Will DH stay with you overnight at the hospital?

jezebel57 · November 2013

I'm curious! I thought I would have him stay the first night and the next 2 send him home (we are having a scheduled c-section hopefully!). The other night he says "I don't think i'm going to stay overnight". I kind of flipped out a bit at first, because I'm thinking with twins and a c section incision, it's not going to be easy. Our hospital encourages rooming in and does not have a "staffed" nursery, but your personal nurse will take the babies for a few hours while you get some rest if no one is there with you.

After thinking about it a bit, i'm wondering if it would be better for him to go home, get some sleep and come back and care for them while I get my sleep in the early morning hours.

Has anyone thought about this yet?

IBackBevo · November 2013

With ds, he stayed with me. IMO, with a c section plus rooming in, he should probably stay.

thecuddleeffect · November 2013

DH will stay with me all 5 nights. Ill be over an hour from home. And I do poorly without DH in medical situations lol

Peanutz21 · November 2013

my hospital is 10 min away and I also happen to work there. DH wants to stay there every second he can. our hospital also encourages rooming in and baby with you at all times. I don't think it will be very comfortable for him. The room has this vinyl looking recliner contraption. I was initially going to encourage him to go home so at least one of us can enjoy sleeping in a comfortable bed and shower but i'm just going to let him decide what he wants. i'm pretty far away from due date though so a lot can change until then.

jessimi06 · November 2013

My friend just had a c section and her DH didn't stay overnight because of their other kids. Luckily the hospital has a staffed nursery, because she wouldn't have been able to care for her DD on her own. Depending on how you're doing, you may want to have DH or someone there, because you may not be very mobile.

jezebel57 · November 2013

Peanutz21 said:

my hospital is 10 min away and I also happen to work there. DH wants to stay there every second he can. our hospital also encourages rooming in and baby with you at all times. I don't think it will be very comfortable for him. The room has this vinyl looking recliner contraption. I was initially going to encourage him to go home so at least one of us can enjoy sleeping in a comfortable bed and shower but i'm just going to let him decide what he wants. i'm pretty far away from due date though so a lot can change until then.

yeah, our hospital is about 15-20 minutes away, plus he has a cpap machine he uses for sleep apnea, plus the chair looks horrible. that's why i'm sort of leaning towards just letting him go home for some actual sleep. poor guy is up every hour and a half with me now and babies aren't even here yet. lol. may as well get a few hours in a row while he can.

plus, we don't know if they will be in the nicu or not. we are scheduling for a 36 week delivery so it's definitely a possibility. if they are in there, i'll definitely have him go home and sleep.

pinkmickey24 · November 2013

I hope you don't mind me posting here from SAIF, but DH was a life saver after having a csection. Our hospital did not have a staffed nursery and I couldn't get out of bed without his help. He did all of the diaper changes and would hand me the babies from their isolet when it was feeding time or if I wanted to hold one. He also took care of them when they woke up at night. I would have been frazzled without him. The nurses were great but they couldn't always be there right when I needed them and if it had been just me I would have most likely felt helpless.

xladybassx · November 2013

Since my husband got back from training he has stayed with me at the hospital every other night. I am so much less stressed when he is here, and my bp readings are always much better! I imagine when the girls come he will stay every second that he can, although we haven't actually discussed it. Barring some kind of miracle, they will be in NICU which is right down the hall. We will have 24/7 visitation and I wouldn't be surprised if he goes to see them in the middle of the night. We are lucky that my room has a slide out couch which he says is actually reasonably comfortable. Edit: spelling

Jenn06L80 · November 2013

Nope. He didn't stay when we had DD because I wanted him to sleep. This time he won't stay because he will need to be home with DD. Plus he isn't much help anyway. We live about 10 minutes from the hospital.

BlueEyedDreamer · November 2013

We haven't talked about it specifically, but knowing my DH he won't want to be away from me and the baby at all.

Your situation is pretty unique though, jez. I'd say play it by ear, but have a conversation with him ahead of time to let him know that you MIGHT need him to stay so that he won't be surprised if you make that request based on changing circumstances. Do you have any other family in the area to help out?

BeeBee08 · November 2013

I did not even think about this...my birth plan still involves my baby sliding out of my vag on a rainbow, so I actually forgot that there will be at least one overnight. If my rainbow plan sticks, then he'll probably just go home. Otherwise, we will have to see! Thanks for bringing this up!

jezebel57 · November 2013

pinkmickey24 said:

I hope you don't mind me posting here from SAIF, but DH was a life saver after having a csection. Our hospital did not have a staffed nursery and I couldn't get out of bed without his help. He did all of the diaper changes and would hand me the babies from their isolet when it was feeding time or if I wanted to hold one. He also took care of them when they woke up at night. I would have been frazzled without him. The nurses were great but they couldn't always be there right when I needed them and if it had been just me I would have most likely felt helpless.

thank you!

jezebel57 · November 2013

BlueEyedDreamer said:

We haven't talked about it specifically, but knowing my DH he won't want to be away from me and the baby at all.

