No one buying anything from registry...

EmeraldCity84 · November 2013

My shower is coming up quickly and no one has purchased anything from my registry. I came across another message board with this same subject matter, and basically every comment was telling the girl to "stop crying about it" because she would be lucky to get anything anyone bought her regardless of whether it was on her registry or not. While I agree with this sentiment, I am concerned not because I'm afraid I won't "like" the things people get me, but because I am going to be a single mother, 100% supporting myself, and the stuff on my registry is stuff I NEED. The thought of getting a bunch of adorable onesies and toys at my shower, and then getting home and having to shell out hundreds of dollars getting necessities (I registered for things like diapers and wipes, etc) really makes me feel sick. Is there any way to politely mention to people that I appreciate all gifts but really NEED the things I registered for?

chinablack55 · November 2013

People are going to buy you what they want...I don't really think it's a nice way to tell people what to buy you.....if someone ask you what you really need then you can suggest something on your registry.....but other than that you just have to be prepared and put money to the side to get what you need you can't depend and wait on others....also you get a completion coupon for your registry depending where you did one at to help out with the things that you need to get.....I hope you get what you need for your shower....

Chichigo · November 2013

A lot of people don't buy shower gifts until the last minute. Or you might get a lot of gift cards.

MamaP19 · November 2013

MrsMuq said:

Sorry, sweetie. You became pregnant of your own volition. It is YOUR responsibility, single parent or not, to provide for your baby. A registry is a suggested wish list, not a list of demands. And a shower is a gift, not an entitlement.

BRU and Target will generally take returns without a receipt. So if you get things you don't want/need, hopefully you can return them for store credit and purchase items you feel are necessary.

This, totally. I will say that almost everyone who came to my shower did purchase things off of the registry the day before or the day of.

If you're truly desperate I would look into assistance programs in your area for low-income mothers that can help you get the essentials.

EmeraldCity84 · November 2013

I don't qualify for any low income assistance. Doesn't mean I make a lot of money, just means I make too much to get any help. Just feeling overwhelmed at having to get all this stuff before the baby comes, on top of everything else, that's all.

Littlemama01 · November 2013

Sorry, I agree with pp.. The parent(s) are responsible for necessities, Shower guests can get what they want to. But for your sake, hoping you can return/exchange items as you are clearly in a pinch

futurecody · November 2013

At a friend of mine's shower the hostess put on the invitation that anybody who brought a pack of diapers to the shower would be put into a drawing for a prize. A LOT of people brought diapers in addition to their gifts. Maybe you could do something like this at your shower? Then get a gift card or make up a cute gift basket for the drawing winner. People like to buy the cutesy fun stuff for babies, not always the practical.

lafsalot · November 2013

We had a mix of stuff from the registry, lots of clothes... A few blankets... And gift cards and cash... We used the gift cards and cash for stuff on our registry. My mom bought our travel system. Furniture wise we bought everything or it was previously loved. Our swing is what we splurged on with the gift cards. We bought our necessities ourselves after the shower... I still have people asking for registry info though... So some people may wait until you have the baby to send a gift as well.

Meery82 · November 2013

Tough shit. Buy your own things. It's your responsibility to provide for your baby, no one else's.

ETA: There is no polite way to tell people what they should and shouldn't buy for you.

Unknown · November 2013

This content has been removed.

m88bloom · November 2013

I understand the frustration and am going through the same thing. In the end though I agree with pp we can't dictate what people get us as gifts and have started to save up for the rest of our necessity's.

EmeraldCity84 · November 2013

I think this is a cute idea. I also have a friend who told me about a "Diaper Party" where snacks/drinks are provided for the guests and everyone just brings a pack of diapers. Very casual, but nice way to get some necessities and spend time with friends.

ErinO21 · November 2013

Try finding a buy/sell group on facebook for a nearby county. I joined one for one of the "richer" counties in my area and have made some awesome finds! I got a barely used pack n play for $30.

EmeraldCity84 · November 2013

MrsMuq, have you ever hosted a baby shower!!?? I have hosted 2 and both times the MTB dictated EVERYTHING.

mcgeeva · November 2013

Wow if this is your way of thinking you shouldn't be Having a child. Are you going to expect everyone to buy your child's necessities as they get older?!! Everyone knows people don't always shop off the registry. Get over it and grow up. With these statements like this god forbid if you had to pay to get pregnant like many of us had to.

EmeraldCity84 · November 2013

Since everyone is hating on me, let me ask a related question: Would you buy someone something for a wedding shower that was not on their registry? Isn't that the same principle?

