girl #2 4/30/15
Baby Boy Due 2/16/19!