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Single Parents
Tweedledee110
member
Need support/advice- sorry it's long
Tweedledee110
member
My boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 years and have a 1 year old son together. We have never lived together. He is a single dad to a 15
yo son from a previous relationship. Recently his son moved in with his mother. I am a physical therapist, own my own townhouse and make a decent living. My boyfriend is a blue collar guy that doesn't make that much money, so to supplement his income he sells pot out of his house. At first his excuse for not moving in with me after I had the baby was his older son. But now that his older son has moved in with his mom he says he needs to stay in his house to continue selling pot (bc he knows I will not allow that in my home) to be able to afford the private high school his son attends. he says he will move in with me and our son once his older son goes off to college.
He is a great father and spends as much time here with me and my son as he can, but he is not here all the time. Now that my son is getting older and will start to understand more I don't want him to be confused asking why daddy doesn't live here. And I don't want to spend the next 3 years of my life living separate like this bc most of the time I feel like a single parent.
So I broke up with him last week bc I feel like he's bs'ing me about moving in after his older son goes off to college. I'm scared to wait that long and then he doesn't stick to his word.
Just wondering if I am doing the right doing the right thing for me and my son.
yo son from a previous relationship. Recently his son moved in with his mother. I am a physical therapist, own my own townhouse and make a decent living. My boyfriend is a blue collar guy that doesn't make that much money, so to supplement his income he sells pot out of his house. At first his excuse for not moving in with me after I had the baby was his older son. But now that his older son has moved in with his mom he says he needs to stay in his house to continue selling pot (bc he knows I will not allow that in my home) to be able to afford the private high school his son attends. he says he will move in with me and our son once his older son goes off to college.
He is a great father and spends as much time here with me and my son as he can, but he is not here all the time. Now that my son is getting older and will start to understand more I don't want him to be confused asking why daddy doesn't live here. And I don't want to spend the next 3 years of my life living separate like this bc most of the time I feel like a single parent.
So I broke up with him last week bc I feel like he's bs'ing me about moving in after his older son goes off to college. I'm scared to wait that long and then he doesn't stick to his word.
Just wondering if I am doing the right doing the right thing for me and my son.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Need support/advice- sorry it's long
I've been really hesitant to touch this thread because of some of the dynamics involved. I don't know where you live but your BD is a drug dealer. If you're in CO it's legal now, I don't know the ins and outs of that, but that is a recent development so even if you live there he has still been a drug dealer for a goodly portion of your relationship. If this person is willing to break the law I can't imagine why you would even consider believing he'd change his tune in 3 years. I think ending the relationship was a very smart move.
My second thought is on visitation. There's not a lot you can do as he is the BD but what kind of role model is a drug dealer? You are obviously against his behavior as you won't allow it in your house and you don't want to explain to DC that dad doesn't live with you because he's growing weed in his house. I think there may be more to this story than you've shared. You were with BD for over a year before conceiving DS. If you're against his activities, why would you stay with him? And why are you accepting his excuses? It sounds like you don't approve of his behavior but because he's using the money for DS it's ok? I can't be someone who says turning a blind eye to BD being a drug dealer is ok.
As Tig594 said, what happens if he gets caught and they find out you knew? Or that you'd done something to support him in his activities? And what kind of people could DS be exposed to that are BD's clients?
And why all the sudden is a 15 year old who's been living with his dad for years (at least three from what you've said) moving in with his mother? Most blended families in this situation would move to 50/50 custody not one or the other. It sounds like something is missing there. You may not know what it is but if you don't, I think you need to get some more information from BD about what is really going on. Courts don't just reassign a child from their long time home to a new home without good reason and "because he wants to" is not a good reason unless both parents agree.
Can you make it as a single mom? Of course. You've said you feel like one so the answer is you've already been. You haven't been living that much differently than a single mom. You have a home, a solid job, the means to provide for you both. You don't need BD. Decide what you really want for DS; what influence and morals you want him to learn as he grows and get a court order. Do what is best for DS. Stop considering how it will affect BD and build the life you think you child deserves.
As far as his older son, they never had a legal guardianship established. He lived with my boyfriend and the mom (who was around but still acting like a teenage) would come see him whenever she felt. She finally started to get her life together and got a 2 bedroom apt, and it was his sons choice to move in with her.
after the baby was born, the mom would run off and do drugs, and leave the baby with him.. All good right? well one day, Him trying to be a good parent, he allowed the mom to take the baby for a day because she wanted to see her daughter.. She ended up getting arrested a few hours later, with the baby in the car... At a gas station, she was going in and out of the gas station begging for $ and left the child in the car with a random heroin junkie, the cops found needles in the car, and she came back 30 mins later and was dropped off by some other druggie...