It's been a while... Just need to vent

JessicaG220 · October 2013

Hi ladies,

Sorry I have been MIA lately. I have been lurking, but I just haven't felt like posting. I'm just so sad. I hate to welcome all of the new members, but I hope you've found this place to be as helpful as I have.

As I just posted in today's Day of Grief thread, today is 6 months since Ava died. I can't believe it. I don't even remember who I was 6 months and 1 day ago. To be so over the moon happy, naive, and excited... And have it all ripped away, along with my baby girl. I am venting because one of my best friends just had a c-section and her daughter was born. She has a son who turned 1 in August, and she got pregnant with this baby by surprise. So they're just 14 months apart. My gosh. I wanted and loved Ava before she was even conceived and she's gone. And my friend wasn't even planning for this baby and ta da, she's here. Who decides fairness in life? Certainly not a woman. I feel like a woman would have too much compassion to let such disparity exist. Don't misunderstand me, I am happy for my friend. But I want to be happy for her and me BOTH. I don't want to be happy for her and grieve over Ava's death at the same time. I don't think my brain can process both emotions at once.

Thanks for letting me vent! I hope time has helped you heal. I have found the passage of time to be the only true way to find peace.

bunnybun4 · October 2013

I am so sorry you have been feeling so low.

I find myself despising people in grocery stores with two young children/babies...I just want ONE to be born alive!!! and people that have kids back to back...i just don't get it. I don't get how it is so easy for some people and then so hard for others. I hate that this whole ordeal has to keep going and that I have to keep dealing with feelings of anger on top of all of my grief. None of it is fair.

so many ((hugs)) today. I hope you start feeling better soon.

BrittianyM · October 2013

Amen to that sweetheart! I feel that way also. Hugs to you.

schulme2 · October 2013

I'm so sorry you're feeling down. I know how you feel. When I see people with healthy baby girls it breaks my heart all over again. Especially when they weren't even trying to have a baby. We were trying for so long and wanted her so badly and we don't get her. I know what you mean... It just isn't fair!