3rd Child?

Drecab · October 2013

My question is simple. Is it appropriate to have a baby shower for your third child? I have two children (ages 16 and 10) and NO baby stuff to speak of. I am essentially starting over but will throwing a shower be perceived as tacky?

Paradisemoon · October 2013

Oh lord really? do people not read past threads before asking these questions?

EastCoastBride · October 2013

Throwing a shower for yourself is absolutey tacky no matter what. If someone offers you a shower, I'd make it small. Remember - it's your choice to have a kid, your responsibility. No one "has" to buy you anything.

daisy662 · October 2013

Buy your own stuff. Yes, it's tacky.

ordinary1 · October 2013

First off it is extremely tacky to host your own shower. Second, a shower is to welcome a new mom to motherhood. You are already a mom. Third, it is your responsibility to provide for your child. You giving all your baby stuff doesn't mean you can hit up your family and friends.

Bwhitten · October 2013

I think it's ok if someone wants to throw one for you and your friends seem exited for you to have one. If it's just you wanting to throw one for yourself than that's weird..

Drecab · October 2013

My apologies for the misunderstanding ladies, a very close friend offered to throw a shower and I am unsure if it is appropriate! I am new to the forms and searched for the subjuct yet did not find anything related to my question. My apologies, I was simply looking for some insight in this matter as the whole concept is one I am not familiar with. I wasn't expecting to get some of the off color responses some have posted. I'm not looking for a hand out as some have suggested I simply want to know if this was something I should allow my friend to do.

sschwege · October 2013

Drecab said:

My apologies for the misunderstanding ladies, a very close friend offered to throw a shower and I am unsure if it is appropriate! I am new to the forms and searched for the subjuct yet did not find anything related to my question. My apologies, I was simply looking for some insight in this matter as the whole concept is one I am not familiar with. I wasn't expecting to get some of the off color responses some have posted. I'm not looking for a hand out as some have suggested I simply want to know if this was something I should allow my friend to do.

The general consensus around here is that second showers are tacky. Doesn't matter if the sex of the baby is different, how many years it has been since your last baby, if you are having multiples this time, etc.

Drecab · October 2013

Thank you. That's all I wanted to know.

lbaker420 · October 2013

First of all, some of you ladies sound a bit hormonal and down right bitchy. Someone has asked for an opinion, and in turn, you responded quite rudely. Secondly, if someone has offered to throw you a shower, it is because they care for you and your baby. Babies should be celebrated, no matter if it's your 3rd or your 7th. Is there a rule out there that says you can only have 1 birthday party for your child??! No, we celebrate our children every year. If someone has offered to throw you a shower, you go ahead and let them! It's a happy event. If some invited is offended by you having another shower, or they can't afford $20 for a gift, then they should just decline. Congrats!!!!!

Unknown · October 2013

This content has been removed.

sschwege · October 2013

lbaker420 said:

First of all, some of you ladies sound a bit hormonal and down right bitchy. Someone has asked for an opinion, and in turn, you responded quite rudely. Secondly, if someone has offered to throw you a shower, it is because they care for you and your baby. Babies should be celebrated, no matter if it's your 3rd or your 7th. Is there a rule out there that says you can only have 1 birthday party for your child??! No, we celebrate our children every year. If someone has offered to throw you a shower, you go ahead and let them! It's a happy event. If some invited is offended by you having another shower, or they can't afford $20 for a gift, then they should just decline. Congrats!!!!!

So if it's about celebrating the child and not the gifts then why should someone decline if '...they can't afford $20 for a gift..."?

notkateanymore · October 2013

If somebody offers to throw you a shower, have one. But just bc you don't have baby stuff doesn't mean you should have a shower. I'm having a small shower bc my friends offered to host one when I announced I was pregnant. I have everything I need for the baby already though, bought it all ourselves like you should.

rockopera · October 2013

Having a shower because you have "NO baby stuff to speak of" is tacky because it is a fundraiser. And getting knocked up does not entitle someone to free stuff.

Meery82 · October 2013

Ugh, the fucking hormonal excuse again. MAKE IT STOP!!!

kinarlva · October 2013

No, it's not appropriate.

