No one buying anything from registry...

Alextapia · November 2013

I also was disappointed at my shower all I got was clothes!! Nobody used registry! I know it's my responsibility to get my child necessities but wtf is the point of a registry if everybody just buys whatever??

crene84 · November 2013

I didn't have a typical baby shower because we adopted DD, but we did have "meet the baby" showers so for that reason, we registered a few things. We got almost nothing off our registries, plus we had to buy almost everything ahead of time ourselves, but I do understand your frustration. But as PPs have said, they are gifts, so there isn't much you can do. Hopefully you did get a lot of gift cards.

Annie_the_nanny · November 2013

Good grief people, the girl was just asking a question! I have asked questions on these boards before because I wanted some advice but have been ridiculed as well. I find it absolutely ridiculous of some people to act like this when we're all in the same boat (pregnancy wise).

I don't have a registry simply because I had nothing baby related when I was pregnant and I don't like asking for stuff. When somebody asks me now what I want / need I just say anything but clothes haha

aeh72 · November 2013

Annie_the_nanny said:

Good grief people, the girl was just asking a question! I have asked questions on these boards before because I wanted some advice but have been ridiculed as well. I find it absolutely ridiculous of some people to act like this when we're all in the same boat (pregnancy wise).

I don't have a registry simply because I had nothing baby related when I was pregnant and I don't like asking for stuff. When somebody asks me now what I want / need I just say anything but clothes haha

You basically just said you do what everyone else suggested to OP, so I'm not sure where you came up with that she was being ridiculed. Some people may have been more blunt than you, but no one ridiculed her.

EmeraldCity84 · November 2013

aeh72 said:

Annie_the_nanny said:

Good grief people, the girl was just asking a question! I have asked questions on these boards before because I wanted some advice but have been ridiculed as well. I find it absolutely ridiculous of some people to act like this when we're all in the same boat (pregnancy wise).

I don't have a registry simply because I had nothing baby related when I was pregnant and I don't like asking for stuff. When somebody asks me now what I want / need I just say anything but clothes haha
You basically just said you do what everyone else suggested to OP, so I'm not sure where you came up with that she was being ridiculed. Some people may have been more blunt than you, but no one ridiculed her.

The comments about how I should not be a mother, I would consider ridicule. I was just asking for simple advice. Not looking for handouts. Not complaining. Just advice from moms, moms-to-be, as that's what these boards are for... support. Not to be dumped on. I am turning off my alerts, because each new one is causing me anxiety as to what new cruel comments I'm going to read. Thanks all! There was a modicum of really, really good advice.

aeh72 · November 2013

EmeraldCity84 said:

aeh72 said:

Annie_the_nanny said:

Good grief people, the girl was just asking a question! I have asked questions on these boards before because I wanted some advice but have been ridiculed as well. I find it absolutely ridiculous of some people to act like this when we're all in the same boat (pregnancy wise).

I don't have a registry simply because I had nothing baby related when I was pregnant and I don't like asking for stuff. When somebody asks me now what I want / need I just say anything but clothes haha
You basically just said you do what everyone else suggested to OP, so I'm not sure where you came up with that she was being ridiculed. Some people may have been more blunt than you, but no one ridiculed her.
The comments about how I should not be a mother, I would consider ridicule. I was just asking for simple advice. Not looking for handouts. Not complaining. Just advice from moms, moms-to-be, as that's what these boards are for... support. Not to be dumped on. I am turning off my alerts, because each new one is causing me anxiety as to what new cruel comments I'm going to read. Thanks all! There was a modicum of really, really good advice.

Do not let anything that transpires on these boards stress you out. Even if people don't always say things as kindly as people may like, the vast majority of responses given in general on The Bump and even on your post, are intended as legitimate advice. So, take to heart what you want and ignore the rest but know that people are trying to help, even if sometimes it's with tough love. Best of luck to you and your LO!

Meery82 · November 2013

EmeraldCity84 said:

aeh72 said:

Annie_the_nanny said:

Good grief people, the girl was just asking a question! I have asked questions on these boards before because I wanted some advice but have been ridiculed as well. I find it absolutely ridiculous of some people to act like this when we're all in the same boat (pregnancy wise).

