My LO only wants to sleep either cuddled up beside me or on top of me. Obviously I'm not getting any sleep bc I am terrified if something happening to him. How can I modify this situation so he still feels close to me (and sleeps!) but is also safe?
I have a co-sleeper but haven't put it in our bed yet, I use it in the living room for daytime naps. I like the swaddle idea. Elias loves sleeping in our bed, but I won't let him in there until after FI has gone to work so I can put him on his side of the bed rather than in between us.
@brandontricia I definitely understand that and am trying to get him more comfortable in his PnP. It's just about the only place he won't sleep... Ugh!
Co-Sleeping can be completely safe if done properly. Plus, there are actually a lot of benefits to it. Babies tend to sleep better when they are near their mothers. Infants pass from deep sleep into light sleep about once an hour. When the baby goes through this vulnerable waking period and realizes that you are close, it can prevent them from fully awakening and helps them to resettle. Also, breastfeeding is a lot easier when you are sharing a bed. The physical contact and more frequent nursing that happens during co-sleeping helps your milk supply stay up and helps milk production due to the hormones that are released. As for the danger of co-sleeping and SIDS, some research has shown that when you co-sleep you act as a respiratory pacemaker for your baby and can actually help prevent SIDS. If you completely don't feel comfortable about co-sleeping then I would recommend getting the Arms Reach Sleeper. It is great!
Bed sharing can be done very safely. We have shared with all of our kids. People have been sleeping with their babies for as long as we've been around. Do research and do what is best for your family.
DD1 | Jan 2009 DD2 | June 2011 DS1 | Oct 2013 ADD3 | Oct 2014 (April 2001) DS2 | June 2016 DS3 | Dec 2018
and to OP, i dont know if your packnplay is very large or if it has a smaller bassinet inside, but some babies dont like the huge feeling of the large part. try something smaller , and put a heating pad in it to warm it first
Bed sharing is not only completely safe if done correctly, but is beneficial to both mom and baby. Both will sleep better, the ease of breast feeding, the bonding for all involved with the baby and it makes it easier for mom or dad to react to baby.
BUT, like everyone has said, it needs to be done safely. No extra blankets or pillows, if mom or dad are overly tired or sleep too deeply, then baby needs to sleep else where. Baby needs to be on a flat surface, no pillow top beds, feather toppers, etc.
We have safely slept with all our children and currently do with our son. We did this until they were more mobile and crawling. At that point it was safer for them to be in their cribs.
Bed sharing is not for everyone and that is fine, but when done safely can be a great experience for all involved.
@CousinVicki I think you are right about it being just too big. He likes to feel snuggled. We don't have a smaller attachment though, it's just essentially the floor of the PnP adjusted higher. Didn't think we'd need all those high falootin' extras, haha! I thought for sure this baby would be low key!
Our DH (18 days old) HATES the co-sleeper. She will not sleep in it, but seems to feel more comfortable in the RnP. We bed shared for the first 16 days, but the past two nights we have really tried to have her sleep in the RnP so that I can catch up on some sleep (even though she ends up in the bed anyway). Plus, she loves sleeping with her face smashed in my boob, and that makes me nervous. She seems to like the more snuggly feeling of the RnP. Do you have one that you could try?
We have this little bouncy hammock-y type thing that he sleeps really well in, but it's not even a foot off the floor so I worry that he'd get cold and that the dumb dog would try to lick him all night long. The dog would never hurt him but he sure would pester him half to death.
Thanks for asking and sharing ladies this is exactly where we are at too. My DH thinks we should buy a cosleeper. The bassinet is right next to the bed but just not working and she loves her hands so despite the tight swaddled she works her hands loose. In minutes she's fussing and crying and me sticking my hand in does not soothe her.
We have a memory foam matress which makes me nervous. I am ready to buy a brand new mattress, but clearly my hormones are messing with my normally rational behavior. Usually DH is the one who rushes to buy things for a quick fix and I want to wait and see.