Drecab · October 2013

Again I will say NO ONE IS LOOKING FOR A HAND OUT! Enough with the 'You got KNOCKED UP take care of your own kid' crap. I came to ask a question that I was unsure of. I didn't post it to be berated and treated as though I am soely looking to my family and friends to be a benefactor for my child. I take great offense to the assumption. I was never told that baby showers are for FTM only. It was my understanding that it was to celebrate the upcoming arrival of a new little one into the world. Gifts are given to help out the parents to be. In my eyes, an 10 year gap is a very long time between children but I was unsure of the appropriateness of having a shower. I mentioned not having baby essentials merely as an informative fact not as a reason to have a shower! Again, according to what MY PERSONAL understanding as to what a baby show is for, I see no harm in it. It's was the perception of others that I was concerned about and if this view point is the consensus then I will pass on celebrating with friends and family. Lord knows I don't want people feeling like I'm looking to them for 'free stuff'.

Thank you for the warm welcome to the forums...apparently there is no place for women to come together and POSITIVELY support one another. Instead of simply explaining that usually this is for first time moms, most went for the jugular and used it as an opportunity to belittle someone that was simply looking for advice.

lollipoppoop · October 2013

Drecab said:

Again I will say NO ONE IS LOOKING FOR A HAND OUT! Enough with the 'You got KNOCKED UP take care of your own kid' crap. I came to ask a question that I was unsure of. I didn't post it to be berated and treated as though I am soely looking to my family and friends to be a benefactor for my child. I take great offense to the assumption. I was never told that baby showers are for FTM only. It was my understanding that it was to celebrate the upcoming arrival of a new little one into the world. Gifts are given to help out the parents to be. In my eyes, an 10 year gap is a very long time between children but I was unsure of the appropriateness of having a shower. I mentioned not having baby essentials merely as an informative fact not as a reason to have a shower! Again, according to what MY PERSONAL understanding as to what a baby show is for, I see no harm in it. It's was the perception of others that I was concerned about and if this view point is the consensus then I will pass on celebrating with friends and family. Lord knows I don't want people feeling like I'm looking to them for 'free stuff'. Thank you for the warm welcome to the forums...apparently there is no place for women to come together and POSITIVELY support one another. Instead of simply explaining that usually this is for first time moms, most went for the jugular and used it as an opportunity to belittle someone that was simply looking for advice.

Then why even ask for opinions? Sounds like you already had the answer you were looking for.

Drecab · October 2013

As I said before, I asked to get the opinions of others as I was unsure if it was appropriate. Clearly the viewpoint is it is not. My concern was not of my OWN feelings and beliefs it was of others.

Drecab · October 2013

Because they are personal...YOU got knocked up stop looking for handouts! That is not a general statement. It's disheartening that people are being so cynical, especially on a forum that I would think would be such a positive place to share and seek advice.

Meery82 · October 2013

You got the responses you did because of the way you worded your post. You emphasized having nothing and starting over, therefore giving the impression that you are looking to have a shower to fund your baby's needs. We only have the information that you give us to work with here.

lollipoppoop · October 2013

Drecab said:

As I said before, I asked to get the opinions of others as I was unsure if it was appropriate. Clearly the viewpoint is it is not. My concern was not of my OWN feelings and beliefs it was of others.

And you got responses, sorry you didn't like the answer.

Drecab · October 2013

Understandable, my apologies.

ordinary1 · October 2013

lbaker420 said:
First of all, some of you ladies sound a bit hormonal and down right bitchy. Someone has asked for an opinion, and in turn, you responded quite rudely. Secondly, if someone has offered to throw you a shower, it is because they care for you and your baby. Babies should be celebrated, no matter if it's your 3rd or your 7th. Is there a rule out there that says you can only have 1 birthday party for your child??! No, we celebrate our children every year. If someone has offered to throw you a shower, you go ahead and let them! It's a happy event. If some invited is offended by you having another shower, or they can't afford $20 for a gift, then they should just decline. Congrats!!!!!

*rolls eyes* There is always someone that claims it is to 'celebrate the baby'. If that were true, the baby would be the guest of honor. How many parties do you go to where the guest of honor isn't there?

