- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
March 2014 Moms
benevolentforce
member
Working moms, how do you/did you do it?
benevolentforce
member
Hello, ladies. I haven't seen this covered yet, but it's possible I missed it. I'm a FTM in my thirties, and becoming increasingly nervous about how to manage my career and being a mom. I'm definitely going back to work (necessary at this time), so please share with me all your secrets for how not to screw up your career, and (more importantly) not screw up being there for LO.
Some questions, and thoughts -
- How long were you on maternity leave? Do you wish you would have taken more/less time? I think I'll have 8 weeks, but that's it. I could potentially negotiate up to 10. I'm worried it won't be enough though.
- Did you do daycare or have a nanny, or do something else? I'm still weighing what to do here. Both are options.
- What was the most difficult part about going back to work for you? Missing baby? Lack of sleep? Not being able to focus?
- What's the thing you wish you would have known that no one told you?
- If you had to do it again, what would you have done differently?
Thanks in advance for any feedback!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Working moms, how do you/did you do it?
I had a year off! I did not want to go back at all.
- Did you do daycare or have a nanny, or do something else?
We do daycare, somedays I get really stabby that B is spending the day with someone other than me!
- What was the most difficult part about going back to work for you? Missing baby? Lack of sleep? Not being able to focus?
Missing B 100%, as you can tell I am not a good working mom! I plan to SAH after this LO
- What's the thing you wish you would have known that no one told you?
That somedays your child doesn't want to leave daycare and it fucking sucks! And breaks your heart! But most days they come running screaming mommy! And give you a big hug!
- If you had to do it again, what would you have done differently?
I would have stayed home if I could have!
I see it very challenging to juggle work school maybe and a newborn,+ I can't even think of leaving my baby in daycare or w anyone. The thought of not being w her just doesn't fit quite good in my head.
FTM, and just having it hard having no baby, taking care of a home, and your own future is a challenge.. My respect to single mothers out there!
If you had to do it again, what would you have done differently?
Give myself more credit for being a working mom. It's tough, but it is who I am.
March Sig Challenge
Seems like the breastfeeding is going to bum people out, so I guess I best just get used to that... and get a good pump!
Whether I go with daycare or nanny, I'm planning on having a crossover period (like @jenniemac2000) where I'm still at home, but getting baby and I into the swing of our new schedule.
Lots to think about!
12 weeks. I was ready to go back to work by the end. However I wasn't ready to leave DS. I think that was enough time. However I wished I could go back to work right after birth then start my leave at 12 weeks sincs that's when DS started interacting more and was smiling etc.
Did you do daycare or have a nanny, or do something else? DS goes to a DC center 3 days a week, one day with my parents and one day with me (i work 4 days a week) i totally appreciate that extra day with DS.
What was the most difficult part about going back to work for you? Missing baby? Not being able to focus?
Missing baby, trusting I wasn't missing anything with DS and intially trusting his caregivers.
What's the thing you wish you would have known that no one told you? If you had to do it again, what would you have done differently? DC is wonderful. DS has great relationships with his teachers and friends he has learned more there then I would ever think about teaching him. I never missed out on anything and I know DS very well.
I took 12 weeks and plan to do the same this time. I was ready to do something by the end but I was sad to leave dd. I wish I could have had more time but that's the max offered so no big deal. The first couple days were hard but then it becomes routine. 2. My mom watches dd or she would be in daycare. I see benefits to both. I love that dd is with my mom and gets a lot of attention; however, I do notice that she is not as well socialized as kids who are in a daycare program. I think her transition to pre-school will be harder than it will be for a child with a lot of exposure to other kids. There are positives and negatives to both! 3. The hardest thing was missing her but a lot of days I truly enjoy the interaction with other adults. I was lucky that the week before I went to work dd started sleeping about 8-10 hours a night. We did have some long nights where she didn't sleep and those were hard the next day but honestly you just do what you gotta do and before you know it you are past that tough stage. A big thing is learning to prioritize and let certain things slide, like maybe your house won't be spotless...that's ok. There are only so many hours in the day. Also I think it's terribly important for your partner to be 100% committed and on board as well. I know some women whose dh's are of the mindset that it's the woman's job to do the majority of the 'baby work' as well as the cooking and cleaning. If you both are working, that isn't possible and it has to be a 50/50 effort on all fronts.
