Friends shower

lamo1210 · September 2013

So I am due early November. A friend of mine is due February and is having her shower December 1st.

If I have the baby "on time" he will be almost a month old. And I don't want to leave him with a babysitter (ie my sister) since my husband works crazy hrs and who knows if his work schedule would change randomly by then.

Would it be in poor favor to bring new LO with? I'd obviously ask the host or mom to be but before I ask I'd like to know if its worth asking.

daisy662 · September 2013

Yea, it is in poor taste to ask to bring people who arent invited including babies. Have your sister watch him. It's just a few hours it will be fine.

Michelle N · September 2013

I would definitely ask! But as another poster pointed out - people will want to hold your baby. I might be really particular, but I don't really like people (especially kids) holding my baby. (FTM here, of course

)

Sam Buttons · September 2013

Michelle N said:
I would definitely ask! But as another poster pointed out - people will want to hold your baby. I might be really particular, but I don't really like people (especially kids) holding my baby. (FTM here, of course )

If you want bring baby, but avoid people holding him/her - just ask first and pop the baby in a carrier. Use a sling, baby bjorn or ergo, LO will likely sleep the whole time, be minimally intrusive and people often don't ask to hold baby when you are wearing them.

dufferoo · September 2013

I think it totally depends on the shower. If the host is a friend of yours and the shower is casual, I would ask. If you don't really know the host or it's a sit-down shower at a restaurant, I'd probably just decline.

SingleMom31 · September 2013

daisy662 said:
Yea, it is in poor taste to ask to bring people who arent invited including babies. Have your sister watch him. It's just a few hours it will be fine.

I'm in this camp. I had someone ask before my shower, and I felt very pressured to say yes, despite it being in a semi-formal restaurant and no children being invited (on purpose). If the invitation is addressed only to you (which, btw, do you even have an invite yet to know whether you LO is invited?), then only you are invited... If you don't want to leave LO, decline the invite. After a month at home though, I welcomed opportunities to leave the house, cleaned up, and to talk to adults... You might too.

daisy662 · September 2013

Agree with single mom. I just can't relate to people who won't leave their children for a few hours to attend an adult event. Sometimes it is nice to get away for some me time without my little guy and quite honestly, without other people's kids too.

EastCoastBride · September 2013

I think a NEWBORN is absolutely an exception. Which, to me, is anything under 3 months. I don't see this as "you need to be able to be away from your kid!" issue at this young of an age.

Now - once you start getting past 3 months, yes, I do fall more in that camp. It's not about older kids who will take a seat and eat. Babies can be distracting, and even annoying at times. And yes, I do think moms need to start being comfortable w/ leaving their child w/ their DH, a trusted family member - or whoever.

nah82 · September 2013

Bringing a newborn to a baby shower is nbd. Newborns don't run around bothering others, don't require a seat at the table (just bring in the car seat carrier so baby has a comfy place to lay down while you eat) and don't eat any of the food. You might have to step outside the party to calm baby if he gets upset.

mmm50 · September 2013

I think it depends on your friend. Normally I would say leave the baby with DH, your sister, etc. but the exception to that is newborns (especially if you are EBF). Your friend obviously knows the situation so I would bring it up to her and ask.

But the reason I say it depends on your friend is that I had a friend who had a baby about 6 weeks before our other friend's baby shower. She asked MTB about bringing the baby and MTB said, no big deal she completely understood and wanted her friend to be there and bring the baby etc. Well after the fact MTB was complaining that friend's baby took attention off of her/was a big distraction, etc. Friend with baby wore the baby the whole time and really didn't try to get any attention but it was the first time a couple of our friends had seen her baby. The MTB is a little bit of an AW-- so she was just a little jealous I think. Just keep that in mind if your friend has any of those tendencies.

notkateanymore · September 2013

I personally wouldn't bring a cute new baby to somebody else's shower. Kind of an attention grabber, so while it wouldn't bother me personally I can see how it would bother others. Also, I never ask to bring people not listed on an invite. Why not leave him/ner with your sister? It's just a couple of hours. Also, honestly do you have to RSVP right now? Surely you'll know your DH's schedule by that time.

