Would you be upset? Long

Jmo30 · September 2013

Ok ladies...tell me if I'm over reacting but I'm going to try and make this story a shortened version. So every year in December hubby and I go to his company Christmas party which is always in a different state. They chose the location by the different areas they have their facilities in. Last year was NY for instance and this year it will be in L.A. He's now a GM so he enjoys schmoozing with the big wigs and seeing everyone as well as a few other sales people from his location are invited as well, along with their spouses and the company pays for everything.Well, this year because baby is due late October early Nov. I told him months ago that we won't be able to go. Mind you he's went to every one of them even before we started dating so at least he's been to 10 so far. So with this being said long ago..he still sent me the email about the party. Ok..I ignored it as we are not going to be able to go. One reason is it will be too soon for me to leave baby for two days,Second I don't want to ask anyone to watch her as this trip is not necessary,Third I probably shouldn't even be traveling and flying that soon after birth. With all that being said...why did I just find out from the wife of one of his sales people,whom I speak to regularly, that he's already booked his flight and hotel??? Apparently, she didn't know I wasn't going when she told me this. She asked if I'd miss the baby...and that's when I was like what?? How will I miss her if we aren't going?? So she proceeded to apologize and explained her husband said my hubby was going and booked his flight and hotel reservation for Friday and Saturday night. She just assumed I was going with him of course. We normally do stuff with them on these trips. First of all,how dare he book anything and not even discuss with me. Second,how does he see it as appropriate to leave her and I for two nights so he can go to this party without me? Third,we had this conversation months ago and when since then has anything changed? Am I over reacting or justified for being furious to say the least? This evening I wanted to go off on him but I held it in as this weekend when my daughter goes to her dads house I will deal with it. I don't want to argue around her so I just wanted to get your views as I have a few days to think about this and how to talk to him about it because right now I'd like to slap him as he snores next to me sleeping amongst other things! Would you be upset about this?

McJen715 · September 2013

^I disagree that it makes you sound clingy. If he were going away for business specifically, not a work party, that's different. However you will have a newborn and he can skip one year. I'd be pissed as hell that he hid booking it from me, and also that he didn't discuss my feelings before just deciding to take a trip on his own.

Edvoncupacake · September 2013

I wouldn't be pissed that he was going. I would actually encourage him to go. It's only 2 days. I'd probably say something along the lines of "hey thanks for telling me you booked your trip!" And let him know it bugged me that he didn't communicate, but that's it. It's not the end of the world, but thoughtless.

VegasGal1978 · September 2013

A few things.....you said that he sent you an email about the party but you ignored it. Maybe that would have been a good time to revisit the issue with hubbs. Obviously if he sent the email he still wanted to attend. Secondly, you TOLD him that you wouldn't be able to go (as a family). Sounds to me more like a demand than a discussion. Yeah, I would be angry that he booked stuff without telling me, but it's two days. He should be able to go, with or without you. In the end, I think you are overreacting a bit and maybe you both need to have a real discussion about the trip.

3Dewdrops · September 2013

Would I be mad? Yes. But I AM clingy and codependent.

I'm with the others in saying you are over-reacting. If he was going around the due date or would be gone for Christmas or your b-day or something there would be a reason to be having a cow. You will be perfectly fine to be without him for 2 days at that point. I know it's a "party" but it's also a work obligation,

lamo1210 · September 2013

I'd be mad. Then again I just balled my eyes out tonight bc DH didn't properly say goodnight tonight before he went to work. We are pregnant and we over react.
The fact that he is going, that depends in the relationship. My H would never go because he wants the time with LO. Guys at work think its dumb he wants 2 weeks off when LO is born because "they don't do anything but eat sleep and poop." Maybe your H was pressured by work to still attend, maybe he already knows he wants to get away for a few days, or thinks he won't be missing much. Idk him so I can't claim any if those..
Now the fact that he booked a flight and hotel without telling you is bogus! Leaving you blind sided when you previously thought he was not going. It would have been better for him to book it all and then tell you then to hear it from a friend.

