Which way to face car seat?

designerchai2230 · October 2013

I always thought your child needed to be rear-facing until 2yo or when they reached a certain weight?

Now I've been hearing commercials that say: If at least one year old and 20 pounds, but less than four years old or less than 40 pounds, must be a in a forward- or rear-facing child seat in the back seat (if so equipped)

Which one is it? Do you have your 1 year old facing forward? My boys legs looked crunched when rear-facing, so it would be great to make the switch, but I'm not sure which is correct?

acbfreire · October 2013

It is safer to ride rear-facing for as long as possible because of the possibility of fatal neck injuries in the case of a crash. They can cross their legs while rear-facing, so they can stay that way for longer. I am sure your state has clear laws for which age/ weight you can FF your child.

salbabe79 · October 2013

each state can have a law but the general recommendation is rear facing as long as possible. in ct the law is 1 year or 20lbs rearfacing.

ELF4321 · October 2013

This is a case where the laws have not caught up with the medical evidence. Children's heads are so large for their neck size, that fatal neck injuries are possible if forward facing (it's called internal decapitation). The current recommendation from safety experts is to stay rear facing until at least 2 years unless the child exceeds the weight limit for rear facing on your particular car seat.

ASmallWonder · October 2013

Nicb13 said:

Yep, it's 1 year or 20lbs in WA state as well but DS is still RF at 19 months. His legs are scrunched too but kids really don't mind that. It looks uncomfortable but it's not.

WA is a proper use state, meaning you have to use the car seat per the manufacturer's instructions. There are no seats that follow the "or" rule. At a minimum, all seats are 1 year AND 20 pounds for forward facing. But like others said, that's the law but the recommendation is to rear face them to the limits of their rear facing seat, preferably until 2 or later.

janinekrause · October 2013

It is the safest but my daughter was miserable. We turned her much earlier than 2. I know people on here would scream at me, but just the way we did it.

ASmallWonder · October 2013

janinekrause said:

It is the safest but my daughter was miserable. We turned her much earlier than 2. I know people on here would scream at me, but just the way we did it.

Genuine question - why do you assume she was miserable if it's all she's ever known? It's not as if she realizes there's a choice and that the other choice would be better.

janinekrause · October 2013

because she cried all the time, and wanted to be like her big sister. The minute we turned her, she started loving car trips again.

janinekrause · October 2013

I guess we all can judge what other parents do. Everyone makes their own choices.The way people approach it sometimes would make you think I was abusing my children.

ASmallWonder · October 2013

janinekrause said:

I guess we all can judge what other parents do. Everyone makes their own choices.The way people approach it sometimes would make you think I was abusing my children.

I would never ever go so far as to compare your decision to abuse. But I also think people tend to view car seat safety as optional. You said she was upset because she wanted to be like her big sister. Her big sister can also take medicine that the younger one can't but you KNOW that's dangerous and wouldn't allow it. Her big sister could ride carnival rides that could be fatal to a younger child. You wouldn't allow it. The list goes on and on of things her big sister is going to be old enough to do at a time when it just flat out isn't an option for the younger one. I just don't understand giving in to what they want like it's something fun like a cookie.

janinekrause · October 2013

I hear you. Just a choice I made. And unfortunately, I think there are a lot of choices in our lives we are going to make that aren't the safest. i.e. I am sure there are cars that are 50X safer in cases of accidents than others, but not everyone buys those. i.e. If you look at latest football stats and see what happens to kids who play long-term, would you allow your child to play if they wanted?

Not trying to start debate- really, I am not. Everyone can read the literature, and make choices based on what they are most comfortable with.

And laws/info change all the time, so unfortunately, what my husband and I were used to with our first, changed and we didn't adapt. Just like people I know with the seatbelt law, it took them a while to change behavior.

janinekrause · October 2013

thats good.

Not saying I made the best choice there is, but I like to think I am a good mother and make good- great choices in most things. All I was saying was i don't like getting judged, and there is definitely a lot of that here. I have been on for 5 years, on and off, - I think there are some amazing suggestions and then I think there is a lot of "let me see if I can make you feel like a bad mother" posts.

ASmallWonder · October 2013

In all seriousness, when I post about car seat stuff it's not with the intention of making someone feel bad. What I'm hoping to do is get them to step back from the mindset of "No one's died so I must be doing it right" and realizing that a lot of times, things go well DESPITE the choices we make. I didn't know about extended rear facing before The Bump and I know I would have turned my son at a year and 20 pounds because it's the norm in a lot of circles. I think the biggest disservice we can do to our children is to be so defensive that we hear criticism in information to the extent that we can't allow ourselves to hear life saving tips.

janinekrause · October 2013

I totally do agree- most people have no idea about the new laws and new safety guidelines. This place happens to be very educated about it. My pediatrician never even mentioned it and I read it here. So apologies on getting defensive.

