Pregnancy & Infant Loss Memorial Day - October 15th

amberhoothoot · October 2013

https://www.october15th.com/

I believe this is National but states worldwide as well. House resolutions were passed to proclaim October 15th Pregnancy & Infant Loss Memorial Day. There should be local gatherings in some cities across the US and Canada if you want to google. Or most people will simply light a candle at 7pm as a "wave of light". Just a day to aknowledge.

Here is the central Ohio one - https://centralohiooctober15th.homestead.com/index.html

I hope it's ok to post. I was only one week when I had a CP so sometimes I feel like it's not ok for me to grieve the way others might later in pregnancy. But if I hadn't been part of this board I wouldn't have even known how common it was. People don't speak about it. I think that was the part that made me feel most alone in real life. But I'm glad I had all of your stories.

Since it's not the easiest thing to rehash, maybe we could just light a candle if you've been through it...

amberhoothoot · October 2013

ky29 · October 2013

I made a post on facebook 'coming out' about our loss. Wanting to raise awareness since it's something that's not spoken about.

Ceridwen21 · October 2013

I really think people need to talk about this more. I too was amazed by how many people (that I know IRL) have had miscarriages. They never would have shared with me if I hadn't shared with them.

Pintobean39 · October 2013

I hate the term chemical pregnancy. It makes it seem like it's not a real pregnancy. I personally call all my losses mc, regardless if I was 14 weeks or 5 weeks.

Also just curious at what point is it considered a MC and not a CP.

Also @amberhoothoot it's perfectly ok for you to post. A loss is a loss regardless of the time you were pregnant and you have to grieve.

Tamma254 · October 2013

I haven't come out about our losses on FB, but I did post two pictures I'd found.

beckynsean11 · October 2013

I was also going to post something about this. I'm probably going to say something on FB about it, but I need to talk to MH first to make sure he's ok with it since we share a lot of FB friends. I would never have known how common it was without coming to TB & seeing it so frequently.

I agree that it's not something that's talked about enough. There are so many women who go through loss without anyone to talk to. After mine, I spoke with a friend of mine that had a m/c a long time ago. She now has 3 children & is 22 weeks with #4. She opened up and told me that she's had 4 more losses since then & hadn't been able to talk to anyone about them. It's been great for both of us to have each other.

Lots of love to all of you that have had/are going through losses.

ETA: @amberhoothoot, Don't ever feel like your loss doesn't deserve to be grieved. Whether you were pregnant for a day, a week, a month, or longer, that was your baby. You have every single right to grieve.

emsrdh03 · October 2013

Hugs to all of those women who have had losses. I'm not even one month past my miscarriage so it's still very raw for me, but each day gets better.

joshua+rebecca11 · October 2013

I've never had a loss myself, but my mom and one of my best friends has. It was hard on me and my siblings when we lost the baby sibling we never got to see, I can't imagine losing one myself, either just a couple weeks pregnant or not. To all you ladies who have lost, hugs and you all are amazing. Thanks for posting about this, I had no idea October 15th was the Remembrance Day for pregnancy and infant loss.

beckynsean11 · October 2013

@emsrdh03 I love that badge. I may make that my profile pic on FB.

CMSullivan326 · October 2013

I lit candles last year in memory of my angel babies & I'll do it again this year.. I really wish this was talked about more....::hugs:: to all the ladies who've gone through this.

pantherRN · October 2013

I came out on Facebook. It's scary, but worth it.

to you all.

jaytee16 · October 2013

Sending lots of love to all of those grieving a loss, or losses. I cannot begin to imagine the heartache you have all had to endure, you are truly some of the strongest, most courageous women I have had the privilege of getting to know.

to you all.

WolFox · October 2013

I'm so sorry for all of you that have experienced losses. You are all strong and wonderful women. Love for you and for them.

beckynsean11 · October 2013

macylynn27 said:

@amberhoothoot:

I agree with @pintobean. You had a loss, you should grieve, and you can post.

I was pregnant for 6 hours before I miscarried. I still grieve about it.

Also, Pinto, I think that a Chemical pregnancy is before a heart beat and a miscarriage is after a heartbeat.
Although I'm with you, I don't like the term CP.

From what I've read it's considered a CP before 5 weeks. Once an ultrasound is able to detect the pregnancy, it's considered a miscarriage. I don't like the term CP because it seems to leave women feeling like they don't have the same rights to grieve & that's not fair.

amberhoothoot · October 2013

I am so grateful for this board and all of your stories.