@crunchymama11 Any specific sites we should read? Google is overwhelming me right now. DH is not as open to the plan of just keeping her next to me.
DH had to stop at Target on the way home from the Pedi on day 3 to buy a co-sleeper. We got the summer by your side sleeper. It was seriously an emergency purchase after a totally sleepless night and it has been a lifesaver. She is still nursing for most of the night and for that we are laying stomach to stomach in the bed but when she finishes and I feel myself starting to nod off I deposit her into the co-sleeper. It is not long before she needs out to nurse again, but it is working way better than the pack n play, which is currently functioning as a changing table.
If you have a convertible crib and want to save a few bucks, just take the side off your crib, adjust the mattress to bed-height, and secure the legs of the crib (tightly!) to your bedframe with some ratchet tie downs. Wallah, instant co-sleeper.
FTR, we are a bedsharing family, but briefly did this when transitioning DS to his crib.
I have found that putting the RnP beside the bed helps and if he starts to fuss I just put my hand on his chest or belly and it calms him right down. So he is sleeping safely but knows that I am near.
Dr. Jay Gordon's website has good info for safe bedsharing. We have our pillows under our fitted sheet and only sleep with a light blanket pulled waist high. I sleep without a top. LO sleeps on my side with a bedrail . She usually sleeps in the crook of my arm. I bedshared with DD1too. Better to prepare for safe bedsharing than do it out of desperation. We had no issues getting DD1 out of our bed at 7 months but we still do family nap time every weekend and it's the best nap ever. I love bedsharing.
Francesca Pearl is here! Josephine Hope is almost 3!
We use a snuggle nest. I put it between me and the side of the bed and sleep in the middle. I can easily keep my hand on him when he stirs just a little bit to help him go back to sleep or let him hold my finger or pop a pacifier in. It's easy to get him in and out for nursing and I feel like he's safer in this than in my bed. When he starts to roll we'll use the crib next to my bed.
I would try and avoid having LO sleep with you ( they will always prefer it, because they have been with you for 9 months) . My husband is very against it because he has seen 2 cases this year where babies have died from positional asphyxiation. The first was actually moms body and the second was her pillow that suffocated the baby.
Sorry to be morbid, but there is a reason Drs don't suggest bed sharing.
This. I'm kind of shocked at all of the other responses in this thread.
I would try and avoid having LO sleep with you ( they will always prefer it, because they have been with you for 9 months) . My husband is very against it because he has seen 2 cases this year where babies have died from positional asphyxiation. The first was actually moms body and the second was her pillow that suffocated the baby.
Sorry to be morbid, but there is a reason Drs don't suggest bed sharing.
This. I'm kind of shocked at all of the other responses in this thread.
Second all this. My husband has had to tell really good, responsible parents who were not drug users or alcoholics that they have accidentally killed their kids due to positional asphyxiation. It would ruin my life to kill my kid by suffocation. Because there is a greater chance of doing this if we are bed sharing, we will not bed share. The "safe bed sharing" tips minimize the risk--but the risk is still higher than when baby is sleeping alone. Besides, one of the big "no nos" of bed sharing is doing it when you are tired--I can't imagine that any of us can honestly say we are not tired right now with brand new little ones...
That said, we absolutely believe in the benefits of co-sleeping, which just means sleeping in the same room as your little one. Some people mistakenly think the AAP's recommendation that parents co-sleep means that they support bed sharing--but these are completely different terms. Our kids sleep in our room in a pack n play next to my side of the bed, with a little fan citculatig the air around their crib for the first 6 months, until the SIDS risk is greatly reduced.
There is no way I would have our baby sleep in the bed with us unless it was some sort of emergency situation where there was nowhere else for her to sleep--and then I would stay awake to watch over her. On a regular basis? Nope. My husband rolls over onto me in his sleep and smacks/elbows/kicks me. And I'm a heavy enough sleeper sometimes that I wouldn't trust myself, either. Just...nothing about this idea seems wise to me.
