Career driven women - If you could quit would you?

LeahCK · October 2013

I have the opportunity to quit and we can comfortably live off of one income. But I am an older mother that has worked in my career for 15+ years. I am satsified of how far I have come and know I could go much further. However, since I've had my son his laugh, smile and hugs draw me in day after day. Now all I seem to want to do is play, arts and crafts, snuggle, sew my quilts (although I'm only 36.. LOL).

I'm nervous about leaving though I'm becoming more and more comfortable with it every day.

If you could quit and do what ever you wanted would you not think twice or stay regardless? What keeps you there?

mslmk11 · October 2013

That's a good question. I definitely was career focused before finding out we were pregnant. And kept that focus throughout the pregnancy, but once LO was born and during maternity leave, the world revolved around her and it's weird being back at work. Although the mental switch back has been quick (Which worries me but that's another story) and I can see myself planning career moves and endeavors.

But to actually leave? I don't think I would. 1) benefits are just the most amazing thing ever 2) my DH said I was starting to get cabin fever in the last few weeks of leave (10 weeks after birth), so I know I'd probably go a little nuts if I didn't have something else to work on besides being and raising LO.

iverske9 · October 2013

I would not, but I am not really interested in being a SAHM. I went bat shit crazy during maternity leave so I do not think I would enjoy it. I am actually working to make it so my DH can be a SAHD, since he loves it and is very fulfilled by it. I love my job and worked very hard to achieve it so for me I love being a working mom.

shannm · October 2013

In a few years, my DH will be likely to get a huge boost in salary making it possible for me to stop working if I want.

Some days I am fine with that, others not so much.

Right now I am still in the honeymoon period of a new position so today I say, no way, I would not leave my career after all of the time and training I have put in.

I think when the time comes, if I feel like I am contributing some how, I will stay put. However, if I feel like I am just putting in the time and not getting anywhere, I will seriously think about changing things up.

Maybride2 · October 2013

Nope. I have absolutely zero desire to be a SAHM. I enjoy my career, I enjoy having that outlet and balance in my life.

dglvrk2 · October 2013

I couldn't quit. I like the balance I have I'm hoping to advance in my career in the next several years. DH has agreed to find ways to scale back at work so our children do not have to spend more time in daycare as a result of me working more.

DD is 2 and we have another LO on the way. There will always be days when I'd rather stay with the kiddos than go to work. However, I know working is right for me. It makes be a happier and therefore better mom and wife. .

Nechie122 · October 2013

We could, and do to a large extent, live off DH's salary. But I like having a career. It fulfills me and provides balance.

Plus, life is unpredictable. Unless I inherited a windfall and was independently wealthy, I like knowing I could support myself ... just in case.

Now if I were independently wealthy, I might pursue that book project I want to do ... or maybe go back to school for international relations or some other pipe dream. But that's still thinking in terms of a career.

thedash · October 2013

I would only want to stay home if I were really rich. I would want help with the kids several times per week so I had alone time, preschool tuition, and at least a weekly housecleaner. I would much rather do my job than stay home all day with a baby and a bored toddler while also trying to cook and clean. There is no way I would be giving my kids the education and interaction that they currently get from our DCP and DS's preschool.

Karla CS · October 2013

I am not a fan of my job or the company I work for. I would quit in a second if finances didn't come into play. That's not to say I'd be content as a SAHM, I don't think my mentality is suited towards that, just that I would love the freedom and ability to test my feet out at some other career or company without the worry of failing and losing our financial stability.

glaw · October 2013

I am having the exact same thoughts as you OP. I am a fed employee so the shutdown gave me a taste of SAHM life (maternity leave doesn't count in my opinion bc I had a lot of issues with BF and I wasn't enjoying DD like I am now). My fear is regretting quitting and not being able to go back to my current job. The culture is such that they don't rehire people ever and plus we are in a hiring freeze. I know I could get some other job but my job has many perks and benefits that I don't want to give up unless I know for sure that I don't want to work ever again or maybe from home. Le sigh. I feel you. It's a hard decision. And for now I'm hanging in there and plan to reevaluate when we have a second kid. We are also going to live off DHs salary starting in the new year to be absolutely sure that we can make it work.

