NineOceans Post #2

xmaryrickx · October 2013

sprky79 said:
Ok, I'm lost.

Nineoceans, are you actually stating you would seek out military school and inpatient psychiatric hospitalization for pre-marital sex?

yup. It started in another thread, can't remember which one. Then LJ created a separate post to ask her about it, then this one was a spin off of that. But, yes that is exactly what she is saying. Have premarital sex GTFO of her house.

emme022 · October 2013

So I want to start by saying I don't know all about you or your situation so I am mostly just saying this in a general sense. But if a parent who had their child as a teen had this kind of stance on premarital sex I think most teens would find it a little hypocritical but maybe if after they had the child they chose not to have sex again until marriage then it would be a little more understandable that they really believed that etc. But if the parent still had sex after having the child, especially with someone other than who they got pregnant with, and possibly even had girl friends move into the home etc it would seem a lot more hypocritical since they didnt "learn" from having a child as a teen so why should their child? I also agree that premarital sex doesn't equal teenage pregnancy all the time and education and honesty are very important.

Also I won't address the inpatient therapy since I think that has been covered but I did want to say something about boarding school. I have known people who went to boarding schools and have family members who grew up and still live in a town with a boarding school where they have had friends parents etc working at the school as "house mothers" and that sort of thing. Sex, drinking and drug use not only happen at boarding schools, they tend to be a lot more common. And even though yes the number of teen parents from boarding schools are smaller than many other places that amount of teen pregnancies are about the same...the choices made about the pregnancy just seem to skew more one way. So sending someone away for premarital sex to boarding school might achieve the opposite of what you would hope for.

sprky79 · October 2013

xmaryrickx said:

Ok, I'm lost.

Nineoceans, are you actually stating you would seek out military school and inpatient psychiatric hospitalization for pre-marital sex?
yup. It started in another thread, can't remember which one. Then LJ created a separate post to ask her about it, then this one was a spin off of that. But, yes that is exactly what she is saying. Have premarital sex GTFO of her house.

Yeah, but that's ore than GTFO her house. That's GTFO because YOU MUST BE SO MENTALLY ILL YOU REQUIRE HOSPITALIZATION. Holy crap.

xmaryrickx · October 2013

sprky79 said:

xmaryrickx said:

sprky79 said:
Ok, I'm lost.

Nineoceans, are you actually stating you would seek out military school and inpatient psychiatric hospitalization for pre-marital sex?
yup. It started in another thread, can't remember which one. Then LJ created a separate post to ask her about it, then this one was a spin off of that. But, yes that is exactly what she is saying. Have premarital sex GTFO of her house.

Yeah, but that's ore than GTFO her house. That's GTFO because YOU MUST BE SO MENTALLY ILL YOU REQUIRE HOSPITALIZATION. Holy crap.</ oh I know. I just summarized with the GTFO bc at the end of the day that's what she is saying. GTFO, bc let's be honest there arent too many inpatient programs that are going to admit a kid for having some sex (as long as they aren't displaying signs of true self destruction).

Pamelacake · October 2013

I have heard of kids and teens going into inpatient therapy/rehab for sex addiction but never to prevent. Just my opinion but any facility a 17yo can be sent to for this will just backfire, and I'm not sure how it works everyplace, but most places I know of require a C/O for a minor to be there.

I totally do get the point of not wanting SS to have sex in your home. I'm sure we all know there are ways around that. I also get not wanting SS to make the same mistakes.

DH tried to keep SD from moving out when she was 18. We already knew she was sexually active but DH refused to put her on birth control. She was doing it anyways so I gave her condoms and had her grandma get her the birth control.. not behind DH's back.. and he was furious at first. He wanted better for her. DH even bought her a car to try to get her to stay. DH did come around and tell me that if SD ended up pregnant, he would want the baby around as much as possible. She's a smart girl and she has goals and his biggest fear is that she wouldn't be able to follow through with her goals with her b/f. (has a bad rep b/c of his parents) And I think I understand your concerns if they are the same as I have mentioned.

I hope you or DH can talk to him. If nothing else start some counseling or get him involved in something positive. that he enjoys. If you want to hospitalize him, I would start with something small like a parenting class.

Nineoceans · October 2013

It is pot stirring because I did not ask for advice, I did not solicit a conversation nor am I interested in opinions on this topic. I was called out after a random comment and asked to justify my opinion, I'm not really interested in doing so.

There have been MANY comments that LJ has said TO OTHERS that I pricked my ears up at. So I am going to use the ignore feature and move on.

I enjoy the legal experience, day to day life experience and sharing of expertise that this community brings but I do NOT appreciate name calling, or outright aggressive posts.

LJ I think you are one of the only people who does this but it's ok to some because youre a regular poster or eventually apologize. It's not ok for me.

I don't care if you have one post or 100,000 we are all in a vulnerable position by virtue of being in tenuous blended situations and I do not come to a website in my free time to be called out or have a discussion on my parenting style there are 30 other boards on this very website if that is something I was interested in!

