i feel like i should want another one

2u2wow · July 2013

i always thought i wanted 3 kids - i want a big family and big extended family as DH and I get older. but now that we have 2 boys and life is BUSY having them 21 months apart i think i'm done.

DH only wants and has always only wanted 2 so he's mentally done. it's hard to convince someone to have another and them not be on board 100% so i don't wanna go there.

but....

i have this weird nagging feeling that i'm going to regret it or that i'm SUPPOSED to want having a third. i'm a little nervous about the idea of having 3 boys though!

anyone else have a feeling they want more but it's just not happening??

and i also am referring to financially, house set up, cars, all those practical things! LOL

LadyXaverian · July 2013

We have just our one April '11 toddler, and we *think* we're going to TTC a 2nd. I'm kind of where you are with considering lifestyle and logistics- caught between being one-and-done or two-and-through. Stick out tongue

Planning a family is hard when you're doing it purposefully. I don't think there is always one right answer.

SittingOnAMtnTop · July 2013

SarahL77 said:
Planning a family is hard when you're doing it purposefully. I don't think there is always one right answer.

Very true!

MrsCali_Bride · July 2013

Before my H and I were married we said 3 or 4. After being married but before TTC we said 2 or 3. We figured we'd have the first one, wait a few years, have a second, wait a few years and then reevaluate and decide if we wanted to try for a third. Life kind of threw us a curve ball and decided for us when we conceived twins on our second pregnancy. I think I knew we'd have three eventually. I just never expected to have #2 and #3 and the same time.

shaindelr · July 2013

I'm a fan of getting rid of "should." Does it do you any good to worry about what you "should" do, "should" want, etc.?

Here's an essay on that: https://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-enjoy-the-journey-more-by-eliminating-should/

I think feeling like you "should" want more kids is like feeling like you "should" be a size four. What are you comparing yourself to? Why?

Even if you were that person who wanted a certain number at one time, maybe you're not that person now. Or maybe reality is different than what you had imagined, and parenting takes more time, money, patience, x, y, z than you thought. That's okay.

2u2wow · July 2013

it's not that i'm comparing to anyone else i just grew up with 3 kids and so did DH and i always imagined that i'd have 3 as well so i can have a big family as we age.

i do agree that life throws curve balls and what being a grown up really means compared to what I imagined is a lot harder.

shaindelr · July 2013

I understand what you mean, but I just thought maybe separating the topic from your emotions and looking at it more philosophically might help :-)

jeffrae · September 2013

We are starting the number three conversation. I want three. He wants two. I'm not even going to try for a boy, I am convinced we would have three girls, lol. It would be harder to travel, and three cost more than two.....you just need to figure out your priorities I guess.

kje120 · September 2013

I've always thought that two was a good number and now that we have our two boys I feel like this is it. If we were younger (I'm 36 and DH is 41) we might wait a few years and go for a third, but since we aren't I think this is it. I have a sneaking suspicion that DH would like to go for 3 to try for a girl, but I really feel like our family is complete. And the thought of 3 boys kind of scares the bejeezus out of me!!

shaindelr · September 2013

One of my friends who is an OB currently has a 52 year-old patient. Maybe that's when I'll have my second one. Liam will be 18; maybe I'll be ready then ;-)

LadyXaverian · October 2013

shaindelr said:

One of my friends who is an OB currently has a 52 year-old patient. Maybe that's when I'll have my second one. Liam will be 18; maybe I'll be ready then ;-)

FIFTY TWO?? Wow.

Twirple · October 2013

I had one brother and always thought that 2 was perfect. DH was the oldest of four. When we started talking about kids, we both thought 3 was perfect. Until I found out I was pregnant with twins. That set us into an absolute panic, daycare was expensive, we would need a bigger house, new cars for both of us. How do you go grocery shopping with two infants and a 3 year old?! I realize that people successfully do it, but it freaked us out. We were sad when we lost one of the twins, but we're very happy with the idea of having two kids. After I deliver, DH is getting fixed. (His words, not mine!)

i feel like i should want another one

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