Kewii · October 2013

We could also live off my DH's salary, but I don't think I'd want to. I do believe I'd go stir crazy just being home. I get a taste of it during summer vacation (I'm a teacher), and I do go a little bit stir crazy.

I would go part time if I could, but that's not an option with my school. I am lucky enough that I get enough prep time to almost never have to bring work home with me.

Carnation77 · October 2013

I'm also 36. Unfortunately I can't quite right away but I will be done with my job in June and that will be it. I don't think I'll stay home forever - I'm planning on getting a Masters while I stay home to help with the resume. And possibly volunteer. If I want to continue staying home then I'll start in on a PhD or do adjunct professor work. I figure you only live once so do what makes you happy.

laurakaz13 · October 2013

LeahCK said:

I have the opportunity to quit and we can comfortably live off of one income. But I am an older mother that has worked in my career for 15+ years. I am satsified of how far I have come and know I could go much further. However, since I've had my son his laugh, smile and hugs draw me in day after day. Now all I seem to want to do is play, arts and crafts, snuggle, sew my quilts (although I'm only 36.. LOL).

I'm nervous about leaving though I'm becoming more and more comfortable with it every day.

If you could quit and do what ever you wanted would you not think twice or stay regardless? What keeps you there?

I could quit anytime and we would not have to change one bit of our lifestyle, but I love my career. So no, I will not quit.

nosoup4u · October 2013

I was SAH for 4+ years, and was sick of it by the end. I do miss being with my kids all day, and being able to run errands/go to appointments during the day, but overall I am happier working. Is working part-time an option?

My biggest worry about SAH was not being able to get back into my area if I stayed out of it too long. That and getting bored after a few years of not having a job (which did happen!).

NicoleWI · October 2013

I would love a part-time position (maybe 3 days/week) that paid well enough to make child care worthwhile. That would be a great mix for me of home time and grown-up time. But, since that's not really available in my field, I am leaving to try SAH. For me, with 3 little kids and a DH who works a lot, and long-ish commutes, I jujst didn't think our lifestyle was sustainable for me. Just managing appointments, school events, etc was getting cumbersome with work. Something had to give.

MamaBovs · October 2013

If I could do anything I wanted (which I can't unfortunately) I would probably work three days a week. Of course there would be the understanding that I wouldn't really progress any farther in my career with a part-time schedule.

jess9802 · October 2013

No, I wouldn't leave. I enjoy my clients, my colleagues, and the intellectual challenges of my career. My son is the light of my life, but being a SAHM does not appeal to me.

MyAlterEgo09 · October 2013

Nope. Too many blood, sweat and tears during school to not use my degree. I love what I do, am completely fulfilled by my career and would me miserable as a SAHM. I love my kids, but they thrive with a happy mom and dad.

emberlee3 · October 2013

No, I would not quit, but I would cut back hours. I am a physician, and I find my career very fulfilling.

MamaAllison · October 2013

God no. That is all.

litzo27 · October 2013

No. And yes, we could leave on DH salary (we did for 5 years while I was in grad school) but we would be giving up half of our income. And I've seen SAHM struggle to get back into the workplace in case of divorce or death of spouse. I hate to be the pessimist but this warrants thinking about.
Plus I just don't want to. I like my job.

mae0111 · October 2013

At this point, no. I, too, would like to take a step back when our kids are school aged. My DH travels quite a bit for work, and now my travel is picking up. I'm working until my youngest is in school full time, and then DH and I will figure out my next move. I will be in my early 40s at that point, and we will hopefully have substantial retirement, college, and other savings before I do anything.

