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Four year old politics

yellowtulips80yellowtulips80 member
in Georgia Babies
DD has been at her new school since July.  We had to move the kids because of scheduling issues with my work.  So we moved from a place that they have been going to since they were babies.  The kids at this new place are very picky about who they will play with.  I thought it would just take time for them to acclimated and accept L as part of the group since she is new to the class.  So I kept telling L to just be nice and friendly and they would eventually accept her. 
A month ago we got invited to a birthday party and I realized at the party that the girl was the ring leader of this little clique thing they have going.  I was able to see the whole thing in action right in front of my eyes.  Long story, this one little girl decides who gets to play on a daily basis.  L tells me things like "I didn't get to play with so-and-so because I wasn't wearing red today."  L also tells me she can't play with boys because she is a girl and they are bad.  She also tells me things like so-and-so didn't get to play today because the ring leader said she didn't like me today.  There seems to be no pattern for any of this.  It is all on the whim of this one little ring leader.

We never had issues like this before at the other place.  All the kids played with each other.  L was never afraid to play with boys.  In fact, her best bud was a boy.  It has gotten so bad that L is now fighting us to go to daycare in the mornings and begs to stay home.  She always loved school. 

Is this normal?  WWYD?
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Re: Four year old politics

  • shacadushacadu member
    Have you talked to the teacher about it?  I don't have kids this age, but I did teach 8th graders for a very long time, and even at that age the teachers still had to intervene and work with kids on how to get a long with each other.  

    So sad for your DD.  
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  • K&P414K&P414 member
    Would it be possible to schedule a play date with the ring leader?  Either on your turf at home, or maybe meet her and her mother at a park?  
    I would also talk to the teacher about it and make sure she knows to look out for issues like that.  I would expect her to address anything ridiculous like leaving a child out because she isn't wearing a particular color.  
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  • kbowman78kbowman78 member
    Cason has a "ring leader" in his class this year that is basically the oldest, biggest girl in the class. However, I think she is more the ring leader in terms of kind of bossing the other kids around a little bit, etc., but I don't think she has ever been so crazy as to leave kids out or be outright mean. I do think that as they get older, it starts to become more of this social structure type situation where they are all trying to find their places. I would also talk to the teacher and see if she has noticed any of those dynamics. Hopefully if she has, she has addressed it
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