And as far as the "babies have been sleeping with their parents for centuries" thing, well, yeah, but babies have been dying of asphyxiation for centuries because of that, too. That's like when people say, "We all grew up not wearing bicycle helmets and we're still here." Yep, we're still here. The kids who died of head injuries are not. Duh.
Couldn`t have said it any better than this. I was wondering if I was the crazy one reading all these `bed sharing is okay as long as you do it right` posts...I thought it was a complete no-no to bed share because of the dangers and high chances of asphyxiation. Glad to see I`m not alone in these thoughts!
So many people use rnp for sleep now and nothing I've read says they are safe for sleep. They go against half of the recommendations for safe sleep, and there haven't been any studies published on their safety. Evidently babies sleep so well in these, but are they really safe? Thoughts? Babies sleep well in car seats, with mom and lots of snuggly covers as well , until they don't anymore.
There is no way I would have our baby sleep in the bed with us unless it was some sort of emergency situation where there was nowhere else for her to sleep--and then I would stay awake to watch over her. On a regular basis? Nope. My husband rolls over onto me in his sleep and smacks/elbows/kicks me. And I'm a heavy enough sleeper sometimes that I wouldn't trust myself, either. Just...nothing about this idea seems wise to me.
And as far as the "babies have been sleeping with their parents for centuries" thing, well, yeah, but babies have been dying of asphyxiation for centuries because of that, too. That's like when people say, "We all grew up not wearing bicycle helmets and we're still here." Yep, we're still here. The kids who died of head injuries are not. Duh.
yes and amen. This is exactly my feeling. DH feels even stronger about it than I do. It is totally not worth the risk. She slept in a little cradle/bassinet thing next to our bed for the first few weeks. We just moved her to her big crib in her nursery. Making things easy and more comfortable for myself is not what being a parent is. So, yes if for some crazy reason there was absolutely no other option for her to sleep than in my bed with me I would stay up and watch her, or watch TV or something. There is no way I would go to sleep. I highly recommend getting a PNP or bassinet or something if you want her in your room. But, please not in your bed.
Our LO hated the pack n play, cosleeper, sleep nest and RNP, I have been swaddling her and letting her sleep on my chest. I am a crazy light sleeper and keep blankets to my waist, I'm far from the edge of my bed and my DH stays on his side. We have been doing this all week, LO is 8 days old today and last night I was able to transition her to RNP for about 3 hours. My pediatrician was actually supportive of this in the short term because I'm being so careful and because LO wasn't ready to be on her own. I'm now planning to extend her time in the RNP each night. Good luck!
So many people use rnp for sleep now and nothing I've read says they are safe for sleep. They go against half of the recommendations for safe sleep, and there haven't been any studies published on their safety. Evidently babies sleep so well in these, but are they really safe? Thoughts? Babies sleep well in car seats, with mom and lots of snuggly covers as well , until they don't anymore.
The pediatricians I have spoken to regarding the safety of rock n plays say that the fact that babies "sleep so deeply" in the rock n plays is what makes them so unsafe. Infants are not designed to sleep soundly without waking for 5 or 6 hours at just a few weeks of age. Many experts think that infants' ability to rouse easily and not sleep very deeply keeps them breathing, even though their respiratory system is still somewhat immature.
If you create an "unnatural environment" that artificially encourages a deeper/longer sleep than a baby is developmentally ready for, they could literally sleep so deeply they forget/don't have the natural instinct to breathe. That is why rock n plays are not considered safe for overnight sleep or really any sleep that is not being actively supervised.
Those of you who are adamantly against cosleeping; what do you recommend when your LO will not fall asleep or stay asleep in the rnp, pnp, bouncer, bassinet? I'm just curious. My LO will not sleep at night in any if those for longer than 30 minutes. I have co-slept using all the precautions and he slept for 2+ hours.
This is quoted from the article cited above re: "safer bedsharing practices." Aside from the risk of actually suffocating your baby, would you and or your spouse be able to forgive yourself/each other if your baby truly died of SIDS, not suffocation, but they were in your bed at the time and so the medical professionals couldn't 100 percent "rule out" human error as a cause of death?
