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2 year old issues with socialization and talking

KareninKarenin member
in Toddlers: 24 Months+

My son turned two in July, and two things are conerning me. I'm a FTM and my friends and siblings with children all have younger children, so I don;t have a lot of examples.

1. He takes a while to warm up to anyone new. If he is introduced to someone new, asked to say hello, or if a child approaches him on the playground, he is very unhappy and resists. He'll point at them and say no, or just not talk to them and want to put physical distances between him and them. We force him to always at least say hello to enforce manners, but that can take some doing. If someone comes to our house or we go to someone's house he'll warm up after a bit, and he has good relationships with children he knows (like the other two year old in our nanny share) but generally new people get really bad reactions. I see many kids on the playgriound who seem to like meeting new children. Is this his age and personality or is this cause for concern? Note- he in a nanny share with another child, so no daycare or preschool, although he does go to a "music class." where he also does not like if new children try to actually talk to him.

2. He talks a lot and learns new words all the time, and he understands a lot, but he is not speaking in many sentences really. Some phrases here and there and he is able to communicate his point, but he does not string a lot of words into sentences. Is he just taking time to do this or is this a concerning delay?

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Re: 2 year old issues with socialization and talking

  • TiffanyBerryTiffanyBerry member
    On the first point:
    My daughter is the same, though I do not force her to say hello.  She is an introvert, and she does not like meeting new people (and by new, I mean people she doesn't spend hours with a week!).  Even her preschool teachers get some of this behavior (she hides behind me when we're there).  She does, however, interact with them more confidently when I am *not* there, and after she's had time (like, 30-40 minutes) to warm up a little and get comfortable in her setting.

    I wouldn't push it.  Even the hello's.  You're asking him to do a big thing, if he's an introvert.  It's like me insisting you go up and hug every stranger you meet, to him.  Because he interacts with people differently.  (I do try to encourage *some* interaction.  I will hold my daughter to help her feel more comfortable, let her turn her head away if she wants to, and ask if she'll say hello or wave or smile.  It's her choice - she often waves with her head turned away into my shoulder.  And I can feel that it is stressful for her.)

    You might read up on being an introvert.  It's a personality type.  It doesn't necessarily mean that he's shy; it just says something about how he interacts with his world and how he uses his energy.  There's nothing wrong with being an introvert, but there sure is a lot of pressure for every small child to be some happy, grinning extrovert who doesn't talk to strangers (which is, of course, an oxymoron).
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  • blu-eyedwifeblu-eyedwife member
    I wouldn't worry too much on the first point, I mean you want them to have some sense of stranger danger.  Forcing the situation to me just seems like it's going to cause more resistance on your son's part.   IME, random people love children.  My son always has people saying hi or talking to him.  If he's comfortable and wants to respond back, he will.  If he isn't/doesn't, than he won't.  I usually say something to the person like "guess he's having a rough morning" and they get it.  I can't believe anyone would think a 2 year old was rude for not responding.

    With friends/people we know, I let him warm up.  Most have/had kids so they don't make a big deal of it.  It's almost at a joke-like state in my family that my guy won't let me SIL hold him, but we don't force it. 

    As far as your second concern, I don't have a ton of speech development experience, but it's my understanding that it takes a bit to develop full sentences.  At his 2 year appointment, the doctor asked if he was stringing 2 words together (big truck, mommy come).  They don't have grammar at this age, so they may not know that you can string more words together to form a complete thought.  And it comes as needed.  As they need sentences to communicate, it will develop. 
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  • KareninKarenin member
    Thanks that is all very helpful! It's hard to want to let your child be him/her self but also to track development and not worry. I appreciate all of the input!

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  • ashiscuteashiscute member
    Has he always been this way with people he doesn't know or is it new?  My DD is 33 months now and was always like that.  She did not acknowledge new people talking to her and it took her awhile to warm up to pretty much everyone but myself, DH, and her two grandmothers.  She just started interacting with my two older brothers in the last 5 or 6 months and she has literally seen them a couple times per month since she was born.  Lately her personality has blossomed and she become a bit more friendly with people.  We never pushed her to talk to people she didn't want to.  I'm not sure at that age its really teaching them good manners.  