LeahCK · October 2013

Many of your posts brought tears to my eyes. So Thank you so much for your support.

For the Physician and teacher - I have been entertaining going back to school for a career change with the understanding that school would be demanding for the first few years but the result expected is a more flexible schedule for my family. Many of my family members are teachers and I envy their schedules but not the salary where they teach. I have been entertaining either going back to school for medicine or my JD (which are entirely opposite ends of the spectrum but confident I could do either). The question is which would make me happier with my family.

I agree with most everyone that being SAHM without volunteer initiatives, going back to school or something to balance me out would make me go stir crazy.

I do love my job, my manager, my team and the unique work that I do (corporate finance currently working with current economic condition - which is EXTREMELY interesting to me). However, it doesn't come without it's draw backs. I hear many of your work 40 hours a week. That is not possible in my current position. I work a minimum of 50 hours a week (on a good week) and the commute is 45 minutes one way. The child care that my son is in is top notch and he is progressing leaps and bounds. I do wish I could be more involved but my work is demanding and necessary, and it makes me proud to say that.

I think of "Legacy" though and think that after we are gone and our children are old with children of their own, will they remember me always working too much and there very little or otherwise? I try to stay fully engaged during the little time we do get Monday through Friday (2-3 hours a day - 1/2 hour in the morning and 1-2 hours at night). I am just not sure.

I am sure I will not struggle getting back in to the work place staying up on regulation changes, creating an LLC to do a little contract work here and there. That is no longer a concern of mine.

Finances are not an issue for us so I know that I am blessed to be able to choose. With that said either one of us could quit. I am happy with what I make and probably am just feeling the "pain" of losing it but our family won't feel a thing.

thedash · October 2013

LeahCK said:
Many of your posts brought tears to my eyes. So Thank you so much for your support.

For the Physician and teacher - I have been entertaining going back to school for a career change with the understanding that school would be demanding for the first few years but the result expected is a more flexible schedule for my family. Many of my family members are teachers and I envy their schedules but not the salary where they teach. I have been entertaining either going back to school for medicine or my JD (which are entirely opposite ends of the spectrum but confident I could do either). The question is which would make me happier with my family.

I agree with most everyone that being SAHM without volunteer initiatives, going back to school or something to balance me out would make me go stir crazy.

I do love my job, my manager, my team and the unique work that I do (corporate finance currently working with current economic condition - which is EXTREMELY interesting to me). However, it doesn't come without it's draw backs. I hear many of your work 40 hours a week. That is not possible in my current position. I work a minimum of 50 hours a week (on a good week) and the commute is 45 minutes one way. The child care that my son is in is top notch and he is progressing leaps and bounds. I do wish I could be more involved but my work is demanding and necessary, and it makes me proud to say that.

I think of "Legacy" though and think that after we are gone and our children are old with children of their own, will they remember me always working too much and there very little or otherwise? I try to stay fully engaged during the little time we do get Monday through Friday (2-3 hours a day - 1/2 hour in the morning and 1-2 hours at night). I am just not sure.

I am sure I will not struggle getting back in to the work place staying up on regulation changes, creating an LLC to do a little contract work here and there. That is no longer a concern of mine.

Finances are not an issue for us so I know that I am blessed to be able to choose. With that said either one of us could quit. I am happy with what I make and probably am just feeling the "pain" of losing it but our family won't feel a thing.

Do NOT go to law school! The rest of your post was great.

LeahCK · October 2013

Do NOT go to law school! The rest of your post was great.

--- HA HA HA HA HA. Thank You. Any particular reasons?

shannm · October 2013

thedash said:

Many of your posts brought tears to my eyes. So Thank you so much for your support.

For the Physician and teacher - I have been entertaining going back to school for a career change with the understanding that school would be demanding for the first few years but the result expected is a more flexible schedule for my family. Many of my family members are teachers and I envy their schedules but not the salary where they teach. I have been entertaining either going back to school for medicine or my JD (which are entirely opposite ends of the spectrum but confident I could do either). The question is which would make me happier with my family.