I don't have a registry simply because I had nothing baby related when I was pregnant and I don't like asking for stuff. When somebody asks me now what I want / need I just say anything but clothes haha
You basically just said you do what everyone else suggested to OP, so I'm not sure where you came up with that she was being ridiculed. Some people may have been more blunt than you, but no one ridiculed her.
The comments about how I should not be a mother, I would consider ridicule. I was just asking for simple advice. Not looking for handouts. Not complaining. Just advice from moms, moms-to-be, as that's what these boards are for... support. Not to be dumped on. I am turning off my alerts, because each new one is causing me anxiety as to what new cruel comments I'm going to read. Thanks all! There was a modicum of really, really good advice.

LOL. You really can't handle much, huh? No one has been cruel. Don't be such a baby. You're about to have one. There is a lot more stressors coming your way once your child arrives. You better start preparing now.

penslover · November 2013

SoMoNY said:

A. there is often a lag between when purchase is made and when it comes off registry.

B. A LOT of people wait to get gift till the day before/of shower.

C. This is what gift receipts are for ;-)

This. Especially B. Don't worry too much. Everything will end up ok.

HerbanMom · November 2013

Well, a shower isn't a "right". If someone is kind enough to throw one and your friends and family are kind enough to come and give you gifts, you should be gracious instead of being upset. Unfortunately, there are many of us who've become unplanned single parents but it is no one else's responsibility to ensure you get all of your necessities. At our shower we didn't receive alot off our registry and that was OK. We were more excited about being with our friends and family and mingling. We did get alot of giftcards which helped immensely. All the extra onsies and socks we returned for store credit towards things we needed. Regardless we've been very thankful and let everyone know that.

KCaudle10 · November 2013

The good news is .. Babies don't need as much as all of the check lists make us feel we need .. In fact... Having less to be responsible for is a blessing in disguise! Your baby will be quite happy with your love and patience and time!

PrimRoseMama · November 2013

Um ok, but if you need this stuff then buy it yourself. It is no one else's responsibility to provide for your kid except for you & the man who helped conceive it. If the Father bails that sucks, but it doesn't make it anyone else's problem.

That said, folks shop the day before or of the shower. You are fooling yourself if you are counting on other people to buy big ticket items. Suck it up, buttercup.

m88bloom · November 2013

Are we really still on this ladies? Really?!? OP I can relate. I have had 2 out of 3 showers and have received little from the registry and don't really expect too much from this last one either. At first I broke down a little and got upset and overwhelmed (pregnancy hormones) and when I calmed down and thought about it rationally I felt a little silly. Personally I've never understood why people don't buy from the registry but whatever. Yes, It's your responsibility to take care of your child and all of his or her needs (I'm also quite sure you realize that) and in saying that people have the right to but whatever they want. Soo what I'm saying is I'm sure OP understands that she has a responsibility but it is still frustrating to take the time to make a registry (I hated doing it!) and have people still give you a bunch of stuff not only do you not need but will not use. I get it.

Now can we go back to talking about more important things? . . . Who overdosed on Halloween candy?

JennyCupcakes01 · November 2013

Wait...it makes you SICK to think of all the "necessities" you'll need to buy for your baby? (Sorry, but I think clothing and toys are a necessity as well.) How many diapers/wipes/bottles/etc. do you plan on receiving at your shower? Even if you got 6 boxes of diapers, they would go SO fast. And your baby will be wearing diapers for the next 3-4 years. Plan on spending hundreds of dollars on that stuff anyway.

It's just so incredibly ungrateful to look at a gift as "useless" or "unnecessary" whether it be a toy or another onesie. If you're in such dire financial troubles, you need ALL that stuff girl.

daisy62103 · November 2013

I understand you're disappointed, but don't jump the gun. Wait until your shower to see what you actually get. Returning stuff for store credit is easy. In terms of diapers, drugstores are always having deals. Start clipping diaper/wipe coupons and you'll be able to save a lot. And craigslist as someone mentioned before for other odds and ends. The carseat will be a more expensive item, but no one has ever bought me the carseats I've needed..and I've had to buy a bunch over the past 6 years. You're going to have to buy a lot yourself, and can't expect others to buy it all. But there are ways to save for the more needed things.

Good luck.

Alextapia · November 2013

Adrd47 said:

Alextapia said:
I also was disappointed at my shower all I got was clothes!! Nobody used registry! I know it's my responsibility to get my child necessities but wtf is the point of a registry if everybody just buys whatever??
Bc it's not a demand list. What don't people understand about that? You can dictate how others spend their money. Be grateful you got anything at all, Christ.

crene84 · November 2013

computer issues <deleted>

crene84 · November 2013

RedheadBaker said:

I didn't have a typical baby shower because we adopted DD, but we did have "meet the baby" showers so for that reason, we registered a few things. We got almost nothing off our registries, plus we had to buy almost everything ahead of time ourselves, but I do understand your frustration. But as PPs have said, they are gifts, so there isn't much you can do. Hopefully you did get a lot of gift cards.
A "meet the baby" party is not a shower.

