Are you a nice DIL?

SunAndRain · November 2013

Wow thanks for all the replies!
I know spoon feeding isn't a big deal. What irks me is that she makes it about herself and can't let DD be the big girl she is trying to be. I know that isn't going to irreparable damage. She is a good Mil in many ways. My main point was that after Dd was born I quit bending over backwards to get along. I do happen to get along very well with my in-laws. But I do know that I have become less pleasantly friendly toward MIL. Part of that is because of the crap she says; I find it harder to smile and tolerate. I don't argue with her but I do let her know my position on a matter more than I used to. Example: i finally shut her down about the birthday gift she keeps hounding me to get DH. I wasn't rude but I clearly let her know I wasn't interested by turning it back on her. Perhaps a nicer DiL would have continued to smile and nod...or would have gone out and for the gift!

ASmallWonder · November 2013

I'm an awesome DIL

No seriously, I am because my ILs are great so that allows me to have a great relationship with them. My mother on the other hand...

ericaann413 · November 2013

I have to remind myself often, that one day I will most likely be an in-law and its important to have a relationship with my own in-laws like I would want with my future DIL or SIL.

mexicolombiana · November 2013

I'm a perfectly nice DIL because we don't see MIL that often. She lives in the same city as us but way on the south side and just doesn't come over very often. Not a problem by me. I'm very indifferent to her because she's a BIG airhead. She's super nice though and we have fun when she comes over. But she's also not very affectionate with my girls. It's weird. She's also pretty overweight and can't (or doesn't) do anything with active with them. She actually doesn't even sit on the floor with them and play. She just sits on the couch. So, again, she's perfectly nice but I'm silently glad we don't see her often because she gets on my nerves because she's so sedentary.

My mom and I are the opposite. My mom is actually kind of a busy body and always on the move. She goes outside with the kids, takes them tot he park, etc. MIL has NEVER taken my girls to the park. NEVER. She doesn't like to walk around so yeah that annoys me. And I understand that might be a bitchy attitude for me to have, but oh well.

Anyway back to the point, I'm perfectly nice. We get along fine. She's also moving to FL which kind of sucks because my girls won't see her much, but it's her stupid choice. She's always complaining about not getting to see her other grand kids (my nephew and niece) because they live in NC yet she's moving to FL. Also she's moving to FL for no good reason. Her one sister lives there but I have a feeling she's going to regret moving down there. And why complain about never seeing your family, yet you're going to move away from the only family you DO see once in a while? Back to the whole her being an airhead and flaky thing. Go ahead and move to FL but you're going to see everyone WAY less down there. I just don't get her.

rubber_chicken · November 2013

mainerocks said:

My MIL and I get along better these days... and that is because I keep her at as much of a distance as possible. She's not a bad person, but she drives me nuts in so many ways. She was a bit of legend on my local board during the Knot days. She did fun things like immediately book an appointment with the wedding coordinator at my venue as soon as she heard, so that she could start making her own plans. She also had a party for her friends in their hotel suite DURING my reception. Her side literally left early to go to MILs party.

So yeah, we don't have the best of relationships.

"she's not a bad person"?? holy cr@p, you're a lot more generous and forgiving than I am!!

wpavalko · November 2013

Nope, I'm awful. MIL started out with a bad relationship because she was threatened by me and I 'stole' her son from her (ie, he went to college because he wanted to be closer to me instead of living at home and working 3rd shift minimum wage jobs after high school). For 6 years, she constantly tried pushing my buttons and manipulating DH. A few months before our wedding, so called me some pretty bad names and told DH that once we got married I would become evil. So I pretty much wrote her off.

Now that LO is here, she has actually been really good and has been trying to reach out. Every time DH calls, she comments to him about how I am such a good mom and she respects me for sticking with breastfeeding. I know its because DH told her that its our way or the highway with LO, and she wants to have a relationship with her granddaughter more than anything. Despite this, I am still holding resentment and having a hard time forgiving her. I certainly won't keep her from LO, and I am friendly whenever we see her. But she would love for me to be besties and call her every week to chat, and that will never happen!

SparkySharky · November 2013

Lets talk about "intrusive." I am currently under fierce pressure from my inlaws to let my MIL and smoking FIL provide DC for my DS and soon-to-arrive DD. My FIL is a lazy POS who has sponged off of my MIL for the last 25 years. He gets SS and SSD and doesn't contribute one iota to their household. He chose this lifestyle at great expense to my DH and his two siblings while they were growing up. He's also physically and mentally abusive.

My MIL has been forced into an early retirement from her business and is now looking to us to be her income. She's figured out her budget and the money we would be paying them for DC would feed them. She wants to sell her house and move here and rent an apt she can't afford - excuse me - that *DH and I* can't afford. She wants said apt to be halfway b/t us and her daughter and have us transport DS and DD every day about 15 miles one way. Why halfway? Not b/c she's providing DC for her daughter! But b/c her daughter will need her to watch her LO at least a couple times a month. Oh and btw, my SIL has one of those "pyramid scheme" businesses and schedules appts all different times of the day. So I'll be expected to rework my regular schedule anytime SIL needs MIL.

Did I mention that we already had MIL watching DS and we ended up "firing" her b/c she kept dropping us to watch my niece?

So...I'm violently opposed to this arrangement and I'm pretty sure that makes me a bad DIL. Unfortunately, I can't always wear my "good DIL" hat and my "good mom" hat at the same time.

It's true that you have to let little stuff go. You'll always be his/her mom and no one else ever will be, so being territorial just doesn't make sense. All a territorial mom is doing is interfering with her LO receiving love. Why would anyone want that for their LO?

SparkySharky · November 2013

Sailor Saturn said:

Right now, no, according to my MIL.

But it has been long overdue that DH does not stand up for me to MIL for the past 4 years. He would bow out of decisions giving MIL the power to make big decisions over DS.

DH got to see the nasty work she did insulting me by saying I don't love my DS because I don't cut his hair and claimed she would call cps on me. She is not allowed to come over and DH can't talk to her until he stands up for his family (himself, DS and I). DH is in trouble for this situation that has occurred but I got fed up with it.

No one has the right to come to my home and say I don't love my DS and say DH and I are bad parents. We can't take that negativity especially when we have a special needs child.

Anyone who threatened to call CPS and break-up my family would immediately be banned!

mrsshawnavanb · November 2013

Pips09 said:

. I actually have more issues with my own mom, than my MIL.

^ This

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