Girl moms- can you avoid the princess phase?

kjenkins346 · September 2013

I agree with the PPs that it's about balance. I plan to focus mainly on toys that are educational and gender neutral but since you can't stop people from buying the super girly stuff, will also have more traditional "boy" toys to equal them out. Ultimately LO will decide for herself what she likes and we'll follow her lead but encourage her in a broad range of interests. I know that my DH will want to have activities that he can do with her, so I'm sure she'll end up at least trying out softball and/or soccer. It does bother me when I see a little girl and everything she has is princess themed because I feel like it limits her imagination in terms of how she plays.

Wino0920 · September 2013

It's not the princess' job to raise your child and teach them to be kind and not bratty, it yours, rather she is playing with trucks, dolls, or books.

blondolphn · September 2013

karo112 said:
So I know that some people are all "Let your kid be who she wants." And I am 100% on board with that - HOWEVER...it's not just because princesses are girly. That really has nothing to do with it. It's the TRAITS that they represent and the mass marketing war that has placed our daughters smack dab in the middle of it.
I'm NOT a feminist by ANY means but the whole concept of the princess culture...I don't want that to be something my kids emulate. Weak women who need to be rescued by the handsome prince? no thank you.
Same reason I'm not on board with the Twilight stuff when my kids are teenagers...
So if she wants to be a princess, fine, but it's not going to be the marketed Disney princesses that just teach lessons that I'm not on board with in terms of my kids development.

Like I mentioned before, why can't you use the princess idea to teach her how to be a lady? You don't have to teach her to be a spoiled brat.

jennlin · September 2013

i really don't understand the anti-princess thing. i love princesses

19mo DD loves princesses, puppies and tools.

pandaglitter · September 2013

Liking princesses won't make your daughter a brat. Like I said, my daughter loves princesses. She also is polite, knows she has to clean her room every day, gets told no, doesn't get whatever she wants, and understands there is more to life than dressing up in fancy dresses and all that stuff. She knows an education is important and knows being artistic and kind and caring are by far more important than how she looks. Being beautiful on the inside is more important than what's on the outside.

Wanting to dress up like a princess and play princesses isn't going to negate that unless you let it. Even kids that don't play with princesses can fail to learn those things because PARENTS teach that, not movies and books. Those can be tools to help understand because they're stories. We always focus on "what positive traits do the princesses in the story have?" Rapunzel is artistic and caring. Mulan can do anything a boy can do. Belle loves reading. You have to find the positive in whatever they're interested in and encourage that while pointing out what doesn't work...none of the princesses get what they want by looking pretty or wearing a fancy dress. They get it by learning from mistakes and working hard to fix them and using their natural talents.

And lol. Your kid wearing pink and a tutu at 0-3 months isn't going to scar them for life and turn them into a "diva". They won't remember it. Just tell your family you're not dressing her overly girly and hopefully they respect that.

karo112 · September 2013

blondolphn said:

So I know that some people are all "Let your kid be who she wants." And I am 100% on board with that - HOWEVER...it's not just because princesses are girly. That really has nothing to do with it. It's the TRAITS that they represent and the mass marketing war that has placed our daughters smack dab in the middle of it.
I'm NOT a feminist by ANY means but the whole concept of the princess culture...I don't want that to be something my kids emulate. Weak women who need to be rescued by the handsome prince? no thank you.
Same reason I'm not on board with the Twilight stuff when my kids are teenagers...
So if she wants to be a princess, fine, but it's not going to be the marketed Disney princesses that just teach lessons that I'm not on board with in terms of my kids development.
Like I mentioned before, why can't you use the princess idea to teach her how to be a lady? You don't have to teach her to be a spoiled brat.

Personal choice I suppose - if a princess were a "lady" as you say, then I would - but to me, that is just not who I PERSONALLY want my kids to emulate. If it weren't such a marketing bonanza...maybe. But again - my kids aren't that into them. I let them pick and dont make a big deal either way BUT I'm not buying them princess stuff just because...and I don't call them princess....etc.

Read the book - I'm telling you it gives you a whole new perspective.

EmJ&B · September 2013

While I generally wouldn't care, DH's fam takes it to the extreme with his niece. Princess eeeeeeverything. It's like they're in their own Disney commercial.

I'm so glad we're having a boy. Altho I might give him a tutu - just to horrify them.

;-)

10-4LilBuddy · September 2013

My 10 year old stepdaughter is the girliest girl. When she was younger, she was obsessed with princesses. She's still into pink and glitter. I think it is pretty harmless. The only time we had an issue is when she claimed she could not do her chores because she is a princess. I told her that if she was a princess, then that would make her dad and I the king and queen. She didn't have a response for that and did her chores.

I went through the princess phase as a kid, but also loved Wonder Woman. I turned out fine (I think).

jorkz821 · September 2013

awwwpuddin said:
Clothing and attitude are two totally different things

Omg this. It's possible to let your kid wear tutus and simultaneously raise her to not be an entitled brat.

My dd likes to pick out her own clothes (preferably skirts and dresses), proclaims "Look mommy, I pincess!" when she's dressed, then runs downstairs to play with her trucks or dig around in the yard outside. Doesn't have to be all or nothing.

