Etiquette - "you're not showing"

avigailandcharlie · September 2013

Hi all,

I am 16 and a half weeks and unless I'm sucking out for fun, I am not showing, like, at all. My skinny jeans still fit, although they get super uncomfortable at the end of the day. People are finding out at my synagogue that I am pregnant and everyone's response, rightly so is "wow, you're not showing at all". What's the appropriate response to that? They're not exactly saying "you look great" so is "thanks" an appropriate response? Do I say "oh I'm sure I'll be a monster in a few weeks" or "my mom didn't show until 20 weeks with me"? Help! I don't want to sound arrogant by saying thanks, but I don't want to overcomplicate a situation if that is the best quick response. Do I just say "oh first time moms don't pop until much later?" Help! TIA!

mamamia866 · September 2013

I would say "that's what I hear!" If everyone's saying it. But that's just me. That way you're not really saying thanks, but you're not disregarding the comment either.

Edit: missed word

avigailandcharlie · September 2013

@mamamia866 - smart. "that's what I've been told" is a perfect response. Thanks!

mamamia866 · September 2013

Glad to be of assistance

LiFeIsAmIrAcLe · September 2013

People have said that to me, I'll be 16 weeks tomorrow. I usually just say something to the effect of "yeah, my doctor told me since I'm a smaller boned girl and this is my first, I probably won't really start showing until around 20 weeks."

babylimas · September 2013

I'm kind of in a similar boat. I've lost a lot of weight and am a little underweight. A lot of people seem to be pregnant right now and I get a lot of comparison comments. It makes me feel uncomfortable bc I don't want to make anyone feel bad. I have a big mouth so I tend to over explain and give all the HG details.

avigailandcharlie · September 2013

babylimas - give all the details and they won't ask again!

amandoza23 · September 2013

I usually respond with "Well it's still early"

BabiesFTW · September 2013

I was the same with my first. I would just say "yeah..." And let them feel awkward after that.

Or "yes, that's what people keep telling me." Or "I think it's because I'm tall" if I was feeling really nice.

avigailandcharlie · September 2013

but @bandteacher - there's TWO in there for you! Lol.

BabyVDM · September 2013

I cut them off at the pass and say it before they do. "I am not really showing yet but I am ___ weeks'' I usually flatten my shirt down over my tummy when I say it so they get a good look. Everyone is satisfied. Either that or if they say it before I do, I just respond. "I know! I can't wait to I actually look it." Or " just wait I'll be the size of a truck before this is over."

fish8412 · September 2013

I am in the same boat as you. 16 weeks and my bump is only noticeable to me and my husband. This type of comment isn't mean, but I don't really appreciate it either. I just say I am ___ weeks with a big smile.

katedoesmakeup · September 2013

I had someone say this to me over the weekend and I didn't know how to respond so I just said "Its coming along slow, but it will be there soon!" It was kind of awkward and she came up to me a little later and apologized and wanted to make sure she didn't insult me. I'm not showing yet (not to anyone besides me and DH anyway) and it didn't insult me or make me feel good. Its just a strange thing for someone to say.

KTdid81 · September 2013

Although I don't necessarily take it as a compliment, I still say "aww thanks" and smile. They look at me confused like and I walk off or change the subject.

Meganequine · September 2013

I would just say the " that's what I hear" or "yeah I know". People are just commenting; it's not meant to be rude or mean. (And on the flip side with my first I was soooo eager to have a bump. . . unaware of just how huge I would get. This time people keep telling me how cute my bump is and I just wish I was one of those who didn't show until way later, since I know how huge I'm going to get. I hope that doesn't sound like a snarky STM comment, it's not meant as one.) Don't worry your bump will come.

parenthood4 · September 2013

With my first I didn't show for 19 weeks, and I would just say, "Not yet!"

For this one I've just been saying "No, but I know it's coming!". Because it is. And I will be huge and miss the days of not showing!

peachy0709 · September 2013

avigailandcharlie said:

They're not exactly saying "you look great" so is "thanks" an appropriate response? Do I say "oh I'm sure I'll be a monster in a few weeks" or "my mom didn't show until 20 weeks with me"? Help! I don't want to sound arrogant by saying thanks, but I don't want to overcomplicate a situation if that is the best quick response. Do I just say "oh first time moms don't pop until much later?" Help! TIA!

Ugh, I hate this for you! What makes me sad is that we then feel like we have to say something like "I'm sure I'll be a monster soon." You'll never be a monster! If it's hard to just ignore them (I find a good old fashioned Midwest shut down where you don't even acknowledge the comment with a response works pretty well in these kinds of situations), then you can simply say "Thanks." Thanks to a backhanded compliment? Yup. You can't say anything that's going to change how these people respond, rude or not, so just don't engage. Or at least that's what I've learned from my years of dealing with rude people

Bwagner91 · September 2013

I just wish people realized how awkward of a statement that is

dancer7889 · September 2013

I just say something along the lines of "I wish I was showing a little, but I know it'll happen soon enough." Kinda ends the conversation right then without being rude or anything.

NikiFoxall · September 2013

I went for a massage and booke te pregnancy friendly version and the woman looked me up and down and said 'you do realise this is a pregnancy massage, are you pregnant' .... Yes why else would I book it?! Ha

avigailandcharlie · September 2013

Haha @nikifoxall! @kcassett - I don't think anyone is being rude, that's why I am just unsure of how to answer. I am not really offended, I just think it's an awkward comment! You know what though? I would have never realized it until now, so good to know for the future! I Just don't want to say thanks when it's not a compliment, and don't want to get upset when it's not an insult. I really like "that's what I hear" and "not yet"! I think those are the two best responses, or something along those lines. People are just observing, not being mean. I mean, I'm not showing - it's not like they're coming up to me and saying "wow, you have a huge belly already" and I don't - THAT would be mean! Hahhahaa.

babylimas · September 2013

I will say that I tell people when they are small. I don't mean it rudely, it's just in more of a "hey, you're so cute and small, I didn't show much with mine either!" But, as I said earlier, I have a really big mouth, so who knows if people find insult with things I say.