Am I out of line? Rant/Vent

Aycul18 · September 2013

So DH and I are attempting to buy a house. So far so good, knock on wood, until this morning when our mortgage broker calls and says that the lender cannot verify that we filed business taxes for 2011. Turns out it was a mix up by our accountant and I spent 1/2 the day crying today. Even though the IRS had no problem cashing our check, they apparently did have an issue with the paperwork. So of course, I ran to my best friend...

I told my best friend a long time ago, that I have a hard time getting excited about things, because when I do something always end up going wrong. She is one of the only people outside of our family that knew we were buying a house. I asked her who else she told about it (yes I do believe in evil eyes), and she said nobody, well maybe this one other couple, and I knew she must have told them, and probably told others as well... I didn't bitch and moan, just kindly asked her to please stop talking about our business with other people. I didn't think I was being unreasonable, and then this all escalated, and she's pissed off, thinking that I think that she's the one with the evil eyes, which IS NOT the case whatsoever. I just don't want info shared about me and what's going on in my life until I'm ready to share it with others.

I tried to explain to her, that it's not like I go around sharing your business with people, even when they ask how you're doing or whatever, I don't share personal details. I just say so and so is fine. Everything is good. I just want the same courtesy ESPECIALLY since I've asked her before...

For example, I know that my aunt told her friends we bought a house, and I got pissed at her too and told her it was none of her business to share. She also shared my pregnancy with her friends, before I was comfortable with it, and I told her how I felt even then... She apologized, took fault, said she didn't think it was that big of a deal, and let it go, as did I.

Am I being completely crazy? I just don't want info shared about us and whats going on with us until things are finalized and WE are ready to share it. Is that so much to ask?

I just seriously feel like every time I get excited about things, something bad always happens, or something goes wrong before it goes right.

mavgirl_73 · September 2013

^this^

notkateanymore · September 2013

Yeah, you're being a little nuts. Sorry about the house though.

Lawren · September 2013

You said, "knock on wood."

Aycul18 · September 2013

@soozerella, I mean people that aren't close to me. This girl I've been best friends with for 10+ years. I want her to be a part of what's going on in my life... But I don't want every other friend and acquaintance to know.

My point was that I don't share things that she shares with me, and when I ask her for the same, she gets all pissy about it and drags it way out of proportion.

cammyisagirlsname · September 2013

Agree with Sooz. You just shouldn't tell people anything. I keep my mouth shut until whatever I'm doing is done.

notkateanymore · September 2013

Unfortunately for you, only one person is blowing things out of proportion and it's you. If she tells people things and you know that, why keep telling her things? Also, the fact that you are trying to buy a house is not the same as the paternity of your child or something similar...

Aycul18 · September 2013

Thanks ladies. Lesson hopefully learned this time... Can't even trust my closest friends and family not to say shit to others. Oh well.

laurenmorris1 · September 2013

I'm really sorry about your house not working out, I can see how you may be easily escalated, it's a stressful situation buying a house and being 7 months pregnant. Maybe a little over the top, NOT crazy.. Maybe it was not so much that people are spreading your business ( they thought they were sharing good news) but that your embarrassed it didn't work out.

penelopemaria · September 2013

You are being a little crazy. If you don't want people in your business, don't tell people stuff..

Word

Aycul18 · September 2013

It's not the point that it's not working out. I'm still hopeful that it will. It's just an extra bump in the road... I'm hoping we can still close next week if the lender will take a stamped copy of the tax return... If not then it will take at least 6-8 weeks to get a transcript (b/c they need to process it), and then move the closing date, if the bank would allow it. That's where it gets tricky.

Aycul18 · September 2013

Soozerella said:

Aycul18 not to be like Debbie Downer, but even drunk people know this..

Hence I typically don't even like to get excited by things...

Aycul18 · September 2013

I guess I just really needed the online world to tell me its my own damn fault that I'm this upset now. :-)

KFED103 · September 2013

Yea you are being a little nutso. Those are the kinds of things that just come up in casual conversation:

"So, how are mr and mrs Aycul?"

"They are doing great, just bought a house and expecting baby"

"Oh cool"

Everyone moves on

lilypienmessimy · September 2013

Since she did this before to you (told people about your pregnancy) you should have known better. I wouldn't have trusted her after that.

Marchmellow2 · September 2013

So if things don't work out with the house you will think it's partially her fault? I'd be upset if I was her too. That's a lot of pressure to put on your BFF.

fauxvegan · September 2013

Hope everything works out. And yeah, I wouldn't tell anyone anything anymore til after.

Aycul18 · September 2013

@MBMO2 It was my aunt that shared things before.

