Community› The Bump Month Clubs› November 2013 Moms
November 2013 Moms
New Discussion

Argument Between DH and I. Advice Appreciated.

MytarasMytaras member
edited October 2013 in November 2013 Moms
So DH and I just started watching Modern Family last week. He instantly saw Julie Bowen and said I know her from another TV show I use to watch a few years back. We looked her up on my phone and the other show and that was that.

So I'm looking at the Internet on his phone last night trying to google the number to our pizza place. I noticed in the google bar history he looked up 'Julie Bowen hot 'photos. So then I went to history and he looked at like 300 bikini photos of this women. With me feeling like a huge unattractive cow lately, I obviously feel insecure. But decide to just show him I found it and make a joke about it and move on because I can't be bothered to care that much about him looking at pics.

The problem is, when I show him and say ooh no wonder you were asking questions about her, you think she's hot! He immediately says I have no idea how that got on my phone I didn't google that. Ummm it's one thing to do it, but lying about it is what's going to get you in trouble. Long story short he completely denies googling it and says it must have been a guy at work.

Now I get extremely frustrated because the lying. We get in a huge fight. Which mostly consists of me yelling and him defending or staying silent and saying he has NO clue how it got in his history. Then the pathetic part, I tell him to sleep on the couch then call him back up 30 min later because I'm lonely and hurt and want him to comfort me. I feel so weak. So now I've just allowed him to lie to me and there is no way he will ever tell the truth about it. I've set the boundaries pretty low by just letting it go.

Would you suggest I just let it go and it's not worth it, or should I attempt talking about it again. And just to confirm its not the photos (men will be men I guess) its the lying that urks me.
Report Reply to Post

Re: Argument Between DH and I. Advice Appreciated.

  • SweetLaura286SweetLaura286 member
    I agree that it seems beyond likely that he did look it up.. Which personally would not bother me in the slightest. But is there ANY possible way he's telling the truth that he didn't do it? It just seems like something silly to lie about. Then fight for so long about. But some people feel differently than I do about that stuff. :/
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • MytarasMytaras member
    You're right it is totally silly to fight about it! If it was really someone from work, it would be sooo weird that we were just talking about her and then 2 days later someone from work randomly used his phone to search photos of her. Yeah the pictures thing doesn't really bother me too much. But lying realllly irritates me. At the very beginning of our relationship he use to lie about insignificant things and I'd find out and eventually he would tell the truth. He got better though. It feels like he is going back to his old ways a little. I'm probably hormonal and emotional though. Maybe he just would feel really bad hurting me by looking at other hot woman because I'm pregnant? I don't know.
    Report Reply
  • 3Dewdrops3Dewdrops member
    Is there a way to check the times on internet history on a phone?  I don't know anything about how a phone browser works.  The lying would make me lose it but it would help if you had "proof" that it had to be him. Otherwise it doesn't sound like he'll own up to it if it was him. Good luck with this.  I would have reacted the same way.  Do you think he's guilty and denying it to save your feelings or is lying a common occurrence?  I think that makes a difference on how big of a deal to make about it.  

    My exH was a pathological liar, big time, so I think I'm oversensitive to lying.  He lied about the dumbest things ever, daily.
    Report Reply
  • MytarasMytaras member
    LoveOfMikesLife said:

    I would handle that by saying that you don't care that it's on his phone you just noticed it and brought it up. Maybe if he knows he won't get in trouble for looking at them he will admit to it? I would also make it clear that lying is way worse than looking at bikini pictures.

    Yeah I probably should make it more clear that Im not upset about the pictures. I did explain to him (like explaining to a 4 year old) lying make it worse. But I def could give this another shot! Thanks :)
    Report Reply
  • MytarasMytaras member
    edited October 2013
    3Dewdrops said:

    Is there a way to check the times on internet history on a phone?  I don't know anything about how a phone browser works.  The lying would make me lose it but it would help if you had "proof" that it had to be him. Otherwise it doesn't sound like he'll own up to it if it was him. Good luck with this.  I would have reacted the same way.  Do you think he's guilty and denying it to save your feelings or is lying a common occurrence?  I think that makes a difference on how big of a deal to make about it.  


    My exH was a pathological liar, big time, so I think I'm oversensitive to lying.  He lied about the dumbest things ever, daily.

    That's a good idea, Im not sure if there is a way to find times on the search. He probably would continue to lie. It was a common occurrence which makes me over sensitive about it as well. But it got so much better. Now I'm thinking why are you lying about dumb shit again!? I think you're right on the money about lying to save my feelings though. Nice to know someone else would be pissed at this situation too.
    Report Reply
  • MytarasMytaras member
    wedding06 said:

    I would probably let it go. It is a really insignificant thing to lie about. And he may or may not be lying. I would try to get over it if I were you and not let it waste any more space in my brain.

