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Babies on the Brain
I'm just going to throw this out there. Long and potentially whiney.
J has been "suspended" from Mother's Day Out. Which is kind of comical except that it's really not. He's biting. 3 separate incidents involving 4 or 5 kids, in the last month and a half. They really could kick him out per policy, but have asked us just to keep him out until December. Which is super nice of them, and I totally get understand it.
BUT...
I'm completely at a loss. At home, we do time out for aggressive behaviors. But he's not really that aggressive. He'll throw shiit and stuff like that, but he doesn't hit or bite us.
It's only at school. I know it's over sharing and today's incident came on the heel's of the pacifier rapture. So I'm sure that is part of it. But I just feel so completely powerless over the whole thing.
I did the guilt crap, because I started this new job around the time that this biting thing got going. It has long hours and a commute and I just feel somehow that it has to do with me not being around as much. Which is probably silly. But still, very real.
I know it's "normal". I know lots of kids do it. I know it's a communication issue.
But I'm really upset about it. And he loves school. And he loves kids. And when he grabs his backpack and says, "cool", we can't go. Until Decemeber, at which point we will probably be starting all over with the whole don't freak out when I leave crap.
Please don't tell me to bite him back. Even if I would (which I won't), I couldn't because it's not me that he's biting. I don't really know what I'm looking for. But there it is. My name is J and have a biter.
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Re: I'm just going to throw this out there. Long and potentially whiney.
((HUGS))
If any parent gives you shitt about it, just point them in my direction.
TTC since 2010
lots of IUIs and 1 IVF all BFNs
FET currently on hold
I'm sorry. I have been there and was lucky that my daycare provider was so patient and willing to work with Henry. I hope J gets over his phase soon
Just did, and responded.
Anna is in this phase too.. only she bites for no reason at all. She will be watching the wonderpets, or playing with a doll and get up walk over to DH or I and bite the *** out of us.
She doesn't go to a real daycare, she stays with my grandma. She also keeps my niece and nephew who are 5 and 3. I don't think it is an issue of picking it up from there.
I honestly think she does it for fun, to get a reaction out of us. I won't bite her back, and there doesn't seem to be anything that makes her do it. So now DH and I are trying to work on not giving her any reaction when she does it.
Thanks. They have a policy of 3 bites, and your are out. We are at incident number 3, bite number 6. I think they are really trying to work with us, but have to do something. Hence the temporary "suspension".
Was there anything in particular that helped with Henry?
WTF would someone suggest biting back? Page Fred she went through something similar. She might be able to help.
You'd be suprised. I've heard it no less than 10 times from various people.
I was going to page Fred, but didn't see her around. I will go ahead and page her anyway. Thanks.
It's just like, really kid? We don't bite you so where did this come from? And then you feel like a bad parent. I know
But you're not, and it will pass. I am just hoping Bennett doesn't go through that phase now.
Thanks so much! In terms of childcare, Mr. J is a SAHD. It's just a Mother's Day Out program. We really just put him in for social purposes and to give Mr. J a little break. So we'll be okay if he doesn't go. And they will hold his spot. It just stinks.
Levi started biting around the time I went to work full time. I cried every time they called. I don't want to sound like I'm scaring you, but his biting lasted 6-7 months and is still sometimes and issue, but only at daycare. We've never had the issue at home, church, family events, etc.
It took until he was able to "reason" with us and we had discussions about feelings and how he can respond to anger. We also starting rewarding (bribing?) his good days. He got to pick the prize (usually it was going to Papa's house).
I can't believe they suspend/kick out, my daycare policy says that it's natural and can take a while. I would also throw a sh!t fit, since there was another kid (the one L generally bit) who kicked and pulled hair but never got written up because it didn't leave marks. L never is the aggressor, it's always in response to something. It took a while to figure out how to talk to him about how to respond to anger/hurt, but we're getting there.
Hang in there. I know the toll it can take on you!
Due 3.1.12
Levi 7.26.09
Wood you? Wood too!
I realize my "he's never the aggressor" could sound like a "my child's a saint." Don't get me wrong there, I know he's not!
I just meant it sounds similar, not just a social bite or a bite to bully, but in response to an outside stimulus.
Due 3.1.12
Levi 7.26.09
Wood you? Wood too!
Although on the other hand, I have my kids in a program now where biting is always a one time incident. It probably has to do with the way the teachers are reacting to him when he bites or them not watching him close enough. If they know it's when he gets frustrated, why don't they intervene before it gets to the biting point? It's going to happen once in awhile, kids do it. Maybe put him in a program where you can be there with him and when you see him get frustrated, you will be there to stop it but he can still get the interaction with other kids.
Fred, thank you thank you thank you.
Very helpful and I will try some of that. Just like y'all, we are really struggling with how to handle it since he doesn't do it at home.
I'm going to meet with the director tomorrow so I can get some more information about everything. I have lots of questions. While I totally understand their position, I want to know the specifics of what is happening when he is biting. Not just, "oh he bit someone on the playground". And I want to know what, if anything, they can do to help work with him when he returns in Decemeber. If you have any thoughts about anything else that I should discuss with her, I'm open to suggestions.
Anyway, thanks for your help.