PunkyBooster · September 2013

3 months and under is acceptable in my circle. No one would ask to hold either but I find that is very rare. I could not keep some people's grubby hands off of my own ds.

Sorry, but a month old is really young. I did not leave ds until he was 6 weeks and that was for a quick pedicure. So quite honestly if bringing my 1 month old was not acceptable then I'd skip the shower.

lashagu · September 2013

If you have a responsible adult that can take care of the baby then leave it at home. Babies are cute and all that but after being with them 24/7 for a couple of weeks you need a break. Showers are not a whole day event so being away from baby a couple of hours will be perfectly fine, everybody will understand if you have to leave early too.

jnsmith85 · September 2013

at my friends shower a few weeks ago both hostesses had their 10 and 11 month old babies there.... all their focus was on the babies and not on my shower. Which isn't a problem until the guests and I are left sitting around waiting for things to start, and the hostesses are more concerned with playing with and chasing their crawling kids around. it was pretty annoying.

rbtrumpet · September 2013

In my circle, it is assumed if a mom is nursing, especially EBF moms, that she will bring the baby with her (although it never hurts to ask). Newborns tend to eat more often, so it may not be a "not comfortable leaving the child at home with DH" issue as much as a "baby needs to eat" issue. Then again, we don't do "restaurant showers" - it's always at someone's house. The newborn mother usually has the baby in a car seat with a cover, or in a carrier (sling/moby wrap), and people actually seem to leave the baby alone, for the most part. Then again, my circle has a TON of babies! (I know 5 people who are invited to my shower who are having babies with a 3-month time frame, and 7 people who will have babies under 1-year old), so if we didn't allow babies, a lot people wouldn't come.

If the child is old enough to crawl around and get in to stuff, then I can see it being distracting, but if all they're going to do is feed/sleep (which a 1-month-old is likely to do) then I don't see it as an issue.

Also, see if the baby is sensitive to sound. I was at a bridal shower last month, and the hostess' sister had her 6-month old there. For the most part, he was out of the way and not an issue, but then we started playing games and opening gifts. We were all having fun, but every time we laughed, "oohhed" too loud, or anything of the sort, he would start SCREAMING! She would take him upstairs and he'd settle down, then she'd bring him back downstairs, we'd laugh, and he'd start screaming again - repeat. She KEPT bringing him back downstairs, knowing he'd completely lose it whenever we laughed (which happened probably 10 times or more!). That was SUPER annoying, and I'm pretty pro-kid!

laurendom · September 2013

I think it depends on the situation. While generally almost all showers in my circle are at restaurants and child-free, newborns are an exception. I would be much less offended if someone asked, rather then assumed and attended with child/or declined because they didn't/felt they couldn't ask.

Personally, I would have had to decline any event within the first month if I couldn't bring my daughter. My DD was EBF and at 4 weeks there was no way she would take a bottle. Accounting for a few hour event and travel, it would have been out of the question. However, if I have to ask, I always ask in way that I respect/understand their decision but didn't want to assume, only that I want to plan or respond appropriately. I should also say my daughter was not easy, and I declined events for the sake of not wanting to disturb others, even though many people, including hosts and guests of honor said they didn't care.

MJM3108 · September 2013

tricia560 said:

Well, if you were my friend I wouldn't think twice about saying yes, I wouldn't want to leave my newborn either. People will want to hold him though, so you may want to be prepared for that and have a strategy.

I would also bear in mind that December is cold/flu season. While I would like to think that a sick person wouldn't come to a baby shower and risk getting MTB sick also (here, have my nasty sick germs as an extra gift!) some people just don't think- or care- about that kind of stuff...

It personally wouldn't offend me if you brought your newborn, but I had a kid friendly shower.