They actually were showers...not really sure why you felt the need to comment, but yea, they were the same format as a shower, with a cake, decorations...a registry, etc..the only difference was the baby was there.

MommySept13 · November 2013

Neatest thing my mother did for my shower was a balloon raffle. Each person who wanted a balloon, put $5 in the jar and got a balloon. Drawn on the outside of the balloon was a number. At the end of my shower I picked numbers out of hat and auctioned off small gift baskets and the grand prize of a $30 gift card to a restaurant. By the time the balloon raffle was over we had $140 in the jar. We used that $140 for a car seat and diaper bag because we knew they were the two things no one had purchased for us after opening all of our shower gifts.

Meery82 · November 2013

MommySept13 said:

Neatest thing my mother did for my shower was a balloon raffle. Each person who wanted a balloon, put $5 in the jar and got a balloon. Drawn on the outside of the balloon was a number. At the end of my shower I picked numbers out of hat and auctioned off small gift baskets and the grand prize of a $30 gift card to a restaurant. By the time the balloon raffle was over we had $140 in the jar. We used that $140 for a car seat and diaper bag because we knew they were the two things no one had purchased for us after opening all of our shower gifts.

So apparently the gifts people brought weren't enough? X_X

MommySept13 · November 2013

Meery82 and lrachelle80. The balloon raffle was optional. Guests only participated if they felt like it. Some did, some didn't. Some attended and didn't bring a gift, instead opting to participate just in the balloon raffle. The gifts that were bough for us were more than enough. But the money from the raffle came in handy for the one thing we definitely needed, but did not have, and that was mainly the car seat. We had purchased all of the other "big" items on our own, the crib, the rocker/ottoman, the dresser, and the changing table, along with several other things like diapers/wipes/clothing/toys. We were not expecting anyone to buy us the big items all babies need. We ended up sans a car seat when the one we were expecting to get second hand from my sister she gave away to someone else. Had we known that was going to end up being the case, we would of purchased the car seat when we had bought the other "big" items. Is that enough clarification for you on why there was a balloon raffle?

sschwege · November 2013

MommySept13 said:

Meery82 and lrachelle80. The balloon raffle was optional. Guests only participated if they felt like it. Some did, some didn't. Some attended and didn't bring a gift, instead opting to participate just in the balloon raffle. The gifts that were bough for us were more than enough. But the money from the raffle came in handy for the one thing we definitely needed, but did not have, and that was mainly the car seat. We had purchased all of the other "big" items on our own, the crib, the rocker/ottoman, the dresser, and the changing table, along with several other things like diapers/wipes/clothing/toys. We were not expecting anyone to buy us the big items all babies need. We ended up sans a car seat when the one we were expecting to get second hand from my sister she gave away to someone else. Had we known that was going to end up being the case, we would of purchased the car seat when we had bought the other "big" items. Is that enough clarification for you on why there was a balloon raffle?

Showers are not charity events...is that enough clarification for you?

Winnieella · November 2013

I'm a lurker, but I had to comment.

OP, you are very lucky to be getting a shower. That said, your registry (and I know this was said in many PPs) is a wish list and that's it. It is not a demand list. I don't know when your shower is, or your EDD, but can you start putting some money aside to get those things that aren't given to you? My H and I already have money set aside to get items we need if we don't get them from the shower. That way, we can take care of our baby. And if we do happen to get those items, then we can use that money for something else, like getting more CDs or if EBF doesn't work out, getting formula.

futurecody · November 2013

Meery82 said:

MommySept13 said:

Neatest thing my mother did for my shower was a balloon raffle. Each person who wanted a balloon, put $5 in the jar and got a balloon. Drawn on the outside of the balloon was a number. At the end of my shower I picked numbers out of hat and auctioned off small gift baskets and the grand prize of a $30 gift card to a restaurant. By the time the balloon raffle was over we had $140 in the jar. We used that $140 for a car seat and diaper bag because we knew they were the two things no one had purchased for us after opening all of our shower gifts.

