Babys on the brain! Confused?! New to the bump!

vkayse137 · October 2013

Hi ladies, I am a 28 yr old newly wed married this past June. My husband is 33.I just started going back to school this August, and thought the program would only be 2 years but turns out I will be in school for 4. I was planning on trying to have a baby soon after I graduated and got a job which would be when I'm 30 but now I would be in school until I'm 32 : (. I am starting to think maybe my dreams are too much and being a mother sooner is my calling. I would only want to work part time anyways or even think about being a stay at home mom. I don't want to just quit school now but maybe try to have a baby next yr and go back to school when the kids are older in 4 yrs. My husband is getting older and I just think sooner than later is better.Thoughts?

dogperson11 · October 2013

I would suggest a serious, honest conversation with your husband. Lots of women work and have kids, but that's something that you guys should discuss beforehand. Will the field you're interested in allow for part time work? How long would it take to re-enter the work force if you take some time off? Can you guys afford to be a 1 income family if you decide not to pursue school? These are just some examples. We can't tell you if you should have a baby or not, but welcome to the board

vkayse137 · October 2013

Thanks Ladies!

normandyn7 · October 2013

I understand where you're coming from. When I found out I was pregnant in Janurary I just got my Bachelors and was starting my Masters in June. When I found out I was pregnant I got worried that it would interfere with school but it really hasn't. Our original plan was to wait until I got my Masters and started working in the field (I'm 25 yo now and if we waited I would be 30 yo). I'm glad I didn't wait even though LO was an oopsie. I only work part time though and go to class one night a week. But definitely talk to your husband and see what works best for you guys.

obxlaurak · October 2013

I think you need to talk to your husband and see what he's thinking. Is being a SAHM an option, financially? Are there any 2 year programs you could transfer to?

I'm 32 and we won't be TTC until I'm 33. My age does worry me and had the stars all aligned sooner, I would've loved to have started a few years ago. But sometimes life doesn't turn out the way you plan.

If you are just finishing school at 32, I imagine you'd want to join the workforce and get a year or two of experience prior to becoming a mom, so that's something to keep in mind. Chat with your hubby, see where his thoughts are and go from there! I don't think there's really a right or wrong answer here.

Good luck!

flamingo& · November 2013

I have a friend who finished school in another country, and moved here. She had to take these exams in order to practice here and get a job, and kept failing them. She should have waited until she passed the tests and got a job before she had kids, but she got married and pregnant right away, and now she's on baby #3 and still hasn't passed her tests.

If you really want to get a career going, it would be better to get that rolling before you had kids... in an IDEAL world. But I certainly understand not wanting to wait. Just be prepared that if you become a SAHM, then you may never finish school, or if you finish school, you might not get a job. That's not to say that you couldn't make it work... like all things you just have to be motivated and stick with it. It can be difficult to do that once you have kids, but not impossible. Like a PP said, you can still go to school and it might not affect you too much. Maybe if you have a kid in 2 years, by the time you're done with school your LO can easily transition to a daycare. More and more schools have online programs and night classes, so you can work on school when your DH is home from work.

The ultimate deciding factor has got to be DH's income...Can you live off his salary? Is he OK with you being a SAHM if that's how it ends up? If so, then I think you can definitely make it work with whatever you choose.

24karat · November 2013

What are you getting a degree in? I think that will matter too...especially if you're going into debt to pay for your degree.

LindseyM2012 · November 2013

I am in this situation too! I got married Sept 2012. I am 27, husband is 34. I started a graduate program in Feb 2013. I also originally wanted to wait until after school. I figured if we had children before I went back, I would get too wrapped up in the family to follow my dream. My husband - who has been ready to have kids since we got engaged - was very supportive of my decision to go back and wait to have children. Well, baby fever hit me hard. After much contemplation and planning out the rest of my graduate program, we decided to TTC. Like I said, he is very supportive. We had a candid discussion about the struggles of being pregnant and taking a (shortened) maternity leave during my program, being a new mom and finishing school, etc. We're on the same page. We're not pregnant yet, but hopefully soon!

All that background to say, I think its possible to do both if you and your husband have a clear understanding of how difficult it could possibly be. And as @kjkarats03 mentioned, it also depends on the program you're in and your financial readiness. You both have to be on board 100% and you'll have to set clear boundaries for your time both during pregnancy and when the baby is born (not only for your success in school, but for you SANITY). Good luck!!

Melissa51212 · November 2013

I agree with everyone. I work in higher education and see students stress trying to battle both family and school. It is possible if you have the right support system, I also see lots of mothers coming back much later then they wanted because family just swept them up. You really just have to find what is right for you. Good luck!

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Babys on the brain! Confused?! New to the bump!

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