@Marchmellow2 I didn't blame her. I just asked her if she told anyone, and asked her to please keep things between us, and not tell others. Because she told another couple. I didn't want anyone else to know until everything was finalized.

Marchmellow2 · September 2013

Aycul18 said:
@MBMO2 It was my aunt that shared things before.
@Marchmellow2 I didn't blame her. I just asked her if she told anyone, and asked her to please keep things between us, and not tell others. Because she told another couple. I didn't want anyone else to know until everything was finalized.

I know you haven't blamed her yet. But wouldn't you think it was partially her fault if it didn't work out?

Aycul18 · September 2013

@marchmellow2 no I wouldn't think it's her fault at all. I don't think it's her fault. I just asked her to keep it quiet, because I would be pissed if it didn't work out and more people know about it... I am not blaming her, nor would I blame her...

The only one I blame now is the CPA or USPS... either CPA for not mailing it out, or USPS for losing it. I know my friend didn't have anything to do with the taxes that could potentially now hinder our mortgage. She's not a CPA, nor a postal employee LOL

Aycul18 · September 2013

hercules03 said:

Out of curiosity... Why all the secrets? Why can't people know?

@hercules03, I just don't like a lot of people to know things until they are final. I like people close to us to know, and then everyone else is fine. For things like the pregnancy, I wanted to tell our closest friends first before other people found out. For the house, I wanted to make sure it was finalized before other people knew about it. I don't want anything jinxed. I feel like the more people that know like outside people, the more of a chance it has to be jinxed. I don't think my friend jinxed us, nor my family members, but I do think it was an outside person, and whether it was someone my friend told, or my aunt told, I'm not sure... I just made it clear to both of them that I would appreciate they didn't share our business. It isn't their news to share.

Aycul18 · September 2013

Yes

74dragonfly · September 2013

What are "evil eyes"?

Aycul18 · September 2013

People that are envious and jinx you. Not necessarily purposely.

ladameperdue · September 2013

Yeah I understand wanting to keep things private in case they don't work out (and in that case you can't really tell anyone, sadly), but the whole "jinxing" or evil eye thing sounds...odd? scary?

Aycul18 · September 2013

I know it's silly to some, but I believe that some people have evil eyes and jinx things. I'm superstitious to an extent. If I thought my friend was the jinx, obviously I wouldn't have shared with her. But there's a reason I shared with her and not all over Facebook or text everyone in my phone...

northport6 · September 2013

It's a little kenahora, yes? A little bit of not wanting to count chickens before they've hatched and all that? Because that's deeply ingrained in me, too. But deep down you know that if you tell somebody something you want kept a secret you can't ever be 100% certain they'll take your wishes as seriously as you'd like them to.

The good news is that the tax thing seems to be, at worst, a clerical error -- if the government got (and cashed) your check, hopefully it won't take forever to get this straightened out. I'm really crossing my fingers for you, because I know exactly how stressful this can be, and how much worse it is that it's happening now.

ladameperdue · September 2013

Aycul18 said:
I know it's silly to some, but I believe that some people have evil eyes and jinx things. I'm superstitious to an extent. If I thought my friend was the jinx, obviously I wouldn't have shared with her. But there's a reason I shared with her and not all over Facebook or text everyone in my phone...

Really? I mean to each their own, but I can't imagine living like this...just the anxiety over day to day decisions - I don't think I'd ever get anything done. Hmm better not wear these new shoes, someone might get jealous and then I'll step in dog crap. Oops, did I just accidentally give that person a dirty look? Shit I'd better not take the subway now, it's sure to break down...

Aycul18 · September 2013

@northport6 thank you and yes, it is like not counting chickens before they hatch.

@hswan91011 again, not blaming my friend. Perhaps the CPA or postal employees, but bit my friend. Just requested that she keep it private. That is all

northport6 · September 2013

And, to my above point, I'm just going to leave this here to explain kenahora to those who weren't raised with the concept:

https://www.chabad.org/parshah/article_cdo/aid/346642/jewish/Grandmas-Worries.htm

Marchmellow2 · September 2013

I get the evil eye thing. My family are extreme believers in this as well. But with that said, I'd be careful what you say on an Internet forum as well. Isn't it similar to telling your friend?

Good luck with the house btw! I'm sending you positive thoughts!

nofcksgiven · September 2013

KFED103 said:
Yea you are being a little nutso. Those are the kinds of things that just come up in casual conversation:

"So, how are mr and mrs Aycul?"

"They are doing great, just bought a house and expecting baby"

"Oh cool"

Everyone moves on

My thoughts exactly.

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