Dear Diary Friday!

pettycrocker · October 2013

So just like last week- this is a place for you to dump all of your random frustrations, so we can just focus on dealing with our IF. This is only the 2nd post, but from last week, we pretty much just keep bumping it up through out the week as needed.

pettycrocker · October 2013

Dear Diary,

We're supposed to be going to a Haunted House thing tonight. I am still a little sick and I really do not want to go, but H is excited to do something (anything) because he's ALWAYS working. I have to suck it up and bring DD to my Grandmother's for a couple hours so we can go- and I'm really not excited about that either. uhhhhhhhhhhhh,.

pettycrocker · October 2013

Dear Diary,

Payday should be a happy day, not effing anxiety provoking because I have to sit down and pay a bagillion bills every.single.week. We need to work on budgeting better, but I am too busy worryingon this IVF cycle to think about anything else.

pettycrocker · October 2013

Deary Diary,

I can't find the remote and the TV is stuck on Rachael Ray. Why must the universe torture me? It's way to cold for manual channel changing.

CheesyPeas · October 2013

Mrs Castillo said:

Deary Diary,
I can't find the remote and the TV is stuck on Rachael Ray. Why must the universe torture me? It's way to cold for manual channel changing.

Bahahaha! Thank you for this.

And I'm really sorry.

pettycrocker · October 2013

CheesyPeas said:

Mrs Castillo said:

Deary Diary,
I can't find the remote and the TV is stuck on Rachael Ray. Why must the universe torture me? It's way to cold for manual channel changing.

Bahahaha! Thank you for this. And I'm really sorry.

Omg! Isn't she the most annoying person on the planet? It's sad because I used to really like her, but she's just way too effing hyper now, especially for morning TV.

I found the remote at last

:-SS ~X( [-(

[-O< X_X #:-S

uagirl · October 2013

Dear Diary,

I know we wanted an IF diagnosis, but now that we have one I don't want it anymore. Isn't there some other poor soul in the universe who can take this one? Also, this cold can go now. I don't have the time or energy to feel bad.

CheesyPeas · October 2013

Dear Diary,

I so wish I could find an off-switch for my optimism every.single.luteal.phase. 95% of the time I'm a complete realist but that damn optimistic side has such a screechy annoying voice that can't be muted at the end of every cycle. As I grabbed my thermometer this morning, my realist side told me "be prepared for a temp drop." And I was. And it still sucked. Right about now I just want to get over it and move on but that little twit with the screechy voice tells me I need to look up what days implantation dips typically come. Seriously, little twit? My body has 9-10 day luteal phases, and you want me to look up implantation dips at 9 dpo? So I do it. Because apparently I take my wounds with a little salt.

CheesyPeas · October 2013

Mrs Castillo said:

CheesyPeas said:

Mrs Castillo said:

Deary Diary,
I can't find the remote and the TV is stuck on Rachael Ray. Why must the universe torture me? It's way to cold for manual channel changing.

Bahahaha! Thank you for this. And I'm really sorry.

Omg! Isn't she the most annoying person on the planet? It's sad because I used to really like her, but she's just way too effing hyper now, especially for morning TV.

I found the remote at last
:-SS ~X( [-( [-O< X_X #:-S

Yes! I feel a little bad about being so annoyed with her sometimes because I feel like she's a genuinely nice person, and I would like to like her. I can't do it though. She's like nails on a chalkboard to me.

kndeckar · October 2013

Dear Diary,
I just got back from visiting my best friend's newborn baby. She had a boy. They already have a little 2 year old girl who is 4 months YOUNGER than my DD. I was secretly kinda hoping she would look exhausted & her house would be a wreck (I know I'm a terrible person). But of course her beautiful house was spic n span like always & fabulously decorated. She and her husband looked happy and not one bit tired. They have everything I want. I wish I could stop the jealousy, but this is just too much. Why can't we have another baby? Why can't we sell our house? Why can't I be a better housekeeper? Ok...rant over.

tuscanbride2007 · October 2013

Dear Diary,

Why does my mother-in-law have to fawn all over my brother-in-law's new fiance? It is tiring. You would have thought that he was marrying a princess. I am so not looking forward to having to be at their house for a birthday party this weekend. The good news is that I am able to drink. I just hope I don't drink too much and say something that I might regret later.

