For you CIO Believers

PrettyAccountant · November 2013

Horrible - just plain wrong. As a pp said, it breaks my heart when I am driving and can't pull over to tend to LO let alone sleeping at night.

kanned0121 · November 2013

crazed178 said:

KatieS7 said:

I am sure there are woman on this board who practice CIO, they just know better then to make it public knowledge. I don't believe in CIO, letting a child cry for hours unattended is wrong, completely wrong. I do, however, believe in FIO, fussing it out. Take for example, DD2 had been up for an hour and a half and was starting to get cranky. I knew it was because she was getting tired so I got her swaddled, turned on the white noise, sung the abc's and put her in her crib. As soon as she hit the crib she started to fuss, I let her fuss. She fussed for probably 5 minutes and is now out for the count. I know my baby and I know her fusses vs. cries. I don't feel this makes me a bad mom in the slightest. I rarely express this as I fear being thrown in the CIO camp.

I do the same thing. My son will get cranky and fuss for a minute or two before taking a nap. However, CIO will never happen in my house. It breaks my heart when he is crying in his car seat and I can't pull over fast enough so I couldn't imagine doing it so he wears himself out and falls asleep.

This exactly. My DH drove LO home and I found out he let him cry for almost half the ride home.. (20 mins) and it upset me. He now knows to pull over if reaching back and putting the binkie back in doesn't work.. I almost cried when he told me..

Lilmrslay · November 2013

Now I'm CIO! Proper ugly CIO.

That was just heartbreaking and confirms why my little girl will never be left to cry without soothing.

TurtleMomma · November 2013

Shit like that gives me massive anxiety.

Sascha3 · November 2013

I have never left any of my kids to cry it out at night, but during the day with a toddler and newborn twins, I have no choice but to let one cry while I tend to the other. I try not to ever let it go longer than ten minutes but to be honest it is a daily occurrence.

janneann1127 · November 2013

Sascha3 said:

I have never left any of my kids to cry it out at night, but during the day with a toddler and newborn twins, I have no choice but to let one cry while I tend to the other. I try not to ever let it go longer than ten minutes but to be honest it is a daily occurrence.

I don't have twins but I do have a toddler and I totally understand. Sometimes he has to cry while I tend to his brother, much as it sucks. I'm not into letting my LO cry for hours but I also think that when you're a FTM, the crying is much more upsetting than it is with subsequent children. I remember pulling over if DS was crying in the car as an infant and being so frazzled by it. Now, if I pulled over whenever he cried, we'd never make it it preschool and back.

beachyma · November 2013

I wonder if any of you that are saying you won't let LO cry for more than a minute have ever had a colicky baby, or suffered from PPD. My first one was colicky and I for sure had PPD. she cried and cried for hours on end. Basically if she was awake, she was crying. If I didn't put her down to cry once in a while, I may have hurt her. After having her, I knew just how easily one could feel the desire to shake a baby. It's overwhelming for a FTM especially. Now with number three, the are only occasionally times when he cries and nothing I do helps. I still have to put him down for a few to regroup. A crying baby won't explode, but an overwhelmed, frustrated parent/caregiver might. Someone's it's best for everyone to let a baby cry. I know this doesn't really hold true for sleep-training, but this is directed more at the moms who "could NEVER let their baby cry" and "can't understand people that do".

beachyma · November 2013

Also sometimes a parent's "own need for sleep" is as important as baby's needs, especially as it affects mood. If I got a decent night sleep, I was always better able to handle a frustrating day wih baby.

lorow0715 · November 2013

beachyma said:
Also sometimes a parent's "own need for sleep" is as important as baby's needs, especially as it affects mood. If I got a decent night sleep, I was always better able to handle a frustrating day wih baby.

I dont understand how anyone could possibly get a good nights sleep when your baby is crying for you. And to your previous post, I think anyone would say it is much better for you to take a break and let your baby cry than to hurt a baby. That's really not what is being discussed anyway. CIO as aleep training is not cool.

girlmama83 · November 2013

@beachyma no reason to get defensive. A situation like yours was not mentioned once in this post.

There is a big difference between letting a baby cry by choice and not being able to help a baby stop crying.

magdalina.h · November 2013

We did modified CIO with Lucas, but he was like 10 months old. I've never let him cry for longer than 10 minutes

BelhurstBride · November 2013

beachyma said:

I wonder if any of you that are saying you won't let LO cry for more than a minute have ever had a colicky baby, or suffered from PPD. My first one was colicky and I for sure had PPD. she cried and cried for hours on end. Basically if she was awake, she was crying. If I didn't put her down to cry once in a while, I may have hurt her. After having her, I knew just how easily one could feel the desire to shake a baby. It's overwhelming for a FTM especially. Now with number three, the are only occasionally times when he cries and nothing I do helps. I still have to put him down for a few to regroup. A crying baby won't explode, but an overwhelmed, frustrated parent/caregiver might. Someone's it's best for everyone to let a baby cry. I know this doesn't really hold true for sleep-training, but this is directed more at the moms who "could NEVER let their baby cry" and "can't understand people that do".