I agree with most everyone that being SAHM without volunteer initiatives, going back to school or something to balance me out would make me go stir crazy.

I do love my job, my manager, my team and the unique work that I do (corporate finance currently working with current economic condition - which is EXTREMELY interesting to me). However, it doesn't come without it's draw backs. I hear many of your work 40 hours a week. That is not possible in my current position. I work a minimum of 50 hours a week (on a good week) and the commute is 45 minutes one way. The child care that my son is in is top notch and he is progressing leaps and bounds. I do wish I could be more involved but my work is demanding and necessary, and it makes me proud to say that.

I think of "Legacy" though and think that after we are gone and our children are old with children of their own, will they remember me always working too much and there very little or otherwise? I try to stay fully engaged during the little time we do get Monday through Friday (2-3 hours a day - 1/2 hour in the morning and 1-2 hours at night). I am just not sure.

I am sure I will not struggle getting back in to the work place staying up on regulation changes, creating an LLC to do a little contract work here and there. That is no longer a concern of mine.

Finances are not an issue for us so I know that I am blessed to be able to choose. With that said either one of us could quit. I am happy with what I make and probably am just feeling the "pain" of losing it but our family won't feel a thing.
Do NOT go to law school! The rest of your post was great.

And also, if you are concerned about missing time with your LO, medical school is not really a good choice. You will have a crazy and demanding schedule for 6-10 years. Depending on your specialty, it could be much longer than that too!

RibbitGrl930 · October 2013

In a heartbeat. Even if I were teaching, I wouldn't hesitate to be a SAHM if finances allowed it. As much as I loved teahing, and as much as I enjoy my current job and co-workers, I love my family more and would love the opportunity to be with my son full-time.

LeahCK · October 2013

Yeah I have thought about that too. That's why I am leaning toward getting a JD. What are your opinions / reasons for not going to law school?

LeahCK · October 2013

Hi Privacy,

Funny - I just sent you a PM as you responded here. Looks like we are in similar boats. I understand the expectations of law school but may not a full picture (like you just painted) post grad.

Jenny952 · October 2013

From what I've heard law school is not a good idea right now. There is an overabundance of qualified attorneys and not a lot of jobs out there. If you're deciding about switching careers, you'll end up spending a lot of time and money in law school, which will take you away from your family, only to find yourself either unemployed or not using your very expensive degree when you graduate.

To answer your original question, I love working. The only way I would quit is if I had to, which would probably be b/c of DD's health. She has a medical condition that today is very manageable but could mean lots of surgeries and other problems in her life. We've been very fortunate with her health today, but if anything ever changed, I'd quit my job to stay home. My job is very flexible and I work 4 days/week so I am able to have her in therapies that we wouldn't be able to do if I was full-time. Like many other moms, I love working and need the mental stimulation and structure to our lives that working provides. That and I don't think 'd be a very good SAHM. She is also thriving in daycare, so it would be a big change for her to be home wiht me all day. If I did stay home, I'd still want to find the money available to continue sending her to daycare/preschool for a few hours each week. And I'd also want to keep my cleaning lady. So it doesn't look like I'll be staying home anytime soon.

LeahCK · October 2013

I'm getting the same feedback from other attorneys on here about the current conditions of the legal field. I would LOVE to work 4 days but cannot. I think if I worked slightly less (30-35 hours) with a better commute I would be much happier and less stressed with more time to spend with my son, therefor happier. That is not the case today.

We are also planning on having 2-3 more children. So I know whatever I chose I want to it be better balanced than what I have right now. Maybe law isn't the right choice but I am thinking that if I go that route that I can combine it with what I do today and have a unique background and return to the firm I work for today with no issues. However, I just found out their case load and was astonished to say the least.