This time the infant class won't start until the baby is around 5.5 months. I'm going to get a part time nanny and take her to the office with me on other days. (I'm praying this child is an easy baby like my older daughter!)
I had a little difficult time leaving her at first because at 4 months she wanted to be held constantly. With 4 other babies, that wasn't possible. Her DCPs were amazing and took wonderful care of her. I never worried about missing firsts or missing time until she was older.
I had a job change and stayed home from 18 months to 2.5. I loved it and had a hard time with school after that. She was developing so much and I hated it. Once she got back into her old daycare (we were wait listed for a long time) I felt all better. You have to have a place you completely trust.
The hardest thing for me was pumping. I never responded well to it and couldn't get a supply. I finally quit at 10 months because I disliked it so much.
This time I plan on starting pumping right away to build a freezer supply and hopefully get my body better at responding. I'm also not going to worry so much about BFing. If it goes like last time , I will supplement this time and not stress myself out.
- Did you do daycare or have a nanny, or do something else? My mil watches him at our house. We do pay her, but it's cheaper than daycare.
- What was the most difficult part about going back to work for you? Missing baby? Lack of sleep? Not being able to focus? At first it was missing him and getting used to the idea that someone else was watching him and not doing things the same way I would. Then it was lack of sleep. We went through a major sleep regression around 6 months. Finally it was just the feeling of not having enough time to do everything. I wasn't cooking as much, the house work suffered, quality time with DH and DS suffered. It took awhile to find a balance.
- What's the thing you wish you would have known that no one told you? The amount of guilt you will feel for not being able to put 100% into every aspect of your life. Also meal plan and make your crock pot your best friend.
- If you had to do it again, what would you have done differently? If you have the funds, hire a housekeeper, even just twice a month. We are putting some money aside for when I go back to work to cover a house keeper so it's one less than in have to stress about as we adjust to me being a working mom of 2.
I will again take 12 weeks, although 6 weeks will be unpaid. I think 12 weeks is fine. I think that allows you to establish a routine and hopefully have a child who is sleeping through the night.
We will send the baby to our Neighbor who has an in home daycare. That is where DD goes too.
Last time I didn't want to go back to work because of the environment I was returning too. This time I will be returning to a positive environment, so I am hoping that its just a matter of missing the baby at first.
Honestly, I think we did really well the first time. I have to better with the nights were I get no sleep, as there were only a few of those with DD and I did loose my cool with my husband a couple times.
Only thing i play to do different is sleep in my bed more vs. the sofa. Mainly cause DH works overnights now and it won't bother him as much as it did when he was working rotating shifts.
However, do you have an employee handbook that talks about policy at all for extended leave? Can you incorporate vacation time into the end of leave? You can discuss with your doctor when she will "clear" you for work, they are pretty flexible if you don't feel ready. Your body is still pretty beat up
You can also discuss starting back PT for a couple weeks with your boss. If you approach it with logic, even the most non-family oriented managers can typically see reason since they'd rather not have you back as a vegetable.
Is NYS actually 7 weeks with the first week on DI unpaid and then the next 6 weeks unpaid, or do they pay from delivery day? I can't remember, been a while since I worked on NY insurance.
March Sig Challenge
I took 10 weeks with DD. Hindsight I wish I would have taken longer, but at the time i was ready to go back and talk to adults on a regular basis.
Did you do daycare or have a nanny, or do something else?
My MIL watches DD. I only work part time at this point so we only need someone on Fridays. Which is kind of nice.
What was the most difficult part about going back to work for you?
Actually I was nervous about MIL having her all day. She's a very hands off person and still is. She had DD watch movies all day long, I think she's taken her to the park once. Otherwise my BIL's, who are in high school play to watch her when they're home. I did cry the first day back to work, but I knew it was best that she was away from me for at least some time period.
What's the thing you wish you would have known that no one told you?
Like PP, try not to focus on what you're potentially missing, just think of how you're going to spend the time you do have with LO.
If you had to do it again, what would you have done differently?