There are a lot of hard choices and I just didnt want to get judged. I had a choice of turning them and being calm, or them screaming and the being distracted, it is a difficult one and one a parent needs to make with all the info provided. Distracted driving is the #1 cause of accidents.

A lot of choices are hard. and I wish I could keep them in a bubble instead

acbfreire · October 2013

janinekrause said:

I totally do agree- most people have no idea about the new laws and new safety guidelines. This place happens to be very educated about it. My pediatrician never even mentioned it and I read it here. So apologies on getting defensive.
There are a lot of hard choices and I just didnt want to get judged. I had a choice of turning them and being calm, or them screaming and the being distracted, it is a difficult one and one a parent needs to make with all the info provided. Distracted driving is the #1 cause of accidents.
A lot of choices are hard. and I wish I could keep them in a bubble instead

Is there anything that you can use to distract your younger one? Music, toys, etc?

janinekrause · October 2013

No- she is stubborn. She has been there too long to try and change it now. She will be 2 in a month.

melody921 · October 2013

acbfreire said:

It is safer to ride rear-facing for as long as possible because of the possibility of fatal neck injuries in the case of a crash. They can cross their legs while rear-facing, so they can stay that way for longer. I am sure your state has clear laws for which age/ weight you can FF your child.

This. In PA, 1 year and 20 pounds is the law, but AAP recommends 2 years (as does my pedi), so we stick with that. They might look a little cramped, but they don't know any different. DS never once complained, and he was rear facing past 2.

[Deleted User] · October 2013

Rear facing is safest until after 2. I won't respond to the idiocy in this thread.

alake · October 2013

my youngest four (Six and under) are rear facing.
My six year old is in a Foonf, she has an inch or so left to grow and another 10 pounds. She is rear facing at her request.
My two and a half year old is rear facing in an RXT. He is 27 pounds and 35 inches tall. He will rear face to a minimum of four (My bare minimum, unless he grows out of the RXT and Foonf)
My 14 month old is rear facing in a RXT. She is 20 pounds and 28 inches tall. She still fits in her infant carrier, but we switched her a week after her first birthday.
DD4 (adopted) is 8 months old. She is rear facing in a Cocoro. She is 17 pounds and 26 inches tall. She will ride in it, until DD2 grows out of the Foonf. DS will go into the Foonf and she will be moved into his RXT.

LittleApple · October 2013

BettyandCo said:

Rear facing is safest until after 2. I won't respond to the idiocy in this thread.

Same here. But I will add this video. Slow motion of what happens to a child in a FF car seat and RF car seat.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sssIsceKd6U

acbfreire · October 2013

I agree that safety is not optional. People are under the impression of safety because it is allowed by the manufacturers and laws. I am keeping DD rear facing until 40 lbs.
I do not get why ppl feel judged when they are being given life-saving advice. Can you imagine finding out this info AFTER being in a crash?

JENandJEH · October 2013

DS2 will rear face until he is, at minimum, 2. If he is still within the rear-facing limits of his seat at 2, he'll stay rear-facing. If not, I'll decide whether or not I want to purchase another seat that will keep him rear-facing longer but likely will. We are in the car a lot and I want him to be as safe as possible.

That video was awesome @LittleApple - thanks for sharing!

baloneydisc · October 2013

DD is tiny, she just hit 20lbs the last month or so. Regardless of that we will RF as long as possible, hopefully til 4yrs.

lucylove619 · October 2013

DD is also RF until 2, minimum. I don't see any reason to turn her before she hits her carseat max, which is 45 lbs. even if she complains - I make the rules and this is non negotiable. RF can literally save your child's life in the event of a car crash. To me, that's not worth risking for a quiet car trip.

michelle04us · October 2013

I have a ?. What happens if you have a child under the age of 2 who figures out how to unbuckle the 5 point harness and climbs out of his/her seat? Having them RF could in fact help this because unless you have a HUGE mirror to be watching them you usually only see from about the neck up(maybe shoulders). This means everytime they are in the car they could be figuring out how to unbuckle and once they learn believe me they won't forget.

