Feeling guilty that most everything for LO is used

Dishylo · October 2013

We picked up our dresser/change table from a good friend yesterday and checked out the crib they're giving us (likely in another month or two). They're lovely and in fantastic condition. They also gave us a bath tub as well as a slew of other bits.

We're getting the stroller and car seat from another good friend in the next two weeks.

Mom and I went to a local "shop 'n swap" where we got a swing, bouncer and Baby Einstein exersaucer for $125 (all used but very good condition).

My sister is giving us a pack n play that she apparently used once as well as two slings.

Other than clothes, I feel like baby-lo is getting everything second hand. We're saving money, which is great, but I've started feeling these pangs of guilt, like I should want to get new stuff, the best of the best and all that jazz. Am I being a bit mad?

cpm1223 · October 2013

Your LO will have no idea that any of his/her things are used! If I had people who were offering me such amazing things or if I found any great deals I would not hesitate to use/buy them. In the long run, you'll be buying your child lots of things over the years, so why not save some money now!

Deblondie1 · October 2013

I've been feeling guilty that this LO is getting all of her big sister's hand-me-downs. I don't think we are crazy just a little bit irrational maybe LOL But the reality is that LO won't care and will probably never even know. And if she is pissed in her 20s or 30s about getting used stuff as a baby, I think we will have bigger issues at hand!

ChuggingWater · October 2013

Who cares? I find it more economical to buy used.

megngregk · October 2013

Completely unwarranted guilt on your part. It sounds like LO is going to have absolutely everything he or she will need and more, and yay for you for saving so much money in the process!!

Half of LO's clothes thus far are hand-me-downs, I got a toy (Scout, that activity puppy) from my sister that I had given to my niece a couple years ago, bathtub is second hand from a friend along with socks, hats, mittens, car seat insert for NB stage. Another friend is sending me a bunch of her cloth diapers, her car seat cover, clothes, etc. Relish the hand me downs and used items, because it won't be long before those things will stop coming!

ccip82 · October 2013

I think you are being very smart and money savvy. Try not to feel guilty, with DS he will essentially having everything second hand too because we used it previously with DD. Honestly, I wish I was able to score some of those deals you did! It would have saved DH and a lot of money.

LO will not care or even notice if something is second hand. With this pregnancy, I am trying to find second hand things before buying something new. You learn pretty quickly that all that "nice, new" stuff will get worn in pretty quickly with a LO!

HappyDoc · October 2013

I wish that we could have inherited stuff from our friends or family members with kids, but all of our friends who have children are either pregnant again now, or planning on future babies, and we don't have any family members who live close, so we have bought everything new. We have tried to be reasonable with our purchases, but I am amazed at how much money we have spent on things that will only be used for a few months at most. Guilt be gone!

lmills730 · October 2013

I don't think you should be concerned at all! Of course, this is coming from someone who buys used things all the time. DH and I love thrift shore, craigslist, and ebay shopping to save money. As long as things are in good condition, and able to be washed, I think it's much more economical to buy used. Like PPs have said, LO won't know

.

goldenB · October 2013

Guilty isn't the sentiment you should be feeling... LO has such a smart mama that you should be proud more than anything.

I wish I had friends that would give me their second hand things for my LO.

Dishylo · October 2013

Thanks ladies. It is more economical, more environmentally friendly and I know LO won't have a clue what's going on. I was so excited at first that we were basically saving $2,000 by getting all of these freebies, although we're giving all of our friends gift certificates to places that we know they like. I just can't help these feelings lately....maybe I just need to have a glass of wine and get over it!!

ChuggingWater · October 2013

I didn't mean to come off abrasive.

Really though, I think that it is an important concept to teach a child (not that they will realize it that early). Besides, does something new and shiny show how much you love a child? Absolutely not. Don't feel guilty! Not one tiny bit!

AnnikaD20 · October 2013

Everything that you listed is stuff that you'll be using for a few years at most (even shorter for stuff like the exersaucer) and that your baby won't remember anyway. Nothing wrong with saving money. I'd rather go all out on things that will be used for a long time, or that my kid will be old enough to remember.

If you want to have a few splurges, that's ok too, but it makes more sense to do it with the mentality that it's for you and that the baby doesn't care at all.