[Deleted User] · October 2013

No.

pixieonboard · October 2013

lbaker420 said:
First of all, some of you ladies sound a bit hormonal and down right bitchy. Someone has asked for an opinion, and in turn, you responded quite rudely. Secondly, if someone has offered to throw you a shower, it is because they care for you and your baby. Babies should be celebrated, no matter if it's your 3rd or your 7th. Is there a rule out there that says you can only have 1 birthday party for your child??! No, we celebrate our children every year. If someone has offered to throw you a shower, you go ahead and let them! It's a happy event. If some invited is offended by you having another shower, or they can't afford $20 for a gift, then they should just decline. Congrats!!!!!

:x
I Agree They Call It A Sprinkle Not A Shower But There Is Nothing Wrong With Celebrating The Coming Of Every New Baby Congrats.

Unknown · October 2013

This content has been removed.

techmommie · October 2013

Lol. Maturity is going to be rare in this Internet atmosphere...

Life has a way of bringing you to different mind sets and being less judgmental of others. I'd love love to see a poll of the women who say "how dare you ask for another shower" in 5,7, 9 yrs from now, getting a second or third shower :-)

In all honestly it depends on your community (friends/ family) and culture.
I have been to multiply showers for same friend and never felt it was tacky.
But those are my "friends" not associates. We live by a different rule. I'm a Christian and most of my friends are loving by nature. We automatically want to help each other. It's easier for a group to buy one gift each than for a family (esp if they have other kids) to buy everything.
You will never get all the things you need so a shower doesn't "set you for life". It's a boost, a help, love shown to a family you care about.
No I don't think you should throw your own shower ( which you clarified that you weren't ). But if offered then that means God has put someone in your life to help you. Everyone wants to tell you "no , don't do it, it's rude...blah blah" but they aren't the ones gifting you. They are not your family and friends. They are not the ones wanting to "shower" you with love.
A shower given is done out of love. I'm really sad for those who make such stern rules for others and themselves. They are missing out on such wonderful blessings.
If given to you, have a big ol' shower. I hope you get lots of gifts and help.
For my first child I got three showers (that's right ladies). We just moved to a new state , no family around. My church family of 6 months gave us $200 and a shower, my hubby's job of 6 months knew we were new to the city. They gave us a shower and the partners (Law firm) gave us $500.
Then my family/ friends from down south flew me home and gave me a shower. Praise God. I cried because I knew what an awesome blessing that was. And I in turn do the same for others. Etiquette ...Spetiquette!
More than likely if you don't think its tacky, then you prob don't hang around those who do. Birds a feather...

Btw- this will also be my 3rd child born (3 miscarriages between pregnancies).
My youngest is 7. My family/ friends know we are way past baby stuff. I've already had ppl asking me every week what we are having so they can start buying stuff. They are so excited. I've already had two offers for a baby shower. Although I want something small and don't mind just having a diaper party. You think I'm going to say "sorry, no thank you, it's bad etiquette", lol.
Enjoy your shower!
Congrats!

Meery82 · October 2013

techmommie said:

Lol. Maturity is going to be rare in this Internet atmosphere... Life has a way of bringing you to different mind sets and being less judgmental of others. I'd love love to see a poll of the women who say "how dare you ask for another shower" in 5,7, 9 yrs from now, getting a second or third shower :-) In all honestly it depends on your community (friends/ family) and culture. I have been to multiply showers for same friend and never felt it was tacky. But those are my "friends" not associates. We live by a different rule. I'm a Christian and most of my friends are loving by nature. We automatically want to help each other. It's easier for a group to buy one gift each than for a family (esp if they have other kids) to buy everything. You will never get all the things you need so a shower doesn't "set you for life". It's a boost, a help, love shown to a family you care about. No I don't think you should throw your own shower ( which you clarified that you weren't ). But if offered then that means God has put someone in your life to help you. Everyone wants to tell you "no , don't do it, it's rude...blah blah" but they aren't the ones gifting you. They are not your family and friends. They are not the ones wanting to "shower" you with love. A shower given is done out of love. I'm really sad for those who make such stern rules for others and themselves. They are missing out on such wonderful blessings. If given to you, have a big ol' shower. I hope you get lots of gifts and help. For my first child I got three showers (that's right ladies). We just moved to a new state , no family around. My church family of 6 months gave us $200 and a shower, my hubby's job of 6 months knew we were new to the city. They gave us a shower and the partners (Law firm) gave us $500. Then my family/ friends from down south flew me home and gave me a shower. Praise God. I cried because I knew what an awesome blessing that was. And I in turn do the same for others. Etiquette ...Spetiquette! More than likely if you don't think its tacky, then you prob don't hang around those who do. Birds a feather... Btw- this will also be my 3rd child born (3 miscarriages between pregnancies). My youngest is 7. My family/ friends know we are way past baby stuff. I've already had ppl asking me every week what we are having so they can start buying stuff. They are so excited. I've already had two offers for a baby shower. Although I want something small and don't mind just having a diaper party. You think I'm going to say "sorry, no thank you, it's bad etiquette", lol. Enjoy your shower! Congrats!

