The four gift rule

homefirstie · October 2013

Does anyone do the four gift rule with school age children? If so, how do you address possible jealousy? Do you have a conversation before they go back to school or wait to see if there are any issues after?

LoveActually4 · October 2013

::googles::

1 thing they want
1 thing they need
1 thing they'll wear
1 thing they'll read

LoveActually4 · October 2013

We don't do it. I think it sounds good but my H and his exW spoil the kids rotten at Christmas. I'm not going to be the evil stepmother who flies in and tries to enforce a 4 gift rule. That would not go over well.....

Nechie122 · October 2013

We celebrate Hanukkah. We have an eight gift rule.

Well, there has to be something redeeming about being one of the only kids in her school not celebrating Christmas ...

thekatie · October 2013

We don't particularly do a 4 gift rule, but if we do anything pricey we don't do a lot of gifts. And for the record, my cheap soul considers a $30 board game expensive, even though $30 by itself isn't necessarily a lot of money. If that makes sense.

I've explained that we don't make the same kinds of money as other families. My mom is a doctor, she has oodles of money, and J knows that she earns more than DH - DH is a cook. He doesn't need to know exact salaries or anything, but stuff like "a doctor will earn more than a cook. Plus, both of K's parents work. I stay at home."

There's always something. K gets no limits (presents, discipline, he really has no limits...) and yet he will pitch a fit if J gets something that K thinks is better than what he got. So jealousy isn't exclusive to kids with limits.

fancynewbeesly · October 2013

We also do the 8 gift rule at Hanukkah.

However, my daughter gets double---DH is Catholic, so have Christmas as well--even though for Christmas it is mostly just smaller things--stocking stuff--playdoh, coloring books and one bigger gift--but not really big if that makes sense.

ILoveBoys · October 2013

We don't have a set rule but we aim for: 1 new toy, 1 new book, 1 new movie and also Santa. We don't do movies for DD yet. She gets things se needs like clothes mixed in bc she's too little to know still lol.

LuckyDad · October 2013

4 gifts? Yeah, maybe from us. But considering DS is the only grandchild on both sides and has aunts and uncles as well... yeah, kid gets spoiled.

LadyXaverian · October 2013

We very loosely follow the "4 gift rule". We do the 4 gifts from us following the want/need/wear/read guideline, but then she gets a few more toys from Santa.

Whatever other people want to get her is up to them. I don't try to set limits because that's not really how gift-giving goes, in my opinion. If they ask, that's a different story, but no one ever has up to this point.

nanabanana06 · October 2013

I think the idea is cute, but my brain cannot process it. I was an only child with parents who worked corporate america. Plus a large extended family on my mom's side and I was the only grandchild on my dad's. Needless to say I only know how to be spoiled and spoil back. We are limiting things a bit since we now have 2 kids and not 1 though. Since I know toys will be covered by my family we'll do more things like books, musical instruments, sensory stuff, ect. So it's kind of the same rule. Santa will still leave them something fun though and their stocking will have fun things as well.

LadyXaverian · October 2013

SunnyDays26 said:

We are going to do a VERY loose version of the 4 gift rule. Our plan is to have the 4 gifts be from me and DH. They would be the 4 gifts wrapped under the tree to open on Christmas morning. We will still do other gifts from Santa, a stocking, and my family tradition of Christmas pjs opened on Christmas Eve. So it wouldn't include any of that.

Yep, this is us exactly.

MsMommy2012 · October 2013

We do one big gift from Santa (a fun toy) and that's all we did last year bc he's the only grandchild on both sides so he gets plenty of stuff. As he gets older we will do something from Santa and then we will probably do the 4 gifts. Obviously we buy him stuff as he needs it, but he's bound to need something around Christmas-- shoes, a new coat, a puzzle/educational toy whatever. I read about people getting car seats for Christmas, I see this category as something like that, not food or medicine.

mom2pottamus · October 2013

Not here. I'll be honest its not something I'm interested in doing. I loved big Christmas mornings growing up and I will do it for my kids...

[Deleted User] · October 2013

The user and all related content has been deleted.

NotSharknado · October 2013

We do not follow that rule. I make sure each kid has the same amount of gifts. I'm not a fan of buying kids what they need on Christmas or birthdays.

LuckyDad · October 2013

pobrecita said:

There will always be some kid that has/gets more, during Christmas and all other times. Life lesson time!

I have a hunch it will be my kid. Restraint and budgets and the holidays are not two things that go together in my wife's family.

LadyXaverian · October 2013

-auntie- said:

I think the 4 gift rule is stupid.

