9 month old terrible sleeper

SMP21 · September 2013

Background - DD2 is now 9.5 months old & always been a terrible sleeper. I'm looking for advise and success stories on how to get her to sleep more than 1-2 hours at a time. DD1 is 2.5 years old & I feel terrible about having to spend so much time getting DD2 to nap/sleep. I'm open to Controlled CIO.

Baby always has tummy & digestive issues. Reflux. GERD. Gas bubbles. Spit up a lot. Terrible BF problems all along. She su is very hard, so I'm guessing a forceful let down caused too much milk too fast & thus the issues with spit up. She's been in Zantac this whole time. I now offer her both breasts but she's now really distracted & doesn't always want to BF except to fall asleep. She has had horrendous colic too. So with all that the only way to get her to calm or sleep was to stand, rock, swaddle, BF to sleep for months. Now she BF to sleep. We have a bedtime routine & shortened nap routine. She yAwns instantly and rubs eyes. But I hate having to BF her to sleep now. My DH doesn't help at all with her sleep problems. She screams a lot & he just can't handle it. She instantly quiets in my arms. So Once BF to sleep I will wait & lay her in crib. She wakes at the 30 minute mark everytime. So I will try to BF to sleep again for another 30 minutes. This also happens all night long, except its about every 1-2 hours. Every single night this whole time. She is almost walking by herself, has 4 teeth & another one just cuttin through now. She has always been 95% height & weight. She eats 3 meals of baby & finger food. Snacks of Cheerios or puffs & BF in between.
Awake between 6/7am. Nap 10am, 3pm. Bed 8/8:30pm.

So 1) how do I approach stopping BF to sleep? And all night when she wakes/stands/screams? She falls right back asleep on the boob.

2) I want to wean. I've tried pumped milk or formula in a bottle & sippy - wont take it. She drinks water out of the sippy fine.

3) I've tried controlled CIO. She hyperventilates & is hysterical. Just keeps standing when I lay her down continually. After 20 minutes of checks I'll pick her up & BF or rock her & she'll fall asleep. But then wakes up again continually.
I'm so tired!

LSU628 · September 2013

DItto asking the pedi. I wonder if its's truly reflux or if she could be reacting to something in your milk?

kjsmith9 · September 2013

I'm confused by how you typed her medical issues... does she have all of that stuff currently, or when she was younger? Is she still spitting up a lot?

I agree with PP about getting one thing under control at a time. Figure out if she's still having pain from the digestive issues, and if she is, your pedi needs to help with that. She shouldn't be in pain all the time!

Don't try to start sleep training when she's teething - that might be causing pain too.

If she's waking after 30 minutes, it sounds like she can't get through sleep phases by herself. DD was waking after 45 minutes every night, and we started controlled CIO around 5 months. We went in after 2, 3, 4, and 5 minutes, and then every 5 minutes after that until she went to sleep. We never talked to her, just shushed her and gave her paci back, and left. We were never in her room for more than 60 seconds. I only picked her up to BF if it had been >4 hours since her last feed, since I knew she could go that long and wasn't really hungry. After a week, she was waking once per night, and at 6 months started STTN.

PP is right - you have to be 100% consistent. If you pick her up after 20 minutes, she thinks she has to cry for 20 minutes to get picked up... and she'll keep doing it. If you're doing any sort of CIO, you should read the Ferber book.

SMP21 · September 2013

Sorry I was typing quick on my phone while BF'g so I wanted to get it all out here quick. The bulk of her medical issues were when she was up til 6 months old. She's still on Zantac though doesn't spit up anymore. She still is constipated & has gas bubbles & I believe gas pains sometimes. I've cut most things from my diet and rarely have dairy or citrus or spicy. She just has a sensitive stomach. I only feed her non-gassy baby foods too. The colic was so horrible I didn't know what to do besides rock & BF her to calm down & eventually sleep. She's never been a pod sleeper more than a couple hours at a time. Twice she went 4 hours. Now I believe it's the BF in the dark at nap, bedtime & throughout he night that she's used to & I can't blame her for that. I just don't know how to stop it or change it. She won't bf usually unless its to fall asleep. Throughout the day she starts & rolls away & wants to play. My DH sleeps terribly in the couch & my 2 year old can hear then crying too although she's a good night sleeper.
Oh and the only thing my pedi suggests was letting her cry for 20 min and then go console her.

LimaD · September 2013

Have you tried gas drops? Worked great for my DD
If reflux isn't an issue anymore and if gas drops help with her gas pains, I'd also recommend the Ferber method (as long as she isn't teething). It sounds like the poor girl is waking up after sleep cycles and unable to go back to sleep on her own, she's needing to nurse to sleep instead. Definitely read the book, and be as consistent as you can. My DD had similar problems and Ferber worked great. Had one really rough night but in the end it was worth it. GL and I hope things get better for you both soon!