Probably nothing, other than trying not to stress about what my MIL does or doesn't do with the girls. As long as they are safe, loved and cared for that's all that matters.
I took 12 weeks. It was good for me to take that time but I was impatient to get back to work.
- Did you do daycare or have a nanny, or do something else? We did a daycare center. Do a lot of visits to different centers in your area if you're thinking about it and find one that's comfortable for you. We found a center we loved and the infant teacher was a sweet older woman who had been there for a long time. She emcouraged moms to come in on lunch breaks to BF or just to visit. She also told you a lot about how they were developing and gave really good suggestions. DS loved it there. Take a look at turnover rates too, though. They can be high and we had some issues with that when DS was older and with other teachers.
- What was the most difficult part about going back to work for you? Missing baby? Lack of sleep? Not being able to focus?
For me, it was the lack of sleep and not being able to focus. I loved my job and it was really intense and detail-oriented, so it was tough to keep up. I also had a hard time leaving things undone at work because I had to leave to pick up DS. That being said, I also loved the time I had with him, so there was some guilt both directions for me.
- What's the thing you wish you would have known that no one told you?
How to be better at setting boundaries between work and home. I should have been better at scheduling out my day so it wasn't so hard to leave on time, but that's easier said than done when you're a supervisor dealing with a sudden crisis.
- If you had to do it again, what would you have done differently?
Been more upfront and strict about my schedule at work.
DD - Lucia Alessandra 6/18/12 ~~~ Welcoming Baby Boy!! - 3/26/14
Married my love 6/11/11 | MMC 10/11/11 | Eliza Frances born 9/18/12 | Rhett Garland born 2/24/14
6 weeks.
Do you wish you would have taken more/less time?
More would have been great but I don't think going back after 6 weeks was horrible.
Did you do daycare or have a nanny, or do something else?
Firstly, I work part time. For the first year I had a babysitter out of her home. Since then DS has attended a daycare.
What was the most difficult part about going back to work for you?
Of course I missed DS and worried about him being with someone else but it wasn't awful. The lack of sleep really didn't affect me too much. I adjusted to the lack of sleep. I personally think the hardest part was pumping at work.
What's the thing you wish you would have known that no one told you?
I wish I knew more about pumping at work and how often I should do it.
If you had to do it again, what would you have done differently?
Next time, I'd like to have a double breast pump and I'll pump more frequently that I did the first time.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~Kari~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
If you had to do it again, what would you have done differently? Not really, I think I would have stressed a little less. I'm very proud of myself. If I were a stay at home mom I don't think I could do it. I need to feel intellectually stimulated, and I didn't put myself through school for nothing. I applaud anyone who can stay at home, but it definitely was not for me.
It was very difficult going back to work. I do however, enjoy the routine. My DH would be the one to drop him off at daycare and pick him up which really bothered me because I felt like I wasn't involved in his school... which wasn't the case. Just wish I could have been the one picking and dropping him off. When I was part time at home I found myself not being able to teach DS like I felt he was getting through daycare. I started to notice that he enjoyed being in childcare more so then with me. Even though I tried to keep busy throughout the day. It was better for him educationally to be in childcare in my eyes.
If you had to do it again, what would you have done differently? I sometimes feel like my degree has been a double edge sword. I always wanted to be independent and be able to financially support myself if DH ever become a jerk...I never wanted to get 'stuck'. I could leave him without a noticed, however being a SAHM was always something I felt like I wanted to do. One of the biggest issues with us with me not working is my student loans. I don't think this is DH's responsibility to pay, however he doesn't care... but those $400 a month bill make me cringe each month when I was being unpaid. If we didn't have those student loans it would be an issue with me being a SAHM. However, if I did defer them I would accure the interest which we want to avoid. Once daycare is done and my student loans are paid off... I sure we will be doing pretty well off, just right now it is tight.
Proud Cloth Diapering, Babywearing Mommy to Desmond (5.30.2011) and Evangeline (2.26.2014)
Loving wife, best friend and teammate to Babywearing Daddy, Kelly (7.27.2000)
Volunteer Babywearing Educator at Babywearing International of South Central Pennsylvania