Something they need? WTF? Here honey, mommy got you insulin for Christmas? I buy stuff my kid needs as he needs it.

My kid doesn't particularly care about clothing; to him it's a necessary evil rather than the stuff of gifts. I have bought him the odd college hoodie, a grumpy cat T and a leather jacket over the years, but would never routinely give clothing as a gift.

^:)^

I feel sorry for my own kid now.

And massive eye roll at the insulin example.

LoveActually4 · October 2013

pobrecita said:
We're going to do PJs on Christmas Eve because a) it's cute and b) I love PJs!

We do this and I love it.

[Deleted User] · October 2013

Gee auntie, way to shit all over everything.

I like this idea. My kid will get plenty of toys from her grandparents. To me this is a way to keep my husband from going crazy and it's a nice little tradition.

But apparently I'm a shit mom for giving my kid clothes and shit for Christmas? Lol

missyishere · October 2013

My SD loves getting new threads for Christmas, so I get her a new outfit or two every year. I regret nothing.

Nechie122 · October 2013

As someone who does have eight gift-giving nights to fill, I think people are getting a little too hung up on the word "need." Just because it's a "need" doesn't mean it can't be fun; pajamas and slippers are good examples. Or DH "needed" a new laptop bag but he didn't "need" one from Tumi. That's what made it a gift. Same thing with sports equipment or other hobbies. We can't give iPads all eight nights. By night seven, it might be those high thread-count sheets we were eyeing but couldn't quite pull the trigger on.

[Deleted User] · October 2013

I don't know how realistic it is, but I'd like to keep Christmas gift-giving between the household small. Like we each get each other something, and she gets a gift from Santa. Grandparents can do whatever they want, but I'd like to keep Christmas morning at the house sane and expectations reasonable.

chardonnay24 · October 2013

overture said:

I don't know how realistic it is, but I'd like to keep Christmas gift-giving between the household small. Like we each get each other something, and she gets a gift from Santa. Grandparents can do whatever they want, but I'd like to keep Christmas morning at the house sane and expectations reasonable.

This is where we're at, too. I'm not going to follow the 4 gift rule necessarily, but we try to keep Christmas small. He gets a big gift from Santa, a couple little things from us, and Christmas pajamas and a book on Christmas Eve. Christmas at my ILs is INSANE and the kids are ungrateful little brats. I don't want that to happen, so we're going to try to keep it small.

fancynewbeesly · October 2013

The way that I stretch out the 8 gifts for Hanukkah is give her different sets of the same thing.

For example, one night she will be getting the loving family dollhouse and for the next 4 nights, she will get a furniture/room set a night. She is also getting the tag reader one night and a tag book the next night.

LoveActually4 · October 2013

andrea99 said:
I'll stop after I post this. Another reason we like it is because SD literally has four parents, each with their own parents (BM and SF's parents are divorced), so she gets about six Christmases. She's not lacking in the family gift department. Although I certainly wouldn't hold it against anyone who wanted to make up for a different family situation

This is us, my SKs get 2 full Christmases. SD only asks for clothes.

We do get the kids some "needs": PJs, basketball/soccer/tennis shoes (usually nice flashy ones), winter hats/mitts/scarves, stuff for their sports (tennis/golf balls, socks, running gear), etc. but we don't use any type of formula to mandate how many gifts they get or what type they are.

klondikebar · October 2013

We don't stick to a limit. We just eyeball it. I don't care how little or much anyone else buys though. The line between needs and wants can get fuzzy, especially as kids get older.

DD could use a new pair of boots. She doesn't desperately require them and definitely doesn't need the expensive ones she has her eye on. Boom. Present.

Buy within your budget, pick out stuff your kid will like and put a bow on it.

pinitbaby · October 2013

I've never heard of this 4 gift rule..but it sounds like something I could do though I might make it 2 gifts for each category. My kids are 14, 12, 8 and 1 and I never know what to get the older ones! This guideline seems like it'll be great for me

flyingsaucer · October 2013

HilarityEnsued said:

Oh well my kid will only be getting presents from Santa on Christmas. Nothing from DH and me. His birthday is 3 weeks later so we will get him presents fr.

Fuck that! Santa gets credit for one big gift for each kid. Mommy and Daddy work hard and use those hard earned dollars to get the rest.

Dubwife79 · October 2013

I have conflicted feelings on this. When my dad was alive Christmas was obscene in my house. I was only 3 weeks old on my first Christmas and my mom still likes to tell the story of my dad wrestling 3 carts through the check out of tru. The cashier asked how many kids he had and when he said 1 she, according to my mom, dam near passed out. Looking back now, I realize how much my mom struggled trying to keep it up after my dad died. I want my kid to have at least of few years of feeling the magic of Christmas morning if we can manage it. I think if I can teach her to be charitable throughout the rest of the year and to not be aw-y and braggy about it then maybe it's ok.