SMP21 · September 2013

Oh and I've tried co sleeping but she's all over the bed & i now only do that for her short naps if needed. She does sleep better in my bed but not by much. I move her to the crib (also in our room) on the boppy bc it feelsuke she's still being held. Problem is she will wake up & stand immediately in her crib no matter what I do. In my bed she'll roll around a lot and sometimes re-settle herself for a short while linger. She cries immediately in her crib. I snuggle with her blanket so it smelks like me. I thought about doing the same with her bed sheet. Mimic what my bed smells like I guess.

kjsmith9 · September 2013

ClaryPax said:

Will she take a paci? DD wouldn't take a soothe but she likes the other kind. I would stop nursing her and give her the paci so she could fall asleep with the paci and that stopped the nurse to sleep cycle. For sleep I like a combo of gentle approach with a little fuss it out. Basically let her fuss a few minutes if she is getting hysterical go in and pick her up and sooth her also try burping her. A lot of time when my LO's were crying hard it was because of an air bubble. Then either stay with her or check on her often but don't pick her up. Rub her back, hold her hand, introduce a lovey. Only pick her up if she is hysterical. This gets her used to sleeping in the crib and not in your arms. It will take about 3 weeks to a month but if you are consistently helping her put herself to sleep then you should be able to hand the job off to the paci and lovey.

I agree with the paci and lovey. Does she have her own room? DD slept MUCH better when we moved her to the nursery, and I was shocked (but excited, obviously)! We still use a white noise machine and it runs all night. When she's done nursing, I pop the paci in and she is drowsy when I put her down, but usually not fully asleep.

Do you do a bedtime routine? The same thing every night will also let her know what's coming up next (time to go to sleep).

kjsmith9 · September 2013

Oh, and if your pedi is telling you to let her cry 20 minutes straight by herself, and then go in to pick her up...

Stop listening to your pedi!

That is teaching her nothing.

Get the Ferber book - it has great (and appropriate) information.

JJ_13 · September 2013

I think you have two issues going on - the gas/feeding pains and the sleeping issues. ANd within the latter one, you have a lot of sub issues. Try to figure out the gas/feedign stuff with your pedi. Get that under control. Then read two books - Ferber and Kim West's Good Night Sleep TIght. YOu will then be educated about sleep and can come up with a good plan fo ryour family. A couple of thoughts:

1) 8 - 8:30 pm is a very late bed time.

2) Consistency is KEY. You are not being consistent right now. WHatever kind of sleep training/shaping you do, it will involve tears and it will take longer than 20 minutes. It is a balance of being consistent and figuring out what works for your LO and your family. I recommend the West book because I think it works for people whose LO's are prone to getting hysterical. It's still going to be hard though.

Read, formulate plan, and execute with consistency. And don't expect perfection. There will still be regressions. LO is waking up 3x a night for me right now... ugh.

eebaehr · September 2013

I had a terrible sleeper for the first six months, even now she isn't consistently great but way better than before. Having said that, you must be exhausted! I nursed my LO to sleep as well, and I can tell you her sleep dramatically changed when I stopped that. At this age, stopping that trend is going to involve lots of tears, lots, but you really have to just bite the bullet and do it. As soon as your LO learns to put herself to sleep half the battle is won. I agree with PP, read up on some different methods. I went to the library and checked out every baby sleep book they had. I highly recommend Ferber and Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child. We went the Ferber route, but HSHHC has some great info on the necessity of teaching your child to sleep. It didn't sink in with me until I read it in black and white. It will take time, but change will happen. And remember you aren't hurting her, you are giving her a useful tool she needs for the rest of her life.

tortuga47 · September 2013

Health issues aside, because I can't help you there, we started giving our LO a bottle of pumped milk before bed so he'd quit making the fall asleep nursing association (and he eats more) and putting him down drowsy but awake. We did the No cry sleep plan and it took several weeks but he's sleeping much better. Throughout the night, if it's been more than 4 or 5 hours I will nurse him if he wakes, but otherwise, we just shush him back to sleep or rub his back, sometimes hum by the crib. He was like your LO waking every hour or two and I was slowly losing my mind. Hang in there, and like everyone else said, be consistent. Last night he woke twice and for our guy, that is WONDERFUL!

edit: sorry just saw she won't take pumped milk...disregard that bit of my post. If she does fall asleep nursing, you may try waking her when you lay her down to bed. It seems counterproductive (and it may be the first week or so) but she will learn to go to sleep without nursing and in the long run sleep much better.

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