Chargersgrl33 · September 2013

I don't know why he can't go without you? And if it is in December I don't see why you can't go? Would it be possible for you and LO to go and just enjoy being away for a few days and not go to the part (unless you can find a sitter for a few hours)? Your LO will be 1 1/2 months old I'm guessing and at that point many children are already in daycare for hours a day, why can't you be away for a few hours?

I'm also so not dependent on DH and I know I don't need him with me 24/7 to get through the day. Guess it's part of being military/military spouse.

fluttergirlmoonchild79 · September 2013

I'd be pissed that he didn't tell me that he booked the flight and hotel but regardless of your situation I think he should go. Like others have said, I get that it's a party so not exactly necessary but at the same time, if he's a GM, he should be going to those kind of work things. 2 nights isn't that long. Is there anyone that can come stay with you those 2 nights to help you out?

rbtrumpet · September 2013

I think there's a lot of miss-communication going on. Even reading the first half of your post, to me it was very clear that:

1) this party is important to your DH for social and work reasons, and

2) that *you* don't feel comfortable going without baby (don't understand why you can't being baby too, but that's your comfort level, so whatever.)

The OBVIOUS solution to those two issues, is that DH goes to the party without you.

It's possible that through you telling him you didn't want to go, and through the email that you ignored, in his mind you were saying "I'm not going, go to the party without me" instead of what you obviously intended to be: "neither of us are going this year."

To me, it sounds like your DH was trying to be mindful of your wishes not to be involved with this party. He was probably doing what he thought was best.

However, on the flip side, even realizing that, I would still be pissed at DH for booking tickets without telling me! I would probably feel silly, and know the rage was unjustified, but it would definitely still be there!

So yeah, I think you're overreacting, but acting like most people would. :-p. Glad you can take a couple days to step back, look and think about the situation, and them approach YH with a clear head and discuss things rationally.

ETA: fixed phone weirdness

artistlife · September 2013

I would definitely be mad about booking the trip without telling me. I would have let my DH go though. Actually, had I told DH that "we" wouldn't go, he would have had a cow. I am not hi mother. As a matter of fact, we go to a Christmas play and dinner every year with DHs family. They pay for everything and this would be the 10th year that they have done it. It is about a 5-6 hour event with travel, dinner, play, and a intermission. I told DH weeks ago that he should go without me. I don't want to be away from my newborn for that long or leave her with our baby sitter that long, but that doesn't mean DH should miss out on something we both look forward to.

beccaxbooxbear · September 2013

I would be upset that he hid it. I also think it wouldn't be wise to bring baby along since it will be December and flying with an infant isn't a good idea especially since its cold and flu season. I wouldn't want to risk my infant getting sick. Also even tho your baby could be about 1 1/2 month old you still might need help. Ds didn't sleep or eat well until he was 9 weeks old. I needed help from dh everyday since ds didn't sleep more than 3 hours every 24 hours. So you just never know how things will be.

