Anyone else?

AmySmolos · September 2013

Some days I'm with ds and I love him so much that I can't imagine having another child. It's for selfish reasons but I don't want to share him and I'm so excited about him getting bigger and being able to experience new things and having another baby will delay that for us as a family. Then I think that I want another one because I never thought of myself as only having one child and ds needs a sibling. Anyone else back and forth? I think we will have one more but sometimes I think ds is perfect and I don't need another LO.

AmySmolos · September 2013

Oh and I can't imagine having two and working full time! I'm about crazy with one! How do others do it???

DoctorsWifey · September 2013

A lot of people that grew up as an only child want a lot of kids, and those that grew up in a big family kind of want it the opposite way. We are definitely only having one. Our reasons are because first our daughter is perfectly healthy and we both really only wanted one child. We grew up in big families and wasn't a fan of it. Another aspect is entirely selfish and for vanity reasons, but I didn't get any stretch marks, I've lost all the weight I gained and I don't want to risk not having the same outcome. As I said, it is vain/selfish but I am okay with that. I don't feel that my daughter will be missing out on anything by not having siblings. We like only having one baby and being able to dedicate all of our time to her. The more children you have, the less time you have with each one and I don't think that is fair.

mrs mosby · September 2013

My girls are 15 months apart. I feel guilty that I didn't get to enjoy my time with DD1 when she was little bc I was so tired, sick or even tending to a newborn. Then I have guilt bc I don't have time to spend one on one time with DD2 like I did with her sister. At this age my DD1 knew all her body parts bc I was able to work with her. DD2 just laughs at me when I ask her where her head is. But at the end of the day my girls love each other. They make each other laugh, and they get excited to see each other.
O, and I work full time. It's nuts and I am constantly tired but I love my job.

SJandVA · September 2013

I totally felt this way with my first. The love is so great you can't imagine it happening again. But when DD2 came it was great. It seems like she's always been here.
There is a 4 1/2 year gap though. DD1 was such a high need baby that I had no desire for another for a few years.

sdlaura · September 2013

If all continues to go well, my kids will be just under 18 months apart. I have mixed emotions too but we think it's in DD's best interest to have a sibling, so I'm trying to push the worries aside. I mean, I assume nearly everyone who has a kid worries that they'll never love another child as much, but I'm sure that we must be able to. We both work FT, I travel frequently for work, and we have no family help. I'm sure it will be tough but we'll make it work

Maizey06 · September 2013

I was just thinking about this today on my run. I always thought we would have at least 2 and I hope we do but it is so crazy for me to think that I can love another child as much as I do DD. My mom said that is exactly how she felt but when she had my brother she realized your heart just grows.

I barely make it out the door to work on time with DD, I cannot imagine doing it with 2, but I know you just make it happen.

PaisleyRuth · September 2013

I always planned to have more than 1 and we got pg accidentally with DD before I had much chance to think anything different. I do have the same thought about being able to do more stuff as they get older and not wanting to delay that any longer by having a 3rd (plus financial reasons and a multitude of things). The baby/toddler stage is sooooo looong! For me at least.

Buona Fortuna · September 2013

LiliDragon said:

A lot of people that grew up as an only child want a lot of kids, and those that grew up in a big family kind of want it the opposite way. We are definitely only having one. Our reasons are because first our daughter is perfectly healthy and we both really only wanted one child. We grew up in big families and wasn't a fan of it. Another aspect is entirely selfish and for vanity reasons, but I didn't get any stretch marks, I've lost all the weight I gained and I don't want to risk not having the same outcome. As I said, it is vain/selfish but I am okay with that. I don't feel that my daughter will be missing out on anything by not having siblings. We like only having one baby and being able to dedicate all of our time to her. The more children you have, the less time you have with each one and I don't think that is fair.
What? I just...can't...What?? You need to check yourself. Think about what you're writing before you put it out there.

I totally agree with LiliD- having more than one child doesn't mean you love each child less and spend less time with them. That's ridiculous.

amaite · September 2013

@PaisleyRuth and @AmySmolos What kind of things do you have in mind that more children would delay? Just curious.