LOL is right. You've just got all the answers, don't ya? So are you equating etiquette with immaturity?

ETA: I'd also like to know how you are going to assume that maturity is rare around here when you've posted, oh, about a whole 5 times?

techmommie · October 2013

Posting is not the same as reading. I've read many many posts and just don't feel the need to comment on all of them because I don't have all the answers or experience with every subject. I do however have experience with this subject and an opinion on it. It's called quality not quanity.

My maturity comment is based on other comments read. Not just on this post or just on this site. I think many ppl can agree when dealing with the masses, you find quite of ppl lacking maturity.

This site is about getting perspective of others who are in the same shoe or have had the same experience.
I'm a different perspective :-)
I stand by my 1 of 5 post.

techmommie · October 2013

Darbie914 said:
I find it very interesting that you speak so candidly about the love your friends and family have for you, wanting to fill your life with love and blessing. Yet you laugh in the face of etiquette because, why would you care about being considerate of those same people that bestow all of their blessings upon you? Pot meet Kettle.

How did I laugh in their faces? My family/ friends don't think it wrong to have multiply showers. I've never thrown my own shower or even sent an invite out. Sorry I do believe you should be thoughtful in events. My consideration comes from what I do for others. We bless each other. That's what I meant by it depends on your community or culture. We all do it a different way and different things are acceptable for different ppl.

My lol was because of the verbal attack on this original poster. She had to defend her question. Something's you lol to lighten the mood, not to take so serious or because it's just ridiculous ...I hope she didn't get her feelings too hurt by some of those comments.

Meery82 · October 2013

@techmommie

Drecab · October 2013

There you ladies go sniping again! Teckmommie has shared an opinion that differs from the majority of those who have posted and what do you do? ATTACK her as well. Some of you should be ashamed of your behavior and realize that it is in bad taste (do I dare say tacky) to hide behind your keyboards and attack others because their views differ from your own! It's nice to see there are still a few caring, nonjudgmental people left in the world.

Meery82 · October 2013

Drecab said:

There you ladies go sniping again! Teckmommie has shared an opinion that differs from the majority of those who have posted and what do you do? ATTACK her as well. Some of you should be ashamed of your behavior and realize that it is in bad taste (do I dare say tacky) to hide behind your keyboards and attack others because their views differ from your own! It's nice to see there are still a few caring, nonjudgmental people left in the world.

Oh, suck it. And if I could, I'd say it to your face.

Drecab · October 2013

Meery82 said:

Drecab said:

There you ladies go sniping again! Teckmommie has shared an opinion that differs from the majority of those who have posted and what do you do? ATTACK her as well. Some of you should be ashamed of your behavior and realize that it is in bad taste (do I dare say tacky) to hide behind your keyboards and attack others because their views differ from your own! It's nice to see there are still a few caring, nonjudgmental people left in the world.

Oh, suck it. And if I could, I'd say it to your face.

Has anything positive or non bitchy ever passed your lips? Seriously! Every comment I see in these threads made by you reeks of bitterness. I feel sorry for your family and friends (assuming you have friends...although I can't imagine you do with a disposition like that). Talk about folks on high horses. People in glass houses should not throw stones. I'm past you and your rude comments.

Meery82 · October 2013

Drecab said:

Drecab said:

There you ladies go sniping again! Teckmommie has shared an opinion that differs from the majority of those who have posted and what do you do? ATTACK her as well. Some of you should be ashamed of your behavior and realize that it is in bad taste (do I dare say tacky) to hide behind your keyboards and attack others because their views differ from your own! It's nice to see there are still a few caring, nonjudgmental people left in the world.

