Choosing godparents for your LO

miam4 · September 2013

@goldenB - I agree with you. I think what they did was extremely unnecessary and that's why I don't mind going far to go to the other church.
It is understandable why many people decide to not go to church and follow the steps... sometimes they create so many hard steps.

I am glad I have my believes and that I don't really mind about what happened...

Tks

SunflowersBride · September 2013

I'm Catholic and DH is not, but we are not at all religious (DH in particular). We are leaning towards not baptizing our son, so in that case, I'm not sure if we are going to have godparents or not DH's family is weirdly into the godparent thing (they always send godparent cards, etc.) even though no one in his family is religious either, so I'm wondering if they will try to push the godparent thing regardless. If we do end up baptizing and/or choosing godparents, it will likely be DH's oldest sister and her husband. I'm an only child and DH is very close to his sister, and we are godparents for their youngest child.

LexGator · September 2013

We have two small families. Both H and I are Catholic, but his immediate family is not practicing or not Catholic. Our church requires that one of the godparents be Catholic/in good standing with the church. Long story short, my parents are DD's godparents sort of by process of elimination (though I'm perfectly happy w/them as the godparents). We will probably do the same this time around for the same reasons.

WinsyWade · September 2013

All of my kids have/ will have Godparents. My oldest DS has BIL and my BFF, DD has SIL and DH's BFF, DS2 has my brother and my other BFF, this baby will have my sister and DH's good friend (I think).

DH was raised catholic and I was baptized catholic, then we were married in a catholic church. We aren't practicing technically, but we still baptise our children as DH's father was a deacon. I think MIL would have a conniption if we didn't. :-/ If any of our children chooses another path on their own later on, we have no issue with it.

I'm personally not too keen on the Godfather pick for this baby. We may have to rethink it. It is DH's friend but not a very close friend like the other people we've chosen for our first three kids.

Caitlinm123 · September 2013

goldenB said:
@juliasmama2010 - you bring up two points i was also wondering:
a) has anyone ever declined this 'honor' of being a GM/GF
b) do you think saying yes is more of a financial burden (ie more gifts expected etc?)

I know when I was born my parents asked my Dad's sister to be my GM and she declined. She didn't want the responsibility of raising me if something would have happened. My parents weren't hurt, just happy she was honest.
As for us we have nooooo idea who to choose. SIL's husband is crazy and I wouldn't want him near my baby lol my sister and brother are young still and BIL lives in Sweden, but I am thinking he may be our only choice
:-<

alinafed · September 2013

goldenB said:

@alinafed - you are much closer to making a decision than I am!
although, i do want to say that although someone is gay and not interested in being involved in the church, don't discount them on the godfather role because they may still think it's an honour to be asked...just saying this because I have a really good gay guy friend and he is an awesome godfather to this nephew.

Thanks @goldenB I will remember that. I did make that assumption because he makes really inappropriate comments about the church (his uncle actually was a priest and then quit the priesthood cuz he was gay so the family kind of has an interesting relationship with the church) but I can definitely sympathize and understand why he is frustrated with it and you're right that doesn't mean I should discount him without asking.

Jen4033 · September 2013

goldenB said:

@MrsGraham06 - we are sort of in the same boat (have a godfather in mind), but not a godmother. I wonder if the Catholic church only allows one? I need to look this up, but maybe someone else knows? Or does our godparent of choice need to be Catholic at all. I am wondering because Most of my Christian friends are more 'spiritual' than my Catholic friends.
Or can I have two godfathers?

@GoldenB - Each parish may be a little different on what they 'allow' or not allow. I had to go through a class first & learned that only 1 is required by my church & that person must be an active, practicing Catholic to be aknowledged as a 'Godparent.' My BIL is not practicing so on paper to the church he was only a witness, but to us he is also a Godparent.

OnBabymaking226 · September 2013

goldenB said:

@BMReid good point.
I didn't realize this was a Catholic tradition, just thought it was Christian.

I wonder if other religions/cultures have something similar?

I think it has been become very cultural for many people, and not soley based in religion. I am Jewish, and I have a Godmother.

ETA: My Godmother is my Mom's Stepmother (who was actually already divorced from my Grandfather when I was born, but my Mom was very close with). She was very involved in my life as a child, though she lived on the opposite coast. She would not have been my guardian if anything had happened, I think it was more of an honor title than anything.

goldenB · September 2013

@MarBee1214

thanks for sharing! I think it is very important to take that step as an adult when you decide whether or not you want to practice your faith.

In the Catholic religion, there are 3 sacraments of initiation. The first 2 are ones that your parents help make that decision for you and help guide and teach you in your faith.

1. baptism - parents publicly announce that you will be raised in the catholic faith and ask for the community to pray for you. Your parents pick your GF/GM.

2. communion - happens around ages 6-8 when your parents teach you about transubstantiation( the bread becomes the body of Christ) and you, the communion candidate, are allowed to participate in this with the rest of the community

3. Confirmation - this happens when you are about 13yrs old. Your parents are no longer a part of the decision, but you make the choice whether or not you want to continue with the faith and you publicly make that announcement to the church community. You also pick 1 sponsor (so like a GF/GM) to help you on your faith journey. (@Onbabymaking226 correct me if I am wrong but I think this is similar to the jewish tradition of Bat/Bar Mitzvah?)

from what I remember my sponsor was a family friend, but I never really speak to her now.
My GM is my aunt and we are always in touch even though she lives in Poland.

