SAHM struggling

Mrslove78 · September 2013

I'm a SAHM with a 2 and 4 year old. Dad works always! Never mom time off... just the way it is. I LOVED the SAHM thing this whole time, but now I'm finding it impossible. Feeling like my social skills are turning awkward and I'm bored and unstimulated. I have friends who are also SAHM's; they struggle with depression and keeping play dates. kids and i do lots of kids stuff each day.

Just wondering what other SAHM experiences are. Love to hear your bad/hard moments as well as how you overcome some of the issues I'm dealing with. TIA

blondie42107 · September 2013

I'm not a SAMH but I work part time and have friends that SAH. I'm not sure what's available in your area but I would look into:

Our local school district offers play groups for children birth to 5 (up until enrolled in K) and they are held at various locations during the school year. Ours were held at a local library, in their activity room, on Friday mornings. It was only a couple hours but it got us out of the house and introduced LO to activities that I hadn't thought of.

I'm not sure of your budget, but maybe look for a two day a week preschool or check into a early learning program that might allow you some flexible services. Our in-home daycare (when I work) accommodates a family where the mom just wants some "me time" so they watch her two children for 3hrs 2x a week during the school year when daycare enrollment is a little lower.

Make a calendar and plan 1-2 out of the house activities per week: going to the park, library, zoo, museum, etc. Try to get your friends to also tag along with their children.

Join a mom's group. Check facebook or just Google and ask around. I think if you find a support system of some sort you'll have the adult relationships that you need and your children with have the same with other children. Win/Win.

chardonnay24 · September 2013

I SAH and my husband works about 80+ hours a week, so it's just me and the kid all day long. I've found it very helpful to have scheduled activities. We do swim lessons once a week, gymnastics once a week, library story time once a week, and preschool twice a week (starting next week). I'm really looking forward to preschool because it'll give me time to go to the gym, get coffee with friends, go shopping, get a massage, whatever - just by myself.

We also have a babysitter that comes once or twice a month so we can have date night. She comes occasionally during the day so that I can go to the doctor or chiropractor or get my hair cut. It helps knowing that I can schedule appointments and take care of myself if I need to.

I also have a solid group of mom friends. We plan activities (zoo outings, park trips, hikes), play dates, and seasonal parties. It helps us stay busy and connected.

And lastly, I am not completely opposed to using grandparents for weekend babysitting so that I can go out with my non-mom friends. It can be draining to spend all day, every day with kids without any time away. I always feel much more refreshed after an afternoon of lunch and shopping with my grown up friends.

HML5382 · September 2013

I agree with the scheduled activities & playdates and all for things to get your out of the house with your kids, especially when you can get together with other mom's to socialize. But what really makes a difference for me is working toward a goal of my own. After DD1 turned 1 I took up running and set the goal of doing a 10 mile race. It really made me feel good to do something totally for me, especially because I had to work hard to achieve it. I'm struggling to find the time for something similar now with 2, but I hope to figure it out! Good luck, hang in there

lorist202 · September 2013

You're probably not going to like this, but when I found myself at the point where you're at, I knew it was time to consider going back to work. Not only was I much happier, but so was my son, because my own depression and lack of motivation was causing him to miss out on so much more that I should have been doing with him. He started at 20 mos.

Now that he's in daycare, he LOVES it. His friends, the activities, the learning, etc. has all been great for him. I was working 4 days per week, so we still had long weekends together. It was an adjustment for us both, but now it's perfect. Plus, when I get a vaca day off from work, I can take a day for myself! Like you, my H works A LOT, so I really didn't get a break as a SAHM.

I'm currently laid off from my job, but I've been interviewing, and hope to get a new job soon. Meanwhile, DS is still in daycare (it's paid for the entire month). Last week was my first week "off" as a mommy, and I'm looking forward to this week of mommy vaca again! Hopefully I'll be back to work soon.

Keep your head up! Being a mom is difficult no matter what!

daniella2727 · September 2013

can you get your kids into preschool part-time, maybe through a local church (usually more affordable) so you can have time off each week and it is not dependent on your husband being home to watch them? Use that time to do stuff for you - go to the library, walk around the mall - whatever you like!

sugarbear0524 · September 2013

Most churches have a "Children's Day Out" program, and it's usually not terribly expensive. The one where my son went was 9:30-2:15 either 2 or 3 days a week. It will be great for your kids, too.

Babalonia · October 2013

I work full time but we have DS involved with a free play group once a week. I also take him to a mommy and me swimming class every Tuesday night. I have a friend who is a SAHM and she does play group at a local Rec Center and also met up with a parent group. I think if you go to meetup.org or something like that you can find mommy groups. You can also go to the local library or a Barnes and NObles for story time.

As far as you getting some time to yourself or make some extra money I also do on the side home parties for a direct sales companies. There are hundreds of them. Fine one you like and start doing that! I've had much success with mine and hope to be able to quit my full time job one day and just do that! Good luck!

jlpev · October 2013

I completely understand! I have a 2.5 year old and a 4 month old. Some days I lack ambition to do anything. Thankfully I have 1 other mom that her & I text each other every day. We inspire each other to do stuff.
We also get together once a week. We rotate houses so kids learn to share their toys and a chance to get out of the house.
After having kids I lost contact with so many friends. Partly my fault but I have new friends, not many but a few. My few are really good ones tho.
I also try to get DS outside a little each day.
Staying at home is very hard but well worth it.
I know I'm not the best BC some days I'm exhausted and I let DS watch toons. But at the end of the day both kids are alive and dinner is made but so what if the house is a mess.

Mrslove78 · October 2013

Wow, I wish I'd been on this site sooner. Thanks for the ideas. Sounds like more activities is key. Son is in school 3X's per week, daughter 1X per week gymnastics, and I do MOPS. But, (aside from MOPS only 2X's per month) the activities are really not social activities. Bet finding something where I can actually have a conversation with another adult would help! My husband also works a ton, and usually 7 days a week. So, sounds like meetup.com could be my best option. I've tried before but puttered out. I'm going to give it another shot.

dairygirl19 · October 2013

Ditto a lot of the pp.

I also found, I'm miserable stay at home Mom without adult/no kid interaction. Which is hard where I live because H works 85 hour weeks more often than not, there's not a lot of people my age around here and all my close friends are 2plus hours a way.

The trick for me was part-time work. I work 2 days a week, kid goes to daycare. We're all happy. I feel more engaged, like I "matter" more, keep up on my skills etc. and kid LOVES to play at DC. It's also only 2 day so I don't ever feel stressed or burned out over work and managing our house either.

I also set a running goal and a cooking goal to make one new great thing once a week. Those hobbies really keep me motivated too.

The rest of my life is wrapped up in kid stuff, which is great, but a few things for me keep me sane for sure!

BeanNut · October 2013

Is there anyway you could find a part time job and enroll your two kids in a part-time preschool? I recently transitioned from a very intense full-time job to three days/week, 8 hours a day working. I looked quite a bit for a good part-time daycare and found a very nice place that does a MWF program and TH program (as well as full-time). So far it is a great mix for our family in that I get to spend a lot more time with my kids than I was but I still get to work and earn money, too.

If you do not want to work part-time, you should at a minimum look for a way to get yourself one day or 1/2 day a week off. Either through the help of family or your H or if that isn't possible, google local Mother's Day out programs offered through local churches and organizations. Usually these are pretty affordable.

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