2nd time moms, timeframe question

Laurab1686 · September 2013

Hi ladies! I am due in the middle of May and am a first time mom. I am in a wedding in September of 2014, and this particular friend is the last of all my girlfriends to get married and has stated numerous times that she "hopes no one is pregnant for her wedding". My husband and I had set up our time frame for TTC before she even got engaged ( and she opted for a 2 yr engagement btw). One of the other bridesmaids is pregnant and due in March, which my friend knows. I haven't told her yet about myself. My concern is this: I plan on breast feeding and her mom and sister are planning the shower to b in June and the bachelorette in July. I'm not worried about the shower as my mom will b going and can help. My concern is the bachelorette. It is going to be about 2 hrs from home and the plan so far is dinner and then prob out for the night, most likely a chip and dales. My thoughts r that I will go out for the night and pump if have to while out ( at the hotel or whatever) then drive home and not spend the night. I'm really worried about the whole situation as I want to b attentive to my friend and her special time, but I'm also feeling a little selfish as this is my first baby. Is this plan realistic for the bachelorette?

jessicastanley · September 2013

Absolutely. You do what you need to do to take care of you and your LO. Explain the situation and let her know that you will be with her in spirit for the last half.

JoelleOK · September 2013

If your are planning on getting baby used to bottles as well as breast it could work. It might be way easier on you to have baby and caregiver in a hotel room in same town as the party. Still have a pumped stash of milk for baby but if something goes wrong you won't be 2 hours away. And you won't be away from baby so long. That isn't something i thought I'd care about, but when DS was little when my body knew it was time to for him to eat i had to fight feeling anxious if I wasn't with him, even when I knew he was fine.
Plus you can sleep there and go home in the am. (Probably getting more sleep)

raeg13 · September 2013

I think you should be able to make it work. I was at a bach party in July and my best friend was still bfing and pumping at the time. She pumped 2 times throughout the night, and even spent the night and was able to pump a few more times. Of course, this all depends on how your body does with bfing and pumping and how much milk you are able to stash at home. Unfortunately, you won't know that for sure until baby comes.

chargers32 · September 2013

I would do what works for you and your baby. If she is any kind of friend she will understand and not be so self absorbed! I agree having baby and caregiver at a nearby hotel might be better just in case baby doesn't take bottles? My son took a fresh pumped bottle, but refused frozen bm so be careful with that. Some babies don't like frozen bm.

I'm sure you will have a better idea of what will work for you and baby once baby gets here and your breastfeeding gets established

rMe6411 · September 2013

It could definitely work and you could pump even through the night. I still can't be away from my DD so everyone is different in that area. I BF for the first year and I had a lot of anxiety when it was time for DD to eat and I wasn't with her which was a struggle for me. The idea of having someone stay in the area with Lo is a good idea. You may not for sure what you want to do until the time comes.

wendylouwhoknew · September 2013

Laurab1686 said:
I want to b attentive to my friend and her special time, but I'm also feeling a little selfish as this is my first baby. Is this plan realistic for the bachelorette?

How can this be selfish? If anything, your gf is selfish. What gives her the right to make everyone else put their life on hold so HER wedding is perfect?

Take it one day at a time. Your first priority is to yourself and your child. No matter how good a friend you think she is, if she cannot that you have responsibilities, that is her problem, not yours.

Sorry if this sounds harsh. I had "friends" like this and it's not worth the hassle if things don't go their way.

Laurab1686 · September 2013

How can this be selfish? If anything, your gf is selfish. What gives her the right to make everyone else put their life on hold so HER wedding is perfect?

Take it one day at a time. Your first priority is to yourself and your child. No matter how good a friend you think she is, if she cannot that you have responsibilities, that is her problem, not yours.

Sorry if this sounds harsh. I had "friends" like this and it's not worth the hassle if things don't go their way.

She's definitely being a real pain in the ass. I appreciate this and am getting similar feedback from two of my best friends who r also in the wedding and my husband. I just feel like no matter what I do she won't b happy

sammy.k · September 2013

To be honest... I don't think I'd worry about it until the time comes. I wanted to breastfeed so badly, but it didn't work for us. You'll figure it out after the baby gets here.

MrsT2008 · September 2013

If no matter what you do, she won't be happy, then I wouldn't worry about making her happy. Do what you need to do and what you are comfortable with.

yepyepsms · September 2013

Yes, it's doable. I had a situation two months after my son was born for a Bach party, first night away, etc. I just pumped right before we went out and then once in the car. I had an adapter in my bag for the car. Then again at the hotel. You will find a way to pump. It just becomes a part of you getting creative on how to feed or pump for LO. And your friends should understand and be supportive...if not, f 'em!

Brandyjean30 · September 2013

I second Sammy.k. Cross that bridge when you get there. I wanted so badly to bf, but it didn't work. I understand stressing about weddings. I'm due early May and am a bridesmaid in a wedding in June and in September. I'm definitely already thinking about how I'm going to make bfing work and manage all the bridal festivities for the June wedding. I've got a little plan in my head, but if motherhood has taught me one thing, it's that nothing goes the way you expect

ksyknelvr73 · September 2013

You can make it work. My son was 6 weeks old when I had a bachelorette party for a longtime friend. We went out, had dinner, and went dancing, then I went home to my parents' house, where my son was staying.

