Attachment Parenting
MommyPhoenix
member
Down in the Dumps with AP. :(
MommyPhoenix
member
I'm questioning whether I went about APing, specifically bedsharing and nursing in the right way. I love this gentle parenting style but a couple of unsolicited comments lately from family has put me in a bit of a funk...calling my DD "clingy" and must be "my fault" for using AP and not taking her to open gym to play with other kids...this and a bad case of "Momsomnia" has got me questioning my parenting choices 
I'm hoping you lovely Mamas may have some sage advice?
My DD just turned 8 mos. DH and I have raised her AP style from day one and love it. We started cosleeping from the start (bassinet and crib in our room) and then transitioned to bedsharing a short while after. When DD was a couple mos old, after hours of trying to get her to sleep, we fell asleep in bed, side nursing..a couple of hours later, I woke up to find DD fast asleep all snuggled against me and thought "This is AWESOME! Why haven't I done this before?!" DD has always been a crappy napper and difficult to put down for bed but ever since that night of accidental bedsharing, I've been side-nursing DD to sleep this way and she's been great for 12 hrs of bedtime sleep and she naps well (3-4 times a day, 30mins - 1.5 hrs sometimes).
Now for the "problem"...DD still wakes up at night every 2hrs or so. She'll wake up whining and I'll usually shimmy over and offer a breast which she takes and after 5-10 mins or so, she's back asleep. She seems content with this, but this also means that I am up every couple of hours and it takes me a bit longer to fall back asleep, just to wake up again in less than 2 hrs (therein lies the problem) - Is this normal? Do/did you other bedsharing Mamas go through this with your LOs at 8 mos old? She is actually nursing (I can hear her swallowing) but I thought she would be STTN if not at least sleep a longer stretch by now. I've tried just shushing her back to sleep which works sometimes but there is a fine balance in timing where if that doesn't work, it's either the boob or she's wide awake and up to play at 3am. The other issue is that DD is a really light sleeper and although she's napping well, she is attached to my boob the entire time and I have to stay with her or the nap's over (I've tried slinking away many times before and it never works). I've tried feeding her first on a nursing pillow and then putting her down in her crib but she'll either bawl or think it's playtime. This makes if hard to go anywhere with her without missing a nap. She is teething and going through what I thought was just stranger anxiety (or this is just what I tell myself to get me through the hard times
).
I just want to know, is it normal for DD at 8mos to still be nursing throughout the night? How can I get her to nap on her own? I'm not even sure if this is a "problem" per se and I'm happy to keep on this path since it makes DD so happy (big toothy giggles!), I guess it just seems in my circle of family/friends that I'm the only one "suffering" and I just need to know if I'm working against her future independence and making her "clingy". TIA
I'm hoping you lovely Mamas may have some sage advice?My DD just turned 8 mos. DH and I have raised her AP style from day one and love it. We started cosleeping from the start (bassinet and crib in our room) and then transitioned to bedsharing a short while after. When DD was a couple mos old, after hours of trying to get her to sleep, we fell asleep in bed, side nursing..a couple of hours later, I woke up to find DD fast asleep all snuggled against me and thought "This is AWESOME! Why haven't I done this before?!" DD has always been a crappy napper and difficult to put down for bed but ever since that night of accidental bedsharing, I've been side-nursing DD to sleep this way and she's been great for 12 hrs of bedtime sleep and she naps well (3-4 times a day, 30mins - 1.5 hrs sometimes).
Now for the "problem"...DD still wakes up at night every 2hrs or so. She'll wake up whining and I'll usually shimmy over and offer a breast which she takes and after 5-10 mins or so, she's back asleep. She seems content with this, but this also means that I am up every couple of hours and it takes me a bit longer to fall back asleep, just to wake up again in less than 2 hrs (therein lies the problem) - Is this normal? Do/did you other bedsharing Mamas go through this with your LOs at 8 mos old? She is actually nursing (I can hear her swallowing) but I thought she would be STTN if not at least sleep a longer stretch by now. I've tried just shushing her back to sleep which works sometimes but there is a fine balance in timing where if that doesn't work, it's either the boob or she's wide awake and up to play at 3am. The other issue is that DD is a really light sleeper and although she's napping well, she is attached to my boob the entire time and I have to stay with her or the nap's over (I've tried slinking away many times before and it never works). I've tried feeding her first on a nursing pillow and then putting her down in her crib but she'll either bawl or think it's playtime. This makes if hard to go anywhere with her without missing a nap. She is teething and going through what I thought was just stranger anxiety (or this is just what I tell myself to get me through the hard times
). I just want to know, is it normal for DD at 8mos to still be nursing throughout the night? How can I get her to nap on her own? I'm not even sure if this is a "problem" per se and I'm happy to keep on this path since it makes DD so happy (big toothy giggles!), I guess it just seems in my circle of family/friends that I'm the only one "suffering" and I just need to know if I'm working against her future independence and making her "clingy". TIA
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Re: Down in the Dumps with AP. :(
I don't have the gift of hindsight for you, but I don't believe you are doing anything to contribute to your baby's needy personality. You are doing a great job meeting her needs. I know it's hard. I never imagined having such a high needs baby and it has turned my life upside down.
