Grandma's who charge

Tassie06 · September 2013

I'll start off by saying this is about my MIL (stepMIL). Fortunatly for me i live 4 hours away from my inlaws. My SIL lives 3 min away from them. (Poor her, i know). I've had my fair share of drama with my MIL, ESP after my son was born 3 years ago. They never come to see us, we always have to go there, and even when they are in town they still have some excuses not to come visit. When we do visit she doesn't plays with him. I refer to her as a Facebook Grandma. Very vocal on FB about how proud she is and how much she loves him ( for ppl to see to think she's a good grandma) but doesn't play or even talk to him when we do see them. My SIL recently called me the other day bitching about our MIL ( she normally defends her, doesn't take sides but tries to be the mediator). But she was very annoyed and I'm sure she only called me to bitch becuase she knows I'd be game for bad mouthing her. My SIL works as a nurse (12 hour shifts) and leaves her DD with her mom ( rarely) and our MIL a couple times a week. My SIL chatted up a grandma out with her grandson and asked her how much her daughter charges to look after her grandson. The women shocked!! "What? Charge to be with my grandson?" She couldn't imagine. So my SIL decided to ask around. NO grandparent she talked to charges to watch their grand kids. So my question, do you agree with grandparents charging to mind thier grandchildren?

Kmartinrvt13 · September 2013

I don't know how to really answer your question. But I will say that my MIL (whom I really love she is the best) is so happy to have DD over 3 days a week she always wants DH and I to go out so she can spend more time with her!! She doesn't charge anything to watch her. I think as a grandparent they would want them there, not as a chore/job but to spend time with them! Hopefully your sister can talk to her and figure out why she does charge.

mamaHippo23 · September 2013

It really depends if it's just occasional babysitting or providing regular care several times a week. I think that anyone who watches my child deserves to be compensated in some way. Caring for young children is hard work and takes a great deal of energy, attention, and patience. My family would never ask to be paid, but if they did, I would be glad to do it. Instead of cash, I usually bring over a meal, bake them a pie, or offer to do a household chore or something.

dufferoo · September 2013

First off, no my parents and in-laws don't charge for babysitting, but I also don't ask them to do 12-hour shifts! Even though many grandparents offer it up, I don't think free daycare should be expected of them. Maybe MIL would rather relax and enjoy grandchildren on a more occasional basis. No crime in that. Personally, I would rather find and pay a babysitter/daycare than strong-arm my MIL into sitting if she obviously wasn't into it. Then again, grateful I don't have that problem!

Tassie06 · September 2013

I kind of agree slightly in this case because she is working 12 hour shifts. And my niece is 20 months old. If i were grandma i don't think I would ask for money. I'd like to be taken out or given something nice. Just to show their appreciation.

jessican08 · September 2013

My mom loves watching her grandchildren for a few hours here or there but if she were their FT caregiver while I was at work I would absolutely offer to compensate her, even if she didn't ask.

beccalee721 · September 2013

We're a military family so we live too far away to ever be able to use grandparents for babysitting. But, my experience is from when I was a kid. I practically lived at my grandparents house until I was old enough to stay home alone after school when I was like 13. We spent every day at their house from diaper age through middle school. That was me and my older brother and a few cousins during the summer months. We got there before breakfast time in the morning (during the summer) and got picked up before dinner unless something came up for my mom at work and then they fed us that meal too. My grandfather would pick us up from school and make sure we did our homework and give us a snack and everything. From what PPs have said, maybe it just depends on the family but when I was growing up it never happened.

spinsoffresonance · September 2013

I think it all depends on the situation, is grandma buying a lot of supplies/meals for the LO or are the parents providing everything, is grandma watching LO full time while the parents work or only a couple hours occasionally, is grandma very well off or is she hurting financially. I pay my daycare center $400/week to care for LO 9 hours, 5days/week and I still have to provide diapers/wipes/bedding/meals etc. I wouldn't expect to pay grandma this much but I wouldn't expect her to give that level of care for free either.

rsideemd · September 2013

In our case, we do pay my MIL to watch our LO. She retired shortly before she was born and really needs the money. Plus, we have to be at work by 6am and there are no daycare centers open at that time. She drives to our house (roughly 35 minutes from hers), so we don't have to get LO out in the morning and she can sleep in. She gets paid $20 a day which ends up being cheaper than a daycare would be for us.

When my mom watches her, we don't pay her anything. She says spending time with her is enough.

maybebride · September 2013

Like others have said, it really depends on the situation and the agreement should be made before any type of sitting happens.

For us, my mother watches DS once a week for half a day and then she goes to work. For the first 8 weeks after I went back to work, she was watching him for full days. But, my mother has a TON of time off to take and her boss was perfectly fine with the arrangement, so we do not pay her. She is doing it to help us out so we don't have to use daycare just yet and she LOVES her Nana Days.

However, if she wanted to or we asked her to keep him full time, I would expect to pay her as she has a full-time job now that pays her and we would be taking her from that.

I would also not expect to pay a grandparent for occasional babysitting for nights out. Though I would likely do something nice.

FabulousMrs.P · September 2013

I offered to pay my mom but she didn't want the money. She just wanted to help us out. She has her one morning a week and fills in if the babysitter is sick.

I don't have a problem with paying a grandparent to take care of my child. I would pay anyone else to do it.

dukemeli · September 2013

Lord no!! My mom keeps our son while we're out work, and she wouldn't dream of charging. She says that it's what family does. We help each other. Her mother watched me while she worked. She said that it's her pleasure to do the same for us. We supply my mom with everything that she needs for the baby. Even if we tried to pay her, she wouldn't accept it. She'd actually get offended.

My MIL is a FB grandmother too and it pisses me off. My son wants nothing to do with her. She's a very fake person and it's very obvious.

SnowOwl7 · September 2013

My parents watch my DD during the week. She gets dropped of 6:30 AM and I pick her up around 4. They won't take a penny. I do though make sure that I provide all the supplies they need, food, formula, bottles, diapers, wipes, etc. When I can I make them a dinner or do a run to the grocery store for other things they need. I appreciate the time the take and spend with their grandchild. They just light up when they see her. In the end, I don't want to think I am taking advantage of them, so even if there is no money exchanged, I know what they need is provided without having to spend their own money.

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