Divallyn · October 2013

I wouldn't. We could live off of DHs salary but choose not to. I enjoy my career and the benefits and retirement plan are fabulous. I live in Canada so I got to stay home for the first ten months, which I was very thankful for, but I was lonely and had bad cabin fever. My SAHM friends always ask me how I manage it all but I actually find working way easier than staying home and a far better balance. Plus I will never rely on someone else for my financial well being or retirement security. I have seen WAY too many women get burned by this.

jess9802 · October 2013

Yeah, no to law school.

I graduated eight years ago and have been practicing for seven years, and thank God every day that I went when I did. The market in my state wasn't great when I was getting out, and it's only gotten worse. Meanwhile the cost of attendance has outpaced inflation. I still have $105k in student loans to pay off - only 23 more years to go!

I actually really enjoy the practice of law. I work in a firm of 14 lawyers in a suburban city, and it's more of a lifestyle firm. I'm in the office 9 to 5 and rarely work weekends. I'm on the partnership track and have found it fairly easy to balance work-life. But I think my situation is the exception, not the rule, and the biggest downside is my very modest salary. The jobs that pay enough to service law school loans are highly competitive, hard to find, and absolutely brutal.

laurakaz13 · October 2013

Divallyn said:

I wouldn't. We could live off of DHs salary but choose not to. I enjoy my career and the benefits and retirement plan are fabulous. I live in Canada so I got to stay home for the first ten months, which I was very thankful for, but I was lonely and had bad cabin fever. My SAHM friends always ask me how I manage it all but I actually find working way easier than staying home and a far better balance. Plus I will never rely on someone else for my financial well being or retirement security. I have seen WAY too many women get burned by this.

This is exactly how I feel. I'm moving up the ladder as a healthcare executive and I love my career. The best part of it is the retirement. I'm going to be retired in my 50s with an amazing retirement package for the rest of my life. I will never have to count on anyone to support me and will never have to worry about money or health insurance. That's enough for me!

traveltheworld · October 2013

LeahCK said:
Yeah I have thought about that too. That's why I am leaning toward getting a JD. What are your opinions / reasons for not going to law school?

I work at Big Law and love what I do (which is rare), but I couldn't imagine starting this career if I have a young family. Law school wasn't too bad, but the first few years of practice was brutal. 100 hour weeks were not infrequent. And partners/clients do not care if you have family/social commitments - you are expected to respond at all times. On top of which, it was mostly mind-numbing work. That's why most people leave private practice in the first 5 years. One of the reasons why I enjoy my work so much now is because I can delegate the boring work away to my junior associates; and if my clients need something done on evenings/weekends, most of the time I just email my juniors and make them go into the office.

Even if you didn't want to go into Big Law, you'd still have to put in a lot of hours in the beginning regardless where you end up. I'd never want to start at the bottom of the totem pole with a profession that is so service-driven and has so many type-A, workaholic personalities.

As to your original question - I'd never SAH. I've put in too many years of insane hours, missed out on too many personal/social events due to work to quit now. I'm very good at my work but am terrible at house-related, arts and crafts stuff. Lastly, I grew up very poor and am very involved with the mentoring program for impoverished youths in my city and that's super important to me, and I feel like having a professional career gives me more credibility with the youths and also put me in a better position to help them through my work networks.

LeahCK · October 2013

At TraveltheWorld - I had a similar scenario growing up, refused to ever be poor as an adult and mentored inner city youth for a long time. I also put in the insane hours so struggle very much at "giving it up". However, I am good at the house and artsy craftsy stuff and love it. I am good at what I do and have made it to the executive ranks so am very happy with all that I have accomplished and know that I could and would still go leaps and bounds. Both my husband's and my benefits and retirement packages are great. I understand many people end up alone for various reasons but I have already worked hard enough to save if that should ever happen and my husband and I have planned in case heaven forbid something happens to one of us. Can you tell I'm a planner?

