My first book instead of a card invite

daisy662 · September 2013

It came yesterday. I personally think this is tacky and wouldn't do it but in reading other people's posts about it, never really was put out by it. Until now. I tend to be very generous with shower gifts. I am very fortunate financially and do not hesitate to spend over $100 for a close friend's shower. This shower is for an acquaintance. I am honored to be invited, but In this instance, would only spend about $25 on a gift since I don't know her all that well. Now apparently I have to buy a book as well. Officially put me on the "book instead of card is an awful, tacky, and gift grabby concept" list!

Disneygeek77 · September 2013

Don't do it. Some people only give books, how does it make them feel to know that their gift isn't a real gift.

annathyst · September 2013

Get them the book "Go The Fuck To Sleep" I guarantee they will never try that again.

dufferoo · September 2013

My first instinct was to say, just give a book instead of a card, but no other gift, but then that's like punishing the mom-to-be when it probably wasn't her stupid idea anyways. So my next instinct is to say, just don't do it. Get her a nice gift and a card. Everyone else will be jealous you're not a sheep.

RibbitGrl930 · September 2013

Yeah, this is so not a good idea to me. Not only are the gifts of books essentially being invalidated as gifts, but what about the people who typically don't buy cards? Now they're being called out for not getting a card- "Hey, people are supposed to buy cards. Why don't you, you cheapskate? Eh no matter, just buy a book instead." Or, what about people who love picking out cards, or love handmaking cards? Those people are being stripped of that experience by being told their cards are useless. Under the proper circumstances, gifts are as much a source of joy for the gift giver as they are for the receiver. Imposing any sort of rules upon that paradigm just takes the joy away, and the people doing that just suck, in my opinion.

RibbitGrl930 · September 2013

shelbster25 said:

I wouldn't go for this idea myself..but I don't see why it's such a big deal..especially if you're so 'financially fortunate'.. Marshall's and TJ Maxx have baby books for like $3..

It's not about having the money. It's about being told what to do with that money and the implication that the giver's original plans are meaningless. Books are considered gifts, so the host is essentially asking for another gift on top of the gift the giver is already buying. You wouldn't do this with any other type of gift- "Instead of a card, everybody bring a pack of burp cloths!"- but doing it with books is suddenly okay because it will help "build baby's nursery." GMAB.

daisy662 · September 2013

RibbitGrl930 said:

shelbster25 said:

I wouldn't go for this idea myself..but I don't see why it's such a big deal..especially if you're so 'financially fortunate'.. Marshall's and TJ Maxx have baby books for like $3..

It's not about having the money. It's about being told what to do with that money and the implication that the giver's original plans are meaningless. Books are considered gifts, so the host is essentially asking for another gift on top of the gift the giver is already buying. You wouldn't do this with any other type of gift- "Instead of a card, everybody bring a pack of burp cloths!"- but doing it with books is suddenly okay because it will help "build baby's nursery." GMAB.

This exactly. I can afford to buy a book and I know where I can get them cheap. That is not the problem. The problem is that this is tacky.

RibbitGrl930 · September 2013

Joy2611 said:

RibbitGrl930 said:

shelbster25 said:

I wouldn't go for this idea myself..but I don't see why it's such a big deal..especially if you're so 'financially fortunate'.. Marshall's and TJ Maxx have baby books for like $3..

It's not about having the money. It's about being told what to do with that money and the implication that the giver's original plans are meaningless. Books are considered gifts, so the host is essentially asking for another gift on top of the gift the giver is already buying. You wouldn't do this with any other type of gift- "Instead of a card, everybody bring a pack of burp cloths!"- but doing it with books is suddenly okay because it will help "build baby's nursery." GMAB.

"Instead of wrapping paper, consider covering your gift with a receiving blanket and instead of a bow, tape on a pacifer! THANKS SO MUCH!"

Joy, we should really be more careful. Before too long, some Tackinista is going to see our facetious comments and tout them as "GREAT ideas" that she wants incorporated into her shower (which she will undoubtedly be throwing herself). How long until we see these ideas on Pinterest? I give it a few months...

RibbitGrl930 · September 2013

shelbster25 said:

RibbitGrl930 said:

Joy2611 said:

RibbitGrl930 said:

shelbster25 said:

I wouldn't go for this idea myself..but I don't see why it's such a big deal..especially if you're so 'financially fortunate'.. Marshall's and TJ Maxx have baby books for like $3..