Sunshine7117 · November 2013

Maybe some of your guests are actually buying things from the registry but forgetting to tell them when they check out! That's what happened to me for many things I registered for and I was pleasantly surprised.

Good luck to you

EmeraldCity84 · November 2013

mcgeeva said:

Wow if this is your way of thinking you shouldn't be Having a child. Are you going to expect everyone to buy your child's necessities as they get older?!! Everyone knows people don't always shop off the registry. Get over it and grow up. With these statements like this god forbid if you had to pay to get pregnant like many of us had to.

Jeez! No need for the hatred! I obviously understand the costs of raising a child and don't expect anyone to be supporting me. I was simply asking for advice, as this is a new territory for me, and registering for things I need was like a weight off my VERY HEAVY shoulders, but now I am realizing that it is not necessarily a guarantee that any relief will be given and is slightly overwhelming. I don't understand why women/mothers are so quick to be mean to each other in a time when everyone, regardless of income, needs support.

dobrydney · November 2013

If you get a ton of stuff that you don't need you can probably return some of it and use the money towards items that you do need. DH and I were fortunate enough to receive a shower but because we knew we'd probably get a lot of clothes we just planned accordingly and didn't buy that stuff. We just filled in the gaps with what we still deemed absolutely necessary after the shower and went from there. I don't think anyone ever feels 100% prepared for a baby financially, but there are places like thrift stores and Craigslist or hand-me-downs from friends/family.

earlgreygirl · November 2013

A registry is simply a gift wish list. No one is obligated to buy you anything......that is why it is called a gift. You can buy a lot of necessities used to save costs.

babymama619 · November 2013

I'm going to come at this as you're not a totally gift grabby person. I was totally thrown off the there were 40+ people coming to my shower and three days before on 2 items were purchased off the registry. I was amazing and overwhelmed at the generosity of my friends and family. Target had registry issues and wasn't marking things off and a lot of people bought last minute, and a lot of people bought stuff that was similar to my items but they liked better. I was able to return almost everything I wanted to, but really I have everything I need.

That being said, I was also prepared to buy everything I "needed" on my own even though I'm single and this was a surprise pregnancy. My nursery furniture and stroller are from Craigslist and I've been diaper deal/coupon shopping for months and making cloth ones. I also was given and asked to borrow hand-me-downs. I really wish I handnt put one ounce if worry into my shower.

Zilly13 · November 2013

Unfortunately you can't dictate what people buy, but if you receive items you won't use, please don't feel bad about returning/exchanging them for items you will need.

Tess024 · November 2013

I understand the frustration about no one getting anything on your Registry. You spend 4 hours schlepping around the store because you wanted to pick out things that you think your baby will like and will help out, only to have no one care that you did that.. but, you can't get pissed. Maybe they are buying things "like" what you registered for, just not the same brand.

Regardless, I agree with people that have mentioned buying 2nd hand, from craigslist, or ebay... If I go to a consignment sore, I go to the ones in the nicer towns, lol... you usually find more high end brands.

Also, look into Amazon MOM for lots of things. You get AMAZING discounts on a bunch of different things for baby!

EmeraldCity84 · November 2013

babymama619 said:

I'm going to come at this as you're not a totally gift grabby person. I was totally thrown off the there were 40+ people coming to my shower and three days before on 2 items were purchased off the registry. I was amazing and overwhelmed at the generosity of my friends and family. Target had registry issues and wasn't marking things off and a lot of people bought last minute, and a lot of people bought stuff that was similar to my items but they liked better. I was able to return almost everything I wanted to, but really I have everything I need. That being said, I was also prepared to buy everything I "needed" on my own even though I'm single and this was a surprise pregnancy. My nursery furniture and stroller are from Craigslist and I've been diaper deal/coupon shopping for months and making cloth ones. I also was given and asked to borrow hand-me-downs. I really wish I handnt put one ounce if worry into my shower.

Thank you! This makes me feel better.

mcgeeva · November 2013

EmeraldCity84 said:

mcgeeva said:

Wow if this is your way of thinking you shouldn't be Having a child. Are you going to expect everyone to buy your child's necessities as they get older?!! Everyone knows people don't always shop off the registry. Get over it and grow up. With these statements like this god forbid if you had to pay to get pregnant like many of us had to.

Jeez! No need for the hatred! I obviously understand the costs of raising a child and don't expect anyone to be supporting me. I was simply asking for advice, as this is a new territory for me, and registering for things I need was like a weight off my VERY HEAVY shoulders, but now I am realizing that it is not necessarily a guarantee that any relief will be given and is slightly overwhelming. I don't understand why women/mothers are so quick to be mean to each other in a time when everyone, regardless of income, needs support.

