Rant about pumping at work

Msbean22 · November 2013

Here's a long one for you guys this fine Friday.

I stopped pumping at work on July 3rd, a month sooner than planned (I wanted to pump for a year) and the following is why.

To outline, I'd better describe what my work is like as concise as I can. I'm an auto claims adjuster, which means that I get in new claims throughout the day as they are reported. There are about 17 people in our region that handle non-injury accidents, although potentially complex. I can get anywhere from two to six or seven or more claims a day, depending on the weather and staffing. If you've ever been in an accident, you know that not everything is resolved in a day, so you can see how inventory adds up, while new claims are coming in. Busy stuff.

When I came back from maternity leave, I found I had an empty office all set up for me to pump in (I worked out of a cubicle, so this was nice.) I was pumping about three times a day when I came back, for a total of what added up to about an hour and a half out of my day pumping. Because I had supply issues and misunderstood how much I could truly pump, I never really built up a supply. What I did have was gone my first week back. So, I never wanted to stay late at work because I just wanted to get home asap to a) see my baby, and b) nurse my baby to minimize the amount of formula she'd have to take and maximize the breastmilk I could give her.

I quickly fell behind. We got into busy times quickly with staffing issues and higher volume. I got REALLY behind. In January I was given a warning. In February I was given a written warning. At the end of June, I was told that if my numbers weren't to where they needed to be by the end of August, I would be fired. That's why on July 3rd, I stopped pumping. My numbers have been amazing, and I'm the strongest rep on our team.

Additionally, there was this other thing. I was working in a satellite office an hour away from the main office. I was the only "basic" rep there, everyone else handled more complex claims. I was on the bottom rung, basically, and was constantly away from my desk in all parts of the state meeting with more remote customers. Not helping with the time management. In any case, corporate found it best to close my local office, which was 7 minutes from my house. The other reps had home offices set up for them. Me? I now drive 57 miles to work each day. I am out of the house 11.5 hours a week. I see Evie for 2 hours a day during the week, a little longer if she has a late nap.

In the months leading up to our office closing, there were a few opportunities for me to apply for a new position which would allow me to work from home, but because my performance was so sucky because I didn't have the time to do my job, I did not get the positions. So now I'm one giant ball of stress because I am never home and I miss my baby and my husband. It doesn't help that my husband has been unemployed since July.

I feel like this is so unfair. Is it unfair? I can't even tell anymore. I went into a big sobby mess of a rant to our HR lady, who just didn't get it. She has children, but clearly she didn't pump at work because she asked me why I had to do it. She didn't understand WHY I had to take time out of my day to pump. I explained how I just simply did not have the time to keep up with everything, and she said, literally, "well maybe this isn't the job for you."

I just can't shake the bitterness that I'm holding on to. No one seems to give a damn about how much stress and misery I've been through. I'm still actively looking for a new job, but there simply is nothing in the area that pays like this job does, and we're living on the edge as it is.

I just had to get that out. Hopefully someone out there understands

AmySmolos · November 2013

I understand. I pumped at work too and even though I didn't have supply issues it still made me feel like I got a side eye from others sometimes. It's hard. If there's a meeting or a visit with a client I always had to try to plan around my pump schedule. I think balancing motherhood and work outside the home is so tough. I'm constantly struggling when ds get sick or has a check up with taking time off from work. I never want people to think of me as a lesser employee because of having a young child. Hang in there. Keep looking for jobs and hopefully the perfect position will open up for you( and me!!).

cedenton · November 2013

Your work accommodated you for pumping as they're legally obligated. They aren't obligated to give you a pass on getting your work done.
I had lots of problems with bf'ing and had to quit and I know how much guilt is involved. But if it were a choice between formula and keeping a roof over your heads, well then...
I think I would keep looking for a new job, ace the current one and then one you've proven yourself again then try to negotiate a home office. Good luck!

sdlaura · November 2013

cedenton said:

Your work accommodated you for pumping as they're legally obligated. They aren't obligated to give you a pass on getting your work done. I had lots of problems with bf'ing and had to quit and I know how much guilt is involved. But if it were a choice between formula and keeping a roof over your heads, well then... I think I would keep looking for a new job, ace the current one and then one you've proven yourself again then try to negotiate a home office. Good luck!

I agree with this. It's annoying that they weren't understanding, but it seems like you were able to pump for many many months at work. I gave up pumping sooner than I would have liked, but it just didn't allow me to be effective at my job when I was doing it all day. It was really liberating to not have to worry about it anymore.

Msbean22 · November 2013

I guess I just feel like I shouldn't have to choose, especially since it's been made quite clear that I could be able to be home at the normal hour of 5pm if I hadn't been pumping. I could be with my family for four hours a day instead of two (sometimes less.)

You guys are right, they did what they were legally obligated to do. I'm sure if it wasn't the law, less would be done.

I never felt liberated by stopping pumping; I felt cheated.

ColeyJ88 · November 2013

This situation is so unfair to you

I don't have any advice, but I just wanted to tell you that I think you did a wonderful thing for your baby, for all the sacrifice you made to pump for her 11 months.. That is an accomplishment, and you are an amazing mama!

