Picking a name nightmare

novelblessings · November 2013

So it may seem early since we just found out a week ago we are having a girl, but I hate not having an idea what we will name the baby. Also, prior to this DH would not discuss names, but I had a running list that I've been working on for probably years now. After our appointment last week I went through my list and DH rejected every last one of them! The next couple of days I compiled a few other lists and asked his opinion on them, again he rejected all of them. I am to the point where there are no other names I like.

We do have a running list that I call the "eh list" because instead of saying no DH has said "eh", so I keep the name just in case. Yesterday when I asked him about some of those names he said "it doesn't matter I'll probably x those names too". I feel our daughter will never have a name at this point. DH has spontaneously come up with two names of his own and once I mentioned I really like it, now he doesn't like it anymore. Ugh!

Has anyone/is anyone in a similar situation with their DH/SO? What did it take to figure out a name? I know we have until she is born, but I would really like to have something picked out before then to be able to personalize some things in her nursery.

clo1982 · November 2013

My DH did this with every single name. It drove me crazy because I really thought long and hard about each name and then even waited a while to make sure I didn't just like it on a whim. Then he would throw out some random name that he just thought of, and would most likely dislike in a day or two. Or he would agree to a name, only to turn around and say he didn't like it and never agreed in the first place. I finally told him he was not going to have a say in naming the baby if he didn't feel the need to put any thought into it. It was something we were going to have to live with and our child would have to live with so it wasn't something I was going to pull out of the air with no thought. I narrowed it down to my 2 favorites and said he could pick from these. I played dirty though and got DD involved who voted for my #1. He 'hated' it at first but ever since DD gave it the thumbs up he has been calling the baby by that name, and said on Saturday that it has grown on him. So I don't want to say he didn't care about the name, but I think it's just somthing that since he didn't have any sentimental names in mind that really meant something, he just really didn't think much about it. If he had truly hated it like he said, he would have stood his ground and fought back (just in case anyone out there thinks I'm taking all naming rights away from my DH!) when I narrowed it to 2 names. So obviously he was just being a pain in the neck!

katykatykaty · November 2013

So he's only offered two suggestions, and he ruled out one of them? How frustrating! I would tell him that if he's going to continue to veto the ones you're coming up with, he's got to actually think about names and come up with a few that he likes.

bumpuser9058414 · November 2013

This is my plan. Wait to decide until you're in labor and when you're having a contraction/pushing/having a c-section, cry and say you really want X name. I think he'd be an idiot to veto it at that point.

novelblessings · November 2013

@Clo1982 Since I feel I have run out of names that I truly like, I have thought about just giving DH the option to pick from those names. I would really like to have his input though, but it may be where we are headed with this.

@katykatykaty I've asked him if he could think about names but he says "It isn't something I really think about". Lame. I am to the point I may just tell him to have a list of a few names, that he has actually thought about by such and such a time, to discuss.

Thanks ladies. I didn't think picking a name would be so frustrating.

ceh789 · November 2013

Holy cats are we married to the same man?

I've been going through this same thing for months and it's making me insane. We don't talk about names any more because it causes too much angst. I realize this isn't a solution but yeah...

novelblessings · November 2013

@Berry30 We had friends in a similar situation a little over a year ago. One really wanted one name and the other really wanted a different one. They both secretly hoped that when labor and delivery came the other would give in. Neither gave in and their daughter didn't have a name for two days because they had to start from scratch.

novelblessings · November 2013

@ceh789 I think it is 10 times worse that everyone else knows we don't have a name. So whenever I talk to my mom or our friends they just start spouting out names at me. I'm about to say we have a name and I'm just not telling.

bumpuser9058414 · November 2013

@novelblessings now I have to know...who won? I know personally my husband would cave seeing me in pain.

ceh789 · November 2013

@novelblessings no freaking kidding. To exacerbate the issue, MH takes great offense at the idea that one of my friends/family might like the name we pick before he agrees to it. Like, he thinks I'm letting them name our kid. omg I can feel my blood pressure rising just thinking about this...

novelblessings · November 2013

@Berry30 Well neither of them won the name battle in the end. I just know they ended up agreeing on a totally different name right before taking her home.

pepperedmoth · November 2013

We didn't have a hard time naming, but one technique that's worked for us in other contexts is that one partner will make a short list of items/names/whatever that they are happy with and would like, and the other gets to choose off of that list. We do this a lot with aesthetic home decisions --- "OK, you pick two/three/four faucets/colors of paint/tile choices/sofas/dishwashers you like, and I'll pick the one I like best."