+SouthernMomma+ · October 2013

Dear Diary,

DD came into our bedroom at 3 AM last night and while she was trying to wake up her daddy, she threw up on his face... I didn't mean to laugh, but I was SO happy it wasn't on me! Why do children have to get sick? It seems to unfair that I cant take her misery away from her. Cuddling the day away until she is all better.

freakyfast · October 2013

Dear Diary,

I have an addiction, and I don't know what to do about it. I have told few people of my addiction but I am ready to write it out, to get it out. Ask for help. I think this addiction is going to swallow me whole. I can't resist I know it isn't healthy. I don't know if there are meetings or where to go.

When I have a bag, I just can't say no. I keep going back and back until the bag is gone. I can take down a whole 8 oz bag in 3 days if I pace myself....

It's just the first ingredient is smiles and these damn pretzel fish are so delicious and make me happy.

I.Can't.Stop.Eating.Them

ETA: Fix grammar

Amores0121 · October 2013

Dear Diary,

Why did my head have to make me stay up so late last night thinking of all the issues DH and I are having right now? I am so tired and I still have 5.5 hours before I even make it home and then have to cook dinner. Why is my daughter so sassy in the morning? I know she gets it from me, but damn I can't take it anymore. DH had his SA today and I am hoping the results don't take forever to get back! Why do I have to be so broke that I can't even order OPKs at the moment!! Not fair.

(

pettycrocker · October 2013

Dear Diary,

Why is it so mother effing cold? Why do I have to turn the heat on in Oct. I really wanted to make it at least till Nov. 1, but my freakin' bones are freezing.

Why do you hate me, Mother Nature?

Jen071407 · October 2013

Dear Diary,
Eff you, body. Eff. You. Why can't you just do what you're supposed to? Or at least present with an obvious problem that can be solved. I've lost most, if not all, of my positivity from last cycle, and just want to be done with this crap. I know I need to suck it up and "fake it till I make it," but I'm tired of faking it. I'm tired of watching everyone around me get pregnant, have their baby, and now have their babies turn 1. Some will be 2 even, and it's just not fair. Where the eff are my pirate pants when I need them? :ar!

annibes · October 2013

Dear diary,

WTF? Why can't I get out of this dark place? I'm pretty sure I've tried to have a good attitude about 2IF. Why is it that I have to have this dark cloud over my head? Damned if I do, damned if I don't. If we ever decide to do fertility treatments, we have at least 1 in 5 chance of having another LO with autism and thus that hangs over our heads forever as the poor kid tries to deal with a world that doesn't understand him or her just like DS who works so damn hard every day and still can't catch a damn break from anyone but his special ed teacher and DH and me.

If we don't pursue treatment, there's a damn good chance we won't have another baby, thus dashing our dreams of having a typically developing child. I love DS with all my heart. He is amazing in so many ways and brings so much to my life, but parenting him is effing hard!

Aaack.

Jen071407 · October 2013

annibes said:

Dear diary, WTF? Why can't I get out of this dark place? I'm pretty sure I've tried to have a good attitude about 2IF. Why is it that I have to have this dark cloud over my head? Damned if I do, damned if I don't. If we ever decide to do fertility treatments, we have at least 1 in 5 chance of having another LO with autism and thus that hangs over our heads forever as the poor kid tries to deal with a world that doesn't understand him or her just like DS who works so damn hard every day and still can't catch a damn break from anyone but his special ed teacher and DH and me. If we don't pursue treatment, there's a damn good chance we won't have another baby, thus dashing our dreams of having a typically developing child. I love DS with all my heart. He is amazing in so many ways and brings so much to my life, but parenting him is effing hard! Aaack.