It's not about having the money. It's about being told what to do with that money and the implication that the giver's original plans are meaningless. Books are considered gifts, so the host is essentially asking for another gift on top of the gift the giver is already buying. You wouldn't do this with any other type of gift- "Instead of a card, everybody bring a pack of burp cloths!"- but doing it with books is suddenly okay because it will help "build baby's nursery." GMAB.

"Instead of wrapping paper, consider covering your gift with a receiving blanket and instead of a bow, tape on a pacifer! THANKS SO MUCH!"

Joy, we should really be more careful. Before too long, some Tackinista is going to see our facetious comments and tout them as "GREAT ideas" that she wants incorporated into her shower (which she will undoubtedly be throwing herself). How long until we see these ideas on Pinterest? I give it a few months...

I agree, wholeheartedly, that this is a super tacky request..but in OP's ORIGINAL comment she mentioned the whole money factor and not wanting to spend more than $25 on this girl..so, to me, it came off that you were more concerned with spending more money than the fact that it was tacky..

She mentioned price as it pertains to it reflecting her closeness to the receiver. She also makes mention of her opinion that it is a tacky practice, which is to what we've all responded.

ETA because I can't type for crap on my iPad.

daisy662 · September 2013

RibbitGrl930 said:

shelbster25 said:

RibbitGrl930 said:

Joy2611 said:

RibbitGrl930 said:

shelbster25 said:

I wouldn't go for this idea myself..but I don't see why it's such a big deal..especially if you're so 'financially fortunate'.. Marshall's and TJ Maxx have baby books for like $3..

It's not about having the money. It's about being told what to do with that money and the implication that the giver's original plans are meaningless. Books are considered gifts, so the host is essentially asking for another gift on top of the gift the giver is already buying. You wouldn't do this with any other type of gift- "Instead of a card, everybody bring a pack of burp cloths!"- but doing it with books is suddenly okay because it will help "build baby's nursery." GMAB.

"Instead of wrapping paper, consider covering your gift with a receiving blanket and instead of a bow, tape on a pacifer! THANKS SO MUCH!"

Joy, we should really be more careful. Before too long, some Tackinista is going to see our facetious comments and tout them as "GREAT ideas" that she wants incorporated into her shower (which she will undoubtedly be throwing herself). How long until we see these ideas on Pinterest? I give it a few months...

I agree, wholeheartedly, that this is a super tacky request..but in OP's ORIGINAL comment she mentioned the whole money factor and not wanting to spend more than $25 on this girl..so, to me, it came off that you were more concerned with spending more money than the fact that it was tacky..

She mentioned price as it pertains to it reflecting her closeness to the receiver. She also makes mention of her opinion that it is a tacky pravtive, which is to what we've all responded.

As the OP - THIS.

MMason12 · September 2013

CFox815 said:

I am completely in the "books instead of cards are tacky" camp. So, imagine my surprise when I found out that my own shower invitation had such a request! It was done by the hostess and I found out the same way the guests did, through the invitation. I figured I couldn't do anything about it and it would be horribly rude to tell the hostess I didn't like the shower she was throwing me, so I kept my mouth shut and went with it. At my shower, some people gave books, some didn't. It didnt bother me one way or another. The places I was registered (BBB and PBK) sold relatively inexpensive books, which I never knew before. Some people had fun with it and wrote really touching messages, some just attached a post-it in case I got doubles of the same book. I am so grateful that my son will have these books with these sweet letters to him and I know my hostess was coming from a good place in doing it (she is older and saw it done at other showers and thought it was a sweet idea). Do I still think books instead of cards is tacky? Yes, absolutely and I hate every invitation that requests as much. But, keep in mind that this was probably done by the host, not the mom-to-be. If you want to give a book, pick one up where she is registered. If you don't, don't. But, I wouldn't beat up the MTB, she could be just as put off by it as you are.

This is one of my biggest fears! Thank goodness the ladies who are throwing my shower are my best friend and my Mom. My BF has already asked me for a list of things that I would like to avoid or try to do at the shower, theme ideas I would like etc. I have told her no "bring a book instead of card" and do not ask anyone to bring a pack of diapers for any reason. In general, I've told her to stay away from anything that asks guest to bring an extra item in addition to their gift (if they choose to bring one).

sschwege · September 2013

Joy2611 said:

Welcome to the club!

I got my first a few years ago and thought "Oh, this is a nice idea." Then, I was standing in Barnes and Noble trying to pick a book, getting sticker-shock, and feeling immense stress about my choices (Is this a good book?? Will other people pick better books?? WHY CAN'T I JUST BUY A CAAAAAAAARD?). Yup, books instead of cards is not a good idea.