Mlau32 · September 2013

True friends understand and will be happy for you. My BEST FRIEND missed my wedding because she had just had a baby. I missed her terribly, but I was so so happy for her. That being said, some girls have bride brain and the ugly bridezilla monster comes out in little pieces over thing we think are stupid, but to them it's the end of the world.

I am trying to remember the time after my first was born...and I don't think I would have wanted to leave the baby so soon, especially not for a night out on the town where I couldn't drink (breastfeeding), and felt like a bloated fatty (post pregnancy bod). Bottom line, it's probably going to be a game day decision for you. Let your friend know that things could change at the last minute. She should understand

Ziegeficker · September 2013

I went to an overnight Christmas party when LO was 8 weeks old. I brought my pump and was able to pump and dump pretty easily. It can be done...and you deserve a night of fun. It's not selfish.

tjkdlhb · September 2013

Yes, definitely doable. My little girl was a May 2012 baby and I went to a bachelorette party in June, wedding in July. While I wasn't standing at that wedding, I definitely would have been able to. The only thing I would suggest is that maybe you shouldn't drive that far after a busy day. You will be really tired and it might not be worth the risk. I think if you can have someone reliable babysit (or DH, MIL, your mom etc) at a hotel it might be a better choice.

artroyer · September 2013

Yup it's doable. And like another poster said, I badly wanted to breastfeed but couldn't because I didn't produce milk. I never considered that an option, I had always assumed I would bf. So, you never know what will happen

caasch · September 2013

I agree with wait until the baby comes, your natural mommy instincts will come to you and tell you exactly what to do! Don't stress too much about it! Tell your friend your pregnant and hope she is understanding of your hopes and dreams! Congrats by the way and Good luck!

KristaU831 · September 2013

i think its ridiculous that she thought people would plan their lives around her wedding and the events surrounding it. um no. you do you. i personally wouldn't go to the bachelorette less than 2 months after your baby is born, but that's me. i know i wouldn't have been able to do that with my daughter.

and spending time with your baby isnt selfish. she is selfish.

its a bachelorette party, it doesn't really matter. it's not the wedding.

dragossoul84 · September 2013

I'd wait and see how things are after your baby is born. My milk never came in so I couldn't breastfeed but DS had awful colic and I would have never left him over night for a party because he was just so uncomfortable all the time he wanted his Mom. You will have had a couple months to get in the swing of things and know what works for you by the time the party comes so you will know what to do

Laurab1686 · September 2013

Thanks for all the wonderful words of wisdom ladies!

danabsd · September 2013

I would wait to see how you feel when the time is closer and when the baby is here.
Personally, I would have been all like yea I can do that when I was PG but there is no way I would have gone after I had the baby.
Also, only a couple weeks after Beb was born I would have used a hotel room for sleep, nothing else, no partying, just sleep.

SoxFan777 · September 2013

i think its ridiculous that she thought people would plan their lives around her wedding and the events surrounding it. um no. you do you. i personally wouldn't go to the bachelorette less than 2 months after your baby is born, but that's me. i know i wouldn't have been able to do that with my daughter.
and spending time with your baby isnt selfish. she is selfish.
its a bachelorette party, it doesn't really matter. it's not the wedding.

This exactly. No way in hell I would go. Give her a nice gift at the shower and stay home for the bachelorette especially if you don't even want to go. You'll be too nervous to enjoy yourself anyway.

pistolpackinmomma · September 2013

It can vary so much. My son started STTN at 8 weeks. My friend's kid didn't STTN until she did CIO at 9 months. Other than that at 4 months your LO will probably be eating every 3-4 ish hours during the day but at 2 months it will probably be more like every 2 hours. You'll want to keep your boobs on the same schedule to avoid any supply dips, which means pumping every 2 hours. Even if you pump and dump. 2 months is a short time to try getting a big enough milk stash built up for a day or two as well. I agree that if someone can stay at the hotel with the baby it might work better.

MissLadyTay · September 2013

It definitely sounds doable. And by that point you might be excited for a night out. I craved and treasured girls nights when my son was a baby. It was lovely to get dressed up and talk about something other than breast milk and baby poop for a change.

JessicaDanielle0910 · September 2013

It's definitely doable but I honestly wouldn't worry about it until the time comes, once LO gets here a lot of your plans are going to work themselves out you will get accustomed to baby and you will know exactly what needs to be done when the time comes, your baby is going to have all kinds of personal quirks and you will know them by heart within two months... Don't worry so much about the details quite yet. I do however suggest that you don't let that be the first length of time you spend away from LO, I would give it a test run or two maybe go out to dinner with your SO and give you and baby the chance to figure out what is going to work so that the night of won't be catastrophic...

Jamiek1 · October 2013

She should be happy for you and not so selfish, bridezilla. I hope she understands that you guys are at different points in your lives.

PhyllieB · October 2013

I know how you feel! I am due May 16th and am in a wedding June 14th.
We have been TTC since January and my friend knows that, but has said "jokingly" numberous times that I have to wait til after her wedding to get pregnant. Or "wouldn't it be fun to say you conceived at our wedding?!" (I felt like punching her in the face when she said this!)
Now that we have found out that we are pregnant, I am dreading telling her. It sucks! You should be excited to tell your friends the news!
I don't think you are being selfish at all! At least you are still planning on going to both the shower and bachelorette party!

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