Oh, suck it. And if I could, I'd say it to your face.
Has anything positive or non bitchy ever passed your lips? Seriously! Every comment I see in these threads made by you reeks of bitterness. I feel sorry for your family and friends (assuming you have friends...although I can't imagine you do with a disposition like that). Talk about folks on high horses. People in glass houses should not throw stones. I'm past you and your rude comments.

LOL! Obviously, you can't read too well. And thank you so much for feeling sorry for my friends and family. I'm pretty sure they're cool with me. Not that I need to explain anything to you. Your opinion means zilch. Is it time for a GBCB yet? Have your tacky shower and be on your way. :-*

Drecab · October 2013

Meery82 said:

Drecab said:

Meery82 said:

Drecab said:

There you ladies go sniping again! Teckmommie has shared an opinion that differs from the majority of those who have posted and what do you do? ATTACK her as well. Some of you should be ashamed of your behavior and realize that it is in bad taste (do I dare say tacky) to hide behind your keyboards and attack others because their views differ from your own! It's nice to see there are still a few caring, nonjudgmental people left in the world.

Oh, suck it. And if I could, I'd say it to your face.
Has anything positive or non bitchy ever passed your lips? Seriously! Every comment I see in these threads made by you reeks of bitterness. I feel sorry for your family and friends (assuming you have friends...although I can't imagine you do with a disposition like that). Talk about folks on high horses. People in glass houses should not throw stones. I'm past you and your rude comments.

LOL! Obviously, you can't read too well. And thank you so much for feeling sorry for my friends and family. I'm pretty sure they're cool with me. Not that I need to explain anything to you. Your opinion means zilch. Is it time for a GBCB yet? Have your tacky shower and be on your way. :-*

Meery82 · October 2013

Drecab said:

Drecab said:

Drecab said:

There you ladies go sniping again! Teckmommie has shared an opinion that differs from the majority of those who have posted and what do you do? ATTACK her as well. Some of you should be ashamed of your behavior and realize that it is in bad taste (do I dare say tacky) to hide behind your keyboards and attack others because their views differ from your own! It's nice to see there are still a few caring, nonjudgmental people left in the world.

Oh, suck it. And if I could, I'd say it to your face.
Has anything positive or non bitchy ever passed your lips? Seriously! Every comment I see in these threads made by you reeks of bitterness. I feel sorry for your family and friends (assuming you have friends...although I can't imagine you do with a disposition like that). Talk about folks on high horses. People in glass houses should not throw stones. I'm past you and your rude comments.

LOL! Obviously, you can't read too well. And thank you so much for feeling sorry for my friends and family. I'm pretty sure they're cool with me. Not that I need to explain anything to you. Your opinion means zilch. Is it time for a GBCB yet? Have your tacky shower and be on your way. :-*

Aw, you're so sweet! I really hope you stick around and keep offering your fabulous opinions! They're just so speshul!

Meery82 · October 2013

And my high horse meme was damn funny and you know it. I've just been waiting to use it.

Meery82 · October 2013

Yours weren't. And you called yourself a fool. Fail.

sschwege · October 2013

techmommie said:

Lol. Maturity is going to be rare in this Internet atmosphere... Life has a way of bringing you to different mind sets and being less judgmental of others. I'd love love to see a poll of the women who say "how dare you ask for another shower" in 5,7, 9 yrs from now, getting a second or third shower :-) In all honestly it depends on your community (friends/ family) and culture. I have been to multiply showers for same friend and never felt it was tacky. But those are my "friends" not associates. We live by a different rule. I'm a Christian and most of my friends are loving by nature. We automatically want to help each other.

Here's my issue with your argument, if it was the norm in her 'community' she wouldn't be asking if it was OK to have a shower for her third kid! The fact that she is questioning it should tell her something.

Prime example, for DD's birthday parties we have always done, "no gifts'. Etiquette says you should never make mention of gifts even if it's to say, 'please no gifts'. It's a decision DH and I have made together and have decided it's best for our family. I am comfortable with our decision, so I don't need to post it asking if it's OK and then getting upset when I don't get the answers I was hoping for.

If she feels a shower is appropriate in her 'special' circumstances then proceed, but don't get upset when you don't get the answer you were hoping for.

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