Secondary IF
roughkat
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The bright side...
roughkat
member
in Secondary IF
I'm not by nature an incredibly optimistic person, and this 2IF journey has not improved my tendency to get discouraged. I'm trying to intentionally block that when it happens so I don't get too depressed. One of the things that gets to me most is how every cycle that ends in BFN means that much more of an age difference between DS and his sibling (if and when that happens). So I'm trying to think of the good things that a larger age difference will mean.
1) Less time with 2 in daycare at once. I know the total will end up being the same, but the monthly hit will be less. DS will be 33 months in a few weeks, and his daycare costs go down at that time. That helps.
2) Only one in diapers at a time (dear God, let DS be potty trained by the time #2 comes around!)
3) I won't have to manage a toddler and a baby at the same time. Some days, when DS has been possessed by a demon, I can't imagine also having a baby to deal with.
What are some of the ways that you guys spin this process? Doesn't have to be about age gaps. Sometimes I try to be happy about the fact that I can have a cocktail on a boat (I know, I'd rather have another child, but silver linings, people!). I'd love to hear how others cope.
TTC #2 since 1/2012
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Re: The bright side...
The financial aspect is a major plus. My RL friend has 3 kids. She and her husband can't leave McDonald's for under at least 20 $. And admissions to things like zoos and stuff take a big chunk out of their wallets. I mean, I could go on and on.
Time. I can devote all my attention to my son and a mom to more kids would have to spread it out. If that make sense.
Oh and I am so blessed with the one son I DO have because he is a great sleeper and still takes naps and doesn't get up until 8 am
obviously these dont apply now but before I had my son :
I was skinny! I mean like bikini skinny! Sadly, my bikinis are retired due to stretch marks
I could sleep in in!
It didnt take me ten hours to leave the house.
Oh and the plus to IF is that I don't have to use Birth control (we can "wing it"and the odds are in our favor to not get pregnant)
Me: 27 DH: 33
Conceived DS after 4 years of MFI
TTC # 2 (not trying,not preventing ever)
May 2013 - August 2013 Timed Intercourse = BFN
September 2013 Timed Intercourse, Weekly Acupuncture, Herbs=BFN
October 2013 Timed Intercourse, Weekly Acupuncture, Herbs, and "warming foods" = BFP
Beta #1 19, Beta #2 18 Progesterone 4.6 Miscarried 11/9/13
November 2013 - Benched, waiting for first post-loss AF.
No longer benched per New RE/OB!
Jan. 15 2014 - BFP. HCG 3900 - Ectopic
Jan. 16 2014 Left tube removed and D&C
March 2, 2014 First AF
DS born Jan 2010
TTC#2 since Nov 2010 with breaks for DH cancer tx (remission!)
Tube with hydro removed Feb 2013
BFP 11/11/13 IUI#2 clomid+trigger+prometrium
Beta #1 14dpIUI=106; Beta #2 16dpIUI=287; Beta #3 20dpIUI=1158
5w6d 1 hb 109 and 2nd smaller sac; 7w0d 1 hb 125 and confirmed vanishing twin
I probably didn't help much but it is something I worry about too. Will my DS feel like he didn't get everything my future children will have because I was a single poor mother from day 1.
Sorry I just threw up all over this post. But I do enjoy being able to sleep and having a child/teenager that is independent, which is something I will miss but currently would embrace no sleep and someone being dependent on me.
I worked for a lady that had an oops pregnancy at 42 and her daughter was in high school when she got pregnant with her son.
From what I could tell, her daughter had a beautiful relationship with her baby brother. Just think, by that age jealously and sibling rivalry will be a non issue.
I think there might be more pros to the situation than what you might think
Me: 27 DH: 33
Conceived DS after 4 years of MFI
TTC # 2 (not trying,not preventing ever)
May 2013 - August 2013 Timed Intercourse = BFN
September 2013 Timed Intercourse, Weekly Acupuncture, Herbs=BFN
October 2013 Timed Intercourse, Weekly Acupuncture, Herbs, and "warming foods" = BFP
Beta #1 19, Beta #2 18 Progesterone 4.6 Miscarried 11/9/13
November 2013 - Benched, waiting for first post-loss AF.
No longer benched per New RE/OB!
Jan. 15 2014 - BFP. HCG 3900 - Ectopic
Jan. 16 2014 Left tube removed and D&C
March 2, 2014 First AF
Oh and I totally second the monthly daycare costs thing!!! I still don't know how we'll afford 2 in daycare if we ever end up making it to that point!
Well thanks
@freakyfast - you did not throw up all over this post. I love it when people respond! It makes me feel so not alone. I can't relate to having an older son but I do know that my dad was significantly older than his sister and they are very close (and I am very close to her). It comforts me. Also, you did what you needed to do to give your son the best childhood that he could have, and he knows that.
@kndeckar - I often think that we are so lucky that we don't have to deal with another little one. Tonight DS started playing with himself in the tub. I asked what he was doing, and he said, "I'm playing with my penis!" I asked why, and he said, "Because it is there." Honestly, his speech is oddly formal because he doesn't know contractions yet.
TTC #2 since 1/2012
This- thank you so much for these great reminders ladies!
I frequently remind myself of this when I start feeling sad about child spacing, and it makes me feel a little better. We're just making this world a little bit smarter!
https://healthland.time.com/2011/11/21/spacing-kids-at-least-two-years-apart-makes-for-smarter-siblings/
Don't let the title of the article fool you. I know we're all working on larger spacing than 2 years but the article does mention that the longer your child remains an only child, the greater the investment they receive.
October 2011 - DS (7)
July 2014 - Stillborn DD (24 weeks)
August 2015 - DD (3)
April 2018 - 5 week loss
TTC #2 since 1/2012