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Dad to be and not happy.

MsHoneyMuffinMsHoneyMuffin member
edited October 2013 in Dads & Dads-to-be
Good morning gentlemen. I come to you as a mom-to-be from the first trimester board in need of help. I got my Positive pregnancy on Saturday. I'll be four weeks tomorrow.

My Significant other and I decided last march we wanted to start trying once summer came. In May we decided to stop using the pill or protection of any kind.

Yesterday I told him the big news and he's not happy at all. He says he's not ready to be a dad, that he doesn't want to have a kid right now. He says all he can think about is how his life is over, and what a terrible idea this is.

I'm hoping that if any of you went through this, you can share with me your experience and how things are turning out. Thank you.

Edit: FYI, I am 28, daddy to be is 32.
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Re: Dad to be and not happy.

  • LuckyDadLuckyDad member
    To me this sounds like he might be freaking out about things like money, time and lifestyle change. But the fact is, he was on board for knocking you up and had plenty of unprotected sex with you, so he clearly made the decision to have a baby on his own free will.

    He's got months to adjust, and there are big moments like hearing the heartbeat and seeing the ultrasound that can make guys realize "holy shit, that's a baby growing in there!". Don't get me wrong, babies are hard and stressful. But he will fall in love when he meets your child.

    Maybe encourage him to take a few "boys nights out" while there is still time. In hindsight I wish I had done a few more of those when my wife was pregnant. I stayed in because she was a little sad and couldn't drink, but we both agree I should have gone out with my friends more before the baby came.
    https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BhqjipgCIAAOz7H.jpg
    -My son was born in April 2012. He pretty much rules.
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  • ColtsdadColtsdad member
    I didn't go through this... I became a dad at a later age than your sig. other.  Life isn't over, it just changes... the single, care-free life where he can do whatever he wants is over, but life itself isn't, it is just a new chapter filled with different wonderful experiences.  Like @LuckyDad said, he freely and knowingly participated in unprotected sex with the intent of creating life.

    He's got about 8 months to get all this out of his system.  Let him have a few nights out with his buddies, but don't him walk all over you to try to make him happy.
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  • Mrodriguez898Mrodriguez898 member
    I did not go through this when I told my partner. I will say it made him excited and happy when we went to our first ultrasound.
    He knew what he was getting himself into when you both had unprotected sex. It might just take him awhile for him to turn his attitude around. Good luck and congratulations!
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  • sopranoalisopranoali member
    Lurker from March14 here...I think he will come around (not knowing any other details). When my husband and I first found out, we were SHOCKED, and I'd be lying if I said we weren't upset. These feelings were very confusing to us because, like you, we stopped using BC and just wanted to "see what happens". Well, it didn't take long at all for us to conceive! We found out in early July, and it wasn't until late August early September that we started to get happy and excited about it. Not sure why...call it need to mourn freedom in life or need to worry about how this will change the future...I really don't know. But BOTH of us were going through it and probably fueled each other's feelings about it to a certain extent, but now are very excited and happy about it. Just give him a little time. I think right now he is dealing with the shock value.
    Pregnancy Ticker
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  • ladyjenna13ladyjenna13 member
    MsHoneyMuffin said:
     He says all he can think about is how his life is over, and what a terrible idea this is.  daddy to be is 32.

    He is 32 years old.  He is at the age where he should be focused on his career and his goals in life. I understand women mature quicker and all, but for a 32 year old male to be talking like that is a little odd to me.  Does he know that a 32 year old man acting like he is just out of college is a sad sight?

    Most of the dads here were very ready to be dads.  Heck, I used to come on here stressing out about US visits!!  So hearing guys talk like this is odd to me.  He will have 9 months to adjust, and he will have to, so he better get used to it quick.  Sometimes guys minds go right to the financial obligations and how those are about to change.  And things do change, for sure. But we adjust, and now my man cave becomes the sports bar that I don't go to anymore for the big games. He needs to find his own way to be engaged in the 9 month process you will be going through. The first US visit can provide that opportunity. 

    image

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