My oldest(now 7) was turned FF at a year for 2 reasons. 1 because I had a 2 door car and it was very difficult to get him in and out in a RF carseat. 2. because even at a year old he had figured out how to unbuckle the harness. I don't know how many different things we tried to keep him from unbuckling but none of them worked. We turned him FF in hopes to distract him from doing it but only a couple car trips in and he was back at it. This is where I will get flamed I already know. By the age of 15-16 months I put him into a booster seat with a seatbelt because it was the only way to keep him buckled in and in his seat. Since he couldn't reach the buckle he couldn't undo it and I had the belt just tight enough he couldn't figure out a way to squirm out of it but not too tight where he would get hurt if in an accident. He was a larger LO. At that age he was already past the 30lb mark. Granted at 7 he is still only 45lbs so he barely grew in 5 years and if I went by recommendations he would probably be in a booster seat till he learned to drive.

That being said, like PP said, if parents choose(or need) to FF after 1 year and 20lbs they should not be judged. My 2 younger LOs have and will be FF at the law age and weight. I feel safer being able to see if they are trying to unbuckle and getting out of their seat then the small risk of being seriously injured if we were in an accident. Is that stupid? Some people might say that but I'm going to do what I feel is right for my family.

Meery82 · October 2013

My 16 month old is rear facing and I plan to keep him that way as long as possible. We bought Chicco Nextfits for our cars specifically for this reason. I actually had to argue with my husband about using a car seat that is only for FF, which we received as a baby shower gift. And I owe my knowledge of this topic to the ladies of The Bump. I probably wouldn't have learned the importance of RF otherwise. It doesn't seem to be widespread information and I am grateful for having learned it here.

khagan9368 · October 2013

My son has 2 seats, one is the larger FF in my truck, the other is the smaller RF in my husbands car - I always feel bad smushing him into the smaller seat. So most of the time he is FF, flame away.

khagan9368 · October 2013

He's a lot bigger now than in this picture though, lol

skibunny59 · October 2013

michelle04us said:

I have a ?. What happens if you have a child under the age of 2 who figures out how to unbuckle the 5 point harness and climbs out of his/her seat? Having them RF could in fact help this because unless you have a HUGE mirror to be watching them you usually only see from about the neck up(maybe shoulders). This means everytime they are in the car they could be figuring out how to unbuckle and once they learn believe me they won't forget.

My oldest(now 7) was turned FF at a year for 2 reasons. 1 because I had a 2 door car and it was very difficult to get him in and out in a RF carseat. 2. because even at a year old he had figured out how to unbuckle the harness. I don't know how many different things we tried to keep him from unbuckling but none of them worked. We turned him FF in hopes to distract him from doing it but only a couple car trips in and he was back at it. This is where I will get flamed I already know. By the age of 15-16 months I put him into a booster seat with a seatbelt because it was the only way to keep him buckled in and in his seat. Since he couldn't reach the buckle he couldn't undo it and I had the belt just tight enough he couldn't figure out a way to squirm out of it but not too tight where he would get hurt if in an accident. He was a larger LO. At that age he was already past the 30lb mark. Granted at 7 he is still only 45lbs so he barely grew in 5 years and if I went by recommendations he would probably be in a booster seat till he learned to drive.

That being said, like PP said, if parents choose(or need) to FF after 1 year and 20lbs they should not be judged. My 2 younger LOs have and will be FF at the law age and weight. I feel safer being able to see if they are trying to unbuckle and getting out of their seat then the small risk of being seriously injured if we were in an accident. Is that stupid? Some people might say that but I'm going to do what I feel is right for my family.

I think the recommendation for RF until at least age 2 is relatively new. I don't think this recommendation existed 7 years ago so why would you get flamed? My nephew is 6 and my SIL FF him at 1 year and 20 pounds because the new extended RF recommendation wasn't out yet.

LindsayDesigner · October 2013

I plan on rear facing my 14 month old until she is too big to rear face. I drive a Beetle and I have to climb in the back seat to put her in her car seat. It's incredibly inconvenient but it's safer for her!

doggie mama · October 2013

I didn't know about the age 2 thing; I thought it was just 40 pounds. I'm a little concerned about her figuring out how to unbuckle, but I'm not sure how turning her would help that. She's tall, so if she has to spend another 7 months in that position her legs are going to be crammed, but oh well. If she grows up to be tall she'll be uncomfortable riding in cars her whole life so she may as well get used to it. She went through a period where she would scream and cry in the carseat on the way home from my ILs, and I thought, well I guess I'm dealing with this for a long time. But then it stopped; it was just a phase.

designerchai2230 · October 2013

Thanks for the feedback everyone. I was excited to see so many responses, until I realized people were just debating on my post. I understand we all have our difference of opinions, we don't all make the same decisions and don't always agree with every one else. But really? I think we can state our opinions and move on instead of constantly being at each other's throats for their opinion. You don't have to agree. You don't have to judge. A little kindness goes a long way.

sunnyday016 · October 2013

He will be RF until he's at least 3-4 years old.