"It may be important to consider or reflect on whether you would think that you suffocated your baby if, under the most unlikely scenario, your baby died from SIDS while in your bed. Just as babies can die from SIDS in a risk free solitary sleep environment, it remains possible for a baby to die in a risk-free cosleeping/bed sharing environment. Just make sure, as much as this is possible, that you would not assume that , if the baby died, that either you or your spouse would think that bed-sharing contributed to the death, or that one of your really suffocated (by accident) the infant. It is worth thinking about."
I know that my marriage is very strong. But if My husband had been bed sharing with our baby and he died during the night for unknown reasons, I don't know how I would ever be able to work with him through that. And I sure he would feel the same regarding me...
We are naturally risk-averse people, so we don't practice bed sharing.
But if you're asking me what to do if your newborn baby won't sleep for more than a half hour at a time? Then I'd say deal with it, he's a newborn baby, they're known for doing that sometimes. I mean, if you want to bedshare with your tiny baby, if you feel that the benefit of him and you getting a couple of hours of sleep at a time right now outweigh the risks, then that's your business. I'm just saying I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't be able to sleep with the worry, and if somehow I did and the worst happened, I'd never be able to sleep again. That's me.
I have no problem with the amount of sleep and I am dealing with it. He's 3 weeks old and a baby, so it's expected for the next 10 years... I was moreso inquiring how others have mentioned heating pads prior to laying them down and using a blanket with your scent, etc. I'm curious what other tactics have worked.
I was honestly shocked with the amount of people who were supporting this (with all the benefits they were listing, sounding very selfish). The infant where my husband had to go out and investigate an unattended death where the mother was bed sharing (was actually following most of the "safe" guidelines you ladies have listed) and her chest actually suffocated her 8 week old infant. She was devastated!
I told my husband about all the posts on here of people supporting this. He said that "sure, probably a lot of the times bed sharing works (and the parents get more sleep and nothing happens), but could you live with yourself if you killed or suffocated your LO because they slept better and it was more convenient for you? If the answer is yes and you are okay with the consequences, then do what you feel is right. You are the only one that has to live with that burden."
We as a family will be co sleeping. It is a choice we are comfortable with and I can live with that decision.
And again- babies die in their cribs and PNPs! just because a baby is sleeping by themselves does not mean the baby won't die! There are more SIDS cases with the baby in a crib than being suffocated by the parents!
I don't want to be rude, because you clearly are passionate about bed sharing. But the reason there are more SIDS cases where baby is sleeping in the crib than with their parents is that most parents try to follow the AAP's safe sleep recommendations and don't bed share. So, the absolute number of kids who die in their parent's bed vs. in their cribs doesn't say anything--the real question would be the percentage of each that result in infant death. And that is currently unknowable.
I know you believe your personal experience with your daughter supports your bed sharing position. But I don't think you could find a NICU doctor or any pediatric specialist in dealing with apnea in infants who would say they a high-risk infant with demonstrated apnea should bedshare... That just wouldn't be backed up by any research that is currently published.
That said, it worked for you. And it will work for many people. But, statistics indisputably show that more babies die in bed-sharing situations than those who had their own sleep space.
I have a co sleeper and she sleeps vey well in it ... Until its bedtime for us! Then she wakes up at night for her feedings and will wake up when put back in her co sleeper (she prefers to be held).Sometimes I don't think she is even that hungry she just wants to feel me next to her . I was so desperate other night that I put her in her sleeper and put my foot in the sleeper to see if I could trick her into thinking that she was next to me ... Lol it didn't work! So hopefully if you get one you won't run into the same problem. I have accepted that this might be a temporary issue until we can get on a shedule .. Until then I am trying to sleep when she sleeps.
Thank you everyone, these responses have been very thoughtful and full of great information. Even though I was taking every precaution I could last night, it's still not a practice that I or my husband are very comfortable with at this point. Hopefully he'll get through this crazy phase relatively shortly and find his rhythm at night. I know he's still so young and we have a way to go, but everyone else survives it somehow or another, and we will too!