EastCoastBride · September 2013

jnsmith85 said:

at my friends shower a few weeks ago both hostesses had their 10 and 11 month old babies there.... all their focus was on the babies and not on my shower. Which isn't a problem until the guests and I are left sitting around waiting for things to start, and the hostesses are more concerned with playing with and chasing their crawling kids around. it was pretty annoying.

a crawling 10 month old isn't the nearly the same as a newborn, though

jnsmith85 · September 2013

EastCoastBride said:

jnsmith85 said:

at my friends shower a few weeks ago both hostesses had their 10 and 11 month old babies there.... all their focus was on the babies and not on my shower. Which isn't a problem until the guests and I are left sitting around waiting for things to start, and the hostesses are more concerned with playing with and chasing their crawling kids around. it was pretty annoying.

a crawling 10 month old isn't the nearly the same as a newborn, though

I wasn't comparing it to a newborn. When did I mention a nb? All I was talking about was my situation. If it had been their newborns, more than likely they would have been sleeping. And there were plenty of ladies there who would have held them. They wouldn't be crawling around getting into everything.

cinderin · September 2013

My host invited my friends who had babies and added a line to the invite that thier baby is invited to my shower.

I wouldn't ask. It puts the host on the spot. If the baby isn't invited, just decline. You can always say "I can't leave my newborn." And then they will know that is why you can't make it.

To those who say she should find a babysitter - seriously? If she is ebf and not pumping/hasn't introduced a bottle, she can't. DS is almost 7 weeks. We are ebf and haven't introduced a bottle yet. So I can't really leave him and it would be silly for someone to suggest it.

PunkyBooster · September 2013

jnsmith85 said:

EastCoastBride said:

jnsmith85 said:

at my friends shower a few weeks ago both hostesses had their 10 and 11 month old babies there.... all their focus was on the babies and not on my shower. Which isn't a problem until the guests and I are left sitting around waiting for things to start, and the hostesses are more concerned with playing with and chasing their crawling kids around. it was pretty annoying.

a crawling 10 month old isn't the nearly the same as a newborn, though

I wasn't comparing it to a newborn. When did I mention a nb? All I was talking about was my situation. If it had been their newborns, more than likely they would have been sleeping. And there were plenty of ladies there who would have held them. They wouldn't be crawling around getting into everything.

Calm your tits.

daisy662 · September 2013

cinderin said:

My host invited my friends who had babies and added a line to the invite that thier baby is invited to my shower. I wouldn't ask. It puts the host on the spot. If the baby isn't invited, just decline. You can always say "I can't leave my newborn." And then they will know that is why you can't make it. To those who say she should find a babysitter - seriously? If she is ebf and not pumping/hasn't introduced a bottle, she can't. DS is almost 7 weeks. We are ebf and haven't introduced a bottle yet. So I can't really leave him and it would be silly for someone to suggest it.

OP never mentioned that she was EBF. In fact, she hasn't even had the baby yet! Even if she does go the EBF route, my opinion remains the same. Either get a sitter or don't go. Not all events are child/baby friendly. Some parents like time in an all adult environment for a few hours. The MTB and the other guests should be considered here.

Meery82 · September 2013

I've always seen children of all ages at showers. I've never been bothered by them, especially a newborn. They are the least obtrusive, IMO. And from what I can tell, the no one else seemed bothered either. People might coo at a cute baby for a minute or so, but they mainly focus their attention on the guest of honor.

cinderin · September 2013

daisy662 said:

cinderin said:

My host invited my friends who had babies and added a line to the invite that thier baby is invited to my shower. I wouldn't ask. It puts the host on the spot. If the baby isn't invited, just decline. You can always say "I can't leave my newborn." And then they will know that is why you can't make it. To those who say she should find a babysitter - seriously? If she is ebf and not pumping/hasn't introduced a bottle, she can't. DS is almost 7 weeks. We are ebf and haven't introduced a bottle yet. So I can't really leave him and it would be silly for someone to suggest it.