I had a friend come out about her 3 losses on facebook. We are not close but I wrote her and said I appreciated her courage. We have not said anything publicly, but I feel like a coward because I know how much it helped me to speak with my friend who spoke of her losses. I am in the 2WW and although I know it is very common I am still so scared for it to happen again.

@pintobean39, @macylynn27 & @beckynsean11 - Thank you.

(ps becky, I love you juice boxes siggy, thanks for the laugh)

Pinto, my OB said it's considered a chemical until the sac can be seen on an ultrasound which isn't until I think later in the 5th week or 6th I think. But she was empathetic and did call it a miscarriage.

@emsrdh3 - That is a great badge. I posted just a simple infant loss awareness pic on FB today, pretty vague, but if I find the courage, I may use that.

Hugs to all those lighting a candle tonight.

WolFox · October 2013

byegurlbye said:

One year ago today was the day we found out we lost baby # 3.

One thing that helped me this year was participating in our city's first annual Walk to Remember. There were walk t-shirts you could order with your baby's name on them, mine just said "The [Last Name] Babies", they gave out biodegradable balloons and had stations for people to write notes to attach to the balloons.

There were speeches, a walk and then they read out the names of every baby who was registered for the Walk, as they read each name the bereaved parents and their family and friends released their balloons. At the end all of the parents got a hydrangea bush to plant in their gardens.

They are erecting a monument at the city park for those whose children do not have a resting place. There is a small QR code engraved on it, when you scan it a list comes up of all the babies remembered there.

Anyways, I wanted to bring it up because the experience was deeply therapeutic for me. It felt like the memorial service I never got to have for my babies and it was really comforting to have that.

If it sounds like something you would be down for I highly encourage you to find one in your area: https://www.october15th.com/activities-walks/ most of them happen this time of year and this list is pretty comprehensive.

Sometimes I don't know whether to 'love' something because it's sad but also amazing. I'm so sorry for your losses but am so glad that your city gave you this opportunity to heal. It seems like an amazing event and it's great that participating in it helped you.

beckynsean11 · October 2013

@byegurlbye That event sounds so amazing & so therapeutic. Thank you for sharing it.

Pintobean39 · October 2013

I've never even heard the term cp before coming here. My dr calls it a mc and so does everyone else I know IRL

Ceridwen21 · October 2013

I am planning on doing something special to commemorate the baby we lost's due date. I know it will be especially hard because a good friend is due with her second baby that same week.

The balloon release is a really nice idea.

amberhoothoot · October 2013

Pintobean39 said:

I've never even heard the term cp before coming here. My dr calls it a mc and so does everyone else I know IRL

I call it a CP here because thats what I saw being used on the boards. IRL, like when talking to DH, I always call it a miscarriage. I don't think I could voice the word "chemical" when referring to an almost baby. And considering the physical part of the process, CP doesn't seem fair when it was one of the most painful things I've had to go through.

amberhoothoot · October 2013

@byegurlbye - Yeah I had to go to the bathroom and cry after reading that. What a great thing to be able to participate in.

jcsumm0 · October 2013

I know far too many women who've been effected by pregnancy or infant loss. Thinking of all of you and your sweet angel babies today.

beckynsean11 · October 2013

I decided to come out just a few minutes ago on FB & I've already had 4 separate friends, with multiple losses, thank me for it. I haven't stopped crying since hitting post, but worth it if those 4 people feel less alone now.

IvyMagic828 · October 2013

Although I have not personally experienced such a loss thus far, I feel for each and every one of you who has and would like to light a candle for you all:

May your hearts find the healing they need while always keeping a special place for those you've lost.

Giants721 · October 2013

Hi ladies. Sadly, I'm back. Last Wednesday I had a natural miscarriage. I started bleeding on Tuesday. I was supposed to be 7 weeks 3 days, my baby was measuring 6 weeks 5 days and no HB. I have been very vocal about my loss. It has helped be by talking about it. I feel like I am honoring my baby by discussing it. I was on the May boards. Thinking about all of us who have suffered this terrible loss.

Spookster · October 2013

I have never experienced a loss but I always light a candle for those who have.

Much love to you all!

lebradford · October 2013

I feel like nothing I can say can really be enough or mean just the right thing, but I'm going to try. You ladies are the strongest people I know. You are so brave to share your personal stories. I have learned so much from you guys in the past two months (and not just about TTC). Thank you for being so amazing and hugs to you all.