MrsMommyQ · September 2013

Totally depends on the kid. My DD loves the princesses but is not, by any means, obsessed. She also didn't get into them until much later than other littler girls, which is fine with me. She loves pink and purple and all things sparkly, but she also loves sports, playing outside, painting, animals, etc. She's a great combo of girly girl and sporty girl, which I love.

JenMatt2010 · September 2013

Well this spun out of control quickly. I'll have to go back and read through my replies because I was exhausted last night, but I don't think I ever used the words "entitled," "brat," or "diva." DS is 2 and has great manners, so I'm not worried about attitude. I just don't like overloads of pink, ruffles, sparkles, or tutus.

If we have a girl, and if she likes tutus, I'm not going to deprive her of something that will make her happy. I am also WELL AWARE that anything I put her in at 0-3 months will not "scar her for life" or make her a "diva." I merely meant that I hope my MIL (specifically) and friends don't go overboard on the princess stuff/etc. from a young age, because it's just not my style.

This all started because last night I got a text from a friend that she just had 7 mom friends over for a "tutu making" party, and she "hopes I have a girl" so I can do all that too. Uhh, no thanks. I was just asking if this is a phase that most/all little girls go through, and if I will inevitably be spending my evenings 2 years from now making tutus with sparkles. If so, I'll deal with it, I'll just need a lot of wine.

JenMatt2010 · September 2013

SnoopyLuv said:

JenMatt2010 said:

Don't worry all, I wasn't trying to say if it's a girl and she likes princesses, I will forbid it. I was merely asking if this is a normal phase/how to tone it down, and I'm hoping our family/friends don't push it on her at an early age by buying her 0-3 month tutus.

This doesn't make any sense. I know you're not being literal about the 0-3 month tutus, but try to relax. It can be so much fun having a girl. When it's Christmas and Birthday time, point relatives and friends in the direction of books, blocks, puzzles, etc. This is absolutely not something you need to be concerned with before the age of 1 1/2 or even later.

Maybe I should have said I hope they don't push it on ME by trying to get me to dress her in stuff like that as a newborn. I'm well aware that she will have no idea what's going on...

karo112 · September 2013

quartermisses said:

karo112 said:
I'm NOT a feminist by ANY means

This makes no sense to me. You are against political, social, and economic equality?

Ok I guess what I meant is my dislike of Disney princess marketing isn't coming from a feminist standpoint. Good lord....no need to read so far into every single comment. I am for equality, yes. But i'm not an outspoken, diehard, radical feminist. No.

Amjoy25 · September 2013

bnikiz said:

I couldnt with dd. She wears tutus and hunts ants lol

This. Is. Awesome. And she's doing the tutu thing right. IMO.

Amjoy25 · September 2013

I can get on board with cute lil tutu's...because God knows I already have like 6 of them (stupid friends) , #-o but calling my child a "princess"? Not. Gonna. Happen.

karo112 · September 2013

So...we're all cleared up here then?

Inn2 · September 2013

Keeping in mind that I'm still team green, I've considered it all. I don't like the "Daddy's Princess" stuff, but I do like the princess costumes, tutus, and the like for dress up. I would love to (and plan to) take my child to Disney World/Land and if they want to dress as an expensive pirate or princess, I'm all over it. *BUT* with sensible shoes for walking around those parks. What people wear on their feet there or allow their poor child to wear just makes me cringe. Disney should not equal blisters and bleeding feet for the sake of being fashionable or "cool".

I also plan to show the Disney movies. We will be the one teaching values to our child, Disney is just for fun. If my boy or girl goes through the pink/sequin/frilly stage, we will be along for the ride!

SweetLaura286 · September 2013

Just my .02.. And I know this is a little different than what you were asking.. But I love the Disney movies that have princesses in them. Aladdin was my favorite growing up. I can't wait to show LO Aladdin, Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast (DH and I BOTH love the broadway sound track), I love Tangled and all the others. And all the good quality kids movies that don't have princesses in them.. and I enjoy ones that have strong female characters like Pippi. Unfortunately they don't seem to make movies like that much any more. But to me there is a HUUUGE difference between the movies and this whole new 'Disney Princess' marketing thing they have going on. I will not buy her a single toy microphone with 3 of the princesses pictures on it. Or a cheapo dress and plastic high heels, or any one of the bazillion shitty pink and purple plastic toys that are just marketed as princess. If she wants a princess dress I will make her one or buy it off of etsy.. Not necessarily emulating one of the princesses dress, but her own. I will not buy her a princess themed kitchen set.. She will get a good quality toy kitchen and a bunch of food to use her imagination with.

Do all girls love that stuff? No. But even if they do there are good quality toys that promote imagination and ingenuity and it doesn't have to be a bad thing at all.

RedZee · September 2013

I also have a problem with the term "princess" and the obsession with them. Yes, I teach my child values. And part of that is not giving her ridiculous role models that need to be saved. To whoever said that they all did something to be saved, that's not at all true. Cinderella only wore a fancy dress to get saved.

I don't think that means that she can't wear fancy dresses and tutus or pink (although to be honest, I did feel that way before she was born). She plays with a variety of toys, but friends and family know not to call her princess or get her Disney princess crap. When she sees princesses, she calls them fairies. But mostly, she is deeply and disturbingly obsessed with Dora.

It's about balance, but also about deciding what role models a child should have. As much as we'd like to believe that they will just want to be like their parents, that's just not true.

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