orijinale · September 2013

Jmo30 said:
Ok ladies...tell me if I'm over reacting but I'm going to try and make this story a shortened version. So every year in December hubby and I go to his company Christmas party which is always in a different state. They chose the location by the different areas they have their facilities in. Last year was NY for instance and this year it will be in L.A. He's now a GM so he enjoys schmoozing with the big wigs and seeing everyone as well as a few other sales people from his location are invited as well, along with their spouses and the company pays for everything.Well, this year because baby is due late October early Nov. I told him months ago that we won't be able to go. Mind you he's went to every one of them even before we started dating so at least he's been to 10 so far. So with this being said long ago..he still sent me the email about the party. Ok..I ignored it as we are not going to be able to go. One reason is it will be too soon for me to leave baby for two days,Second I don't want to ask anyone to watch her as this trip is not necessary,Third I probably shouldn't even be traveling and flying that soon after birth.
With all that being said...why did I just find out from the wife of one of his sales people,whom I speak to regularly, that he's already booked his flight and hotel???
Apparently, she didn't know I wasn't going when she told me this. She asked if I'd miss the baby...and that's when I was like what?? How will I miss her if we aren't going?? So she proceeded to apologize and explained her husband said my hubby was going and booked his flight and hotel reservation for Friday and Saturday night. She just assumed I was going with him of course. We normally do stuff with them on these trips.
First of all,how dare he book anything and not even discuss with me. Second,how does he see it as appropriate to leave her and I for two nights so he can go to this party without me? Third,we had this conversation months ago and when since then has anything changed?
Am I over reacting or justified for being furious to say the least? This evening I wanted to go off on him but I held it in as this weekend when my daughter goes to her dads house I will deal with it. I don't want to argue around her so I just wanted to get your views as I have a few days to think about this and how to talk to him about it because right now I'd like to slap him as he snores next to me sleeping amongst other things!
Would you be upset about this?

Go for it. Slap him while he is asleep. He probably will not wake up. Lol

CaitS07 · September 2013

I think you're being ridiculous. You wouldn't even give him the time of day to discuss with you because YOU had made up your mind that HE wasn't going. It's obvious he wants to be there and coming from someone that works in corporate, schmoozing events can be very important and he works in upper management, they're expected to attend.

With that said, I'm sorry you're upset but the trip is already booked. Don't let this spin out of control into a huge fight.

Zilly13 · September 2013

I'd be pissed that he went ahead and booked it without me, yes. But if he's expected to be there, he sort of needs to go. Consider it business travel. My DH traveled for work about 4 weeks after I delivered and it was fine.

Jmo30 · September 2013

Trust me I'm far from clingy, he goes on many trips without me aside from work. We both previously discussed we shouldn't leave her that early. Bringing her is not an option considering flu season and her being around too many people on a plane and so on. He's also going on a golf tournament trip the weekend before I'm due which I'm not happy about but he wants to go. So clingy is not the issue. We discussed this and one year of him not going wont kill him. This party is not a job requirement by any means. I'm most upset that he did not tell me at all that he decided he was going to go. How do you just book a flight and hotel and not tell your wife? That's the first thing you should do before you book anything as far as I'm concerned..had he talked to me about it honestly I probably would have Been fine with him going the day of and coming back the following day since he suggested that a while back before we decided it was best to stay. And yes when he sent me the email I could have addressed it but he always sends me the email to verify the date and time as sometimes I have helped plan the parties for his company. So to me he was just forwarding it as he normally did so that's why I just ignored it knowing we already discussed it. You don't hide things from your SO and this was just not right in my opinion . I am very understanding about other things so this should have been discussed with me first. I appreciate everyone's views on this.

Jojo714 · September 2013

In my opinion:

I would first find out if he booked his flight and hotel and what exactly his plan is... and then if he really just went ahead and booked it without discussing it with me first AND I found out through a 3rd party- it would not go well. You aren't his mother but you are his wife. You guys entered a partnership and unfortunately a partnership consists of 2 people. What one of you does affects you both.

However, this is not a relationship ending issue (therefore, please remain calm when having the talk)... IT IS one that needs to be addressed so that it does not happen again.

I don't care how many emails he sent you and what you ignored. I'm sure you guys talk every day and as your husband, he should be able to verbally communicate to you his reasons about why he feels he should go and how important this trip is to him. I also agree that it's not the end of the world if he is away for a couple of days without you. On the other hand, I traveled with my first born when she was a couple of months old and don't think it's such a big deal if you decided you wanted to go and take her with you.

Good luck to you OP.

dobrydney · September 2013

I'd be annoyed that he didn't tell me that he booked his travel, but I would also never tell him that we weren't going or tell him he couldn't go. It sounds like there was a miscommunication somewhere. Maybe he thought you meant that you and LO weren't going, but that he was free to go?