CMSullivan326 · October 2013

I just took this...

bumpuser1282882 · October 2013

I haven't found the strength to come out on FB about our loss, so kudos to those of you who have. I've been feeling a bit down lately because our edd from my first pregnancy would have been next week, on the 24th. Although I am thankful for where we are now, it doesn't change that I lost our first baby, and it never will. My heart goes out to those who have had a loss.
I hope it's ok that I posted here. I just wanted you all to know I am thinking of you today.

Spookster · October 2013

stufie said:

I haven't found the strength to come out on FB about our loss, so kudos to those of you who have. I've been feeling a bit down lately because our edd from my first pregnancy would have been next week, on the 24th. Although I am thankful for where we are now, it doesn't change that I lost our first baby, and it never will. My heart goes out to those who have had a loss.
I hope it's ok that I posted here. I just wanted you all to know I am thinking of you today.

ILY Stufie :-*

Hollygirl7 · October 2013

amberhoothoot said:

Pintobean39 said:

I've never even heard the term cp before coming here. My dr calls it a mc and so does everyone else I know IRL

I call it a CP here because thats what I saw being used on the boards. IRL, like when talking to DH, I always call it a miscarriage. I don't think I could voice the word "chemical" when referring to an almost baby. And considering the physical part of the process, CP doesn't seem fair when it was one of the most painful things I've had to go through.

My m/c was almost a year ago and it still hurts so much. I'd only known I was pregnant for a week, so I downplayed it a lot when it first happened, saying I shouldn't hurt as much as others I knew who had later miscarriages, but as time wore on and the EDD approached I realized how much I was holding on to where I "should have been." It has been the most difficult year of my life, and it's taken a while to realize the depth of the loss I'm grieving, even though I was "just" pregnant a week. As such, I never refer to it as a CP, I feel like it gives people permission to brush my feelings off. I need to acknowledge it as a loss, and others not recognizing it doesn't help me at all.

beckynsean11 · October 2013

@giants721 I'm so sorry that you're back with us! Hugs!

@stufie Hugs!

iam3jenn · October 2013

I have not experienced a loss, but wanted to let you ladies know that I am thinking about you and praying for your journey of healing and TTC. A friend of my sister-in-law found out this weekend that she lost her baby. They went for their first ultrasound and were unable to find a heartbeat. I see the devastation that she is going through. Hugs to all of you. Know that you are being prayed for and thought of!

TravelingCouple · October 2013

Thank you for this thread, the stories have me in tears. It's been 2 1/2 months since my miscarriage at 6.5 weeks. Time does help but I still miss that baby I'll never hold and wish I was still pregnant. I've told my immediate family and best friend who has also had a miscarriage. Her support has been immeasurable. There's just something about having support of someone who's been there and knows how you feel. I'm excited to eventually be pregnant again but will never forget that little one I lost.
I'm on mobile so I'm reposting a candle. Hope it works.

amberhoothoot · October 2013

@giants721 - I am so sorry for your loss.

bluebird0521 · October 2013

When my son was born prematurely so many people came out and told me that they had been through the same. I had two aunts who went through it and I never knew! I was amazed by the number of people in my life who had been through something similar and lost their child. It was not until my loss that they came forward and told me.

OP thank you for posting this, I had no idea that this was today. I think it is important we acknowledge the loss we have been through and others have been through.

yurmom · October 2013

I really love the "I am the face" badge and posted it on FB today. My brother texted me saying that was really too personal for FB, I'm very negative, and maybe I need to see a psychologist. Needless to say, that was a slap in the face.

yurmom · October 2013

I'm so sorry for you loss @Giants721. Hugs to you.

CMSullivan326 · October 2013

dlsexton said:
I really love the "I am the face" badge and posted it on FB today. My brother texted me saying that was really too personal for FB, I'm very negative, and maybe I need to see a psychologist. Needless to say, that was a slap in the face.

You're kidding, right?!

It's people like him & comments like that, that make people afraid to talk about it....this really pisses me off.

I know he's your brother & all, but fuck him & his ignorant comments. Seriously.

CMSullivan326 · October 2013

Oh, & @dlsexton I'm very sorry he said that to you. Please don't let his ignorance stop you from publicly talking about your loss & expressing your feelings! ((Hugs))

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