PaisleyRuth · September 2013

@amaite for me it is simple things like being able to eat out/eat on the go more easily (not worry about having purees, baby spoons, booster seat, bib, etc.). Not having to plan everything around nap schedules. Getting past crib sleeping so they can sleep in beds or on the floor when we travel. Getting out of diapers so you don't have to worry about packing those. Behaviorally getting to a place where they can manage themselves and not throw tantrums everywhere. So many things. I could go on for days.

thepretzelchick · September 2013

DoctorsWifey said:

The more children you have, the less time you have with each one and I don't think that is fair.

Also, the less time you have with your husband. And the dog. And for pedicures. And staring at the mirror at your non-existent stretch marks.

KIDS RUIN EVERYTHING, Y'ALL!!!

CourtneyEeps · September 2013

I can't even fathom how it works with two or more kids, but we're TTGP in a few months so we'll find out soon enough.

I also can't imagine loving another child as much but my parents/in-laws reassure me by saying it just happens. You love them with every part of your being and fall into a rhythm being a mom to two (or more).

LindsayDesigner · September 2013

I have the firm belief that you can make the best of any situation. We are really excited to expand our family in the future. I don't think it will be easy adjusting to additional children but I know that we are both up for the challenge.

I have a bunch of stretch marks but, you know what? I don't care if I get more of them because it isn't always about me.

jessalynn521 · September 2013

Its true @CourtneyEeps

Megispreg · September 2013

My concerns about having another are mostly financial. I worry that we won't have enough space in the city. I worry about the school district, and if we could afford two private tuitions. We travel fairly often, and the cost/logistics with two makes me nauseated. Sometimes I think that one would be easier, but I know in my heart we can make it work.

Stretch marks are not even on my radar as far as downsides. There are greater things in life than the state of my stomach. It's not like I'm showing it off to people anyway.

BatDaughter4Eva · September 2013

I have 4 siblings. Thag doesn't make me want to have an only child. Nor does it make me want a lot of children. I'd like one more.

It's okay to split time between children. They have another parent, or another sibling, friends, etc to spend time with. It's not like you lock the other child in a room alone while you play with one.

BTW, I have plenty of stretch marks from having J. I walk around the water parks in a bikini. Stretch marks, and jiggly belly out. My baby is so worth that.

BatDaughter4Eva · September 2013

I also want to add that I think it's okay to have an only child. Even if I didn't have another, J has cousins around his age, and will have friends growing up. I did love having my siblings, though.

jodegaard · September 2013

@DoctorsWifey

You are certainly entitled to your opinion and your decisions for your own family, but to imply that parents who have more than one child are being unfair to their first child is asinine.

I'd love to know how big your family is and what your experience was like growing up in a big family. I can say most assuredly that growing up in a big family is the reason I want a big family.

melmarie26 · September 2013

Dagger to the heart here.

I guess that's why my 16 year old firstborn is such a wreck. I screwed up his life and neglected him by having another child when he was 5. And then a set of twins! I really do feel sorry for him.

Lol, the only negative thing he has ever said was, "Thanks Mom, you ruined my inheritance!"

rp-chicago-mom · September 2013

DoctorsWifey said:

A lot of people that grew up as an only child want a lot of kids, and those that grew up in a big family kind of want it the opposite way. We are definitely only having one. Our reasons are because first our daughter is perfectly healthy and we both really only wanted one child. We grew up in big families and wasn't a fan of it. Another aspect is entirely selfish and for vanity reasons, but I didn't get any stretch marks, I've lost all the weight I gained and I don't want to risk not having the same outcome. As I said, it is vain/selfish but I am okay with that. I don't feel that my daughter will be missing out on anything by not having siblings. We like only having one baby and being able to dedicate all of our time to her. The more children you have, the less time you have with each one and I don't think that is fair.

rp-chicago-mom · September 2013

OP, occasionally I go get that, "OMG! I love my kid so much I could never love another as much!" but I assume it's a lot like SJandVA said. She is wise

AmySmolos · September 2013

PaisleyRuth said:
@amaite for me it is simple things like being able to eat out/eat on the go more easily (not worry about having purees, baby spoons, booster seat, bib, etc.). Not having to plan everything around nap schedules. Getting past crib sleeping so they can sleep in beds or on the floor when we travel. Getting out of diapers so you don't have to worry about packing those. Behaviorally getting to a place where they can manage themselves and not throw tantrums everywhere. So many things. I could go on for days.