I'm not being mean it's the gods honest truth! Do you think I don't use hand me downs myself?! I'm so thankful for them and I consignment shop because I spent 10s of thousands of dollars to get pregnant all knowing I would support this child myself. It wouldn't be so bad if you said you were wishing for things but you made the ungreatful comment you want people to buy off yor registry because you need necessities. Get it yourself. A shower is a bonus. I don't know where you were raised you thought you were entitled.

rowanthefrog · November 2013

Most people shop the day before or day of. Try not to worry. If people go off registry then hopefully they will have gift receipts so you can return what you don't think you need. However, sometimes people go off registry and buy things you didn't even realize you would need.

Honestly this is something you just have to chill about. You can't choose what they will buy for you. Enjoy your shower, see what you get and then fill in the holes. That's pretty much what everyone has to do.

A

EmeraldCity84 · November 2013

mcgeeva said:

mcgeeva said:

Wow if this is your way of thinking you shouldn't be Having a child. Are you going to expect everyone to buy your child's necessities as they get older?!! Everyone knows people don't always shop off the registry. Get over it and grow up. With these statements like this god forbid if you had to pay to get pregnant like many of us had to.
Jeez! No need for the hatred! I obviously understand the costs of raising a child and don't expect anyone to be supporting me. I was simply asking for advice, as this is a new territory for me, and registering for things I need was like a weight off my VERY HEAVY shoulders, but now I am realizing that it is not necessarily a guarantee that any relief will be given and is slightly overwhelming. I don't understand why women/mothers are so quick to be mean to each other in a time when everyone, regardless of income, needs support.
I'm not being mean it's the gods honest truth! Do you think I don't use hand me downs myself?! I'm so thankful for them and I consignment shop because I spent 10s of thousands of dollars to get pregnant all knowing I would support this child myself. It wouldn't be so bad if you said you were wishing for things but you made the ungreatful comment you want people to buy off yor registry because you need necessities. Get it yourself. A shower is a bonus. I don't know where you were raised you thought you were entitled.

Saying I shouldn't be a mother because I'm feeling overwhelmed is just a teensy bit harsh.

mcgeeva · November 2013

EmeraldCity84 said:

mcgeeva said:

mcgeeva said:

Wow if this is your way of thinking you shouldn't be Having a child. Are you going to expect everyone to buy your child's necessities as they get older?!! Everyone knows people don't always shop off the registry. Get over it and grow up. With these statements like this god forbid if you had to pay to get pregnant like many of us had to.
Jeez! No need for the hatred! I obviously understand the costs of raising a child and don't expect anyone to be supporting me. I was simply asking for advice, as this is a new territory for me, and registering for things I need was like a weight off my VERY HEAVY shoulders, but now I am realizing that it is not necessarily a guarantee that any relief will be given and is slightly overwhelming. I don't understand why women/mothers are so quick to be mean to each other in a time when everyone, regardless of income, needs support.

I'm not being mean it's the gods honest truth! Do you think I don't use hand me downs myself?! I'm so thankful for them and I consignment shop because I spent 10s of thousands of dollars to get pregnant all knowing I would support this child myself. It wouldn't be so bad if you said you were wishing for things but you made the ungreatful comment you want people to buy off yor registry because you need necessities. Get it yourself. A shower is a bonus. I don't know where you were raised you thought you were entitled.
Saying I shouldn't be a mother because I'm feeling overwhelmed is just a teensy bit harsh.
What I said was most people go into havin children knowig they have to provide and buy the things they need not expecting others to do so. What's so overwhelming? Can you not consignment shop or is it below you? You can find affordable things you just want "new" things provide for you.

EmeraldCity84 · November 2013

Sigh. No, I am not "above" consignment. I have furnished my entire nursery via craigslist and thrift stores. Again, the things on my registery are things one would not buy used, like DIAPERS. I have not bought anything new, all the clothing and furniture I've purchased have been secondhand, because of my budget. The overwhelming aspect of it is just that, as I was registering, I was thinking "great, this item is off my plate now," when in reality it might not be, which is not something I had not counted on.

dsenter123 · November 2013

Don't let the haters get to you; some people just thrive off of it even though they don't know you or your situation.