OK, I'm glad I'm not the only who thought this was sweet when I first go an invite like this.

sschwege · September 2013

Joy2611 said:

RibbitGrl930 said:

shelbster25 said:

I wouldn't go for this idea myself..but I don't see why it's such a big deal..especially if you're so 'financially fortunate'.. Marshall's and TJ Maxx have baby books for like $3..

It's not about having the money. It's about being told what to do with that money and the implication that the giver's original plans are meaningless. Books are considered gifts, so the host is essentially asking for another gift on top of the gift the giver is already buying. You wouldn't do this with any other type of gift- "Instead of a card, everybody bring a pack of burp cloths!"- but doing it with books is suddenly okay because it will help "build baby's nursery." GMAB.

"Instead of wrapping paper, consider covering your gift with a receiving blanket and instead of a bow, tape on a pacifer! THANKS SO MUCH!"

And instead of wasting gasoline to attend the shower, consider having the gift shipped and attaching a gas card. Her baby will be driving before we know it!

Shobb414 · September 2013

annathyst said:
Get them the book "Go The Fuck To Sleep" I guarantee they will never try that again.

I would like that book, it's funny! Obviously wouldn't read it to the child but I wouldn't be mad.
I would want people to not buy expensive books, if I were attending a party I would pick one up at a garage sale or from the dollar store. It's still a book and they are plenty cute.

hlb622 · September 2013

My family did this at my shower and it went over very well. (Honestly, I don't know how this is any different than creating a registry.) Some of our guests participated in the book-as-a-card idea and some didn't...and some of our guests purchased things off of our registries and a whoooole lotta people didn't. If they were secretly side-eying me and/or my hostesses, they sure hid it well and certainly didn't imply it was such a gift grabby PITA when they left loving, touching notes to our LO inside. We didn't receive a single duplicate and not one copy of Goodnight Moon -- shocker! Registries, asking for books v. cards, diaper raffles...they're all just suggestions. No one is forcing you to buy anything in particular, they're all just suggestions.

Unknown · September 2013

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Karadee1 · September 2013

CFox815 said:
I am completely in the "books instead of cards are tacky" camp. So, imagine my surprise when I found out that my own shower invitation had such a request! It was done by the hostess and I found out the same way the guests did, through the invitation. I figured I couldn't do anything about it and it would be horribly rude to tell the hostess I didn't like the shower she was throwing me, so I kept my mouth shut and went with it.

At my shower, some people gave books, some didn't. It didnt bother me one way or another. The places I was registered (BBB and PBK) sold relatively inexpensive books, which I never knew before. Some people had fun with it and wrote really touching messages, some just attached a post-it in case I got doubles of the same book. I am so grateful that my son will have these books with these sweet letters to him and I know my hostess was coming from a good place in doing it (she is older and saw it done at other showers and thought it was a sweet idea).

Do I still think books instead of cards is tacky? Yes, absolutely and I hate every invitation that requests as much. But, keep in mind that this was probably done by the host, not the mom-to-be. If you want to give a book, pick one up where she is registered. If you don't, don't. But, I wouldn't beat up the MTB, she could be just as put off by it as you are.

This happened to me as well! I actually ended up only getting a few books, most people seemed to ignore the request. I did receive a few really nice notes from people and am glad to have them. I know my hostess probably saw the idea on Pinterest or something and had good intentions, so I rolled with it when I got my invite in the mail. I'm assuming if
Anyone thought it was tacky they just didn't participate. I was grateful for any gift I received, it was a great shower.

Edit: clarification

aggieangel904 · September 2013

I don't see what the big deal is and why people think this is tacky. I just received an invite requesting this and thought it was a sweet, long-lasting way to contribute to a new life. If you don't want to do it, then don't do it. But I personally would rather spend the money on something that would be kept, cherished, and used, than spend $2 to $3 on a card that may or may not be thrown away and never seen by the child.

RibbitGrl930 · September 2013

aggieangel904 said:

I don't see what the big deal is and why people think this is tacky. I just received an invite requesting this and thought it was a sweet, long-lasting way to contribute to a new life. If you don't want to do it, then don't do it. But I personally would rather spend the money on something that would be kept, cherished, and used, than spend $2 to $3 on a card that may or may not be thrown away and never seen by the child.

Try reading this thread and you'll get an idea of "what the big deal is."

daisy662 · September 2013

aggieangel904 said:

I don't see what the big deal is and why people think this is tacky. I just received an invite requesting this and thought it was a sweet, long-lasting way to contribute to a new life. If you don't want to do it, then don't do it. But I personally would rather spend the money on something that would be kept, cherished, and used, than spend $2 to $3 on a card that may or may not be thrown away and never seen by the child.