OP never mentioned that she was EBF. In fact, she hasn't even had the baby yet! Even if she does go the EBF route, my opinion remains the same. Either get a sitter or don't go. Not all events are child/baby friendly. Some parents like time in an all adult environment for a few hours. The MTB and the other guests should be considered here.

that's why I said she should decline. some of the PP said "I just can't relate to people who won't leave their children for a few hours to attend an adult event." which would be a silly opinion to have in my/this situation if the mom is EBF.

jencnh · September 2013

If you're not comfortable asking and you're not comfortable leaving baby home, the perfect solution is to call the host and decline. Let her know your baby will just be too little to be left with a sitter. This will give them the chance to say "Oh, I'm sorry you can't make it" = No kids...not even newborns are welcome. Or they would take to opportunity to allow your LO to come if it really is okay.

neverblushed · September 2013

I feel like this depends on the situation.

A friend of mine had her bridal shower when my son was about 3 weeks old. The shower was large and took place in a rented space. She has a large family, and they are fairly formal about this type of thing. I just RSVPd a regretful "no" and added my shower gift to the wedding gift. There was no way to attend with him, and he was too young to be left alone for that long.

However, other friends of ours got married when DS was about a year old. My mom was babysitting for the entire wedding day, but I didn't have anyone who could watch the kids for the rehearsal dinner. The RD was a small and informal gathering at the groom's sister's farmhouse. I called her and explained the dilemma, and asked whether it would be okay if I brought my kids to the RD. She said of course I should bring them. The groom's mom pulled me aside at the RD to say how glad she was that I had felt comfortable asking them and would have felt terrible if I hadn't come because I thought the children wouldn't be welcome. It was mostly outdoors, the kids weren't in anyone's way, and it was completely casual. So I knew I had made the right decision in that case. We stayed for all of DH's official functions, then left before anyone got cranky.

EastCoastBride · September 2013

jnsmith85 said:

jnsmith85 said:

at my friends shower a few weeks ago both hostesses had their 10 and 11 month old babies there.... all their focus was on the babies and not on my shower. Which isn't a problem until the guests and I are left sitting around waiting for things to start, and the hostesses are more concerned with playing with and chasing their crawling kids around. it was pretty annoying.

a crawling 10 month old isn't the nearly the same as a newborn, though
I wasn't comparing it to a newborn. When did I mention a nb? All I was talking about was my situation. If it had been their newborns, more than likely they would have been sleeping. And there were plenty of ladies there who would have held them. They wouldn't be crawling around getting into everything.

The post is about a newborn. If you aren't comparing the two then I don't see what your situation has to do w/ this post. I'm not trying to be snarky - it's just that the way you wrote your response seems to be an example of why babies - no matter their age - can be annoying at a shower.

mypreciouscargos · September 2013

hercules03 said:

daisy662 said:

Yea, it is in poor taste to ask to bring people who arent invited including babies. Have your sister watch him. It's just a few hours it will be fine.

What? No! Any parent understands your predicament, I would definitely ask. But ask it in a manner where it is easy for them to say no. I would recommend an email (or text or FB MSG) so that you aren't putting them on the spot but tell them what you've told us. "Friend, I can't believe how quickly our pregnancies have moved along! Before you know it, it will be time for your baby shower. When I received your invitation, I realized I will most likely have had my baby and s/he will only be a couple weeks old. I would so much love to come to your shower, but I'm not sure I'd be comfortable leaving LO, yet. Would it be a problem if baby came along? If not, I completely understand but didn't want to just show up without asking." Something along those lines - obviously redirect it to your actual needs and situation. And as a TTM, there is no way I could get away from my EBF babies for a few hours. That's just crazy to me. Your good friend knows your situation already, so I'm sure she's expecting you to either bring baby or not show up (totally acceptable with a new baby, too). Just ask. :-)

I agree with this. Well said.

Want a personalized experience?

Friends shower

Re: Friends shower

Choose Another Board

Search Boards