Before being a SAHM I was an ABA therapist and worked directly with parents doing family skills therapy, and I just wanted to say that I have the utmost respect for you and all parents of kids with autism. I'm really sorry that on top of 2IF you have that worry hanging over your head as well.

trayle01 · October 2013

Dear Diary, why do I have to do ivf just to have a baby( first with DD and now with #2)?? I've never known what it's like to get pregnant naturally and never will. I just wish I could know the joy of making a baby with my husband(instead of in a Petri dish) that so many take for granted. :-(

kndeckar · October 2013

Dear Diary,
Why do I have to start getting PMS symptoms (aka I'm a complete b*tch) an entire week before AF is due?!? I know this is what it is. I will NOT convince myself I'm KU anymore. It happens like this every freaking cycle. I'm over it. If the RE doesn't give me meds this week I'm going to punch him in the face & find a new doctor.

KC1212 · October 2013

@kndeckar

Omg that is so me right now. I'm 8dpo and I feel like I'm going to start tomorrow. I tested (BFN) and I took some ibuprofen and washed it down with a beer.

I'm a big bloated bitchy PMS wreck. and I want Halloween candy and Oreos.

pettycrocker · October 2013

Yup. I'm right there with you, ladies. PMS hell.

kndeckar · October 2013

Sorry ladies

But if we're looking at the bright side of things at least we are PMSing during Halloween week which means loads of candy, right?!

pettycrocker · October 2013

Loads of everything. I just ate half a tub of whipped peanut butter. It's special edition peanut butter/chocolate/mint, and it tasted like those little Andes mints.

Oh, and, I ate about 5 biscuits with dinner today.

Ugh.....................

Jen071407 · October 2013

Whoa whoa whoa wait a minute! Whipped peanut butter?!? How have I missed this in the world??? Grocery store tomorrow!

pettycrocker · October 2013

Lol Jen, I just saw it at Target. It's in a little tub instead of a jar, and it's so mothereffing amazing- but I'm obsessed with peanut butter in all forms

Jen071407 · October 2013

Mrs Castillo said:

Lol Jen, I just saw it at Target. It's in a little tub instead of a jar, and it's so mothereffing amazing- but I'm obsessed with peanut butter in all forms

Ditto! Especially PB and chocolate!! My Target better have it or I'll freak out and throw a tantrum in the store. For realz.

annibes · October 2013

Jen071407 said:

annibes said:

Dear diary,

WTF? Why can't I get out of this dark place? I'm pretty sure I've tried to have a good attitude about 2IF. Why is it that I have to have this dark cloud over my head? Damned if I do, damned if I don't. If we ever decide to do fertility treatments, we have at least 1 in 5 chance of having another LO with autism and thus that hangs over our heads forever as the poor kid tries to deal with a world that doesn't understand him or her just like DS who works so damn hard every day and still can't catch a damn break from anyone but his special ed teacher and DH and me.

If we don't pursue treatment, there's a damn good chance we won't have another baby, thus dashing our dreams of having a typically developing child. I love DS with all my heart. He is amazing in so many ways and brings so much to my life, but parenting him is effing hard!

Aaack.

Before being a SAHM I was an ABA therapist and worked directly with parents doing family skills therapy, and I just wanted to say that I have the utmost respect for you and all parents of kids with autism. I'm really sorry that on top of 2IF you have that worry hanging over your head as well.

Thanks. He's mild and verbal, so we lucked out big time- I try to remember that all the time. I'm a speech therapist and I work with some kids who function far below what DS does, so I think a lot about how blessed we are to have a little boy whose disability didn't completely rock our idea of what life would be (just a little!). It's kind of like this whole 2IF thing. It's hard but it could be much worse.

Jen071407 · October 2013

@annibes I've seen some amazing success stories for kiddos that are mildly affected and verbal! I bet he is, and grows up to be, a rock star

Gator_Bride07 · October 2013

Dear Diary,
I'm having a bitch-mode day. I'm frustrated that DD still has a cough and white tonsils after 11 days on meds. I'm mad that the pediatrician won't prescribe a different med without seeing her first. We already spent $250 on this crap! Speaking of, I hate insurance, too! I'm mad that when we went by the clinic the freakin place was so packed there was NO PARKING left! Maybe it was a sign though, bc it definitely made me turn around and go home. At least DD says her throat feels fine. Guess we'll just finish off the meds left in the bottle.
*sigh* I miss vacation..I'm not looking forward to going back to the same old dull routine.

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