Same. And to add just being able to travel more and go to the gym again carve out time for myself because now if I do anything for me on weekdays I sacrifice time with ds because he does to bed by 7 and I get home around 5:45. And on weekends it cuts into those precious two days I have with him. When he's older we can just pick up and go more plus I can have more time to myself (or so I think) because he will go to bed later and not be so needy of me. He's a mamas boy and he's ready for me to be home when I get home and he is clinged to me until he's down for the night!

vic8504 · September 2013

I know that I want a 2nd and hope that it is a possibility for us. I wanted them close in age but I am enjoying DD so much now that she is able to do so much more and interact with us more that I have decided to delay ttc for a little bit more. I want to be able to enjoy these firsts with DD and give her lots of attention. She is totally going through a "I want no one but mommy stage" so I think that is helping to change my plans of having another too soon, but 2015 will be here before we know it!

rp-chicago-mom · September 2013

vic8504 said:

I know that I want a 2nd and hope that it is a possibility for us. I wanted them close in age but I am enjoying DD so much now that she is able to do so much more and interact with us more that I have decided to delay ttc for a little bit more. I want to be able to enjoy these firsts with DD and give her lots of attention. She is totally going through a "I want no one but mommy stage" so I think that is helping to change my plans of having another too soon, but 2015 will be here before we know it!

This mostly sums up my feelings. I am loving LOVING being mom to Howell. He is just so cool (to me

) and I love all his little quirks that are arising. But he loves other kids so much that I think he will roll with it. I personally don't want to deny him a sibling when he is so social. How is that selfish? I loved having a sister and love that there is another person to share the burden of settling our parents' affairs as they get older. I am just not ready yet. I think 1-2 is the best age and I want to revel in all its glory. Next year though...next year.

rp-chicago-mom · September 2013

Medhp00 said:

I'm still wearing some of my maternity pants because they are way too comfortable and I haven't lost most of my belly weight so I guess by that logic I may as well have another since I'm already ruined????? Also, we don't play fair in my house. :>

I heart you. :-*

jodegaard · September 2013

@Medhp00

jillybean7582 · September 2013

jodegaard said:
@DoctorsWifey

You are certainly entitled to your opinion and your decisions for your own family, but to imply that parents who have more than one child are being unfair to their first child is asinine.

I'd love to know how big your family is and what your experience was like growing up in a big family. I can say most assuredly that growing up in a big family is the reason I want a big family.

Yeah I don't agree with the coming from a big family means you won't want a big family commet at all. I have four brothers. I didn't feel less important because of it and actually use to beg my parents to have another baby until I was about 15-16 years old because I wanted a sister! I loved growing up in a big family.

My oldest brother has 4 kids and they are considering a 5th. My second oldest does not have any of his own but his SO has 4 and they are currently looking into adopting since she can no longer have anymore of her own. I have always wanted 4 kids. My DH only wanted 2 before we got married but we have come to a compromise on 3. My youngest 2 brothers are not married or in serious relationships so who know if they will have zero kids or ten kids.

I think it is a personal preference and having an only child or having 10 kids is perfect as long as it is what is rught for your family.

BatDaughter4Eva · September 2013

@sarzer121. You said it perfectly. We have enough love to go around. As long as we continue to love them, there's always more. Then to see them love each other will be even better.

As i said, I have 4 siblings. 3 of which have children. 12 between them.

As far as being able to get out, and go. I get that. The reason I don't want to wait too long for another is so we can get all this baby stuff out of the way for the future. I'd like for SO and I to be able to do some traveling later in life. If that makes sense.

NeneCakies · September 2013

I get why DoctorsWifey is an easy target for many reasons, but she did own her vanity and as a one and maybe done mama I can't say the "what would it do to my body" thought has never crossed my mind. What I can't understand is how one might be concerned with not having the capability to love another child as much, as if love is not an infinite thing. Do you not currently love more than one person in your life? My real hang up is not within our family life at all. It's the world at large I'm worried about. Kidnappers, shooters, car accidents, bullies, pandemic diseases, war...it's a scary place ladies.