Jmo30 · September 2013

The Christmas party is not a requirement, even some of the top people don't go sometimes. This party is more just a social thing and its nice to see everyone as I will miss seeing some of the wives and such but if he really felt differently then he should have said so or discussed with me. He sees the big bosses once a month at their monthly meetings which he flies to all the time. They all know we are expecting a baby so I know they all understand...I'm trying to rationalize it all before blowing up but he should have told me and not me find out from someone else. It's not the end of the world I know but if we decide on something and I feel he agreed then this is not what I expect to hear from someone else. This is not the first time he's made plans and not discussed with me so I haven't said everything but rather spare you from the drama! His golf trip the week before the baby is due which is 4 hours away was also not discussed with me before he booked that hotel with his friend. I found that out after over hearing him talking about it to another friend. He explained if the Dr. Said he shouldn't go then he won't but really, the week before I'm due and 4 hours away? Come on...but I let it go. This one I'm not letting go.

AshleyF1234 · September 2013

I probably would have been okay with husband going alone. But more so, I would have joined him with baby. Maybe not attended the party with the baby, but definitely gone on the trip. If it was important to DH, I would have figured out a way so he could go. That being said, I would be super pissed if he took it upon himself to book the ticket/hotel without even discussing it with me. We talk about so many mundane things, that something like arrangements for an upcoming trip not being discussed... would make me feel like he was hiding it from me.

Barbercharm · September 2013

You need to just tell him you're upset he booked without telling you.. The longer you wait to talk to him the longer you have to stew and fester and become more angry over speculation. Bringing it up doesn't have to be an argument. I wouldn't wait. Just talk about it. And for me, personally, I wouldn't have expected my H to not take a trip for his work just because I couldn't go. Unless its within a couple of weeks of giving birth, I'd expect him to go. Especially if its only for 48 hours.

hollowway · September 2013

Your baby will be 4-6 weeks old by then. You shouldn't need him home with you at that point, especially since its only 2 days. You may not see it as a requirement for his job, but he goes every year, he's GM and te company is paying for it. There is some sort of expectation that he will be there, especially with it being over a month after the baby will be born.

I'm not sure where you thought you had the right to tell him he couldn't go. He's a grown man. If you don't want to go and don't want to bring the baby, that's on you. He's been going to these parties before you were even together.

Be mad that he didn't tell you he was going, but seriously. Its two days. You will survive on your own for two days.

AnsbyGamber · September 2013

I would talk to your husband calmly before blowing up at him. So far, you have only heard from a coworker's wife that he has booked his flights. It could be that he has been to every party for the past 10 years, so the company assumed he was coming again and wrote him on a list that the coworker saw. It could be that he told them he was a probable yes, but he had to go home and discuss it with you first before he could confirm, so the coworker assumed he was definitely going. It could be a misunderstanding or miscommunication.

The golf trip sounds like much more of an issue. It sounds like you are still upset about him booking that trip and because of that, this issue is now 10X bigger than it should be. Now (to you), his behavior is becoming a pattern, instead of a one time bad decision. It sounds like he may be one of those guys who believes "it's easier to ask forgiveness than permission." Try to approach the issue with him and explain that you really need him to work with you as a team to make these decisions as a family and that you were hurt and embarrassed to hear about his plans from someone else, and that it is making you feel like he isn't going to be reliable when you need him to be there for you.

I get where you're coming from. My husband is going on a "company retreat" ski trip in early February for 5 days. I was invited, and we could have brought LO and everything would be paid for by the company. But I don't want to leave my little girl for that long, or take a 2 month old on a plane, out of state, in winter. The owner of the company expects you to go if you're invited though, so DH is going. Even more upsetting, DH's 30th birthday will be while he is on that trip. I'm not thrilled about DH going mainly bc I'll miss his birthday, but he really wants to go and it's important for his career that he go.