Try not to let this stress you out! If you end up with a bunch of stuff you don't need, you can always return it and get the necessities. Best of luck

mcgeeva · November 2013

Since your not grasping what I'm saying why don't you tell everyone coming to your shower not to come if they aren't providing you with the times ou

EmeraldCity84 said:
Sigh. No, I am not "above" consignment. I have furnished my entire nursery via craigslist and thrift stores. Again, the things on my registery are things one would not buy used, like DIAPERS. I have not bought anything new, all the clothing and furniture I've purchased have been secondhand, because of my budget. The overwhelming aspect of it is just that, as I was registering, I was thinking "great, this item is off my plate now," when in reality it might not be, which is not something I had not counted on.

Here's the thing if your said this from the very beginning this is completely different then what your post said. I give you credit for getting what you need then. Whatever you don't have you can get after the baby is here or after your shower.

SoMoNY · November 2013

A. there is often a lag between when purchase is made and when it comes off registry.

B. A LOT of people wait to get gift till the day before/of shower.

C. This is what gift receipts are for ;-)

lollipoppoop · November 2013

How many items are on your registry? I honestly always give gift cards at showers. SO maybe you are getting a lot of gift cards or diapers. I have been garage sailing all summer so I have a lot of what I already need but kept a short registry.

Shelbygirl2005 · November 2013

I think you're getting a little more hate than you deserve here. You asked for some advice, and rather than being constructive it seems like a lot of people are just telling you to suck it up and not giving you any ideas of alternatives. I have seen a few recommendations for second hand, but it sounds to me like the items you still need (ie diapers, wipes, formula, etc) can't be purchased second hand.

I would suggest a couple of things - first, if everyone at your place of employment knows you are expecting and you have a coworker you feel connected/close to, ask if she might be willing to coordinate a "diaper drop". I've done this for my coworkers in the past, and it's fun and easy! You can buy smaller packs of diapers at the grocery store for like $6, and that's really not too much to spend on a coworker/friend. Or you could host a "sip and see - oops, there's some pee!" (my sister in law did this for her sister) where you provide some wine and light snacks and everyone comes over to see your nursery and brings a package of diapers in a size of their choosing.

Also, look into sites like amazon mom and diapers.com. (I get boxes of 88+ diapers on amazon for $20 or less - I also get a lot of other stuff delivered, so that may impact my price) They offer discounted prices on diapers, and family members or close friends can choose to look at what you purchase and contribute to the cost.

I would maybe say to keep in mind that although you're not stressed about the clothes, toys, etc - eventually your baby is going to need them. So look at it as savings for the future and unfortunately a little more cost upfront for you. Every item you get your shower is one less thing that you would eventually have to buy for your baby. So although it may not seem helpful now - trust me, it will be.

Finally, take a look at your registry - are the items on your registry in a variety of price ranges? If you've only registered for jumbo $50+ boxes of diapers, that might be why people aren't buying them. Look at what options you have for smaller, less expensive boxes to put on the registry too. I found that every single item of clothing I put on our registry was snatched up almost instantly (they were $15 per item or less) and that when I added lower-cost items (smaller boxes of diapers, smaller packs of wipes, shampoo, etc) those got bought up almost as soon as I finished updating the registry.

Don't get too down on your friends/family - they're just really excited and want to have fun with you at your shower and enjoy getting to watch you open fun, cute items.

Good Luck! Enjoy the end of your pregnancy and I hope you have a healthy beautiful baby

Unknown · November 2013

This content has been removed.

aeh72 · November 2013

EmeraldCity84 said:

Sigh. No, I am not "above" consignment. I have furnished my entire nursery via craigslist and thrift stores. Again, the things on my registery are things one would not buy used, like DIAPERS. I have not bought anything new, all the clothing and furniture I've purchased have been secondhand, because of my budget. The overwhelming aspect of it is just that, as I was registering, I was thinking "great, this item is off my plate now," when in reality it might not be, which is not something I had not counted on.

I'm not trying to jump into this to make you feel bad or worse, and I won't repeat all that's been said about you being responsible to buy things for your child (which are you), but if diapers are stressing you out, you need to let go of that real quick. Even if everyone bought you tons of diapers, you don't know that the diapers you get will work best for your child and how long he/she will be in each size. We went through some sizes super quick and had leftovers, and now my son has been in size 5s for months and months. Buying diapers is not going to be "off your plate" for at least a couple years. Start putting away few dollars each payperiod to use exclusively for diapers and don't stress about whether you get them at the shower.