I think the payout down the road is going to be great though. Plus don't our babies have the best smiles and giggles? People are always blown away by my son's smile. Hang in there mama! I've heard some babies start to turn a corner at 9 months.
I like cookies.
However, every 2 hours has got to be exhausting for you, and it sounds like this isn't necessarily just related to teething if it's been going on for 8 months. I don't believe in the "every baby should be sleeping through the night by X months" but again, a longer stretch would probably be nice for you! Are you against the pacifier? It's entirely possible she's waking to eat (at 8 months my son still woke up once a night to eat) but it could also be comfort sucking (even if she's eating - nursing does have some effect on teething pain). I just wonder if she's having difficulty transitioning between sleep cycles and needs a little help. Right now she's using you, but maybe a pacifier would be a good substitute if you're willing to go for it. It might also help her transition into a deeper sleep, which could be helpful for naps.
But advice aside, I don't think anything you're doing is wrong. I don't think there's anything wrong with her. And I don't think APing is going to do ANY damage to your daughter. If it works for you, try not to let what other people say get to you. Everyone has an opinion on how to raise YOUR kids, but in reality the only opinions that really matters are those of you and your husband.
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You've all given me some great tips and support and yes to ReeceFamily about the check in - Hopefully, just maybe??...we'll be laughing about this down the road [-O<
%-(
No worries on the clingy baby comments, DS1 has always been shy, and was the same when he was a baby. It has nothing todo with parenting styles.
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
My brother and sister-in-law had a son two days before I had my daughter. For being related and the same age, they are so different that they seem different species. It's pointless to compare but that's hard to not do at times. If your sister has an easier child than you, then she's not had the experiences you've had and is not qualified to comment just as I'm not really qualified on commenting on my nephew. Remind her that every child is different.
Honestly, think twice about discussing these things with your sister. No good can come from comparing kids and 4 months is a bigger development gap than you might expect. You have a lifetime of milestones ahead and different children. Don't let he make it into a competition.
7.5months nursing every 2 hours round the clock. And, I mean every 2hrs not 2hrs05min or 1hr55min I swear the kid has a build in alarm clock that goes off in full force at 2hr00min00sec!
She actively nurses, gulping back a full feed. My milk is very forceful I can hear it spraying in her mouth as she gulps. I have tried at times to just give her soother. She happily falls right back to sleep, but then she wakes 20min later. I get more sleep by just feeding the first time. Luckily she and I barely wake for the feeds. She also sleeps through almost anything most days...so I hang out in the bed on my laptop beside her without disrupting her sleep and I can come and go as I like.
Can you try using white noise and other sleep things to help you escape more?
Me-36, Unexplained Infertility, DH-35, all clear
Clomid 50mg 12/2011 = BFN
Clomid 100mg 1/2012 = BFN, with Cyst
IVF #1 Lupron/Menopur/Gonal-f/HCG Trigger
ER 4/19/12 = 11 retrieved, 6 fertilized,
ET 4/22/12 = 2 transfered (day 3), remaining 3 weren't good enough to freeze
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Honestly, I never understood this expectation that babies should be able to self-sooth. They don't even start understanding that other people have needs until age 2, or that they are separate people to their parents before age 1. At 8 months, you are definitely not affecting her personality.
This might make you feel better: I breastfeed until I was 3 (not exclusively, but I weaned when I was ready), and I slept in my parent's bed until age 7 (I remember the day when I decided that I wanted to sleep in my own bed). Not saying this is how I would parent (exactly), but it's how I was raised. I was very attached to my mom, and people used to tell her that she'd "ruined me" and I would never be independent. Guess what? I went to college in a state across the country, and now live in a different nation (across an ocean) from my parents. We still have a wonderful relationship and I have great relationships with my husband and friends.
My advice: ignore the well meaning advice from people who don't know your baby as well as you do, and stop worrying. You sound like a great mom.
I think others have given you good advice so I will make this brief:
1) You have two separate issues here - the family comments/AP-ing/"clingy" kid and, separately, your LO's sleep "problems".
A) The family comments etc are crap. Try to ignore them. You are parenting with love and that's really all that matters, especiallya t 8 months old. You are not making your child clingy or un-independent or anything like that. Try to ignore them and remain confident in your parenting choices.
Be confident in your decision to raise your LO with love and respect. You are NOT creating any problems and are generating a healthy, loving attachment with your child. Good luck!
ETA: OK, so that wasn't really brief. :-/
"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness." - Eleanor Roosevelt
"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness." - Eleanor Roosevelt
I've taken notes and will be trying out different things with DD to see if anything changes (any changes are really more for my own sanity...Momsomnia can only last for so long right?...RIGHT?? :-SS ) We are doing the one less nap thing to see how DD sleeps tonight - DH had her for two bottles today since I was at the dentist and had some freezing still in my system so DD didn't get her usual lie down nursing sessions. We'll see what happens! Honestly, maybe she just really needs me (or my boobs) extra close to her right now, and that's ok with me. These babies go through so much at rapid speeds, if it's not teething, it's a growth spurt, wonder weeks galore! Now if she could go through these things separately instead of snowballing, that would be great!
Thanks again Mamas!!