KristinKWashington · October 2013

Oh the times they are a changing... Do you remember, as a kid, not wearing a seatbelt? I use to lay on either the backseat floor, or sit on the hump in the middle of the backseat floor, OR lay on the shelf thing behind the backseat, looking out the window...

ASmallWonder · October 2013

KristinKWashington said:

Oh the times they are a changing... Do you remember, as a kid, not wearing a seatbelt? I use to lay on either the backseat floor, or sit on the hump in the middle of the backseat floor, OR lay on the shelf thing behind the backseat, looking out the window...

See now THIS gets a major side eye from me. Times change because we learn and evolve. Back when we were kids our mothers smoked their entire pregnancies and people died of things we've been able to find treatments for. We should be THANKFUL that science teaches us how to live safer, healthier lives. And at the end of the day, everyone here can say they survived "despite" whatever the argument is. The reason you can't hear the other side of that argument is because the "other side" died.

BeachBabe22 · October 2013

My daughter HATES her car seat. She screams and cries the entire time we are in the car. She didn't like her newborn seat and doesn't like either of the convertible car seats that we have. We have given her toys, books, bottles, pacifiers, and I will sit in the back with her. Nothing that we do calms her down until we take her out of her car seat. We live six hours away from our family and make that trip pretty often. It is a miserable car ride when you have a screaming crying baby for six hours straight. We even put in a portable DVD player hoping that watching a cartoon would calm her down but she is just not interested at all. I am pretty sure that she will like the car better if she is facing forward but I know rear facing is best.

sunnyday016 · October 2013

KristinKWashington said:

Oh the times they are a changing... Do you remember, as a kid, not wearing a seatbelt? I use to lay on either the backseat floor, or sit on the hump in the middle of the backseat floor, OR lay on the shelf thing behind the backseat, looking out the window...

I am thankful that I DO remember. A lot of people are not here to remember because they died riding in those ways.

ASmallWonder · October 2013

Nicb13 said:

sunnyday016 said:

KristinKWashington said:

Oh the times they are a changing... Do you remember, as a kid, not wearing a seatbelt? I use to lay on either the backseat floor, or sit on the hump in the middle of the backseat floor, OR lay on the shelf thing behind the backseat, looking out the window...

I am thankful that I DO remember. A lot of people are not here to remember because they died riding in those ways.

I don't think this person is saying any of that was ok, just remembering how it was back in the day. I used to ride without a seat belt in the back seat all the time AND my mom used to smoke with us kids in the car. Both of which are awful. Thank god times have changed.

Maybe I'm really misreading her but her tone (to me) was condescending and smacked of eye rolling chuckles of "you people are absurd." I'll take it back if that's not how she meant it

sunnyday016 · October 2013

elmoali said:

Nicb13 said:

sunnyday016 said:

KristinKWashington said:

Oh the times they are a changing... Do you remember, as a kid, not wearing a seatbelt? I use to lay on either the backseat floor, or sit on the hump in the middle of the backseat floor, OR lay on the shelf thing behind the backseat, looking out the window...

I am thankful that I DO remember. A lot of people are not here to remember because they died riding in those ways.

I don't think this person is saying any of that was ok, just remembering how it was back in the day. I used to ride without a seat belt in the back seat all the time AND my mom used to smoke with us kids in the car. Both of which are awful. Thank god times have changed.

Maybe I'm really misreading her but her tone (to me) was condescending and smacked of eye rolling chuckles of "you people are absurd." I'll take it back if that's not how she meant it

I read it the same way as elmoali, but I could see how the tone could have been the other way. Either way, this is a really common argument that people use to be lax about car seat safety. So I like to squash it when I can

mexicolombiana · October 2013

LalaMama81 said:

I love how now people are coming onto this thread and bragging about how they are knowingly putting their child in a less safe situation. "haha, we FF and don't care, flame away!" Again, what's the point in flaming someone like that? You know what is safest, you don't care and do whatever you want. Woohoo for you.

Exactly. Is this a joke to people? Flame away! I do UNSAFE THINGS and I don't care!

Whatever. Anyway to each their own. Can't save the world. Let people continue putting their kids in unsafe situations.

khagan9368 · October 2013

What cracks me up are the people that liken a FF toddler to a baby riding in the front seat of a monster truck!

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