Arrgcr · October 2013

Don't feel guilty. LO will never know. DS had hand me downs, and this one will too. You are saving money which in the long run will go from helping you to helping LO. All that money you save could send LO to Disney or something.

I don't know what I would do without second hand things. I'm a SAHM and DH makes less than 30,000 a yr. at our house, its a necessity. Especially since I'm still paying off hospital bills from delivering DS four years ago. (Well,he'll be 4 tomorrow).

Never be ashamed or guilty for something that benefits your family.

HeartOverMind · October 2013

We plan on buying almost everything that we can used (except for a carseat, crib mattress, breast pump, and probably a few other things that I'm forgetting). My MIL bought a bouncer, stroller, a few clothes at Once Upon A Child for $33! I'm going back there after the shower to get the rest of the things that I can find in good condition. I think if you can find good quality things or are given nice things, who cares? I'd rather save money than waste tons of money on things that your child is going to use for a short time.

Don't feel guilty. Like PPs mentioned, LO will not know/care!!

Dishylo · October 2013

ChuggingWater said:

I didn't mean to come off abrasive.

Really though, I think that it is an important concept to teach a child (not that they will realize it that early). Besides, does something new and shiny show how much you love a child? Absolutely not. Don't feel guilty! Not one tiny bit!

@ChuggingWater - I didn't find it abrasive, more "to the point" but I appreciate those types of comments.

Jen4033 · October 2013

DH wanted to take anything & everything from our BIL when we had DS. I insisted that as my first child I was going to pick out certain things. For me it was the excitement of preparing for the baby. Taking the time to pick out just the right things & not having everything picked out & handed to me. I wanted to be in control I guess. If BIL & his SO got to pick out just the right things for their LO, why do I have to take their choices? For him it was saving money.

I don't think you are beig mad at all. I think a lot of parents to be feel this way. For me it was something I just couldn't get over though, so that is why I insisted. Even with DS2 on the way he'll be getting all of DS1's hand me downs & I feel a little guilty. I'm insisting on buying a few things new though. I was happy with a balance of new & used. He'll be getting a new crib & whole new nursery design since DS1 is still using all that.

km_md · October 2013

As a FTM , I can understand where you are coming from. We are getting most of our big stuff new thanks to some very generous family members, but we are also getting a bunch of stuff that is used. Your LO will have no idea that their stuff is used, they will only know that you have everything that you need to care for them, which is what is important. Baby stuff is expensive and if there is a way to save money, I'd say go for it!

2Dash · October 2013

Well since this is DS#2 most things will be reused from DS#1 - including furniture, toys, bedding, clothes etc.

Don't feel guilty. Most of the stuff is so gently used that I feel great about getting some more use of it!

MrsGraham06 · October 2013

One thing that we've done, because our kids are getting so much used, is we will get them some new clothes now and then, and they now pick out their shoes. My mom buys most of their clothes, all from a great consignment shop, so they don't need much for clothes anyway. But it's an arrangement we've made. If we see something that we say "OH, DS1/DS2/DD would look great in that!" we'll get it.

OSUWifey09 · October 2013

I agree - you're being smart about prepping for baby. If this baby was a boy, and our car seats hadn't passed their expiration dates, we would be reusing almost everything from DS. This LO will get new clothes, possibly a new crib set, a new tub [since we had to toss the old one] and the new car seat. Everything else, from the stroller to crib to toys, will be from her big brother. Baby won't know or really care, and again - smart financial moves!

cja06 · October 2013

Just wait until you have your second one (if you do...and if they happen to be the same gender)! Our second boy gets all his clothes and everything handed down from his brother. He's getting a new big boy bed, and I think that is the very first big ticket item that he has gotten new in 3 years. I feel guilty about it, but he has never noticed or complained. I'm sure those days are coming. But when they are a baby, they will never know. All they will care about is that they are loved by you!

hurricanekb · October 2013

I'd be stoked I'm getting such good deals! Being the first in our group to have kids, I don't have too many friends to get secondhand things. I love finding cool old furniture tho. I have no problem with used items!!

peanutmuse · October 2013

cpm1223 said:

Your LO will have no idea that any of his/her things are used!