Lol

starskristen79 · October 2013

aggieangel904 said:
I don't see what the big deal is and why people think this is tacky. I just received an invite requesting this and thought it was a sweet, long-lasting way to contribute to a new life. If you don't want to do it, then don't do it. But I personally would rather spend the money on something that would be kept, cherished, and used, than spend $2 to $3 on a card that may or may not be thrown away and never seen by the child.

This.

ceh789 · October 2013

I'm hoping my shower hostess does a "iPad or Kindle instead of card" theme - I prefer eReaders, after all!

Robi1 · October 2013

I went to my first shower that requested books over cards, and ran into a problem I've never heard before - since no one had cards with their gifts/bags, the mother to be had no idea who things were from! She kept opening things up and then asking who it was from, and people had to awkwardly say "oh yeah, that one's mine". It was pretty uncomfortable. I just regifted a set of books we received that I don't really care for.

Several people have mentioned that they didn't like the idea, but enjoyed getting the books anyway. Might I suggest registering for books? I registered for a few dozen of my favorite children's books, and they were the first things to go from our registry, and literally all of them were purchased. I think books on their own are a great gift, and shouldn't be an afterthought gift that's just stuck on.

deltagirl79 · October 2013

aggieangel904 said:

I don't see what the big deal is and why people think this is tacky. I just received an invite requesting this and thought it was a sweet, long-lasting way to contribute to a new life. If you don't want to do it, then don't do it. But I personally would rather spend the money on something that would be kept, cherished, and used, than spend $2 to $3 on a card that may or may not be thrown away and never seen by the child.

Something that might be kept, cherished and used. I have found books in our library that have been signed by people I have no idea who they are. A lot of people pass that kind of stuff along as their child out grows it. (We also have three copies of Hand Hand Fingers Thumb and this was not part of my shower.)

It's tacky because it is RUDE to tell people what to spend their money on for a gift. If you think it's sweet and want to do it by all means do it but if I enjoy making handmade cards don't tell me that my card is not good enough because it's not a book.

msmerymac · October 2013

I've seen both the card AND diaper raffle requests on the same invitation. Sorry, that's like $40 and I'm not buying another gift in that case.

mommyilene · October 2013

I think it depends in who is coming to the shower. A family only shower with a few close friends you could get away with and not think anything of it. At my family bridal shower my aunts asked everyone to bring one ornament. It was sweet and a lot of fun with a lot of underlining meanings.

It just depends on the relationship you have with the people coming to the shower. IMO. If I was asked to bring a book to my cousins shower I wouldn't think anything of it. If I was asked by someone I really don't even know. Not sure how I would react.

Pepper6 · October 2013

I love the idea of having people personalize books for the baby, especially since I want to do a reading theme in our nursery. However...my thought was that I'd slowly buy books at used book sales during my pregnancy and have a stack available at the baby shower for people to choose which ones to sign as a sort of guest book.

I can't even imagine asking people to buy the book themselves. Not only is it tacky to ask them to spend money above what you registered for, but I don't want my kid to have a bunch of duplicate books, or books that I doubt I'll ever read to them. I'd never even heard of this until here...

neverblushed · October 2013

Disneygeek77 said:

Don't do it. Some people only give books, how does it make them feel to know that their gift isn't a real gift.

This is precisely why I grit my teeth over this whole concept. I often buy books as a shower gift. I almost never buy cards. When I buy books, I really put a lot of thought into it. Being told that a book is the equivalent of a card really invalidates my gift.

twister22 · October 2013

I believe it's tacky to suggest to someone how to spend their money, and I ignore this request. I typically don't buy cards for baby showers anyway.

If a hostess thinks the idea is cute, they should pick out their favorite children's book and use it as a guest book.

*fpunkfiona* · November 2013

I'm in the same boat. My SIL was so kind to host a shower and I am not going to complain about any part of it. As a gift-giver, I had NO trouble picking up a book from BRU and simply including a gift card with it since I put more thought into the book I chose. I really don't think it's that big of a problem lol

Unknown · November 2013

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RebeccaY1 · November 2013

I actually don't have a problem with this at all. Instead of going to hallmark and buying a card that will get thrown out I prefer to go to the dollar store and buy a book that is the same price as the card. The book will actually get used. I do this without being asked to though.

I have a bigger problem with being asked to bring diapers. Diapers cost a lot more than a card or a book costs.

EmeraldCity84 · November 2013

I think a nice alternative would be have everyone write down their favorite baby book and why it is special to them, then if the MTB wants to purchase these, she can include the story "this is your Aunt XXX's favorite book and this is why" and it can still be a special idea but not putting anyone out.