Tl;dr version: I'm out for the 4 things.

pinitbaby · October 2013

I also think I'll do stockings for the kids. I LOVED waking up to a full stocking, they usually had all the cool little things I could use at school like a mini stapler or whatever..man I miss being a kid!!

CurlyQ284 · October 2013

We set an equal budget for all three kids and stick to that budget. Sometimes that means a different number of gifts but they know how much things cost and I think they get it.

missmodeste · October 2013

I grew up with obscene Christmases and so will my kids. I love the magic of Santa and Christmas. I'm done shopping but I just clicked checkout at Amazon on a few other awesome things.

I'm pretty sure this is a new fad/bump phenomena. We don't do elf on the shelf either....yet.

My DH and I love the toys as much as our kids so we have a blast picking things out. All gifts come from Santa and two sets of grandparents. Crappy uninvolved Uncles so I guess I make up for it by keeping amazon and wrapping paper companies in business.

pinitbaby · October 2013

missmodeste said:
I grew up with obscene Christmases and so will my kids. I love the magic of Santa and Christmas. I'm done shopping but I just clicked checkout at Amazon on a few other awesome things.

I'm pretty sure this is a new fad/bump phenomena. We don't do elf on the shelf either....yet.

My DH and I love the toys as much as our kids so we have a blast picking things out. All gifts come from Santa and two sets of grandparents. Crappy uninvolved Uncles so I guess I make up for it by keeping amazon and wrapping paper companies in business.

What's Elf on the shelf? I saw it at the book store in the mall the other day but didn't stop to check it out lol

JackoftheBox · October 2013

SunnyDays26 said:

We are going to do a VERY loose version of the 4 gift rule. Our plan is to have the 4 gifts be from me and DH. They would be the 4 gifts wrapped under the tree to open on Christmas morning. We will still do other gifts from Santa, a stocking, and my family tradition of Christmas pjs opened on Christmas Eve. So it wouldn't include any of that. Plus, DS is majorly spoiled by our family, so he'll get a ton of gifts from everyone else. Knowing all the extras he will be getting, I think going by the 4 gift idea will help me hold back on buying too much for Christmas morning. I'll see how it goes this year.

We are doing exactly this!! I get so excited buying the Christmas pjs (we also do a book for bedtime).

So far I'm doing good. We have a pillow pet, sneakers, a puzzle, and a child's basketball hoop. I really just need to get stocking stuffers and his gift from santa.

ASmallWonder · October 2013

We don't have a limit for ourselves or other people but we (and we ask that the grandparents) buy with purpose. This was more an issue with my mother who views every holiday as a chance to go all Supermarket Sweep and buy ALL THE THINGS. It's like she runs through the store and throws everything that catches her eye into a cart and we end up with tons of useless shit, poor quality shit that breaks within a minute of setting eyes on it or things that are so age inappropriate that they're unsafe. Wasting money like that kills me. I don't care if anyone wants to buy the boys several things, even if they're expensive, as long as the reason they bought it is because they genuinely thought they'd like it - not simply because it exists.

mom2pottamus · October 2013

Dude, its Christmas. However many gifts you want to buy, have at it.

missyishere · October 2013

Sterling13 said:
I'm all over the place love titting things in this post. If you want and can do a million presents go for it. It you want to do four go for it. I think Christmas is magical for all kinds of reasons and the number of presents has very little to do with it.

My favorite part of Christmas is the company. Andplusalso, cookies.

missyishere · October 2013

gift [gift] Show IPA

—noun

something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance; present.
the act of giving.

missyishere · October 2013

HilarityEnsued said:

Unless you are giving home-baked goods to someone... because then they are thrown out, apparently.

Sad.

I'll eat all of them; dirty hands, sneezed on all of them.

thebanich · October 2013

We tried this last year and failed. I am stressing out already about the sheer amount of stuff the kids will get from grandparents. They have 4 sets of grandparents and 2 sets of great grand parents.

amberdanielle68845 · October 2013

ThisIsBrea said:

DH relies on the fact that his mom buys him underwear and under shirts every year. He will not buy them himself because of this. I see nothing wrong with getting little stuff like this to go along with the goodies.

My brothers are 42 and 38, a couple years ago when my mom didn't buy them socks and underwear for Christmas they freaked! That is the one gift they can count on and thus never buy it themselves. It seems annoying as a child but as an adult it's helpful.

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