McJen715 · September 2013

I agree that you should not let it fester and bring it up calmly before you explode about it. I still stand by if it's a party and not a work meeting I'd ask my H not to go also. My DD1 was a really rough newborn, no sleep, cried constantly unless being held and walking around, had a terrible latch so I had to exclusively pump and bottle feed which made feeding double, etc. I would've been resentful if my H had left before 2-3 months for a work party. I also think since my due date is toward the end of November I'm reading this thinking you'll have a tiny baby.

However I also think that if you just stomp your feet and say 'You can't go!' it isn't the right way to go about it. You should tell him why you feel that way, and ask him not to go. Try and be rational and calm.

babymama619 · September 2013

As I started reading I thought "just let him go on his own". Hopefully you can get someone to help you or send DD to her dads. But booking the flight and room without telling you is so unacceptable especially if he was telling other people too!! I'd be pretty pissed, but ultimately probably say he should go. Hopefully he's not a moron and booked two tickets since you've made it clear you're not going. If this is a pattern is definitely make a bigger deal out if it rather than if it was just one stupid selfish move. If he often does thing without discussing them, then you need to make sure he knows its not ok, and in that case I might even say he can't leave you and LO.

Is this his first kid? Maybe he is totally oblivious as to how his life and the house is going to change. Not that that is an excuse, but maybe the reason. Perhaps he's stupidly trying to convince himself everything will be the same. Man are idiots.

DebateThis · September 2013

I think you're totally overreacting. For one thing, work holiday parties, especially for leadership/managerial/partners at firms are often just as "mandatory" as showing up in the office from 8-5 each day. It's not "just a party" if his company is flying him clear across the country to attend. It's a work obligation and should be treated as such. Welcome to corporate America.

For two, your baby will be between 4 and 7 weeks old (possibly older) at that point. I don't understand why you can't figure out how to deal with a baby for two days on your own or take the baby with you and get a sitter for the evening at the hotel. Plenty of babies travel (even fly) at that point - so acting like you "shouldn't be traveling that soon after birth" (at possibly 6-7 weeks out?!) is a giant copout.

Either go with YH or don't, but don't act like you CAN'T go or that your H can't go. It's not like he's traipsing off to a boys' weekend in the Bahamas when you're 2 days postpartum or like he wants you to get on a plane at 2 days pp.

lafsalot · September 2013

With company parties, especially for managers there is an expectation for them to be present. He probably should go, you don't have to, but it would read badly for him to skip it unless there is a serious illness or something that would inhibit him from going, having a young baby doesn't get them out of work a month later. It is frowned upon to skip company parties in general. Many companies have given up on having them. I would be irritated that he didn't tell you that he booked a flight and that he didn't discuss it with you first. But I would understand that he really should go, those opportunities to network if he is ambitious are critical for his career.

[Deleted User] · September 2013

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alexisjo88 · September 2013

Reality Check: You are quite capable of handling a baby for TWO days, or least you should. You already have DD, so I know this isn't your first rodeo. Single moms and military spouses deal with child rearing by themselves for much longer periods of time.

Would I be momentarily upset about him booking sure, but fuming about it and waiting til DD is gone so you can "explode" is so immature. You should be able to talk with your SO about this like an ADULT with DD just one room away and it not matter.

novmommy13 · September 2013

You have every right to be upset because he really should've discussed it with you before booking it. It's a matter of RESPECT and he didn't give you the respect you deserved by being open and honest. He didn't even take the time to explain why it's important for him to go. Now you're expected to be the mature one when he clearly acted immature in this situation.

To the women who are criticizing your perspective, you would feel totally different if it was you in this situation and your husband did something behind your back. People on these boards love to judge and criticize others and brag about being a "better person" if this happened to them. However, I don't buy that for a sec. Don't listen to these women!!!! It's easier to criticize from behind a keyboard. Perhaps these women need to feel good about themselves by belittling others and putting themselves on a pedestal and throwing out labels like clingy. Their reaction would be a lot different if it actually happened to them so please take their advice with a grain of salt.