Also, some of the best - and must useful - items I got at my shower were not things I registered for. They were things my mom friends had used and found really helpful to them. You might end up getting more things than you need (and didn't know about) than you think.

aeh72 · November 2013

Shelbygirl2005 said:

I would suggest a couple of things - first, if everyone at your place of employment knows you are expecting and you have a coworker you feel connected/close to, ask if she might be willing to coordinate a "diaper drop". I've done this for my coworkers in the past, and it's fun and easy! You can buy smaller packs of diapers at the grocery store for like $6, and that's really not too much to spend on a coworker/friend. Or you could host a "sip and see - oops, there's some pee!" (my sister in law did this for her sister) where you provide some wine and light snacks and everyone comes over to see your nursery and brings a package of diapers in a size of their choosing.

I'm sorry to pick on your post because you gave OP lots of great, constructive advice, but I have to say think this is a horrible idea. Of all the things that a MTB might want (I won't say expect) people to buy her, I think diapers should be at the very bottom of the list along with anything used to feed a child. Those are the base necessities and I think it's wrong to specifically ask people to buy those things for you. If you can't provide those for your own child, you should be looking at public assistance, not asking for handouts from people you work with or know. The people who know your situation may help you of their own volition, but I think it's horribly tacky to ask people to buy those kinds of things for your child.

EmeraldCity84 · November 2013

aeh72 said:

Shelbygirl2005 said:

I would suggest a couple of things - first, if everyone at your place of employment knows you are expecting and you have a coworker you feel connected/close to, ask if she might be willing to coordinate a "diaper drop". I've done this for my coworkers in the past, and it's fun and easy! You can buy smaller packs of diapers at the grocery store for like $6, and that's really not too much to spend on a coworker/friend. Or you could host a "sip and see - oops, there's some pee!" (my sister in law did this for her sister) where you provide some wine and light snacks and everyone comes over to see your nursery and brings a package of diapers in a size of their choosing.
I'm sorry to pick on your post because you gave OP lots of great, constructive advice, but I have to say think this is a horrible idea. Of all the things that a MTB might want (I won't say expect) people to buy her, I think diapers should be at the very bottom of the list along with anything used to feed a child. Those are the base necessities and I think it's wrong to specifically ask people to buy those things for you. If you can't provide those for your own child, you should be looking at public assistance, not asking for handouts from people you work with or know. The people who know your situation may help you of their own volition, but I think it's horribly tacky to ask people to buy those kinds of things for your child.

Yeah... I don't mean "off my plate" forever, just when I am at home for the first few days/weeks with a newborn and no one around to help.

jana216 · November 2013

Can we say BItter!!

aeh72 · November 2013

EmeraldCity84 said:

aeh72 said:

Shelbygirl2005 said:

I would suggest a couple of things - first, if everyone at your place of employment knows you are expecting and you have a coworker you feel connected/close to, ask if she might be willing to coordinate a "diaper drop". I've done this for my coworkers in the past, and it's fun and easy! You can buy smaller packs of diapers at the grocery store for like $6, and that's really not too much to spend on a coworker/friend. Or you could host a "sip and see - oops, there's some pee!" (my sister in law did this for her sister) where you provide some wine and light snacks and everyone comes over to see your nursery and brings a package of diapers in a size of their choosing.
I'm sorry to pick on your post because you gave OP lots of great, constructive advice, but I have to say think this is a horrible idea. Of all the things that a MTB might want (I won't say expect) people to buy her, I think diapers should be at the very bottom of the list along with anything used to feed a child. Those are the base necessities and I think it's wrong to specifically ask people to buy those things for you. If you can't provide those for your own child, you should be looking at public assistance, not asking for handouts from people you work with or know. The people who know your situation may help you of their own volition, but I think it's horribly tacky to ask people to buy those kinds of things for your child.
Yeah... I don't mean "off my plate" forever, just when I am at home for the first few days/weeks with a newborn and no one around to help.

Fair enough. But still, diapers and formula and bottles (if you are not breastfeeding - if you are worried about money, definitely try to breastfeed to save money (in addition to the other health benefits)) should be what you should be using your own money to stock up on before the baby gets here. Anything people give you should be a bonus - not the means of creating your supply.

JodieArms · November 2013

I have to tell you that I'm a single mom too and in the next couple weeks I will be having my 2nd Lo but that's a choice I made. Even after my kids dad ran off and I knew what I would be facing I made the choice to keep my baby. I didn't wan't people to feel like I was asking for handouts because I'm an adult and I have to live with my choices, so I insisted that nobody throw me a shower/sprinkle.
The fact that you made a choice to have this child means that you get to pay for everything that is included in raising it. Welcome to having a child!

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