110% this.

umma4babes · October 2013

You should feel lucky to have friends and family giving so much of their stuff. I got most of my son's stuff for free from my sister and friends. The furnitures didn't even really match but they were all very expensive items that I would not have wanted to have spent the retail price on. We saved a ton. We occasionally splurge on his clothes and shoes from Nordstrom because we've got the basics covered so don't need a whole lot. I would not be able to get stuff from places like Nordstrom if I had to get all of his clothes from scratch. He's 3 now and continues to get most of his stuff from his older cousin including toys and books. This LO will also get hand me downs. She will use most of her brother's stuff other than clothes. I've got the clothes and shoes covered for the most part from family and friends. She will get some new stuff every now and then like her brother. I consider myself extremely lucky because all the little things add up so quickly!

ac1259 · October 2013

Deblondie1 said:

I've been feeling guilty that this LO is getting all of her big sister's hand-me-downs. I don't think we are crazy just a little bit irrational maybe LOL But the reality is that LO won't care and will probably never even know. And if she is pissed in her 20s or 30s about getting used stuff as a baby, I think we will have bigger issues at hand!

I'm feeling the same way with this LO...Like all of my stuff if less than a year old and perfectly sized for seasons and having another little girl..This LO is getting her own room and new bedding and stuff since DD1 is still using all of her stuff but I have definitely felt like a lot of her stuff will be hand-me-downs. DH reminded me that it's better to let her have hand me down stuff now and then when she actually cares what she's wearing or using, getting her her own stuff then.

@Dishylo I think you're doing a great thing saving some money now, just find the things that are most important to you to have and buy a few things new if it makes you feel better, like a special outfit or something. Or put your own special twist on the things you've bought used:)

Dishylo · October 2013

hannahyejee said:

You should feel lucky to have friends and family giving so much of their stuff. I got most of my son's stuff for free from my sister and friends. The furnitures didn't even really match but they were all very expensive items that I would not have wanted to have spent the retail price on. We saved a ton. We occasionally splurge on his clothes and shoes from Nordstrom because we've got the basics covered so don't need a whole lot. I would not be able to get stuff from places like Nordstrom if I had to get all of his clothes from scratch. He's 3 now and continues to get most of his stuff from his older cousin including toys and books. This LO will also get hand me downs. She will use most of her brother's stuff other than clothes. I've got the clothes and shoes covered for the most part from family and friends. She will get some new stuff every now and then like her brother. I consider myself extremely lucky because all the little things add up so quickly!

Don't get me wrong - I'm grateful beyond words and like I said, I'm saying "thanks" to them all with gift certificates to certain places that I know they like/frequent.

And I know LO won't have the foggiest...I guess I'm the one feeling bad, like I should be spending more money. I know saving money is great but I've never been thrifty so this is all new to me!

kiki1978 · October 2013

My parents used mostly second hand items with me and I didn't care until about middle school. As long as the items are clean and well taken care of, who cares? My SIL is giving us their old swing and a ton of baby clothes. I bought a used play gym, bottle sterilizer, crib sheets and a Boppy. I figure I'll save money where I can!

angiek1 · October 2013

If it makes you feel any better most of DD's stuff was used. And now for this LO once we found out it was a girl it confirmed my decision not to redecorate the nursery. She is an infant - she'll have no idea.

OnBabymaking226 · October 2013

I definitely wouldn't feel bad about used items for a baby! So many of their things get used for such a short period of time, and an infant won't know the difference anyway! After my showers, I will be looking for used items before buying everything else off the registry to save some money.

SvedkaStoli · October 2013

Don't worry about it. The baby is not going to care. There is only a handful of things that needs to be bought new and that includes diapers. You are saving money that you can use elsewhere.

bensmommy518 · October 2013

This was me exactly when I had DS. I got pretty much everything from a good friend of mine who was done having kids (crib mattress, car seat (i know its history), bottles, breast pump (I know her history), clothes, nursing cover, toys, blankets, swaddles, stroller, high chair, baby bathtub, etc). Anything else I needed I wound up getting used (like the exersaucer and additional clothes). Kids are in this stuff for such a short period of time that they can last through several children and still be in great condition.

When I was registering for my shower with DS I kinda felt bad becasue there really was not anything I needed becasue the friend basically gave me everything I needed. DH and I decided that since we were not picking out the big stuff our registry would be a lot of the little detail type stuff like decor for his room, special keepsake items, etc. It worked out great for us. Now most of it is being reused again for this LO.

kwinkle1980 · October 2013

We got everything used, too. Trust me, the baby won't care.

