Not in the mood to celebrate

AJCagle82 · September 2013

Tomorrow is my birthday and all I can think about is that yesterday marked 3 weeks since we had to say bye to our angel. I am someone who loves birthdays and loves to celebrate (not just mine). This year, I could care less. I just keeping thinking about how this year I was going to have a baby girl and how different & wonderful life was going to be. Now, I'm so sad knowing that I won't have my daughter with me. I'm trying to stay positive, but I miss Parker so much. Tonight is turning into a tough night. I hope others are doing better than I am tonight. Thanks for letting me vent.

schulme2 · September 2013

I'm so sorry. My birthday is Tuesday and I feel the same way. Just want to sit alone because this isn't what my birthday was supposed to be like. ((Big hugs)) and happy birthday!

shandorfml2 · September 2013

So sorry ladies. I had my birthday two months after losing my daughter. It's so hard. ((((hugs))))

Noethola · September 2013

We lost Elsie right before Christmas. People kept asking me what I wanted for Christmas, and I really just wanted to shout at them "My daughter! Nothing else matters...at all." Hugs to you tomorrow!

TwinkleTor · September 2013

Happy Birthday! And I'm sorry you had a rough day yesterday, I too had a terrible day. For today at least cut a cake and sing happy birthday, make a wish, and later on talk to Parker. I find that at the end of everyday, talking to Domenik always makes me feel a little better and I feel like Domenik is tucking me in.

ajsweeton · September 2013

****Siggy Warning*****

I'm so sorry it's so hard to go through celebrations right after a loss. We lost our babies a few weeks before Christmas and we had planned for our family to just give gifts for the babies. It was awful going through that and opening things we knew they'd shopped for last minute. I'll be thinking about you.

Edited for siggy warning.

AJCagle82 · September 2013

Well, if I'm being honest, it was a pretty awful day. My H took me to dinner. We started at small sushi restaurant. We ended up having to leave before we even ordered because there was a baby at the next table crying. I couldn't handle staying there. Parker was already heavy on my heart. I knew that if we stayed I would start crying at the table. As soon as we got in the car, I started to cry. We went to another restaurant when I got myself together, but the mood had already been set. The night ended with me sitting on the floor surrounded by all of Parker's things and crying. I cried for a long time. It went from sobs to regular crying. Now I'm starting to feel numb. That feeling that this is all a dream is creeping back in. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

neptunebljc · September 2013

That is really hard. I had that happen at church last weekend. Someone had brought it in a newborn who cried the whole service. It really made the rest of the day miserable.

I find its hard because you never know if something like that will make you upset or not.

I hope you are feeling better today. Maybe when your grief is less raw, you should have a un-birthday event.

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