It would be completely different if this were a different board but most of the posters here have been sued, have been stalked, insulted, we are vulnerable in some capacity or we would not choose to think about this ish in our free time.

I personally come here for comraderie and to hear from another stepmother who understands the crazy that is falling in love with someone with a kid and a vindictive ex. Truly the last thing I want to debate is philosophical big concept BS because honestly I don't want to lessen this place as a learning and supportive ground for myself.

I think because you do not have a living breathing custody order that you deal with on a daily basis that you can have the emotional capacity and interest in discussing the other BS on this board-- but I don't. My only interest in this board is supporting other stepmoms, giving advice on things I've lived through and
listening and offering support.

Fellesfairie I see what you are saying about how you would respond in real life but I would also assume if your friend said "hey I didn't ask for advice let's just drop it" your next response would not be "WELL HOW MANY SEX PARTNERS HAVE YOU HAD" so this is where I am.

When people responded to posts about Bm and my SS and gave me advice based on facts I was very interested and open to opinions and snark. I included all facts even those that portrayed me poorly. In this instance no one has enough facts to give me advice because I actually was not looking for any.

I respectfully decline to participate further in this discussion. You have witnessed one tiny snapshot of the microcosm that is my life. I did not ask for advice and if I had I would have included significantly more details so everyone could give a reasonably informed opinion. This is not where we are.

And honestly for those continuing to post or attempting to incite me to respond it's not. I'm actually reading them and then saying to myself "well I should have told them this so they wouldn't have made that assumption" but then I STOP MYSELF and remind myself I wasn't even looking for any dang advice in the first place!!!!

twister22 · October 2013

Nineoceans said:

It is pot stirring because I did not ask for advice, I did not solicit a conversation nor am I interested in opinions on this topic. I was called out after a random comment and asked to justify my opinion, I'm not really interested in doing so. There have been MANY comments that LJ has said TO OTHERS that I pricked my ears up at. So I am going to use the ignore feature and move on. I enjoy the legal experience, day to day life experience and sharing of expertise that this community brings but I do NOT appreciate name calling, or outright aggressive posts. LJ I think you are one of the only people who does this but it's ok to some because youre a regular poster or eventually apologize. It's not ok for me. I don't care if you have one post or 100,000 we are all in a vulnerable position by virtue of being in tenuous blended situations and I do not come to a website in my free time to be called out or have a discussion on my parenting style there are 30 other boards on this very website if that is something I was interested in! It would be completely different if this were a different board but most of the posters here have been sued, have been stalked, insulted, we are vulnerable in some capacity or we would not choose to think about this ish in our free time. I personally come here for comraderie and to hear from another stepmother who understands the crazy that is falling in love with someone with a kid and a vindictive ex. Truly the last thing I want to debate is philosophical big concept BS because honestly I don't want to lessen this place as a learning and supportive ground for myself. I think because you do not have a living breathing custody order that you deal with on a daily basis that you can have the emotional capacity and interest in discussing the other BS on this board-- but I don't. My only interest in this board is supporting other stepmoms, giving advice on things I've lived through and listening and offering support. Fellesfairie I see what you are saying about how you would respond in real life but I would also assume if your friend said "hey I didn't ask for advice let's just drop it" your next response would not be "WELL HOW MANY SEX PARTNERS HAVE YOU HAD" so this is where I am. When people responded to posts about Bm and my SS and gave me advice based on facts I was very interested and open to opinions and snark. I included all facts even those that portrayed me poorly. In this instance no one has enough facts to give me advice because I actually was not looking for any. I respectfully decline to participate further in this discussion. You have witnessed one tiny snapshot of the microcosm that is my life. I did not ask for advice and if I had I would have included significantly more details so everyone could give a reasonably informed opinion. This is not where we are. And honestly for those continuing to post or attempting to incite me to respond it's not. I'm actually reading them and then saying to myself "well I should have told them this so they wouldn't have made that assumption" but then I STOP MYSELF and remind myself I wasn't even looking for any dang advice in the first place!!!!

@Nineoceans you have made an excellent point. I respectfully apologize for keeping the discussion going. FWIW, if you were my friend IRL and it got to the point where you were about to send SS off somewhere for having had premarital sex, I would be all over you, advice asked for or not. I'm sitting here trying to think of a piece of the story that you have left out that would make inpatient therapy acceptable, but I'm stopping myself knowing that you're not asking for advice, and we're beating a dead horse at this point.

SimpleJane · October 2013

Whether you ask for advice or not, saying something as off the wall as that is going to open up a discussion, obviously. Its an online message board and nobody is required to coddle anyone's feelings regardless of their BF situation. I don't think anyone here was calling names or being malicious, they were just strongly disagreeing with your stance on the subject. I agree with Twister that at this point it is just beating a dead horse, and I think everyone has said what they wanted to say.

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