Youa re smart for saving the money!

Dishylo · October 2013

bensmommy518 said:

This was me exactly when I had DS. I got pretty much everything from a good friend of mine who was done having kids (crib mattress, car seat (i know its history), bottles, breast pump (I know her history), clothes, nursing cover, toys, blankets, swaddles, stroller, high chair, baby bathtub, etc). Anything else I needed I wound up getting used (like the exersaucer and additional clothes). Kids are in this stuff for such a short period of time that they can last through several children and still be in great condition.

When I was registering for my shower with DS I kinda felt bad becasue there really was not anything I needed becasue the friend basically gave me everything I needed. DH and I decided that since we were not picking out the big stuff our registry would be a lot of the little detail type stuff like decor for his room, special keepsake items, etc. It worked out great for us. Now most of it is being reused again for this LO.

This is me - we're getting everything used including the car seat but I know the girl very, very well and I know the car seats history.

And when registering I ended up putting a bunch of stuff on the registry that we likely don't need so that I could accommodate the amount of people that are invited and the different price brackets.

sunnyplaces · October 2013

I totally get it, you want the best for baby and second hand makes you doubt yourself. But you're making great decisions and setting up a situation where you have more money for other important things! Baby isn't going to care if his/her clothes are new or used, he'll/she'll shit and puke on it regardless!

bethughknee · October 2013

I understand feeling the way you do, but I don't think you should! It seems like baby items are grown out of so quickly, used and borrowed and stuff just makes more sense! We are definitely borrowing and getting hand me downs and things we're getting seem brand new. I'd much rather do this, keep paying it forward with things I don't wear out, and have more money for the stuff I need to last for a really long time.

COgirl29 · October 2013

Oh my goodness girl - I WISH we got used items!! I would take them in a heartbeat - but most of my friends aren't done having kids and are currently pregnant again, so we have none of that coming our way and it makes me sick spending so much money on new items!

LabPupLuv · October 2013

No, don't feel guilty!!! LO will never know and you are able to save money which is huge. Babies grow past the need for a crib, swing, pack n play, etc so fast that it's tough to justify spending all that money. I am getting a ton of hand-me-downs too and love it!

Dishylo · October 2013

@COgirl29 - don't get me wrong, I am extremely, extremely grateful. I just never expected to be getting everything used! LO will be so incredibly loved that it won't make any difference to him/her or us and now I feel slightly silly for feeling this way....but I just felt like we should have done something or bought something to show how excited we are to be having this baby and becoming a family. Maybe people will think we don't care as much because we're getting everything used. Hmph, I don't know...

Edit for the right yellow-head but I'm still not getting the one I want.

COgirl29 · October 2013

Dishylo said:
@COgirl29 - don't get me wrong, I am extremely, extremely grateful. I just never expected to be getting everything used! LO will be so incredibly loved that it won't make any difference to him/her or us and now I feel slightly silly for feeling this way....but I just felt like we should have done something or bought something to show how excited we are to be having this baby and becoming a family. Maybe people will think we don't care as much because we're getting everything used. Hmph, I don't know...

Edit for the right yellow-head but I'm still not getting the one I want.

I hope you didn't think I was implying that you weren't grateful!

Like others have said, LO won't know the difference, and other people prob wouldn't even know the difference if you don't tell them - and if others think you don't care as much then that's on them - not you

Momto1goofball · October 2013

With DS almost everything was hand me downs because my little cousin is 10 months older than DS. We used an antique crib that was passed down to us and I loved it but this time around I do want most of LO's things to be new. We don't have the space for a crib right now so she will be sleeping in the pack and play that SO got her or in a rock and play. I have gotten some toys from a friend already and my God-daughter will be almost 2 when LO is born so I will get a lot of hand me downs from her mom, which is fine with me. Take advantage of the great deals and save where ever you can now. When they get older they want all expensive stuff. (DS just gave me his christmas list! lol)

Dishylo · October 2013

COgirl29 said:

I hope you didn't think I was implying that you weren't grateful! Like others have said, LO won't know the difference, and other people prob wouldn't even know the difference if you don't tell them - and if others think you don't care as much then that's on them - not you

Very true - thanks for that!

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