(loss mentioned) Need advice

StokedWifey · November 2013

I found out yesterday that my former roommate lost her baby. I hadn't heard from her lately, so texted her on 10/20 and didn't get a response. I had to miss her baby shower was in August, so I thought maybe she was mad at me. I texted her again on Monday to wish her happy birthday. She replied yesterday that she was sorry she hadn't gotten back to me, but Baby Jase had gone to be with Jesus on October 17. I didn't know her exact due date, but that should have been around the time she was due. I didn't want to keep making her talk about it, obviously, so I messaged her niece. I asked the niece how she was really doing, etc., and she eventually told me what happened.

On her due date, the baby only weighed 4 pounds. They decided to let him keep baking to try to gain some weight. At her next checkup, they found a knot in the umbilical cord and they lost the heartbeat. The next day she had to go back in and he had passed away. She was almost 41 weeks pregnant.

Anyway, I really want to do something, but I'm not sure if I should. I know it's always on her mind, but I'm afraid if she's having a good day that a gift would turn it around. I've made it known that I'm here for her, but that can seem like empty words to someone who's hurting, you know? I want to do something so she knows she can call me anytime for real, but I am so torn. Can y'all give me some advice?

OkieMama · November 2013

Oh man, that's terrible. I'm so sorry for your friend I can't imagine what she's going through. I think the best thing you can do I just keep praying for her. I would try to do something to let her know you're there without making her do more than she's ready for. Maybe a devotion book or something, I remember a friend of mine who went through cancer recommending the book "Streams in the Desert" for anyone struggling with a difficult life situation. I haven't read it but maybe it could be something helpful, you could thumb through and see what you think. Maybe just grab her a coke or a coffee or her favorite treat and drop if off and offer to stay or go. It's hard to know how different people will want to be treated during grieving times. I will be praying for her as well.

aylafsu88 · November 2013

I think a gesture of some sort would be nice. Maybe a card, flowers, coffee etc. As someone who has suffered from losses it is really hard and you feel very alone. Something from a friend or a few kind words would be nice just to let her know that you are thinking of her. I would not press her for information or discuss the loss unless she starts that conversation. Just let her know that you are there for her if/when she needs you.

StokedWifey · November 2013

Thanks, girls. I think I'm going to see if I can take her to lunch on Sunday. The text each month is a wonderful idea. Thank you so much!

ashleynaka · November 2013

I had a very similar thing happen to someone I knew in HS, but it was her second baby. She was very open about it all on her blog and I think it helped her a lot to know all the support she had with those around her. I think just talking about it made her feel better, plus she is Mormon and comes from a fairly large family, so that helped too. I just told her I was there for her if she needed anything and she really appreciated that.

Maybe give her some time to come around and maybe send her a gift for the holidays to help cheer her up? Like a gift basket or something to let her know you care? It is super hard because everyone mourns differently and some just want to be left alone and others want to be showered with love. Good luck to you in whatever you end up doing. I am sure she will appreciate it.

Want a personalized experience?

(loss mentioned) Need advice

Re: (loss mentioned) Need advice

Choose Another Board

Search Boards