You are his wife and you deserve enough respect to be informed about his plans without having to hear about them from someone else. In marriage, there are some guidelines that you have to follow to maintain fairness and honestly. What he's done says you're more like a girlfriend and not a wife that needs to be kept in the loop. After all it's just a work party that he could've skipped and not worth hiding from you. Anytime someone feels the need to hide something, there's a reason for it. I would be careful if I were you.

DebateThis · September 2013

novmommy13 said:

You have every right to be upset because he really should've discussed it with you before booking it. It's a matter of RESPECT and he didn't give you the respect you deserved by being open and honest. He didn't even take the time to explain why it's important for him to go. Now you're expected to be the mature one when he clearly acted immature in this situation.

To the women who are criticizing your perspective, you would feel totally different if it was you in this situation and your husband did something behind your back. People on these boards love to judge and criticize others and brag about being a "better person" if this happened to them. However, I don't buy that for a sec. Don't listen to these women!!!! It's easier to criticize from behind a keyboard. Perhaps these women need to feel good about themselves by belittling others and putting themselves on a pedestal and throwing out labels like clingy. Their reaction would be a lot different if it actually happened to them so please take their advice with a grain of salt.

You are his wife and you deserve enough respect to be informed about his plans without having to hear about them from someone else. In marriage, there are some guidelines that you have to follow to maintain fairness and honestly. What he's done says you're more like a girlfriend and not a wife that needs to be kept in the loop. After all it's just a work party that he could've skipped and not worth hiding from you. Anytime someone feels the need to hide something, there's a reason for it. I would be careful if I were you.

First, who the hell are you??

Second, you're an idiot and making every bit as many ASSumptions and stupid comments as the OP. How DARE you allude that OP's husband is "hiding something" like an affair or that she needs to be "careful" about him? There are several women on this board who are dealing with actual affairs and abusive marriages and for you to make comments like this (based on some very tenuous threads of hearsay/secondhand information from the OP's friend) is incredibly stupid.

Third, you clearly have no idea how corporate America works or how internet forums work so why don't ya just GTFO.

alexisjo88 · September 2013

DebateThis said:

novmommy13 said:

You have every right to be upset because he really should've discussed it with you before booking it. It's a matter of RESPECT and he didn't give you the respect you deserved by being open and honest. He didn't even take the time to explain why it's important for him to go. Now you're expected to be the mature one when he clearly acted immature in this situation.

To the women who are criticizing your perspective, you would feel totally different if it was you in this situation and your husband did something behind your back. People on these boards love to judge and criticize others and brag about being a "better person" if this happened to them. However, I don't buy that for a sec. Don't listen to these women!!!! It's easier to criticize from behind a keyboard. Perhaps these women need to feel good about themselves by belittling others and putting themselves on a pedestal and throwing out labels like clingy. Their reaction would be a lot different if it actually happened to them so please take their advice with a grain of salt.

You are his wife and you deserve enough respect to be informed about his plans without having to hear about them from someone else. In marriage, there are some guidelines that you have to follow to maintain fairness and honestly. What he's done says you're more like a girlfriend and not a wife that needs to be kept in the loop. After all it's just a work party that he could've skipped and not worth hiding from you. Anytime someone feels the need to hide something, there's a reason for it. I would be careful if I were you.

First, who the hell are you??

Second, you're an idiot and making every bit as many ASSumptions and stupid comments as the OP. How DARE you allude that OP's husband is "hiding something" like an affair or that she needs to be "careful" about him? There are several women on this board who are dealing with actual affairs and abusive marriages and for you to make comments like this (based on some very tenuous threads of hearsay/secondhand information from the OP's friend) is incredibly stupid.

Third, you clearly have no idea how corporate America works or how internet forums work so why don't ya just GTFO.

DT- you got to it before I did... but yea totally exactly what I was going to say.