    Thank you. I try to ask myself, is this something I would be this worked up over if I was 37 weeks pregnant and on bedrest? Then when I couldn't figure it out, I thought I'd ask you guys. I'm probably over reacting.
    Report Reply
  • MytarasMytaras member
    SweetLaura286 said:

    Mytaras said:

    You're right it is totally silly to fight about it! If it was really someone from work, it would be sooo weird that we were just talking about her and then 2 days later someone from work randomly used his phone to search photos of her. Yeah the pictures thing doesn't really bother me too much. But lying realllly irritates me. At the very beginning of our relationship he use to lie about insignificant things and I'd find out and eventually he would tell the truth. He got better though. It feels like he is going back to his old ways a little. I'm probably hormonal and emotional though. Maybe he just would feel really bad hurting me by looking at other hot woman because I'm pregnant? I don't know.

    I can guarantee that is where your feelings stem from. You've been burned before by little lies.. And that is the last thing you need to deal with 9months pregnant and hormonal/emotional.

    If I was in the situation I think I would ultimately let it go but just tell my DH.. Without fighting and without even wanting to discuss it further.. how it made me feel thinking he was lying to me. How terrible it felt. How it made me feel like in the past when he did things like that.. And how important trust is. And I personally would say all of that with the attitude that somehow magically he is not lying and that if he says he didn't do it then he didn't do it.
    That's great advice. I'm going to do this and then let it go. Thank you!!
    Report Reply
  • jennifertewartjennifertewart member
    I would just let him know that you are mad about the lying part not the pictures part if you still cannot let it go... but I wouldn't really worry about it, he is probably more embarrassed than actually trying to hide it from you.

    I am just surprised he wasn't googling Sophia Vergara :) Haha
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • hollowwayhollowway member
    I'd let it go. Its not like he was checking out hot pictures of his ex. Its a celebrity. We all do it. Maybe when you were looking up who she was, Google suggested the search for "hot" pictures. I know my phone suggests stuff like that all the time.

    On another note, now I want to go Google her...

    MMC 01/26/12 

    MC 12/25/12, D&C 01/05/13

    BFP 03/05/13, EDD 11/12/13. HB 175 @ 9w2d. Its a Girl!

    <3Madeline Lorraine H. <3 Born 11/12/13 @9:10pm, 7lb6oz

    DX with EA/TEF Type C & Tracheomalaysia
    MC @ 13wks 01/15/15 

    DX Septate Uterus - surgery recommended

    BFP 3/18/16, EDD 11/13/16 It's a boy!
    <3 Clint Kiszonas H. <3 Born 11/21/16 @10:38pm, 9lb11oz

    BFP 1/11/18, EDD 9/21/18 
    Report Reply
  • MytarasMytaras member
    @jennifertewert haha I know! Her boobs are ridiculous.

    @MaMabear1323 I was using my phone when we looked her up the first time. Then a couple days later it was all over his phone. But you're right I'm not mad at the pics just the lying. But now I'm deciding to just be over it all.
    Report Reply
  • GopherBaby13GopherBaby13 member
    I have actually googled something's and accidentally clicked on one of the options that popped up. Like, I could google Eric Decker and a bunch of options like "Eric Decker baby" "Eric Decker modeling" etc shows up in the drop down. Maybe that's what happened. However, if he is lying, it's something stupid to lie about.
    <a href="http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Parenting Tips"><img 
    Report Reply
  • dugger116dugger116 member
    You've got a lot of great advice here, but I'll still add my two cents. I'd forget about it...yes it is probably HIGHLY unlikely that someone at his work used his phone to look up those pics, but when you confronted him about it he was probably just embarrassed or thought it might hurt your feelings that he had been looking at another woman and decided to lie and save face.  If him looking at photos of a celebrity he'll never meet doesn't bother you, which it really shouldn't IMO, then I'd let this one go and let him have a little dignity about it. 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • MomtothreeloveMomtothreelove member
    Sorry, I know it sucks! The pics are no biggie and he probably is just embarrassed. The part that is more concerning to me is the work put into the lie. Now he has dragged another person in and just blew up what should have been a funny joke about your dh sneaking a peak at a hot actress. So dumb to lie about, but fucked up to make the lie bigger than it needs to be. Ugh, why don't men ever think with the right head?!
    Report Reply
  • chatita_78chatita_78 member
    Ya the lying is the issue here because hello most of us have been looking at DILF's all month but the little lies no matter how insignificant do add up. I agree with PP that you should address the lying part. Bring it up and be done with it. Don't save these moments or try to prove him that you know he is for sure lying. After you bring it up let it go and give yourself an emotional vacation from holding onto these moments. This is finally something I learned after many years. It's a gift to you more than anyone else. Sorry you're going through this at this stage in the game!
    Pregnancy Ticker

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


    image

    Report Reply
  • MytarasMytaras member
    You guys are all right. Not a big enough issue to continue to fight about. It is dumb to lie about that, and frustrating. But I'll just chalk it up to he is embarrassed and doesn't want to hurt my feelings.
    Report Reply
  • SheazierSheazier member
    I would actually make a big deal of this because I have zero tolerance for lies and liars.  Lies are a breach of trust and are disrespectful - what are you trying to hide?  Why are you afraid to be honest with me?  Thankfully, I have never been in a relationship with a liar, but I guarantee that if I were, it wouldn't last long.  If we're on the same team, we need to be able to trust each other completely.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"