So apparently the gifts people brought weren't enough? X_X

I think this balloon idea and the diaper raffle idea I and another Bumpie mentioned before is basically the same idea as the "money dance" or "dollar dance" at weddings. People don't HAVE to participate. Yes they already brought a gift that will be loved, but if they CHOOSE to throw in a few extra bucks, what's the harm? It's not like they are being forced to buy a ticket to the baby shower. It's just for fun! If they don't want to, they don't have to! That's the fun of it.

sschwege · November 2013

futurecody said:

Meery82 said:

MommySept13 said:

Neatest thing my mother did for my shower was a balloon raffle. Each person who wanted a balloon, put $5 in the jar and got a balloon. Drawn on the outside of the balloon was a number. At the end of my shower I picked numbers out of hat and auctioned off small gift baskets and the grand prize of a $30 gift card to a restaurant. By the time the balloon raffle was over we had $140 in the jar. We used that $140 for a car seat and diaper bag because we knew they were the two things no one had purchased for us after opening all of our shower gifts.

So apparently the gifts people brought weren't enough? X_X

I think this balloon idea and the diaper raffle idea I and another Bumpie mentioned before is basically the same idea as the "money dance" or "dollar dance" at weddings. People don't HAVE to participate. Yes they already brought a gift that will be loved, but if they CHOOSE to throw in a few extra bucks, what's the harm? It's not like they are being forced to buy a ticket to the baby shower. It's just for fun! If they don't want to, they don't have to! That's the fun of it.

Ah yes, squeezing a few extra bucks out of the already generous guests, I guess I'm missing, 'the fun of it'.

MommySept13 · November 2013

And someone voluntarily participating in a balloon raffle is any different from them receiving an invitation to a baby shower and then realizing they are going to have buy a gift if they don't want to look awkward just "attending sans gift" is any different how? They volunteered to do the balloon raffle. Same as they volunteered to show up to your shower. Both of which they opted to do. Both of which they were aware of the expectations of participating, i.e. bringing a gift, or throwing $5 in a jar for a chance at a prize. So if we are going by that frame of mind, wouldn't it be fair to say that expecting anyone to bring anything to a shower as a gift is just as tacky?

MommySept13 · November 2013

The invitation indicated guests could bring gift of their choice OR $5 for balloon raffle. I never asked for both. Some wanted to do both. I didn't even post a registry because I knew that I would be thrilled with anything that I got. Hence why I'm not understanding how some on this board are making this out to be a huge deal. IMO $5 in a jar, is a LOT less expensive than what a vast majority of baby shower gifts cost.

MommySept13 · November 2013

Actually of the 25-30 or so that attended, about 15 of them did. We had 20 balloons total, and a few people did both. Most of them were family, and I knew with the economy most of them were struggling financially because many of them were either jobless or on a fixed income. So I was completely fine with it.

MommySept13 · November 2013

$5 at 15 people is $75. We also received cards with just cash and gifts with cards with cash. I added that to the total, because it was the total amount of cash we received from the shower as a whole. So if you would like to be correct $75 was JUST from the balloon raffle, the additional $65 was between cash in cards given as gifts or in conjunction with gifts.

MommySept13 · November 2013

Actually, let me correct that. All 20 balloons were raffled. There's $100. So that would of been $40 we received via gift/cards.

runningyogimama · November 2013

I haven't read any responses yet, but if the thought of spending hundreds of dollars for baby gear for YOUR baby "makes you sick," then you are grossly unprepared for parenthood.

Maimes10 · November 2013

EmeraldCity84 said:

I don't qualify for any low income assistance. Doesn't mean I make a lot of money, just means I make too much to get any help. Just feeling overwhelmed at having to get all this stuff before the baby comes, on top of everything else, that's all.

Should have thought of this before getting pregnant sunshine.

SingleMom31 · November 2013

OP, I've been in your shoes (hence the bump name)... It's not easy or necessarily fun to prepare for a baby on your own, but I think that you need to adjust your expectations a bit. It's not very realistic that you're going to get everything, or even the majority, of things off your registry.

You might as well adjust to that and start planning accordingly. If you go to coupons.com this week, they have a bunch of diaper coupons. If you take the ones that are $1-2 off to your grocery store, you can get a pack of Pampers for $6-7. If you also find them on sale, bonus. Check out the baby section of the Krazy Coupon Lady for deals. I ended up with ~600 or so diapers by buying 1-2 per week.

Same with the other little stuff - watch for sales and buy one at a time. I stocked up on random stuff like diaper cream when I was pregnant and am just using the last of it now. There are periodically sales on nearly everything baby related - the key is buying it when it's on sale, so that when you need it, you're not stuck buying it full price.