Maizey06 · November 2013

There really is no way to sugar coat it, pumping sucks. It takes you away from your job, it is not fun and it can be stressful to know if you are producing a lot. I am sorry you are going through this right now.

I would say, keep working hard at your current job but keep looking for opportunities. I understand that your tight on finances right now, but sometimes you realize you can cut corners moneywise for a happier situation, like a new job. In the end, family is most important but sometimes you have to sacrifice a little bit to make sure your family life is intact.

You did a great thing for pumping so long.

Good luck!

sosoph · November 2013

Well I think the best you're going to get from this thread is that you're not alone. Pumping cuts in to work time and you can catch up after hours or not. You chose breastmilk and family time over work productivity. If that was what was most important to you at the time, you shouldn't be bitter now. It sounds as if things are going really well (minus the commute) now.

shakinros · November 2013

That is a horrible commute and I am so sorry you have to deal with it. I hope you find something closer soon.

For what it's worth, I had to give up pumping a month after I got back to work. It just didn't work with my job. I'm a dept head and people need me when they need me. There were frequently days when I could only get one pumping session in and I needed three to get close to the amount of milk she needed in a day. We entered a death spiral of nursing after that. My supply dropped even further. She refused to nurse. And we were 100% formula by the time she was 4.5mo old. Not what I wanted. I feel resentful about it still. DD is a thriving healthy girl though. And I got more of my work done. I picked productivity over providing breast milk and while I'm not totally ok with that choice (I get what you're saying about much it sucks to have to choose at all), it had to be done for my career prospects and our family's long-term financial stability.

You're Doing a good thing by providing for your H and LO during this tough time. Hang in there.

Msbean22 · November 2013

I guess I feel better just getting how I was feeling out there. Thanks guys

Toni79 · November 2013

I'm so sorry you felt cheated. As PP have mentioned pumping at work is so hard. I don't think I really knew just how time consuming it would be when I went back to work. And I don't think employers, coworkers, etc really understand it either. I pumped 3xs a day for a year, totally 1-1.5 hours every day. Towards the end it was harder and harder to keep my supply up. My work performance went down for that year, but thankfully my boss was undersanding.

I understand that by law they accomodated you, but I still feel like our society needs to do more for BFing moms. AAP recommends BFing for a year, and the WHO reccomends up to two years or more. But how can we do this without help? We are not super women! I don't know what our country's solution should be ... but we do need to look at other countries that have it figured out!

Growing up my mom always told me I could be anythng I wanted to be ... but she never told me how to be a working mom? I also have a long commute (about 1 hour 15 minutes each way). So like you I get about 2 hours with DD each day. Literally the grumpiest 2 hours of her day too. I constantly feel like I'm doing a half-a** job at work, and then I come home and do a half-a** job at home too.

Just know that you are doing the best that you can. Be proud that you were able to BF for 11 months. That is a huge accomplishement!

Maybe now that your performance at work has improved, they will let you work 1-2 days a week from home? Without that commute, that would give you an extra 2 hours with your LO on those days!

Just curious --- when you sat in the closed office and pumped, was there any work you could do while pumping that didn't involve being on the phone? Or was that not an option? I'm sad that your boss and co-workers didn't step up and help you more.

GL and keep your head up!

Msbean22 · November 2013

Toni79 said:

I'm so sorry you felt cheated. As PP have mentioned pumping at work is so hard. I don't think I really knew just how time consuming it would be when I went back to work. And I don't think employers, coworkers, etc really understand it either. I pumped 3xs a day for a year, totally 1-1.5 hours every day. Towards the end it was harder and harder to keep my supply up. My work performance went down for that year, but thankfully my boss was undersanding.

I understand that by law they accomodated you, but I still feel like our society needs to do more for BFing moms. AAP recommends BFing for a year, and the WHO reccomends up to two years or more. But how can we do this without help? We are not super women! I don't know what our country's solution should be ... but we do need to look at other countries that have it figured out!

Growing up my mom always told me I could be anythng I wanted to be ... but she never told me how to be a working mom? I also have a long commute (about 1 hour 15 minutes each way). So like you I get about 2 hours with DD each day. Literally the grumpiest 2 hours of her day too. I constantly feel like I'm doing a half-a** job at work, and then I come home and do a half-a** job at home too.

Just know that you are doing the best that you can. Be proud that you were able to BF for 11 months. That is a huge accomplishement!

Maybe now that your performance at work has improved, they will let you work 1-2 days a week from home? Without that commute, that would give you an extra 2 hours with your LO on those days!

Just curious --- when you sat in the closed office and pumped, was there any work you could do while pumping that didn't involve being on the phone? Or was that not an option? I'm sad that your boss and co-workers didn't step up and help you more.

GL and keep your head up!

Hearts to you, lady! Sounds like we've had the same track here lately. I actually am going to ask for 1-2 days home at the next meeting with my supervisor. If it's granted, I doubt it will be until after December, since that is when I will officially be off of "performance management."

I did take my laptop in with me to the lactation room. I had this weird thing going for me where I actually got more if I pumped one side at a time, so I would peck in some notes one handed. Half of pumping is getting set up and cleaning, so I really didn't accomplish all that much, but I tried!

My goal is to work hard so I can qualify from a work from home position.

(I bolded the parts that I super agreed with.)

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