Your situation is pretty unique though, jez. I'd say play it by ear, but have a conversation with him ahead of time to let him know that you MIGHT need him to stay so that he won't be surprised if you make that request based on changing circumstances. Do you have any other family in the area to help out?

unfortunately we have TOO MUCH family willing to help out. lol. i tend to have a ton of anxiety and think that if my mom or brother in law offered to stay over i'd spend the whole time worrying about them and not concentrating on the babies or myself. i'm thinking its either DH or nothing. I know if I change my mind and tell him I want him to stay he will with no problem. I'm overthinking EVERYTHING now that we are getting closer. My anxiety is through the roof and I had a panic attack in Home Depot this morning. AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

jezebel57 · November 2013

BeeBee08 said:

I did not even think about this...my birth plan still involves my baby sliding out of my vag on a rainbow, so I actually forgot that there will be at least one overnight. If my rainbow plan sticks, then he'll probably just go home. Otherwise, we will have to see! Thanks for bringing this up!

This response is freaking awesome. You made my morning.

lisabugg444 · November 2013

Yes, DH will stay with me every night I'm in the hospital. I chose a place that only has private rooms with comfy beds for the dads. I'm a FTM so we don't have other kids to watch and I will be nervous to be alone. :-) If I end up having a C-section I woud definitely want him around!

FutureMrsW9 · November 2013

Yes, DH is absolutely going to stay with me. Even if I told him to go home, he wouldn't, it's just how he is. Plus, I think most maternity wards provide either a foldout bed or a special chair that reclines all the way for new dads so they can stay and sleep in the room with mom. That's how all of my friends and families rooms have been that I've visited anyway.

ld08271 · November 2013

Be flexible

You have no idea how you are going to feel after the babies are born, even if they are in the NICU. You are going to be a ball of emotions, exhausted, and possibly in pain. You may have the babies and feel confident with sending your hubby home. However, there is a real possibly that youre going to want 24 hour comfort and support, not just for the babies but for you.

For my DD my husband stayed during our post baby hospital stay. However a day after discharge we unfortunately had to go back to the hospital for a week as DD was having trouble regulating her temperature. The first night my husband went home because I thought it would be okay. It was one of the worst nights for both of us. He was worrying about us...I was struggling to figure out breast feeding a sick baby who was hooked up to all these machines. It was awful. He stayed the rest of the nights with us after that.

Try not to stress about it because you don't know what will happen and how you will feel. But I agree that you should just let your DH know that it's a possibility you may want him to stay.

BeckyP005 · November 2013

@jezebel57 I saw the heading and had to read...lol.

If I do get pg from this cycle I was thinking the same thing about MH! He also has that cpap machine and there is no way he can go w/o it. He is also on other night meds too which stinks.

Out of curiosity how is he going to help you at night with twins? Hope this isn't too nosy!! I'm kinda figuring I'm on my own with nighttime feedings. Love how I assume this is going to work!! He is non functioning the next day at work without it. Hope it's ok to ask

On mobile so I don't know when your due. Good luck!!!!

JennyS86 · November 2013

I agree with many of the above posters - if DH will be helpful (or your mom or MIL), have them stay the night - just make sure to be clear that they are there to be a support person for you! esp if you have a c-section, he will be helping you up to the bathroom or handing you your chapstick in the middle of the night, not to mention changing the baby's diaper and handing the baby to you if you are breastfeeding. after a c-section, you won't feel like hopping out of bed every time the baby breathes! DH might not be super comfy in the hospital, but send him home during the day for a nap when you have other visitors! and its definitely something to talk about before the baby comes - his "support person" role doesn't end after he's done holding your leg while you push the baby out (on a rainbow - haha!)

curlylocks3 · November 2013

If you plan on having your babies room in and aren't sure you'll be 100% ok on your own have him stay. Although your hospital might say your nurse can take them for a few hours, thats probably totally dependent on staffing and how busy the hospital is that night and your nurse might honestly not be able to take them for a few hours. You probably wouldn't have a ton of notice and would be better off just planning to have him stay.

jezebel57 · November 2013

BeckyP005 said:

@jezebel57 I saw the heading and had to read...lol. If I do get pg from this cycle I was thinking the same thing about MH! He also has that cpap machine and there is no way he can go w/o it. He is also on other night meds too which stinks. Out of curiosity how is he going to help you at night with twins? Hope this isn't too nosy!! I'm kinda figuring I'm on my own with nighttime feedings. Love how I assume this is going to work!! He is non functioning the next day at work without it. Hope it's ok to ask On mobile so I don't know when your due. Good luck!!!!

sent you a PM. lots of luck to you!!!!!

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