Sign up with the formula companies if you're going to formula feed. It's crazy expensive, but they'll send samples and $5 off couples semi-often. Ask the hospital for samples too.

Otherwise, if you're still not making it, you need to start identifying non-essentials that you can cut out... Nobody needs a smart phone or cable tv or eating out or... You get my pt.

Either way, good luck.

LifeinBalanceWellness · November 2013

I understand your frustration. We were grateful for the gifts we got and the time spent With friends but were hoping to get more necessities and less things that the baby won't even be able to use for the first year and a half of his life. Luckily we had an extra stash set aside just I case that we'll be using with our registry completion discounts. As an idea, I've noticed a lot of people on our local freecycle list posting as "Wanted:" and then listing the necessities they're looking for. You never know it might be worth a shot.

shinder · November 2013

OP. i've found that most of the stuff we received at our shower was not neccessary anyways....

you will be fine. Don't worry about the 'you should of though of that before you got pregnant' responses... all 100 of them. I'm sure it will work out.

Unknown · November 2013

This content has been removed.

Meery82 · November 2013

shinder said:

OP. i've found that most of the stuff we received at our shower was not neccessary anyways....
you will be fine. Don't worry about the 'you should of though of that before you got pregnant' responses... all 100 of them. I'm sure it will work out.

Oh yeah, great advice. You're essentially telling her "don't worry about planning ahead and thinking of the future! Just wish real hard and hope everyone supports your child financially and everything will be just fab!"

You don't grasp the concept of reality, huh?

8-|

shinder · November 2013

Meery82 said:

shinder said:

OP. i've found that most of the stuff we received at our shower was not neccessary anyways....
you will be fine. Don't worry about the 'you should of though of that before you got pregnant' responses... all 100 of them. I'm sure it will work out.

Oh yeah, great advice. You're essentially telling her "don't worry about planning ahead and thinking of the future! Just wish real hard and hope everyone supports your child financially and everything will be just fab!"

You don't grasp the concept of reality, huh?
8-|

Yup. thats it exactly. I'm telling her that...

OR. I'm telling her not to stress because babies really require very few things and that she should wait until after the shower to see what is provided... I believe she also said she has things already. You keep judging her though.... stress is super healthy for pregnant ladies and unborn babies... Keep up the good work!!!

Meery82 · November 2013

shinder said:

Meery82 said:

shinder said:

OP. i've found that most of the stuff we received at our shower was not neccessary anyways....
you will be fine. Don't worry about the 'you should of though of that before you got pregnant' responses... all 100 of them. I'm sure it will work out.

Oh yeah, great advice. You're essentially telling her "don't worry about planning ahead and thinking of the future! Just wish real hard and hope everyone supports your child financially and everything will be just fab!"

You don't grasp the concept of reality, huh?
8-|

Yup. thats it exactly. I'm telling her that...
OR. I'm telling her not to stress because babies really require very few things and that she should wait until after the shower to see what is provided... I believe she also said she has things already. You keep judging her though.... stress is super healthy for pregnant ladies and unborn babies... Keep up the good work!!!

Well, you actually didn't say any of that. And stress will not harm an unborn baby. But you keep blowing smoke up her ass! That's exactly what she needs!

Unknown · November 2013

This content has been removed.

Meery82 · November 2013

Bliss+Berry said:

shinder said:

Meery82 said:

shinder said:

OP. i've found that most of the stuff we received at our shower was not neccessary anyways....
you will be fine. Don't worry about the 'you should of though of that before you got pregnant' responses... all 100 of them. I'm sure it will work out.

Oh yeah, great advice. You're essentially telling her "don't worry about planning ahead and thinking of the future! Just wish real hard and hope everyone supports your child financially and everything will be just fab!"

You don't grasp the concept of reality, huh?
8-|

Yup. thats it exactly. I'm telling her that...
OR. I'm telling her not to stress because babies really require very few things and that she should wait until after the shower to see what is provided... I believe she also said she has things already. You keep judging her though.... stress is super healthy for pregnant ladies and unborn babies... Keep up the good work!!!

If strangers on an internet forum are causing you stress, you really should just click that little button with the "x" on it and step away from the keyboard. Seriously, way to be melodramatic. You realize this is a discussion about baby showers, right? WTF.

Agreed. Jeez.

This crap is ridiculous. When did baby showers become charity events? The level of entitlement is mind boggling. Why didn't the OP think about all this before getting pregnant? If any of this is stressing her out, it is completely her fault. She should've planned financially for her kid instead of just hoping other people would buy her what she needs.

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