I have literally flipped my schedule. My pediatrician said that he should eventually switch over to a normal sleep schedule in a few weeks so I'm just waiting until then. I sleep from about 5 in the morning, when DH takes his shift, to about 3 pm waking every 2-3 hours to feed. It is still really difficult to stay awake through the night so when I feel my eyes getting heavy I set him in the pnp with a paci and I'm able to get small cat naps between leaning over to replace the paci.
I'm mobile so forgive me jumping around and/or weird wording.
Do it safely, etc. somebody above mentioned the ebf babies are safer and that's because the hormones released while bf more finely tunes the "mothers instinct" of lightly sleeping to keep watch over your baby.
And I definitely ditto that babies die--whether sleeping alone or in moms bed. Having them die alone would cause just as many "what ifs" as if baby died in moms bed.
Somebody above mentioned also something about AAP...that's also just in the US. Babies around the world bed share and have fewer cases of SIDS.
Bed sharing promotes longer/full term breast feeding, which to me, is healthier than the risks of safe-bed sharing.
Somebody also mentioned "we're al tired"--- false. I am getting some of the best sleep I have had on months. I have a 4 day old, and I am in bed approx 10pm-10am, with a nap somewhere in between as well. Since we're still getting the hang of breastfeeding- I do get out of bed to feed him, but I imagine soon I'll be able to stay in bed the whole time. Being rested allows me to be a better mom, IMO.
I think I covered most points? If not, ask! I am also super passionate about bed sharing, almost as much as I am about breastfeeding----and rear facing car seats.
I use the RnP at night and swaddle him tight and place rolled blankets around him. It's just like my arms!
Wow--the way you have described this, it really does not seem safe. You should definitely ask your pediatrician whether this is recmmended.
Yeah I have a way of describing things in a shitty manner. I just swaddle him and take two light Gerber receiving blankets and roll them...like they do at the hospital to keep them on their sides. I place them on either side of his arms under the soft liner of the RnP. They don't go anywhere near his face. Just to keep him a little more snug. My pedi said it was fine...he sleeps great I have to say! The RnP was definitely a life saver...literally because of his reflux issues due to his cleft palate. Hope this makes a little more sense?
Re: Bed sharing
@brandontricia I definitely understand that and am trying to get him more comfortable in his PnP. It's just about the only place he won't sleep... Ugh!
DD2 | June 2011
DS1 | Oct 2013
ADD3 | Oct 2014 (April 2001)
DS2 | June 2016
DS3 | Dec 2018
Due with baby blob August 2021
BUT, like everyone has said, it needs to be done safely. No extra blankets or pillows, if mom or dad are overly tired or sleep too deeply, then baby needs to sleep else where. Baby needs to be on a flat surface, no pillow top beds, feather toppers, etc.
We have safely slept with all our children and currently do with our son. We did this until they were more mobile and crawling. At that point it was safer for them to be in their cribs.
Bed sharing is not for everyone and that is fine, but when done safely can be a great experience for all involved.
*BFP #1- 11/12/12, m/c 11/16/12 @ 6 weeks
*BFP #2- 1/23/13 EDD 10/4/13
*Emma Rose: 10/8/13
*BFP #3- EDD 03/9/16
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We have this little bouncy hammock-y type thing that he sleeps really well in, but it's not even a foot off the floor so I worry that he'd get cold and that the dumb dog would try to lick him all night long. The dog would never hurt him but he sure would pester him half to death.
We have a memory foam matress which makes me nervous. I am ready to buy a brand new mattress, but clearly my hormones are messing with my normally rational behavior. Usually DH is the one who rushes to buy things for a quick fix and I want to wait and see.
@crunchymama11 Any specific sites we should read? Google is overwhelming me right now. DH is not as open to the plan of just keeping her next to me.