ETA: @novmommy13 is obviously an AE troll not only attacking our board, but also instilling more fears into the OP. I say she is up for a war!

dnt27 · September 2013

novmommy13 said:
You have every right to be upset because he really should've discussed it with you before booking it. It's a matter of RESPECT and he didn't give you the respect you deserved by being open and honest. He didn't even take the time to explain why it's important for him to go. Now you're expected to be the mature one when he clearly acted immature in this situation.

To the women who are criticizing your perspective, you would feel totally different if it was you in this situation and your husband did something behind your back. People on these boards love to judge and criticize others and brag about being a "better person" if this happened to them. However, I don't buy that for a sec. Don't listen to these women!!!! It's easier to criticize from behind a keyboard. Perhaps these women need to feel good about themselves by belittling others and putting themselves on a pedestal and throwing out labels like clingy. Their reaction would be a lot different if it actually happened to them so please take their advice with a grain of salt.

You are his wife and you deserve enough respect to be informed about his plans without having to hear about them from someone else. In marriage, there are some guidelines that you have to follow to maintain fairness and honestly. What he's done says you're more like a girlfriend and not a wife that needs to be kept in the loop. After all it's just a work party that he could've skipped and not worth hiding from you. Anytime someone feels the need to hide something, there's a reason for it. I would be careful if I were you.

LOL, is this your AE? OP is overreacting. It's going to be a month to 2 months PP when the 2 DAY business trip comes along.

jennifertewart · September 2013

I agree with everyone who has said that they would be pissed if he booked it without telling you.... It is up to you guys to decide if its okay for him to go but it should be discussed. My husband I always run things by each other no matter how big or small (at least we should be) before we do it.

I would add my own requirements if he does end up going such as always having his phone on him and always answer it in case of an emergency and blocking off time to talk throughout the day. Maybe someone can come stay with you.... I would have my mom!

Maybe if you give into this one, santa will be very generous

GopherBaby13 · September 2013

DebateThis
First, who the hell are you??

Second, you're an idiot and making every bit as many ASSumptions and stupid comments as the OP. How DARE you allude that OP's husband is "hiding something" like an affair or that she needs to be "careful" about him? There are several women on this board who are dealing with actual affairs and abusive marriages and for you to make comments like this (based on some very tenuous threads of hearsay/secondhand information from the OP's friend) is incredibly stupid.

Third, you clearly have no idea how corporate America works or how internet forums work so why don't ya just GTFO.

--------------

I couldn't love this anymore. OP. I used to work in corporate America and let me tell you, those stupid parties that don't seem all that important, actually ARE important. While I agree he shouldn't hide the booking of the trip from you, you shouldn't have put him in the position to go behind your back by telling him that he isn't going. He very well could be getting pressure from his boss to go. While you might think its not important, I have had coworkers lose their jobs by not going to friendly work functions. You don't have to go. You will be just fine taking care of a 4-6 week old baby by yourself for two days.

@novmommy13

If the OP shouldn't be listening to anyone, its you. To insinuate that her husband is doing something behind her back is fucked up. SHAME ON YOU.

3Dewdrops · September 2013

Trust me I'm far from clingy, he goes on many trips without me aside from work. We both previously discussed we shouldn't leave her that early. Bringing her is not an option considering flu season and her being around too many people on a plane and so on. He's also going on a golf tournament trip the weekend before I'm due which I'm not happy about but he wants to go. So clingy is not the issue. We discussed this and one year of him not going wont kill him. This party is not a job requirement by any means. I'm most upset that he did not tell me at all that he decided he was going to go. How do you just book a flight and hotel and not tell your wife? That's the first thing you should do before you book anything as far as I'm concerned..had he talked to me about it honestly I probably would have Been fine with him going the day of and coming back the following day since he suggested that a while back before we decided it was best to stay. And yes when he sent me the email I could have addressed it but he always sends me the email to verify the date and time as sometimes I have helped plan the parties for his company. So to me he was just forwarding it as he normally did so that's why I just ignored it knowing we already discussed it. You don't hide things from your SO and this was just not right in my opinion . I am very understanding about other things so this should have been discussed with me first. I appreciate everyone's views on this.