Of course this has to be agreed upon in advance, and won't work if one partner likes names such as Kaydence/Mackenzie/Makayla and the other partner likes names such as Elizabeth/Margaret/Katherine.

holly820 · November 2013

My husband did this at first. After a conversation about it, we discovered it was because he knew someone that had each name and he didn't want the name because it made him think of them. When we agreed that every name would remind him of SOMEONE, even a kid he knew in kindergarden, he was able to get past the association issues and focus on the name. For us, once we picked the name, we knew we would begin to associate the name with our baby, not someone else.

CruiseGirl28 · November 2013

I would think of 2-3 different names you like the best. It is helpful if they're different. Mention them all the time. He should eventually like one of them.

YankeePeach08 · November 2013

I think that sometimes it takes men a while to decide on a name because they need to hear it a few times and see it a few times.
Many women have been thinking if baby names their whole lives but men aren't necessarily the same way.

Maybe if you write out your top 5 names and put the list on the fridge where DH will see it a lot he can think about the names on His own without feeling pressured to choose one right now.

My kids probably won't have names for a while. I don't like many boy names and I like too many girl names...even if we have 2 girls and I get my top 4 names ( first and middle) there are so many left over!!!
If we have 2 boys they will probably be "brother" and "other"

Good luck!

dancer7889 · November 2013

My DH vetoes every name I suggest too, except one, but now it's not my favorite anymore. I can't get him to honestly create his own name list bc he's a teacher and all the names remind him of some kid he's taught, which drives me nuts! If he at least came up with some on his own, I wouldn't be as annoyed that he's vetoed all my ideas.

MeganFrench120389 · November 2013

My husband did this with every boys name I would come up with. He's named for his dad and wanted to continue that to LO. I didn't like the idea but every time I tried to throw ideas, he'd shoot me down. Luckily, it's a girl and we had a girls name decided on almost immeadietly. My suggestion would be to maybe find out what names he gravitates towards and head that direction. Example, my husband is very into classic and traditional names (i.e. William, Thomas, James, Phillip etc) so when I looked at names, I picked traditional ones that I liked so he'd be less likely to turn them down.

kimberpoo · November 2013

oh my gosh I would kick your husband in the butt!!! Mine hasn't been super helpful with suggestions, but he hasn't completely naysaid my list either. We both know we want to explore some greek names (his family is off-the-boat greek) but we need a greek book b/c the American one I have isn't cutting it, but he didn't dislike or veto my list of 'maybe' American names either. I think he knows if he did I wouldn't give him as much of a say It's all about compromise. There are a few we both like, but lots more thought needs to go into the process. I think we will get serious once we find out the gender later this month.

good luck!!!

PeytonEliMama · November 2013

We had similar troubles with naming my daughter, so what I did was print out two copies of the SS top 500 name list for the previous year and we each went through and highlighted names we liked. I then cross-checked them, and if we both highlighted a name it went on the short list and we slowly worked from there. It took some time, and discussion, but we both decided on the same name independently of each other. That being said, I am already dreading the battle of baby #2's name.

wearebirds · November 2013

My DH was veto-ing every last name. Even names he said he previously liked. Then he got stuck on one and I didn't like it.

Turns out he always liked the one name I liked most and was just playing with me the whole time. Sneaky bastard.

novelblessings · November 2013

Thanks for all of the suggestions. Initially we found that I picked very traditional names and DH doesn't like the traditional names. I have gone through the top 100 and even looked at top 1000 with him. I've sat with a baby name book and threw out random names and still nothing.

As of right now I think I'm going to ask him to come up with a few names on his own that we can discuss later in the week. I have asked him to think about it before but have not put a deadline on it, so he hasn't done it. We shall see what happens.

ETA: At least we have a middle name; it is a family name. We decided a long time ago that would be passed on.

teaforthree · November 2013

We are having trouble, too. I realize there's lots of time, but I wish we this settled. The only name I really, truly loved is now what we will use for a middle name and we have NO IDEA what to do for the first name. I really wanted the name to mean something to us, and any name (other than the one we already picked) will just be because we like it, but have no special meaning. DH doesn't help, he throws out ridiculous names that I would never even consider, like Agnes or Gretchen. I don't know if he does it to be funny, but it is frustrating. The other thing he's started doing is (jokingly) speaking to the baby directly, but calling her by names he knows I don't like as baby names. Like, "good morning, Crystal" or "hi, baby Melissa." That is kind of funny, and he thinks up a new one every time, but I don't know why this isn't very serious to him. Maybe because we still have plenty of time, but still.

Want a personalized experience?

Picking a name nightmare

Re: Picking a name nightmare

Choose Another Board

Search Boards