After reading everyone's replies yesterday I am definitely leaning more towards picking family members to be the GF/GM. And I have no problems doing repeat GF/GMs for additional children since we are majorly lacking in the female dept! Now I just need to persuade DH....

goldenB · September 2013

alinafed said:

goldenB said:

@alinafed - you are much closer to making a decision than I am!
although, i do want to say that although someone is gay and not interested in being involved in the church, don't discount them on the godfather role because they may still think it's an honour to be asked...just saying this because I have a really good gay guy friend and he is an awesome godfather to this nephew.

Thanks @goldenB I will remember that. I did make that assumption because he makes really inappropriate comments about the church (his uncle actually was a priest and then quit the priesthood cuz he was gay so the family kind of has an interesting relationship with the church) but I can definitely sympathize and understand why he is frustrated with it and you're right that doesn't mean I should discount him without asking.

@alinafed - i think it goes back to the question whether or not you are looking someone for spiritual guidance for your LO or simply as a possible caregiver if something was to happen to you. And additionally what your relationship with him is like...maybe he has zero interest in children and that's just not where he is in his life?..
I know you and your H will make the right choice when the time comes to it. GL!

goldenB · September 2013

@Jen4033 - I need to look more into this idea of one GF/GM and a witness! thanks for letting me know

goldenB · September 2013

@Caitlinm123 - I think it's best to say no especially when the definition of the role means more to you than to 'symbolically guide this child spiritually in their faith journey'.
For me, I will need to have my will written up and the godparents will probably be my parents or DH's. My expectation of the GF/GM role is to simply be an active part of my child's life, a support system, but not necessarily a guardian for life. However, if choosing a family member it could easily be both.

Dishylo · September 2013

DH and I had a good chat about this last night. I was worried we'd butt heads so an surprised we didn't. We're going to ask my Sis and BIL to be legal guardians (in the event DH and I both bite the bullet) and so far we have one male friend of his that we're going to ask to be GF. DH agreed with my outlook, that it is ok (and nice) to have GF's and GM's whose title is more of an honour and they are around for spiritual guidance. Phew!! Glad that's sorted. And timely too as all three are in the UK and we head off on Friday!

goldenB · September 2013

@mrsjenni I have been thinking a lot about this last night and I have come to the conclusion that I have no problems asking someone to be a repeat GF/GM in the event that I have more children in the future. But I am definitely convinced it needs to be a family member solely on the fact that family is your family always.

goldenB · September 2013

@Dishylo - i think that sounds like a great compromise!

and I am sure in the worst case scenario (where your H's friend is no longer an active part of your life), then your BIL will surely step in as he is already married to your sis and a part of your life.

one more thing to check off the 'pregnancy to-do' list

Dishylo · September 2013

@goldenB - we haven't checked off as much as I'd like so I'm definitely glad to get that one done!!
Ideally I would like another GF and a GM but we'll see.

CanadianGamerMom · September 2013

DH and I will be choosing Godparents for this LO, it's more of just an honour/symbolic thing though. They won't be responsible to take care of LO if something were to happen to us, or making sure they follow our religion.

Rebis58 · September 2013

ccip82 said:

LuGal623 said:

goldenB said:

@MrsGraham06 - we are sort of in the same boat (have a godfather in mind), but not a godmother. I wonder if the Catholic church only allows one? I need to look this up, but maybe someone else knows? Or does our godparent of choice need to be Catholic at all. I am wondering because Most of my Christian friends are more 'spiritual' than my Catholic friends.
Or can I have two godfathers?

I have nothing but questions now after this thread! I don't know if you can choose only one but I do know that they need to be Catholic, if you are baptizing your baby in a Catholic church, and they also have to be "active" Catholics. Argh why so many rules!

In my Catholic church, only one of the two godparents had to be in good standing with the Church. (My aunt had to get a letter from her Catholic church). It did not matter that our other godparent was not Catholic.

I am godmother to the daughter of a close friend who is Catholic. Neither I nor the godfather are Catholic, and they allowed us to be godparents. Guess it varies by church depending how strict they are?

Rebis58 · September 2013

In my family godparents have nothing to do with religion and are just non-family members who are very close to the family and make an effort to develop a special relationship with the child - basically another loving and supportive adult. Only my older sister and I have godmothers because my parents immigrated from South Africa to Canada shortly before my brother and younger sister were born, and didn't feel they had close enough friends at that point to name godparents.

My godmother is one of my dad's oldest friends, and we have a very special relationship even though she lives in South Africa. She is actually a vocal atheist so obviously spiritual guidance was not an important criteria for my parents (my dad is also an atheist, mom is christian but more spiritual than religious).

My goddaughter is Catholic, but I am not religious and my friends chose me because I was a good friend and they knew I would love their daughter and support her throughout her life in whatever way was needed. I have not asked her but I don't think they expect me to be guardian should anything happen to them... (they have another friend in a different town as godfather, their other daughter has totally different godparents, and they have a very close and supportive immediate family so I doubt that's their interpretation of godparent but probably a question I should have asked!)

My H and I are guardians for my nephew, my brother and SIL did not do godparents

H and I will appoint godparents, in the same way my parents did. I am spiritual but not religious, H is maybe agnostic, but undecided, so for us godparents will not necessarily have a religious aspect. We'll choose close friends who will love our child and help guide and support them in life.

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