Is there something wrong with me?

Mkherren12 · October 2013

I just miscarried Monday morning and I feel ok, normal, at peace. Is there something wrong with me that I'm not distraught with grief? Don't get me wrong I'm very sad to have lost my LO. Dh and I were ttc so it's not like it was an accident and there is a sense of relief. But I just feel like I'm too calm, and I almost feel guilty that I am emotionally ok while others I know who have mc are so upset about their loss. Am I in a state of denial? will hit me later? Do hormones release after a mc that may cause me to be so calm?

arob1998 · October 2013

Your process is your own, and there is no right or wrong. The fact that I have seen a couple posts like yours in the short few months I've been on here is suggestive also that you are indeed normal. You may go through all sorts of emotions before it is all over, or be calm now and something spark your upset weeks later. For me, I thought I was all cried out until DH and I had sex for the first time after the loss...and then again I thought I was ok and had even told strangers what happened but turned into a crying blob when I finally told an old friend I hadn't talked to in awhile...but that's just me. We are all different, but we also are all here for you. Do what is right for you. I am sorry you are here and hope your sense of peace stays as you heal. If you are questioning your own mental health, you can always seek professional help. You don't have to be a wreck to benefit from counseling.

aschultz9 · October 2013

I think you're normal. The mc I had 10 years ago I was sad, but I was ok. This time it has been awful. I wish I could feel ok. I wish everyday I. Could just figure out how to move forward. Everyone is different, and I think every MC is probably different.

2ndGeneration · October 2013

Nothing wrong with you. It hits everyone different. I had a m/c in May and while I was of course disappointed, I was not devastated. In my case, I am older so it was not a total shock, I knew there was a risk.
My first m/c was less physically tramautic (I was 19 vs 41 this time) but more emotionally difficult, probably because I thought what if I never have a baby? (I did, 5 of them).

I don't think you're in denial, I think you're just where you're at, you know? Like I'm where I am and others are too.

Kristy774 · October 2013

I don't think I would be as upset if I wasn't so far along to be honest. If I had not heard the HB and had 3 appointments where there were sonogram pictures and listening to the HB, I think I would handle it better. I actually kept saying "this wouldn't be so hard if it happened earlier". I'm not sure how far along you were but maybe that's it? I know the grieving process is different for everyone and I've seen women on here at peace with their miscarriage. Mine gets better day by day.

RayRay007 · October 2013

We found out last Weds. that the baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks (several weeks prior) and I m/c on Sunday at 13w5d. Although we were trying and very excited about this baby and had already started to get things ready for it, I had been worried about the pg for a few weeks before we found out about the m/mc (even thought I had absolutely no reason to). Waiting for the u/s (just a regularly scheduled NT scan) I told DH I was pretty nervous. I think I had an intuition about it and maybe that's why I'm not devastated.

I cried on and off for the rest of that day and a bit the next, but other than that I think we're ok. It sucks that we'll have to wait longer for a little one, that the m/c itself was horribly painful, and all that, but otherwise we're moving forward. I'm sure there will be times when I'm reminded about it and have sad moments (like when we have another child I might wonder about what the one we lost would have been like). But for now we're ok.

Although it might hit you later, how you feel now and how you feel later is totally right if it's right for you.

Unknown · October 2013

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Lrlynch04 · October 2013

I don't think Kristy necessarily meant no one should be upset if it was an early loss. She was just trying to relate to the OP in saying she personally doesn't think she would have been as upset early. She very much owned that opinion in her own situation. At least, that's how I understood her post.

Lrlynch04 · October 2013

OP, there is nothing wrong with you. Be thankful you are at peace. We all grieve in our own way.

RayRay007 · October 2013

I think kristy was pretty clear that's how she felt about her loss. Not implying anything about anyone else's loss. FWIW I think it would be harder for me the further I was.

Unknown · October 2013

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Kristy774 · October 2013

@MrsDeo - I specifically said, "I", as in me and what my feelings would be, so can you and @ninthgirl please stop jumping all over every little thing I say on this thread and on other threads? I'm dealing with a loss as of 4 days ago, so LEAVE ME ALONE. YOU are an insensitive person to be continually picking on someone that just had a miscarriage that resulted in a D&E four days ago, go be a bully somewhere else, THIS isn't the place. Thanks, and no response is necessary, I actually could care less what you or @ninthgirl have to say at this point.

Unknown · October 2013

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Kristy774 · October 2013

@MrsDeo- Maybe YOU should take a break from the Internet since no one except for you interpreted my post as insensitive, because it wasn't, I repeatedly said what I would do. What I would feel, as in ME.

Again, I think you are an incredible insensitive person to continually pick at someone who's just suffered a loss so I guess we've all got our opinions. And let me tell you something else, I'm not going to stop posting on here because my sole purpose is to help other women and I can with the experience I've been through so get used to seeing my name. And do us both a favor and leave me alone.

Kristy774 · October 2013

wickedsugar said:
@Kristy774.. that goes for you as well..

@Wickedsugar

I'm sorry, what exactly are you referring to that I've done wrong since you are calling me out personally by name?

bunnycakes011508 · October 2013

That is definitely ok. I'm glad that you can feel a certain peace with it. That sounds lovely, not wrong.

Aarg · October 2013

Everyone grieves differently. It's been 2 months since my m/c and I still have horrible days where all I do is weep and think of the shoulda, coulda, woulda's...
So sorry for your loss.

2009lovebirds · October 2013

I think it is good that you are so calm. Perhaps you are so because you feel positive about the future and possibilities? For me the sadness stems from hopelessness. Why did I miscarry (2x)? Will I ever have a little one? I'm getting old... but I still feel some hope. Hugs to you!

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