Tess024 · November 2013

It's because this is ALL OVER Pinterest. Everyone sees this and is like "oh, that's adorable".

It is a cute idea, it's just not practical financially.

Mimaloo · November 2013

aggieangel904 said:

I don't see what the big deal is and why people think this is tacky. I just received an invite requesting this and thought it was a sweet, long-lasting way to contribute to a new life. If you don't want to do it, then don't do it. But I personally would rather spend the money on something that would be kept, cherished, and used, than spend $2 to $3 on a card that may or may not be thrown away and never seen by the child.

Same - I get the whole "they're telling me HOW to spend my money" argument but then doesn't a registry tell you what to spend your money on? Cards (which I find to usually cost around $5 each) get thrown away - books get used so receiving an invite SUGGESTING book instead of a card really wouldn't bother me.

RibbitGrl930 · November 2013

Mimaloo said:

aggieangel904 said:

I don't see what the big deal is and why people think this is tacky. I just received an invite requesting this and thought it was a sweet, long-lasting way to contribute to a new life. If you don't want to do it, then don't do it. But I personally would rather spend the money on something that would be kept, cherished, and used, than spend $2 to $3 on a card that may or may not be thrown away and never seen by the child.

Same - I get the whole "they're telling me HOW to spend my money" argument but then doesn't a registry tell you what to spend your money on? Cards (which I find to usually cost around $5 each) get thrown away - books get used so receiving an invite SUGGESTING book instead of a card really wouldn't bother me.

Unknown · November 2013

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KatFCo · November 2013

Mimaloo said:

aggieangel904 said:

I don't see what the big deal is and why people think this is tacky. I just received an invite requesting this and thought it was a sweet, long-lasting way to contribute to a new life. If you don't want to do it, then don't do it. But I personally would rather spend the money on something that would be kept, cherished, and used, than spend $2 to $3 on a card that may or may not be thrown away and never seen by the child.

Same - I get the whole "they're telling me HOW to spend my money" argument but then doesn't a registry tell you what to spend your money on? Cards (which I find to usually cost around $5 each) get thrown away - books get used so receiving an invite SUGGESTING book instead of a card really wouldn't bother me.

Let's go over this again one more time. Everyone paying attention?

1. Registries are wish lists, to give the giver an idea of what the guest of honor might like. They are not demands or requirements.

2. Cards can easily be found that cost just a few dollars. If you're spending $5 on every baby shower card you buy, you're doing it wrong.

3. Even if all cards cost $5, decent books do not. So those making the argument that the cost of books= the cost of cards are buying crappy books.

4. Finally, it's still rude to ask someone to purchase an additional gift and then to try to dictate what that gift should be.

linzerd · November 2013

I'm still trying to figure out why this thread keeps popping up after being posted 2 months ago....

Mimaloo · November 2013

Bliss+Berry said:

Mimaloo said:

aggieangel904 said:

I don't see what the big deal is and why people think this is tacky. I just received an invite requesting this and thought it was a sweet, long-lasting way to contribute to a new life. If you don't want to do it, then don't do it. But I personally would rather spend the money on something that would be kept, cherished, and used, than spend $2 to $3 on a card that may or may not be thrown away and never seen by the child.

Same - I get the whole "they're telling me HOW to spend my money" argument but then doesn't a registry tell you what to spend your money on? Cards (which I find to usually cost around $5 each) get thrown away - books get used so receiving an invite SUGGESTING book instead of a card really wouldn't bother me.

Sigh. It's not mandatory to shop from a registry. It's simply a list of items the MTB plans on purchasing, so technically no one is telling you how to spend your money. You can choose to shop from the registry or not. My usual shower gift is a basket containing a bunch of my favorite items that may or may not be on someone's registry. Also, I enjoy purchasing cards and FWIW, I still have all the cards from my bridal shower, wedding and baby shower.

Furthermore, no one wants to be the only one who didn't bring a book, so the argument that it's just a "suggestion" is complete and total bullshit.

::Eyeroll:: It's not mandatory to buy a book instead of a card. Furthermore, who gives a crap what other people bring or don't bring? I honestly don't pay attention and if anyone is really that concerned over what others are going to think of their gift or lack thereof there's a bigger issue at hand.

Sometimes I shop off the registry and sometimes I don't because I get that it's a wishlist. I just don't see what everyone gets so bent out of shape over someone asking for a book. I think there are better and more important things to get worked up about that's all.

Unknown · November 2013

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