Cheerilee · September 2013

DH has a son from a previous relationship. He has autism and DH has sole custody. He wanted him to be his only because he required more time, attention, and resources than a typical child. I understood and was on board. Then... DD surprised us. We would not change having two children if given the choice. DD is great for DSS. She adores him and she is the only person he refers to by name.

chefnicole22 · September 2013

I want a bunch of babies, but that's not really a possibility right now. If I had my choice I would already be working on #2. As soon as I get married to someone or become rich I will have more. I come from a big family and love it!

rp-chicago-mom · September 2013

NeneCakies said:
I get why DoctorsWifey is an easy target for many reasons, but she did own her vanity and as a one and maybe done mama I can't say the "what would it do to my body" thought has never crossed my mind. What I can't understand is how one might be concerned with not having the capability to love another child as much, as if love is not an infinite thing. Do you not currently love more than one person in your life? My real hang up is not within our family life at all. It's the world at large I'm worried about. Kidnappers, shooters, car accidents, bullies, pandemic diseases, war...it's a scary place ladies.

Awww... @Doctorswifey's first flaming and defense for said flaming. I remember my first like it was yesterday.

I just didn't like the implication that one's choice is the best for all. Also the teensiest bit of humility goes a long way.

I think this may be an UO but the world has always been a pretty scary place but the dangers morph. The solutions also morph. Imagine living before the polio vaccine or indoor plumbing. I agree the world we are giving our LOs has its dangers but it always has had dangers.

zbeesma86 · September 2013

I definitely want more kids! I just really don't know when to start- I want them close-ish in age. But I want to be able to explain to DD that a brother or sister is on the way.

I worry too because I had a rough first pregnancy- 3 weeks hospital bed rest before she was born, then a week in the hospital after she was born. I. went. stir. crazy. I worry who would watch DD? I am a SAHM, DH works crazy hours at his restaurant, my parents and sister live far away. Plus I'd feel so guilty and miss DD too much! And that's ONLY if it happens again.

Like others have said on here- you have to do what's right for your family. If that's another baby- go for it! If it's not the time- wait!

Manda-Kay · September 2013

DH and I grew up with 1 sibling (DH has a brother with his dad but only really saw him on the weekends). We didn't like having one 1 sibling that was 4+ years younger. I always wanted a big family but financially I don't see how that's possible. I'd like at least one more for sure but need to ensure we can afford 2 kids in daycare.

rp-chicago-mom · September 2013

LiliDragon said:

Statistically speaking, the world is actually a safer place now than it has ever been...Unless you're quoting the favourite statistic of the fear-mongerers "unreported crime." Which is allegedly at an all-time high 8-}

Huh. I am quite a cynic and I believe this. It's the media that gets people. The fact that we can survive pregnancy and our children can survive childbirth is a relatively new phenomenon. Hell, neither I nor my kid would be alive without medical intervention at childbirth.

RNbock2 · September 2013

Seriously, I just watch my two boys (3 yo and 1) interact, and any hesitation that I might have had disappears. They look for each other when they wake up, bring each other snacks, play together, the list goes on. I never had any real fears about giving ds1 siblings though, we both love kids and wanted a lot from the get-go.

MoFree · September 2013

I would love to have a second child and if I don't it will only be because of fertility issues. There is no limit to love and no child cares that her mother doesn't have stretch marks.

piphigirl · September 2013

We are one and done. For us, we want to make sure our time and money resources are not stretched. Also, we really feel like our family is complete at three humans and a cat.

For the record, DH and I each have one sibling. Also, for the record, I am super vain and working my tail off to lose the last 10 pounds of pregnancy weight. This doesn't really relate to my feelings on the right family size for us. I think big families are wonderful, but it's not for us.

JayandEmm · September 2013

piphigirl said:
We are one and done. For us, we want to make sure our time and money resources are not stretched. Also, we really feel like our family is complete at three humans and a cat.

For the record, DH and I each have one sibling. Also, for the record, I am super vain and working my tail off to lose the last 10 pounds of pregnancy weight. This doesn't really relate to my feelings on the right family size for us. I think big families are wonderful, but it's not for us.

Samesies!

NeneCakies · September 2013

Baker_Bride said:

LiliDragon said:

Statistically speaking, the world is actually a safer place now than it has ever been...Unless you're quoting the favourite statistic of the fear-mongerers "unreported crime." Which is allegedly at an all-time high 8-}

Huh. I am quite a cynic and I believe this. It's the media that gets people. The fact that we can survive pregnancy and our children can survive childbirth is a relatively new phenomenon. Hell, neither I nor my kid would be alive without medical intervention at childbirth.

I'm not relying on statistics or blaming media in this regard. It's merely the perception of a new mom suddenly keyed into the realities of life. It's hitting home like never before and the realization is bumming me and my ute out terribly.

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