There's a huge difference between a LO who can't be soothed and purposely leaving a LO alone in their room to cry.

janneann1127 said:

I don't have twins but I do have a toddler and I totally understand. Sometimes he has to cry while I tend to his brother, much as it sucks. I'm not into letting my LO cry for hours but I also think that when you're a FTM, the crying is much more upsetting than it is with subsequent children. I remember pulling over if DS was crying in the car as an infant and being so frazzled by it. Now, if I pulled over whenever he cried, we'd never make it it preschool and back.

I haven't found that to be true, at all. There are days where one of the girls gets left to cry for a but while I deal with the other one, but it still upsets me, I still get frazzled and I still pull the car over if I can safely do so.

beachyma · November 2013

Sorry, I didn't mean to come off as defensive. I just got frustrated with all the people who "can't stand to hear their babies cry" because I couldn't stand it either, but I had no choice. She was crying no matter what I did.

That being said, I think many of you are overgeneralizing CIO a bit too...CIO does not involve leaving LO to cry "for hours on end." It is also far too early (with most of our LOs in the 2 month range) to even consider CIO at this point. However, I think kids can benefit from CIO or FIO to some extent (probably for no more than 15-20 minutes.) IMHO, it is healthier to have a 10 month old that can soothe themselves back to sleep without mom or dad all the time than to have a child not be able to sleep through the night without soothing until 18 months or older, as I have seen some bumpies mention in the past.

If I were so inclined, I can write a similar letter, it would go something like this:

Dear Momma,

I know it's tough getting some sleep around here, I've been having a hard time too. I just wanted to thank you for helping me to figure it out. At first it was really scary and I cried to let you know how I felt. It took you a few minutes to come in, but I am glad you let me know you were still here if I needed you. After a while, I discovered that I don't really need you by my side every minute that I sleep. I can do it all on my own!! And that makes me feel great! I don't even have to cry anymore because you proved to me that you are always here, but what's more, I proved to myself that I am ok at night! Thanks, Mommy!

MammaBear81 · November 2013

beachyma said:

Sorry, I didn't mean to come off as defensive. I just got frustrated with all the people who "can't stand to hear their babies cry" because I couldn't stand it either, but I had no choice. She was crying no matter what I did.
That being said, I think many of you are overgeneralizing CIO a bit too...CIO does not involve leaving LO to cry "for hours on end." It is also far too early (with most of our LOs in the 2 month range) to even consider CIO at this point. However, I think kids can benefit from CIO or FIO to some extent (probably for no more than 15-20 minutes.) IMHO, it is healthier to have a 10 month old that can soothe themselves back to sleep without mom or dad all the time than to have a child not be able to sleep through the night without soothing until 18 months or older, as I have seen some bumpies mention in the past.
If I were so inclined, I can write a similar letter, it would go something like this:
Dear Momma,
I know it's tough getting some sleep around here, I've been having a hard time too. I just wanted to thank you for helping me to figure it out. At first it was really scary and I cried to let you know how I felt. It took you a few minutes to come in, but I am glad you let me know you were still here if I needed you. After a while, I discovered that I don't really need you by my side every minute that I sleep. I can do it all on my own!! And that makes me feel great! I don't even have to cry anymore because you proved to me that you are always here, but what's more, I proved to myself that I am ok at night! Thanks, Mommy!

I just have to quote this because I can't "love it" enough. Seriously, this whole post was making me think I'm a bad parent for letting my baby cry while I go pee by myself. CIO is not put your baby down and leave them to cry until they pass out. I sit next to my child, I hold their hand, talk to them, give them a binky, stroke their head. Sometimes it involves some crying, sometimes it doesn't. This of course was for my older kids, I don't do this with this LO yet. My kids still love me, they are connected to me, they just know how to sleep by themselves, and not be scared to do so.

MynaBird · November 2013

I hope I don't sound heartless if I say the letter didn't do much for me. I'm not a CIO advocate, and I think it's sweet that so many of you were touched by it, but I have a hard time getting worked up over a letter "from a baby" that was really written by an adult to advocate for an issue or personal belief. As @beachyma demonstrated, any of us could write a letter "from a baby" and pretend we know exactly what our infants are going through.

FutureMRSTillman · November 2013

Now I'm crying. ERGH!

I think there is a difference. Sometimes when my LO has a clean diaper, is fed, and I have rocked her/read to her/sang her a lullaby/etc and she STILL doesn't want to sleep, I will put her down and let her cry but also let her know that I am still there. People take CIO WAY too far.

This broke my heart thinking about all the little babies all over the world that are left crying. I'm gonna end up a Duggar family of adopted babies when I can afford it. I just want to love them all..

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