None the less I think the only hurdle now is getting over the "fear" and take the leap. I'm not worried about not being/staying busy or finding purpose. I just put so much effort into all that I have already done leaving would be bittersweet to say the least. When the kids go away to school I will have already entered back into the work force. I won't stay out forever. Just a few years.

kristennd · October 2013

I know a lot of people who went to law school and even the few who don't regret it for themselves feel strongly that it's a bad investment today.

I wouldn't say I'm career-driven as much as balance-driven. I love my job but I'm not interested in promotions or making a name for myself. But I do need that variety. And that security.

leah2b · October 2013

YES. absolutely. But only if my husband was making $400,000+ a year (we live in the NYC area - this is middle class). I am an attorney and this career choice for a mother is hell. If you want to work less, do not get a JD - it will be a waste of your money. You need to put in serious hours to get your career started.

A few things to consider - even if you could presently live off one income: 1) are you putting enough away for retirement without you working? It is going to take at least 2 to 3 million in the bank to have a decent one 2) I know nobody wants to think about this, let alone talk about it, but what if a divorce happened - would you feel financially secure? 3) is your field of work one where you could get back into the job market after a few years off? I know as an attorney in the NYC market, it would be VERY difficult to get back in after a few years after. Maternity leave or motherhood leave is not respected at all - if anything, it is seen as a negative. Its a tough world we live in these days!

LeahCK · October 2013

leah2b said:

YES. absolutely. But only if my husband was making $400,000+ a year (we live in the NYC area - this is middle class). I am an attorney and this career choice for a mother is hell. If you want to work less, do not get a JD - it will be a waste of your money. You need to put in serious hours to get your career started.
A few things to consider - even if you could presently live off one income: 1) are you putting enough away for retirement without you working? It is going to take at least 2 to 3 million in the bank to have a decent one 2) I know nobody wants to think about this, let alone talk about it, but what if a divorce happened - would you feel financially secure? 3) is your field of work one where you could get back into the job market after a few years off? I know as an attorney in the NYC market, it would be VERY difficult to get back in after a few years after. Maternity leave or motherhood leave is not respected at all - if anything, it is seen as a negative. Its a tough world we live in these days!

Leah2b - All items have been considered and our retirement is secure and will remain on track with just one of us (2-3mm). Talked about what if a divorce would happen (because let's be honest you don't divorce the same person you marry). We have an agreement in case that is a possibility (but is highly unlikely with us). I could get back into my career field with a few years off, I even have a few colleagues that did and have done well. I completely understand the view on the maternity leave as I have encountered that and persevered through it and even obtaining promotions.

I really appreciate all of the feedback from the attorneys, physicians and teachers.

C12H22O11 · October 2013

I can't imagine myself leaving the workplace. I could right now, but don't. The 3 months I spent on maternity leave were mind numbingly boring. I'm just not cut out to be a SAHM. So much of my identity is tied up in my career and I enjoy the respect I've earned with my coworkers and the professional success I've had.

Besides, I didn't go to grad school to bake cookies and knit. This probably sounds harsh, but it's how I feel.

LeahCK · October 2013

So with all of the thinking that I have done and wonderful advice I have received from each an every one of you I have come to a few conclusions about what is truly missing.

Balance!

The commute and where we live are attributable. We move around for my husband's career and have not planted any roots in a town. I am from the northeast (born and raised in only 2 areas) and am craving the small town with families as well as the hustle and bustle of a city near by.

I have neither of these right now and feel much less of the person I used to be when I worked and thrived up north. I will take the time off, I will return to school for something (what I do not know right now, maybe a PhD in my field). I don't have to worry about school expenses, retirement or our children's educational expenses in the future (we have planned, worked and squirreled away and the benefit packages where we both are phenomenal - plus we're old.. LOL).

Now the next question on this quest - what does a soon to be former career woman of 15+ years do? I have always wanted to return to college prep for high school kids, literacy volunteering for adults and help with wounded warriors. The possibilities are endless I suppose.

What causes would you jump in to?

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