    As for the speech, did his pedi have any concerns at his 2yo checkup?  I might give it a few months and if he doesn't progress think about contacting your pedi again and maybe getting him evaluated.  
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  • bumpuser9524622bumpuser9524622 member

    1. DD is very shy. If a random adult tries to talk to her (cashier, other mom at play group, etc), she won't even look at them. If we're around them for a while, she'll usually warm up. She's hit or miss with other kids, even with those she knows. Sometimes she acts all shy, other times she jumps right in and tries to follow around and play with random kids.

    2. DD doesn't say sentences either. At her 2 year appointment, she didn't even say phrases, so we had her evaluated and literally the day before her evaluation she started saying 2 word phrases. She didn't qualify for assistance. Now at 2.5, she says lots of phrases and I know what she's saying, but hasn't said a sentence like "I would like to swing now". I know other kids her age who do and those who don't, so I'm going to talk to her pedi about it at her 2.5 year appt about what's appropriate.

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  • dairygirl19dairygirl19 member

    I wouldn't worry about the first. Some kids are just shy. Hell my H is a grownup and he comes off the same way. It's a personality thing. Teach him to be polite but don't force it. My kid is pretty social but she can come off as shy until she's warmed up too.

    Sentences are hard at two as it comes at different stages. Mine didn't say many sentences at exactly 2 either but now at almost 2.5 in the last 3 weeks she's started spitting out  complete multiple thoughts. If he's otherwise using words and communicating effectively, I'd just let him do it on his time for right now.

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  • BeanNutBeanNut member
    My daughter is also shy and takes a while to warm up to other children (even to the point of putting physical distance between her and them or trying to push them away if they get in her face).  As others said, I think that is just a personality type.

    Regarding speaking in sentences, I don't think that is expected at his age.  My daughter was very early in language development, but I know other kids who are where your son is at.  I would just keep an eye on it, keep reading and talking to him and he will probably be just fine!


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  • BabyBoyNYCBabyBoyNYC member
    same! we started him in preschool in August and I will spy on him on the playground. he runs and chases and laughs with other kids but his teachers say he only will hang out with one other child and doesn't like to be in groups, she called it the only child syndrome. He was with me for the 1st 2 years of his life in lonely NYC so its going to take some time. Its normal for them to parallel play at this age. I also take note of what his peers are doing and its pretty much the same, just kind of wondering around, staring, pouring sand on their heads lol. But I know it can be concerning especially when you meet that one 2 year old that is speaking in full sentences, like "omg what is wrong with my child!?" some kids are just more social. I'm not a social person at all and I'm sure that rubs off on my son.

    also my son has a speech and language therapist that comes twice a week because I was concerned about his language skills, not vocabulary or pronunciation it just seemed like he had difficulty voicing his needs he would just whine. IE came out and said he was fine, I had him tested for ASD like 4 times and everyone said he was fine (paranoid to max mother over here) anyways he still see's her and now I feel like he is fine, he still is having trouble with "me, my and mine" but the sentences are starting, it just kind of happens. Within 4 months my son went from saying only like 10 words to I can't even count how many words he knows and telling me things like "I don't want ____", "I don't like ____", "I want ____" it will come before you know it.
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  • authorofdreamzauthorofdreamz member
    My DD is the same, well a bit worse actually on both points. DD is extremely shy when meeting new people (and by "new" I mean anyone she is not around for long periods of time on a routine basis so this includes extended family as well as "strangers") she will want me to pick her up and hide her face and if people continue to push she will start to cry. She just started doing pre-school and does a bit better there, she warms up to her teacher after about 10 minutes so I have hopes that it will get better. I don't force her to say hello or anything because I think she is too young for that. At this age I don't think it's about being rude or not using manners because I consider it a natural reaction and not a conscious choice. We just try to reassure her that she doesn't need to be scared if mommy and daddy say this person is okay.

    At two years old he should say about 50 words, a "stranger" should understand 50 % of what he says, and he should use meaningful two word sentences. DD is considered speech delayed. She only says about 20 words and only about 20% can be understood by an outsider and she doesn't use two word sentences at all. Her doctor is going to reevaluate her in three months and then decide if we need to take further action.
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