..........

It sounds like you think he's being super sneaky with this. I'd wager it's just miscommunication. I have to admit though that I book flights all the time without telling DH. Mostly because I am not a planner and have decided to go on trips about an hour before the plane leaves plenty often.

Maybe HR wanted things booked by a certain day and he had to commit? Maybe he assumed you meant that you wouldn't be accompanying him? There might be a valid reason.

ETA: I would be fighting the golf trip tooth and nail btw. He could just plain miss out on the birth of his child with this one. Even if he were to leave right away and lets assume your labor is long enough for him to make it, he'd still be leaving you to labor alone. For golf.

Kfran84 · September 2013

Is it weird that I'm excited that we have an AE troll?

DebateThis · September 2013

Oh and St Lucia had a very good point. It's entirely possible that an admin or travel agent did bulk airfare and room blocks for everyone in the DH's office in advance to guarantee room/flight rates and availability for this event since it sounds like a LOT of people are coming in from OOT and it's during the busiest travel/party season of the year. This is incredibly common for big corporate travel arrangements and it's yet another reason that the OP needs to calm the eff down.

alexisjo88 · September 2013

Kfran84 said:

Is it weird that I'm excited that we have an AE troll?

I don't think so, I get very riled up when I find em and actually get to participate or at least sit back and watch it all go down. They think they are tricky, but in fact are so easy to call them out on it.

[Deleted User] · September 2013

The user and all related content has been deleted.

CaitS07 · September 2013

I'm sorry. I have a hard time thinking that he did this on purpose and that it is just a miscommunication. What was he going to do when the time came to fly up there??! Just say he's headed to 7-11 and not come back for 2 days?

Also, why would he send you am email (which you stated you ignored) if you all had already decided "together" you ALL wouldn't be in attendance.

I honestly think he took it to mean that you and baby weren't going but that he was.

novmommy13 · September 2013

DebateThis said:
First, who the hell are you??

Second, you're an idiot and making every bit as many ASSumptions and stupid comments as the OP. How DARE you allude that OP's husband is "hiding something" like an affair or that she needs to be "careful" about him? There are several women on this board who are dealing with actual affairs and abusive marriages and for you to make comments like this (based on some very tenuous threads of hearsay/secondhand information from the OP's friend) is incredibly stupid.

Third, you clearly have no idea how corporate America works or how internet forums work so why don't ya just GTFO.

You are obviously offended because YOU see yourself as one of the women I was referring to. It's easier for people like you to judge and criticize others from behind a keyboard without any sympathy or understanding for their situations. Online bullies like you have nothing better to do but jump on every opportunity to attack and label someone who may be emotional or vulnerable in a situation they decided to share hoping to get some advice but all you can do is make them feel bad about themselves. Are you really that desperate to feel good about yourself that you feel the need to label others?

Who are you to call her clingy when she's clearly stated that she's usually pretty understanding about this stuff because her husband does travel for work often. You don't know how she handles other situations so YOU'RE the one making assumptions. Anyway, she knows what's normal for her marriage and what's a red flag or even a concern that needs to be addressed. Who are you to tell her what should be acceptable in her marriage? The bigger issue here is that he kept something from her that he shouldn't have. I'm not assuming anything about an affair, I simply just told her to be careful.

Women like you are making excusing for this guy based on assumptions when in really none of you really know the real reason. You should GTFO because you're insecure about yourself and feel the need to start fights online. Perhaps you would like it if EVERYONE shared the same opinion as you and no one had anything different to bring to the table. I can tell how insecure you are about yourself by the how you jumped on my case when I wasn't even talking to you, about you, or give a crap about you and your life. I have sympathy for this women because she reached out to others in a difficult situation. Now you want to criticize me and be immature because I'm not labeling and judging her like you? Shame on you.

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