FTR, we are a bedsharing family, but briefly did this when transitioning DS to his crib.
Francesca Pearl is here! Josephine Hope is almost 3!
That said, we absolutely believe in the benefits of co-sleeping, which just means sleeping in the same room as your little one. Some people mistakenly think the AAP's recommendation that parents co-sleep means that they support bed sharing--but these are completely different terms. Our kids sleep in our room in a pack n play next to my side of the bed, with a little fan citculatig the air around their crib for the first 6 months, until the SIDS risk is greatly reduced.
If you create an "unnatural environment" that artificially encourages a deeper/longer sleep than a baby is developmentally ready for, they could literally sleep so deeply they forget/don't have the natural instinct to breathe. That is why rock n plays are not considered safe for overnight sleep or really any sleep that is not being actively supervised.
I'm just curious. My LO will not sleep at night in any if those for longer than 30 minutes. I have co-slept using all the precautions and he slept for 2+ hours.
"It may be important to consider or reflect on whether you would think that you suffocated your baby if, under the most unlikely scenario, your baby died from SIDS while in your bed. Just as babies can die from SIDS in a risk free solitary sleep environment, it remains possible for a baby to die in a risk-free cosleeping/bed sharing environment. Just make sure, as much as this is possible, that you would not assume that , if the baby died, that either you or your spouse would think that bed-sharing contributed to the death, or that one of your really suffocated (by accident) the infant. It is worth thinking about."
I know that my marriage is very strong. But if My husband had been bed sharing with our baby and he died during the night for unknown reasons, I don't know how I would ever be able to work with him through that. And I sure he would feel the same regarding me...
We are naturally risk-averse people, so we don't practice bed sharing.
I haven't researched this in depth, since we will never do it, but I didn't see this caveat in any of the prior posts.
I was moreso inquiring how others have mentioned heating pads prior to laying them down and using a blanket with your scent, etc. I'm curious what other tactics have worked.
I don't want to be rude, because you clearly are passionate about bed sharing. But the reason there are more SIDS cases where baby is sleeping in the crib than with their parents is that most parents try to follow the AAP's safe sleep recommendations and don't bed share. So, the absolute number of kids who die in their parent's bed vs. in their cribs doesn't say anything--the real question would be the percentage of each that result in infant death. And that is currently unknowable.
I know you believe your personal experience with your daughter supports your bed sharing position. But I don't think you could find a NICU doctor or any pediatric specialist in dealing with apnea in infants who would say they a high-risk infant with demonstrated apnea should bedshare... That just wouldn't be backed up by any research that is currently published.
That said, it worked for you. And it will work for many people. But, statistics indisputably show that more babies die in bed-sharing situations than those who had their own sleep space.
So hopefully if you get one you won't run into the same problem. I have accepted that this might be a temporary issue until we can get on a shedule .. Until then I am trying to sleep when she sleeps.
I'm mobile so forgive me jumping around and/or weird wording.
Do it safely, etc. somebody above mentioned the ebf babies are safer and that's because the hormones released while bf more finely tunes the "mothers instinct" of lightly sleeping to keep watch over your baby.
And I definitely ditto that babies die--whether sleeping alone or in moms bed. Having them die alone would cause just as many "what ifs" as if baby died in moms bed.
Somebody above mentioned also something about AAP...that's also just in the US. Babies around the world bed share and have fewer cases of SIDS.
Bed sharing promotes longer/full term breast feeding, which to me, is healthier than the risks of safe-bed sharing.
Somebody also mentioned "we're al tired"--- false. I am getting some of the best sleep I have had on months. I have a 4 day old, and I am in bed approx 10pm-10am, with a nap somewhere in between as well. Since we're still getting the hang of breastfeeding- I do get out of bed to feed him, but I imagine soon I'll be able to stay in bed the whole time. Being rested allows me to be a better mom, IMO.
I think I covered most points? If not, ask! I am also super passionate about bed sharing, almost as much as I am about breastfeeding----and rear facing car seats.
That's some really useful info...thanks!